Geeks and the Holy Grail

by Mari Mancusi

  “Are we here?” Ashley broke in, forcing Sophie to focus back on the current situation. “Is this the entrance to Fairyland?” She looked around. “Doesn’t look like much.”

  “That’s because I haven’t opened the portal yet,” Merlin explained. “But yes, this is the best entrance. For the mists that separate our world from that of the Fey are thinnest in this very spot.”

  “Cool,” Ashley proclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to go through a real-life portal. Though—do you think it will mess up my hair? Because the security guy at the airport totally stole my shampoo.” She tsked. “Even though it was way under three ounces.”

  “I can make no promises,” Merlin said solemnly. “But I assure you my hair has survived many trips.”

  “So wait. You have been to Fairyland before?” Sophie demanded. “Then why can’t you come with us now?”

  The wizard sighed, stroking his long white beard. “I’m sorry, children. But trust me. You do not want me to come with you.”

  “But why?” Stu put in. “What’s the deal? What aren’t you telling us?”

  Merlin was silent for a moment, making a big show of pulling off his spectacles and rubbing them against his robe. Then, at last, he cleared his throat. “Let’s just say once upon a time I courted the fairy queen. And it did not end well.”

  “Wait, you mean you were, like, her boyfriend?” Sophie asked, surprised at this information. Of all the reasons he might have given, this she was not expecting. She tried to visualize ancient old Merlin with a girlfriend. A fairy girlfriend. It was hard to imagine.

  “It was a long time ago,” Merlin explained. “But yes. We were even going to get married. The plan was for me to retire to Faerie and leave the real world behind. We had this wonderful little cottage picked out. Right on a lake. Really beautiful spot. Great fishing.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Things got…complicated. The Romans left Britain, saying their army was needed elsewhere, leaving the people helpless to fight the Saxons invading their shores. Civil war broke out in the country, with tribal kings from all corners trying to gain the throne. People were suffering. Dying. And the country was in danger.” He sighed. “I couldn’t just walk away.”

  “So…you broke up with her?” Sophie asked. “To save England?”

  Merlin paused. “Yes?” he said, though he sounded a little uncertain. “Sort of…”

  “What does ‘sort of’ mean?”

  “Oh my gosh!” Ashley burst out, her voice thick with indignation. “Did you ghost her? Do not tell me you ghosted the fairy queen.”

  “Ghosted?” Merlin queried, sounding doubtful.

  “You know! Like when some jerk guy stops texting you back for no reason?” Ashley explained. “Or…carrier-pigeoning you back? However you guys send PMs in ye old medieval times.”

  “She means…did you actually tell her you weren’t showing up at the wedding?” Sophie tried to translate. “Or did you just stand her up on her wedding day?”

  Merlin let out an indignant huff. “It was a very complicated situation, I’ll have you know,” he blustered. “Our people were in danger. And if I had gone to see her, she might never have let me leave.”

  Stu groaned. “Dude, that’s cold. No wonder she’s mad at you.”

  “Maybe you do need to come to Fairyland with us,” Sophie added. “You could, like, apologize or whatever. Explain what happened.”

  “No,” Merlin said firmly. “We can’t afford to take such a risk. This mission has to succeed or everything I’ve sacrificed will have been in vain. In fact, you cannot even let the queen know that you know me. If she finds out I sent you, there will be no way she will make the exchange. She might even exact her vengeance on you.”

  “Awesome,” Stu muttered. “Let’s just ramp up the difficulty rating, shall we?”

  Merlin cleared his throat. “Now,” he said, “if you are quite done lecturing me on my love life, perhaps you wouldn’t mind me opening the portal so you can get on with saving the world?”

  “Sure,” Sophie agreed. “But you are so not off the hook. We are talking about this the second we get back.”

  Merlin grumbled something that sounded a lot like “Yes, Mom” before beginning his incantation. Sophie rolled her eyes at Stu, even though she knew he couldn’t see her.

  Merlin’s voice rose through the misty air, speaking an incantation in a language Sophie didn’t recognize. Fairy, perhaps? Though it could have been French, for all she knew. Or Klingon. In any case, as he chanted, the mists began to swirl and dissolve before her eyes, revealing a glittering golden portal opening up in the ground. Merlin recited a few more strange words and the portal began to swirl in a whirlpool shape.

  “Whoa,” Stu said with a low whistle. “Cool.”

  The wizard dropped his hands, finishing his incantation. He looked sweaty and exhausted and his whole body was shaking.

  “Are you okay?” Sophie asked, concerned.

  “The spell…is intense,” he explained. He wiped his brow with his sleeve. “I will regain my strength—but it will take some time.” He shook himself, then reached into his pocket. He pulled out a roll of paper and pushed it into Stu’s hands. “A map,” he explained. “It will lead you to the fairy castle. Do not stray from its path. There are all sorts of terrible dangers in the land of Faerie. Creatures of nightmares, tricky goblins who like nothing more than the taste of human flesh…”

  “And you wanted to retire there?” Ashley snorted. “Must have been true love.”

  He waved her off. “Now hurry,” he commanded. “I don’t know how long I can keep the portal open.”

  Sophie gave a vague nod, suddenly a little nervous as she realized what she was about to do: jump into some strange portal—with a hostile land on the other side and no guarantee of return. It had sounded a lot less crazy in the comfort of their Vegas hotel room. But now…

  “Geronimo!” Stu cried, leaping into the portal and disappearing into the mists. Okay, then. Guess he was totally fine with it.

  “You want to go next?” Ashley asked.

  Sophie took a step back. “Go for it. I’ll be right behind you.”

  Ashley nodded. She pinched her nose with two fingers, as if she was diving into a pool, then jumped feetfirst into the portal. A moment later she, too, was consumed by the mists, leaving only Sophie behind.

  Merlin leveled his gaze on her. “Are you ready?” he asked. “Don’t worry. It’s not a big drop on the other side. And it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as time travel.”

  “Great. I think….” She stared down at the portal, nausea rising in her throat. And here she’d thought mountain climbing was frightening. But this…this long, long drop—with no sign of a bottom…

  “Come on, Sophie. You’re a Companion, remember? Your mother trusted you with this role. You don’t want to let her down, now, do you?”

  “Um, you’re one to talk. You won’t even face your ex-girlfriend.”

  “Are we really going back to that again?”

  “Okay, okay, I’m going.” She sucked in a breath. “Three, two—”

  A sudden loud crash in the woods broke her concentration. She hesitated, turning to Merlin with a worried look. To her horror, the wizard’s face had turned white.

  “What is it?” Sophie asked. Something was wrong. She could tell. “Is someone coming?”

  Merlin turned back to her. “No. It’s fine. Just go.”

  Another crash echoed across the valley. She whirled around, squinting to try to figure out what it could be.

  “Go, Sophie!” Merlin cried. “Now!”

  Sophie’s jaw dropped as her eyes fell upon two men on horseback, coming up the mountain. Two very familiar-looking men—though it’d been quite some time since she’d seen them. One was Sir Kay—Arthur’s foster brother—and the other Sir Agravaine, the cruelest knight in the land. The last time she’d been in medieval times, they’d captured her and locked her in a tower.

  And they
didn’t look as if they wanted to invite her to tea now, either.

  “What are they doing here?” she asked, confused.

  “It doesn’t matter. You have to go.”

  “But what about you?”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “But you’re weakened from the portal.”

  “Yes, and it’ll be worse if I have to keep it open for you. Now go! Now!”

  And with that, Merlin grabbed her by the shoulders. She tried to fight him, but he was too strong.

  “Look! There they are!” she heard one of the men cry. “Get them!”

  It was the last thing she heard—before Merlin shoved her down the portal and she spun into blackness.

  “Yes! I win again!”

  Emrys groaned as he watched Nimue’s car race over the finish line, beating him for the third time in a row. “I thought you said you never played a video game before,” he said. Not that he was all that experienced himself, having only played for about an hour or so back in Vegas when he was stuck in bed. But still…!

  “I haven’t,” she assured him, her eyes twinkling. “I must have natural talent. Or maybe you’re just truly terrible.”

  “Oh, I know I’m terrible,” he agreed with a laugh.

  She set the controller down and lay back on the floor, looking up at the hut’s wooden ceiling. “Just another wonderful thing about the twenty-first century,” she said with a dreamy sigh. “Why, I could have spent years exploring Lost Vegas alone.”

  “I don’t know.” Emrys wrinkled his nose. “It was pretty loud and bright. And the smell of those cabs…” He shuddered. “Also, I still don’t understand why they would use paper instead of coins.” He still had a stack of the paper in his pocket and was not sure what he was supposed to do with it.

  “Well, then, next spring break you can stay home and make pea soup,” Nimue declared. “While I join Merlin on a new adventure.”

  “Please. Merlin isn’t even going to trust me with making pea soup after what I did,” Emrys moaned. “I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t change his mind and send me home after all this is over.”

  “Just forget him,” Nimue scolded. “You did what you had to do. To me, you are a true hero of Camelot.”

  He gave a choking laugh. “Very funny.”

  “I’m not joking,” she insisted. “Think about it. You kept the Grail out of Morgana’s hands twice now. And you saved my life, too. What else would you call someone who risked his life for another’s?”

  Emrys felt his face heat. When she put it that way, it did sound pretty heroic. Now, if only he could get Merlin to agree. “Well, thank you,” he murmured. “You’re not so bad yourself.” He grinned shyly. “And by not so bad, I mean pretty great.”

  “You should see me when I have my spell book,” Nimue proclaimed. “Then I’m really—”

  Her boast was cut off by a sharp bark. Their eyes snapped to the door, where Damara was standing. The dog growled low under her breath. Uh-oh.

  Emrys gave Nimue a worried look. A muscle quivered in her jaw.

  “Damara,” she hissed. “What are you growling at?”

  “Maybe she hears a deer,” he suggested. “Or a rabbit? You know dogs.”

  “I know Damara,” Nimue corrected. “And she’s far too well trained to growl at rabbits. She’s been training to be a guard dog since she was a pup.” She bit her lower lip. “If she’s growling, there’s something out there. Something…or someone.”

  Her words sent a chill of fear down Emrys’s spine. He glanced over at Spike, then down at the trapdoor. If only they’d been able to open it! They would have been so far underground by now no one would ever have found them. But here…in this thin-walled hut…

  He turned off the game to cut the light, then crawled to the window so as to not cast a shadow. He peered outside, holding his breath. At first he saw nothing. Then he gasped as he made out two burly knights approaching on horseback. Two very familiar-looking knights.

  “Oh no,” he whispered. “They’re back.”

  “Who is?” Nimue scrambled to the window in time to watch the knights dismount and walk over to the fire pit—not twenty paces from the hut. They pulled a few logs from a nearby woodpile and tossed them into the pit. Nimue shrank back from the window. “The knights from Merlin’s cave,” she said. “They must have circled back hoping someone would return here with the Grail.”

  Emrys swallowed hard. “It’s worse than that,” he whispered, his eyes falling to their horses. Or more precisely the large lump lying astride one of them. “Much worse.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “See for yourself.” He pointed to the lump. Nimue gasped.

  “Is that…?” She put a hand to her mouth in horror. “Merlin?” She squinted at the wizard. “Wind and Rain! Is he dead?”

  Emrys’s eyes traveled over Merlin’s body, searching for the rise and fall of his chest. “I think he’s alive,” he assured her. “I can see him breathing. He must be unconscious or something.”

  “But how is this possible?” Nimue cried. “He’s Merlin. No mere knight could ever hope to best Merlin in battle!” Then her face went pale and she sank to her knees. “Oh no.”

  “What?”

  “He opened the portal to Faerie. That would weaken anyone—even those strong in magic. They must have captured him while he was vulnerable.”

  “What about the rest of them? Do you think they made it through?”

  “I hope so,” Nimue replied. “Or this quest is truly at an end.”

  Damara looked over at her, then whined again. Pawing at the door. Emrys watched the red-haired knight lift his head at the sound.

  “Did you hear something?” he asked his partner.

  “Probably an animal,” replied the dark-haired knight, picking his teeth with what looked like a bone.

  “Or a demon from the grave, conjured by the witch women who lived here,” the other knight shot back. He shivered. “I don’t like this place at all.”

  “Do you think I do? But Morgana will be here soon. We must wait for her return, as promised.”

  Nimue and Emrys exchanged glances. Oh no. Morgana was coming? Here? This situation was getting worse and worse.

  “She’s going to be very happy when she sees what we’ve done to the old man,” the redhead crowed, standing up and walking over to Merlin. “Maybe she’ll even reward us.”

  “Maybe she’ll bring us that chicken she was after. I’d swallow the whole thing in one bite I’m so bloody hungry.”

  “You can eat later. Help me get Merlin off the horse and tie him up first. The last thing we need is for him to wake up and be able to cast a spell.”

  “All right, then. I’ll grab the rope.”

  Emrys watched the black-haired knight dig into his saddlebag and pull out a thick rope. Then he joined his partner in pulling Merlin down off the horse. Emrys winced as the wizard’s body hit the ground with a loud thump. Unfortunately, it didn’t wake him up.

  Nimue backed away from the window. “What are we going to do?” she asked, her eyes wild and frightened. “Morgana is on her way. We can’t let her find Spike!” She glanced around the hut. “Perhaps we should sneak out the back door?”

  “We can’t do that!” Emrys protested. “They have Merlin! We can’t just leave him!”

  “Merlin can take care of himself. We need to save the Grail.”

  “The Grail is useless if we don’t have Merlin to turn it back into a cup. And if he’s dead—”

  “Then you would have to perform the spell.”

  Emrys froze. He looked over at Spike. Then back at Merlin. He shook his head.

  “No. That would involve magic. I can’t do any more magic, remember?”

  “You would have to! We would have no choice!”

  “But what if I messed up again? What if I turned the Holy Grail into a Holy Turnip or something?”

  Nimue raked a hand through her hair. “Then we must rescue Merlin. But how?”

/>   Emrys bit his lower lip. He looked around the hut for something he could use. But there were no weapons. No magic scrolls or books. Just plain furniture and a stack of logs for the fire….

  Suddenly an idea sparked inside him. “The same way we built a fire from sticks,” he replied staunchly. “The same way we made a coin turn into a stack of paper.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You said it yourself, remember? Magic is but one branch in the tree of knowledge,” Emrys reminded her. “Well, right now that branch is gone. But that doesn’t make us powerless.”

  For a moment, Nimue said nothing and Emrys wondered if she thought him mad. But then, at last, she nodded.

  “You are right,” she agreed. “We can do this.” She squared her shoulders. “We have to do this!”

  She walked over to the door, but then stopped short. Her face paled once again.

  “What is it?” Emrys asked, joining her at the window.

  It was then he saw it. Make that—her.

  “Morgana,” they both whispered at the same time, their voices full of fear. “She’s back.”

  Morgana slid off her horse, exhaustion weighing heavy on her shoulders. It had been a long, frustrating trip back home after those horrible children had somehow managed to best her once again, and part of her wanted to crawl back to her castle and sleep for a thousand years.

  But she couldn’t. Not yet, anyway. Not when she had one last chance to best Arthur while he was still sick and vulnerable. She had a destiny to fulfill, and she couldn’t let it slip away. No, she did not have the Grail to help her, which would have been the easiest solution. But there could be another way.

  As she’d traveled to Avalon, the plan had formed in her mind. She’d gather up her knights—the knights Arthur still thought loyal to him—and send them to the castle on a recovery mission. If they could steal the scabbard that kept Arthur from being killed, then they could do away with him before the Grail arrived in his kingdom. And when those meddlesome children did show up, Grail in hand? She would be there, on the throne, to greet them.

  She grinned to herself, imagining the looks on their faces when they realized she had thwarted them after all. Sure, they’d gotten lucky twice. But the third time she would be the winner.