"Son, are you listening to me," my father shakes me, and my eyes jerk wide open.
When was the last time I had a full night of sleep?
"Sorry, can you repeat that?"
"You need to hire a nanny. You can't go on like this, Enzo." My father looks at me skeptically.
"No. I don't trust anyone else with Luca." I reply tersely. Anyone but Allegra, but nowadays I wouldn't trust her either.
"Son, this is a woman's job. You have more important things to do. The meeting with the Russians is soon. Don't tell me you're going to take your baby to the meeting? They'll all laugh in your face and bye-bye deal."
"I'll manage, ok?"
"No, you won't. You're getting a nanny and that's that. I won't have my heir be the butt of jokes because he insists on playing the wet nurse."
"He's my son, father." I grit my teeth, trying to keep myself from exploding.
"He can be your son from a distance too." Father shakes his head, pushing his glasses up his nose to study some documents — a sign I've been dismissed.
In the afternoon, I take Luca to see maman Margot and I'm happy to see them getting along so well since she's going to be a fixture in his life.
"I want you to be his godmother," I ask her as she holds Luca in her arms, gazing lovingly upon him.
Like Allegra should have done.
Not going there.
"Of course I will. He's my little angel," she leans down to kiss his nose, before turning to me again. "How's your wife. Labor is hard on women, you know. I hope you're not pressuring her to..." she trails off when I start laughing.
"That's the last thing you should worry about, maman." It's not only her sudden change in attitude, but there's also something physically off putting about her. In the time she's been discharged from the hospital I haven't had one lustful thought about her, even though her figure is plumper, more enchanting with the fullness of motherhood.
I look at her and I don't feel anything.
I'd been ashamed of myself, thinking that she's gone through such an ordeal to give me Luca, and now I'm disgusted by her body.
"Be kind to her. She's probably weak right now, both physically and emotionally."
I listen attentively to maman's advice, promising to behave myself and be mindful of my wife's mental state.
But as I arrive home, I'm once again struck by the behavioral difference in Allegra. She's barking orders at Ana and the other staff, her voice full of irate superiority.
"Allegra," I start, and she finally turns towards me, "shut up." I say as I grab her by the hand to take her upstairs.
"What?" She has the audacity to bat her lashes at me, as if I'd fall for that trick.
"I get that you're going through something, but that doesn't mean you can abuse the staff." I tell her and she merely shrugs.
"I'm going to put Luca to bed," I don't bother to look back as I head directly to my room, bathing him and dressing him up in clean clothes before lying down on the bed with him.
I'd found it easier to just sleep with him next to me than move back and forth between the bed and the cradle.
It's only when Luca comes down with a bad case of colic that I finally give in and hire a wet-nurse, spending hours poring over resumes and interviewing all potential candidates before approving Mrs. Marshall, a thirty something year old lady that seems to have a way with babies.
The addition of a wet nurse comes at the perfect time for Luca's christening, and father had made it clear that this is more a business deal than anything since the Russians will be in attendance.
The day before the christening party, I go to bed hoping I'd get a full night of sleep. I barely doze off when I feel someone slide under the sheets next to me.
I jerk awake to see Allegra looking at me seductively, her tongue sneaking out to lick her lips as her gaze roams over my naked chest.
"Go back to sleep, Allegra," I tell her, not in the mood for anything. She pouts, coming towards me until her hand is over my chest and trailing down.
Catching it, I push her away.
"I told you to go back to sleep." Why is it that I look at her and yet I don't feel anything?
"You don't want me anymore?" She peers at me from beneath her lashes as she tries to put on a hurt expression.
"You're still healing." I answer curtly, not wanting to dwell too much on my lack of attraction towards her, or the fact that she feels like a complete stranger.
"Go to sleep." I repeat.
"I can make you feel good," her hand goes for my pants but I catch her wrist mid-air, tightening my grip around her hand until she's wincing in pain.
"What did you not understand when I said go to sleep? Now!" I fling her off the bed, and she seems to get the message as she scrambles off, her nostrils flaring at me.
Fucking hell, how is this my Allegra?
That's my last thought as exhaustion claims me and I fall asleep.
The following day the party is in full swing, with relatives that I've never even heard of, all coming to kiss my cheeks and congratulate me on my son. But what I hate the most is that Luca is being paraded around like a goddamn object.
Even though I have to interact with everyone, including the Russians, my eyes follow Mrs. Marshall as she carries Luca from guest to guest.
"I need to speak to Vlad," I tell his second-in-command when I see him. As the new Pakhan, Vlad is the only one who can make the decisions regarding the merchandise, and as such the only person I need to convince.
"He's in the garden." He relates, and I give him a nod before going in search of Vlad.
There are too many people in here, so it takes me a while to get outside. It's still winter and I don't see why anyone would willingly go outside in this weather. But as I open the door to the garden, I hear a familiar voice.
"He won't even know," she says, and as I take a few more steps, I get a clear image of the situation at hand.
Allegra is standing a little too close to Vlad, her hands playing at his belt.
"What the fuck?" I mutter after I make sure my vision isn't playing any tricks on me.
Vlad pushes her out of his way.
"You should teach your wife some manners. She's not exactly... housebroken." He adds wryly, and I let my rage loose as I punch him right in the face.
"Fuck, Agosti, careful," his hands fly to his nose, "plastic surgery is expensive." His nonchalance is only fueling my anger further, so I jump on him, punching away.
This time, he expects it and he starts defending himself, landing a few blows of his own on my face and to my stomach. It's only when my father has men pulling us apart that we stop.
"I guess the deal's off?" Vlad wipes some of the blood off his face, his eyes darkening as he stares into it. He doesn't wait for anyone's reply as he says, "I thought so," before he shrugs and leaves.
My father quickly follows, intent on fixing whatever damage I made, but my thoughts are only centered on Allegra — and her fucking audacity.
She's cowering in a corner, and when she notices me stalking towards her she takes a few steps back, hitting the wall.
"Care to tell me what that was?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.
She's trembling, and I'm not sure whether from fear or the cold, but as I get closer, she averts her face.
I grab her chin, forcing her to look at me.
"I wanted to make you jealous," she whispers, but I have a hard time believing her words.
"Is that so? Well, you succeeded. Also, you ruined a million dollar deal." I spit out the words, clenching my fists by my side.
Taking a deep breath, I step away from her, going back to the party. I'm afraid that if I see her in front of me again I might snap and really hurt her.
The next days, I immerse myself in a new routine, visiting maman with Luca, and getting myself acquainted with the restaurant business — or rather what hides behind it. I try to ignore Allegra as much as possible, blaming myself and my behavior for her acting out.
/> How is it that not a month ago I'd been by her bedside as she breastfed Luca, an indescribable happiness reflected in her face. And now? She can barely stand to look at him.
I try my best to fill the gap left by his mother, still hoping she'll come around at some point.
I may have led her to her boiling point.
Looking back at our relationship and all our interactions, I can't help but feel I could have done better — confided in her more, gotten her to see just how much I care for her.
What you reap is what you sow.
How many chances has she given me in the past, with me continually screwing everything up? I'd hurt her, humiliated her, and stripped her of her freedom. All to satisfy this insane hunger I have for her—to know she's near me at all times, away from danger or temptation.
Then why is it that seeing her with Vlad hadn't affected me the way it used to? I refuse to believe it had been the million dollar deal standing in the way of Vlad and a bullet. No... something's off.
Getting back home, I leave Luca with Mrs. Marshall so she can see to his meal, and I go down to my office, intent on getting some work done.
I'm close to the door when I hear the noises. Moans. Loud, shrieky moans coming from my office.
Fucking hell!
I'd told my father numerous times to keep his whores in the city, not at home. And definitely not in my office.
My hand is on the doorknob ready to interrupt the merry party when I hear her voice.
"Harder!"
Pushing the door open, I stare in shock at Allegra, naked, bent over my office desk, with one of the guards pumping in and out of her.
His hands are digging into her hips as he fucks her raw, his dick thrusting in and out of her aggressively.
There's only one fate — for both.
I take out my gun and aim. First at the disloyal son of a bitch.
He grunts, his hand clutching at his chest where a red spot of blood is forming.
Allegra screams, a grating shrill that makes me want to prolong her death even more. Because that's exactly what she deserves for killing my heart.
An eye for an eye.
She jerks away from the dead body, and my lip turns in disgust as I see dried cum on the inside of her thighs.
How many times? How many people has she fucked?
Between my guilt and Luca, I'd only wanted to give her space. And this is how she repays me?
I raise my gun, aiming straight for her forehead. She's bawling her eyes out at this point, not even bothering to hide her nakedness.
She drops to her knees in front of me, begging me to spare her, thousands of empty promises crossing her lips.
My eyes are bleak, my entire soul ripped apart as I stare at her.
I stoop low, wrapping my hand around her throat, the barrel of my gun connecting with her temple.
"I'm so-so-sorry," she hiccups, her eyes cloudy from tears. I dig the gun deeper into her head, a burning need to rip her limbs apart, and set her on fire growing inside of me.
Her hands start pushing at my arm, and it's only then — by chance — that I look down at her bare shoulders.
My eyes widen for a moment, and I blink twice, wanting to make sure I'm not seeing wrong.
No scar.
No scar from the bullet she'd taken in Malta.
My gaze trails back to her face and I look at her stupefied.
How is this possible?
There's no other difference save for the lack of scar....
I fling her from me, determined to get to the root of this.
"Luca saved you. I won't leave my son without a mother," I lie, watching her pitiful form coil back in fear. "Next time you fuck someone, don't do it in the house, and don't let me see it."
IF BEFORE I WASN'T sleeping because I'd been taking care of Luca, now I couldn't because these crazy ideas wouldn't stop from forming in my mind.
The behavior. Her new friendship with Rocco. Her fucking whoever indiscriminately.
And no scar.
Even before noticing that glaring difference, I could tell this wasn't the Allegra I'd fallen in love with. And so my suspicious mind compelled me to figure out what the fuck happened.
The next morning, I take advantage of the early hour to plant bugs in the entire house. If something is afoot — as I'm already suspecting — fake Allegra is bound to tell someone about our little encounter.
And so I wait.
It's not long before Rocco and Allegra close themselves in Rocco's office. The first thing I hear is a resounding slap.
"Fucking bitch! You're jeopardizing everything," he hisses at her.
"Me? You told me he doesn't care about his wife and he wouldn't notice a difference."
"Are you fucking stupid? Any man would care about his wife fucking another man in his own house," he yells at her.
"At least now we know he doesn't really care." She retorts, clearly annoyed. "You assured me they barely interact at home, but he still expected me to take care of that brat," she curses out and Rocco makes a tsk sound.
"Knowing Enzo, I'm really surprised you're alive," his words are filled with disgust as he utters this. "First you ruin our plans at the hospital, and now you're making mistake after mistake. I should have known not to trust a Marchesi."
"Oh, really? Need I remind you what the alternative was? My sister would have handed you over to the feds, and you would have spent the rest of your life behind bars. Let's not kid ourselves here. You needed me," she paces around, "not the other way around."
"Goddamn it! And I thought your sister was difficult to deal with."
Sister?
I remember Allegra mentioning a sister, Chiara, the one who'd gotten married to Franzè, but she had forgotten to mention one small detail — that they're fucking twins.
But if this is Allegra's twin, then where is my Allegra?
"Oh fuck off," my father continues, "as if your parents didn't approach me to gain footing in New York. What, after Franzè left you all broke, are you going to sit there and lie to my face that you never had an ulterior motive?"
"It's called a by-product," Allegra's sister quips sarcastically.
"I'm amazed at your shamelessness. As if you didn't just kill your sister for wealth and connections," father throws at her and I freeze.
Killed...? What does he mean by that... No... It can't be.
"I've wanted to kill that bitch for years. This time I had my parents' blessing. You should have seen her begging me for her life," she laughs, and Rocco joins in.
I'm still frozen, speechless, but I force myself to listen... to understand.
My little tigress can't be dead. She can't.
"I would have loved to see that. I never liked the chit. Too mouthy."
"Well, aren't you glad you have me now? I'm even better with my mouth."
I hear clothes ruffling, the chafing noise of lips smacking together.
"Are you sure you got rid of the body properly? We don't need any surprises at this point," father mutters in between what I suspect are kisses.
"Of course. I dropped it at the morgue," Chiara answers on a breathy tone, before the dynamic changes completely.
"You're a dirty little whore, aren't you?" Father groans, and my stomach drops.
"Whores take money for it. My currency is orgasms. How many are you going to give me today, daddy?" Chiara's voice takes a saccharine tone.
"However many you want. Fuck," he moans and the sloppy sounds of a blowjob permeate the room.
I stop the audio, unable to take it anymore.
Allegra is dead.
I stand up on shaky legs, going to Luca's room and dismissing Mrs. Marshall for a couple of hours.
Taking him in my arms, I hug him to my chest, finally letting the tears fall.
How can she be dead? How? And how did I not know?
No, it can't be. I refuse to believe Allegra is dead. My Allegra is alive and well and I'll find her. But even as I try to convince myself
of that, the way Chiara talked about her sister... about killing her.
My heart breaks in a million pieces as I start rationalizing that I may never see my tigress again. I'll never be able to hug her, or tell her how much I love her.
Did I ever tell her?
"God," I groan out loud, the thought nauseating.
I never even told her how I felt. How she'd carved herself into my heart almost from our first interaction, and how I'd only fallen deeper and deeper for her. How she's the only woman I'd ever let close to me, the only one I've ever loved.
And now she'll never know. She died thinking I'm a fucking monster.
I look down at Luca and I see the little boy who's never going to know his mother. He's never going to remember her warmth or the way she loved him with her entire heart.
I spend some time just holding him, rocking back and forth, lost in my emotions.
I'm holding the last piece of Allegra in this world.
The thought breaks me anew, and I can't stop myself from sobbing. It's only much later when grief morphs into unquenchable fury that I react again, knowing what I have to do.
Kissing Luca's forehead, I lay him back in his cradle, telling Mrs. Marshall to watch him well.
I grab two guns, both fully loaded, and I strap myself with knives.
Because I have a mission.
And no one will make it out alive.
They took my heart; now I'm going to take theirs — literally.
Chapter Twenty-One
I GRIP THE GUN TIGHTLY in my hand as I imagine the bloodshed — a river of blood to paint the entire house red.
They went for the only thing that mattered in my life and just like mother, their deaths will not be swift. No, I will make sure they suffer for days in inconsolable torture, bleeding but not dying.
Just like I am now.
Alive, but slowly dying on the inside, Luca being the only reason I don't end it all here and now in what would end up as an iconic murder-suicide.
But I can't do that to my little boy. Not when he's the only link I have left with Allegra.
I walk slowly, with measured steps, all the while imagining the worst possible deaths for those pieces of shit.
Should I skin them alive?
Morally Decadent (Morally Questionable Book 3) Page 28