Exes and Exorcisms

by Keira Blackwood

  Marla didn’t like stealing blood from the local hospital, but I was nothing if not practical and I had no such qualms. It wasn’t as if I were clearing out their stores, just sneaking a few bags here and there, nothing that would be noticed.

  I went across the hall and into my apartment and grabbed a few bags from my refrigerator. Then I was back at Marla’s door, where I said through it, “Thirsty, Peter? I have some nice blood here, just for you…”

  The door opened a crack, and one of Peter’s beady brown eyes peered at me.

  “Are you lying to me?” he asked.

  I held up the blood bags and he reached out for them. The scent of sweet freesia came to me. Wait a second...Peter smelled good?

  “Peter, what happened to you?” I asked.

  He reached for the blood bags again, but I held them out of reach.

  “Tell me,” I said, dangling the bags.

  He rolled the single eye that I could see through the crack of the open door. “Fine. When you, Aubrey, and Marla escaped, the Collector sent Nate, Andy, and me out to find you. I simply...decided not to find you. At least, not for the Collector. I like being my own vampire.”

  “And you came here to visit?” I asked. “Truly?”

  His eyebrow rose and he pointed to the blood bags. Huffing with impatience, I handed him one.

  “Yes, I came here to visit. Truly.”

  “Did anything weird happen to you on the way here?” I asked.

  He gestured for another blood bag, which I gave him. “Nothing at all. I started to appreciate nature, though, and flowers. Cleanliness is my new motto. No more Pestilence Peter. I now prefer to be called Poetry Peter. Because there once was a vampire from Ohio...who never wanted to lie-o. He moved in with his friends, who loved him to the end, and nobody ever had to cry-o.”

  What the actual fuck.

  “Look, Peter,” I said, “maybe something happened to you. Did you hit your head on something?”

  He held his hand out for the last blood bag, and I gave it to him.

  “Nope,” he said. “I’m simply a new, clean, delightfully-scented vampire. I belong with you and Marla—and Aubrey, whenever she shows up.”

  “She has no plans—”

  “Sure, whatever. I know the three of you are in this together. And I’m your sibling, too. You can’t leave me out.”

  “You can’t live with Marla. She has a shifter boyfriend.”

  “Whatever. They’ll love having me around. Whenever I want, I can spread flowers and joy.”

  This was crazy talk. Maybe I should keep an eye on him. Just to be on the safe side. Better him here, holed up in Marla’s apartment, than wreaking his particular brand of chaos throughout the streets of Forbidden.

  I had to go downstairs and face Xavier...but maybe there was a spell that could get rid of him. Cordelia, my witchy new friend, might be able to concoct something for me.

  5

  XAVIER

  I helped myself to the bright red sofa at the front of the parlor and leaned back. Through the large glass window I watched the colors of the sunrise as I listened to Peter tease Kelly. The two of them had an interesting rapport, and I couldn’t help but take pleasure in Kelly’s annoyed grumbles and exaggerated sighs. They’d been up there for a while, giving me a good glimpse into what vampire life might be like for her.

  I also gleaned a few tidbits of intel from the exchange. Peter had mentioned her having a daylight bracelet, implying she wouldn’t suffer ill effects from sunlight like most vampires did. He also spouted a few names, only one of which I recognized—Marla. Kelly had mentioned Marla before, too. She seemed to be the vampire who owned the place. And the most important piece of information was that Kelly didn’t completely trust Peter, like I’d already assumed.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and found a text from Clyde. Apparently I’d missed two others, from a few hours ago.

  Clyde: Late for check-in. Status report.

  Clyde: Any trouble?

  Clyde: If I don’t hear from you within the hour, I’m sending Austin.

  I scratched my beard. It was scruffy, and it surprised me that I actually cared. It was because she had mentioned it. I shook off the thought and considered what to text back. Whenever someone took a job from The Stakehouse, we committed to a nightly check-in. When dealing with vamps, you never knew when you’d find yourself in a nest. In a way, I had found a nest here in Forbidden. But I wasn’t afraid of Kelly, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Clyde about her.

  My fingers hovered over the keyboard on the screen.

  Arrived without incident. Surveying the town. Will report back tomorrow.

  There, that should do it. Nice and vague. No lying. Like most shifters, I hated lying. It left a sour taste on my tongue, and it had a distinct scent, too, reminiscent of port-a-potties. No one wants that lingering in their nostrils, or worse, on their tongue. I got the impression not all shifters experienced lies in the same way, but it was always unpleasant.

  I watched Clyde’s dots start and stop, and then his text came through.

  Good.

  With that over, I slid my phone back into my pocket and looked out the window. More banging sounded upstairs, and then some stomping. And then it was quiet.

  Out the window, a fluffy white cat stepped out into the street. She swished her tail back and forth and looked over her shoulder to the alley.

  I could feel Kelly approach, even though I couldn’t hear her.

  “Need me to get rid of Peter for you?” I asked, keeping my gaze to the window. It was easier if I didn’t look at Kelly, because every time I did, I fell a little deeper in love with her.

  “No.”

  “He sounds like quite the poet. And it sounds...like he knows it.”

  She stepped into my line of sight and held up a hand. “Do not even start.”

  The frown faded from her face as she caught a glimpse of the cat in the street.

  “Snowball, right?” I asked.

  She glanced at me, then back to the window. “How did you know?”

  “The snow white coat,” I said, rising from my seat to stand beside her. “I heard you talking about them upstairs. And of course there’s the way—King Lordship, was it?”

  She nodded emphatically, and pointed to the scruffy black cat who was clearly the king. No question.

  “His Lordship King Snugglebumpkins,” she said with an exaggerated British accent. “He rules whatever roost he chooses to inhabit. And he’s the reason I’m free.”

  Free. That implied at one point she wasn’t. She’d also mentioned escaping from someone when she’d been talking to Peter. What happened to her in Cincinnati?

  I could have asked. I wanted to ask. But this was the first positive interaction we’d had since I’d found her, and I didn’t want to ruin it.

  “I suspected as much,” I said. “Snowball was waving her furry backside at Meowcus Anthony for the sole purpose of antagonizing His Lordship King Snugglebumpkins.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because when she’s cruel, he only wants her more.” I admired the curve of Kelly’s lips, and the deep shade of red she’d painted them.

  She stared at me, a rosy blush tinting her cheeks, and the air pricked with intent.

  I wanted to kiss her, to tell her that I loved her, and that I was sorry. I wanted to talk about cats, and her life, everything that I’d missed over the years.

  Another bang came from upstairs.

  “Funny foil!” Peter yelled. “Funny sunny foil. Fork-pricked, and full of burning sunshine.”

  Kelly cleared her throat and brushed past me toward the door. She grabbed her coat, then looked back at me. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  She headed out the door, not waiting to see if I was coming. Into the sunlight.

  Of course I followed. Since she didn’t seem to be on fire, or in any other kind of discomfort. The sunlight bracelet I’d heard Peter mention must have completely neg
ated the typical effects sunlight had on vampires.

  Kelly was proving everything I thought I knew about vampires could be wrong. Sure they were generally ruthless bloodsuckers, and mostly terrible. Not all of them were like that. It was just like her to push back at me, even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.

  Blustery winter air rustled the leaves in the trees. The cold didn’t bother me, but Kelly paled.

  “How about a drive?” I asked, gesturing to my ’68 Chevy Nova. I’d painted it a brilliant, royal blue—the same shade as Kelly’s eyes.

  She shook her head and started walking. “Nope.”

  I followed with quick strides to catch up.

  “There’s a doughnut truck not too far away,” she said. “Best you’ve ever had.”

  She wasn’t looking at me.

  “You eat doughnuts?” I asked.

  “No.”

  There was a silence, where I wanted to grab her shoulders and tilt her chin to me so she’d have to meet my gaze. But I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to destroy this tentative cease-fire between us.

  We walked a few blocks. The town was quaint, nice even. But I didn’t pay much attention to anything except the woman beside me. Her scent had been different since we’d talked about the cats. She was stiff and on edge. I’d fucked up. No surprise there.

  “The strawberry doughnuts are supposed to be good,” she said, as we reached a big parking lot. Then she took off at a run for a little food truck with a cartoon witch on the side of it.

  I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried not to eavesdrop on Kelly and the woman in the service window. Kelly wrote something on a piece of paper and slipped it across the counter, before the cashier’s gaze settled on me. Her expression was sharp and cold, like she’d just found out I’d murdered her friend. She looked like she might poison my doughnut as payback.

  The evil-eyed doughnut lady set a bag on the counter, and Kelly quickly paid.

  “Hey, there,” I said, and put on what I hoped was a friendly smile. “You already ordered?”

  Kelly shoved the bag into my chest.

  “Thanks?” I said.

  The woman at the counter barked in laughter.

  I was definitely missing something.

  Kelly started walking back the way we’d come. I followed her a bit before stopping.

  “Kelly,” I said.

  She stopped and turned. “What?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Eat your doughnut and keep your apologies.”

  “What’s wrong with it?” I asked. “The doughnut, I mean. Is it some kind of prank flavor or something?”

  She gave me a look that said I was being ridiculous. “Of course not. It’s a doughnut. Eat it or don’t. I don’t care.”

  I pulled the pastry from the bag, and it smelled good. I watched Kelly’s expression as I took a bite. The doughnut was strawberry flavored, light, sweet, and delicious. She didn’t laugh or point at me, so maybe it wasn’t a prank after all.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” she said.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re waiting for me to attack you.”

  “I’m not,” I said. It was mostly true, though the words turned sour in my throat anyway.

  “The doughnut woman laughed,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Kelly said. “Well, I’m a riot.”

  Her lie was worse than mine.

  She said, “Cordelia assumed the doughnut was for His Lordship.”

  “He eats doughnuts?”

  “Of course,” she said. “Now can we get back to walking?”

  “It makes sense,” I agreed. “He enjoys the finer things in life.”

  “He does.”

  Even with her back turned, I could hear the smile in her words. She didn’t want to get along with me, even when she did. I’d always loved her feistiness.

  When we returned to the tattoo parlor, she positioned herself in the doorway with her arms crossed.

  “I let you come in and say hello, and I fed you. Now it’s time to go.”

  We were back on this again?

  “No,” I said simply.

  “I will lock you out and you will leave,” she insisted.

  “I don’t think His Lordship will like anyone else sharing his alley, especially after I’ve eaten his doughnut. What will Snowball say?

  Her eyes sparkled, and she hugged herself tighter. She didn’t say anything, but shook her head. “You have to go.”

  “I can’t.”

  “I told you your mission is dunzo,” she said. “The vampire you came to kill is already double dead. There’s nothing left for you to do.”

  “It’s not that simple.” I took a seat on the ground beside the door.

  Kelly huffed and groaned.

  “You’re going to scare away the customers,” she said. “Why won’t you just go home already?”

  Because I finally found you, and I can’t walk away.

  “I’ll sleep in my car,” I said.

  “Whatever,” she said. “But strays don’t come in the house.”

  Right. So then what was the story with the scraggly black cat she fed doughnuts to?

  I climbed into the passenger seat of my car, reclined, and turned on the radio. This would do fine for now. But I knew Kelly, and it wouldn’t be long before she took pity on me and let me in.

  The last time I’d seen her before she was taken from me, we’d been fighting. We had always fought more than I cared to remember, and most of it was my fault. I’d let my protective shifter instincts dictate our relationship. I’d pushed her away.

  One day, we made plans to meet at the park. I knew, from reading the signs of her body language, her tone, that she was going to break up with me. I wasn’t going to accept it.

  She wasn’t at the park when I arrived, so at first I thought she’d run, taking the easy way out. But as I searched for her, a sinking feeling had set over me. And then I’d scented her blood.

  I’d changed since then. We both had. I only hoped it was enough that we could make this second chance work out better than the first.

  6

  KELLY

  For longer than I cared to admit, I watched Xavier lounging in his car through the front window of the shop. After a while I got bored and went about my usual business, and did my damnedest to pretend he wasn’t there. I refused to check what else he was up to. Until I headed to sleep, when I did one last check.

  True to his word, Xavier slept in his car all night. Peter crashed in Marla’s apartment, making the occasional banging sounds like the weirdo he was.

  As soon as I opened the shop the next morning, Xavier came wordlessly inside and hung around like a lost puppy, watching me as I set up for the day.

  I was not built for this stress.

  “Aren’t there other vampire-staking jobs you need to take?” I asked him. “Now that all the danger is gone from Forbidden?”

  He shrugged, lifting one massive shoulder. His muscles were like giant stones covered in smooth, tanned skin. I remembered peppering kisses over them, smoothing my hands over them. I’d been a human at the time.

  Now I just wanted to bite those muscles. And I told myself it wasn’t in a sexy way.

  I was a lying liar.

  I hoped Cordelia was working hard on that banishing spell. I needed to get rid of this man like a case of scabies.

  I puttered around the tattoo shop, cleaning up nonexistent messes, just to keep myself busy. Xavier sat on my beautiful red sofa, his arms crossed over his chest, looking menacing and hot.

  No, I told myself. Not hot. Simply menacing.

  “Oh, do you hear that?” I said loudly.

  He spun around. “What?”

  “I hear someone in distress. ‘No, don’t hurt me, you scary vampire,’ they’re saying. ‘If only someone would come save me…’ You better get out there, Xavier, before it’s too late for them.”

  He rolled his eyes.


  A new sound did reach my ears, but it came from the apartment above. Peter, again. He’d been practicing his poetry, just loudly enough to grate on my nerves.

  His voice came through the ceiling. “I think that I shall never see—a vampire lovely as Kelly.”

  “The meter is off, you wanker,” I shouted.

  Suddenly, Xavier was at my side. I hadn’t even seen him stand. But now he was close, and he smelled good, and my body remembered the way he used to feel against me.

  “He’s right, though,” Xavier said, his voice husky. “You are the loveliest.”

  “Get out of here,” I said, shoving him back.

  “Not until I’ve confirmed your story.”

  “Are you calling me a liar?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” he said. “But I have protocols to follow or they’ll send another hunter to finish the job.”

  Xavier, I could handle. Kind of. Better than the unknown, I supposed.

  “You can’t sleep in here,” I said, even though we’d been over this exact subject the night before.

  “Then where should I sleep?”

  “Out on the sidewalk, for all I care.”

  He gave me a wink. “As you wish.”

  Yes, I understood the Princess Bride reference. And I told myself I didn’t care.

  Heart of stone, Kelly, I reminded myself. You have an undead heart of stone.

  I USUALLY SLEPT from two a.m. to ten a.m. One of the benefits of my daylight charm meant that I didn’t have to keep vampire hours. The cats had been quiet last night, although Snowball had made a brief appearance. Thankfully, what they’d lacked in drama had been more than adequately provided by Yelling Man. He’d gone on about demons and possessions, and his angry ranting had soothed me to a blissful slumber.

  When I walked past Peter’s room—no, Marla’s room—a strong floral scent reached my nose.

  “Hey,” I shouted through the door, “go easy on the air freshener.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  I frowned at the door and made my way downstairs. I only wanted to check on the building and see where His Lordship King Snugglebumpkins had got to. It had nothing to do with my curiosity over whether Xavier was still there.