“Have you been getting too much sun?”
I nod. “Yes, sun sounds good. We should get some sun.”
Josie gives me a hard stare. I flush. She knows something is going on. But like a good friend, she bites her tongue. “Drink first, then sun.”
It turns out Jason’s making sugar ice, which he’s calling frozen grapefruit. The cold sliding down my throat feels good. Calming. I would like to pull my bathing suit away from my skin and pour the ice down my front, I’m so hot. But that would spoil the cool and unconcerned Mai that I am now pretending to be.
Josie points out two lounge chairs on the deck. Already the pool is full, and there are noodle wars going on and a very wet game of basketball at the far end between Tucker, Cooper, and two guys I don’t recognize. “Where did all these people come from?” I ask.
“Jason’s working at a waterpark this summer.”
We settle on the chairs. “When is Garrett going to be here?”
She pulls her phone from her back pocket and checks. “Hopefully in an hour. He’s driving back now.”
Garrett’s been down in Tucson doing something baseball-ish. Josie told me what it is, multiple times, so I don’t want to ask again. I had no idea it took so many hours of practice to play a game. I give her a smile. “It’s nice to have a little time to hang out, just us. Like the old days.”
She kicks off her sandals. “That’s how I thought it would be this week, but you’ve been mysteriously busy.” She eyes me suspiciously. “I’m wondering if it has anything to do with that lipstick you’re wearing.”
“Am I wearing lipstick? I forgot.”
“Liar.”
I’m spared from replying when there’s a sudden shift around us. People are moving toward the pool, while Tucker is gathering up the noodles and the floating basketballs and tossing them aside. “What’s going on?” I ask.
Then Tucker cups his hands over his mouth and yells, “Pool chicken! Who’s in?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mai
Something is stuck in my throat. I think it’s my stomach. Please not pool chicken.
“Come on, guys. If you’re in, you’re in.” Tucker splashes the water to make his point. “Find yourself a partner.”
The level of noise ratchets up as people call to each other and guys move toward the pool.
Josie is watching me, studying me like a bug under glass. Pool chicken is how this whole ridiculousness with Anthony began. I fold my arms over my chest, projecting a more mature version of myself. “They should outlaw pool chicken,” I say. “It’s like wrestling in water. Without clothes. People with raging hormones and under-developed brains should not be playing it.”
She nods slowly, still studying me.
“Plus, the whole thing is very awkward.” My voice rises as I warm to the topic. “You have to balance on a guy’s shoulders. Where do you hold on? And just try wiggling around on a pair of shoulders without your suit shifting. If it goes up your butt, you can’t pull it out. Plus, it takes more inner thigh strength than you’d expect.”
Josie gives me a pointed look. “I’m surprised anyone would ever say yes.”
“Sometimes people make mistakes.”
Already, the group of new girls is giggling as if they know bad behavior is coming.
My gaze searches out Anthony, finding him on the grassy area beyond the pool. His eyes meet mine for one heated second. Oh Lord. My pulse skyrockets. He pulls off his shirt.
S-l-o-w-l-y.
It’s still plenty light out, so I don’t miss a single line of muscle rippling up his abs, his pecs, along his arms as he lifts them to tug the shirt over his head. He turns to drop it on the grass, and more muscles flex and shift like they’re calling, Look at me!
“Show off.”
“What?” Josie squints at me. I know because she pulls down her sunglasses to be sure I see. “You’re acting weird, Mai. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Two can play at that game. I sit up and pull my shirt off.
S-l-o-w-l-y.
I sneak a look to be sure he’s watching—yes, he is!—fold it carefully, set it on the chair, and then slide off my shorts with a few wiggles of my hips. Take that, Mr. Chill. There’s a sudden loud splash. Anthony launching himself in the pool. My smile is smug. Not so unaffected, after all.
Josie sits up. “Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. You said pool chicken was a mistake, remember?”
I set my folded clothes under the chair. “I just don’t want my things to get splashed.”
“Team up, everyone!” Tucker yells.
Anthony pushes his wet hair back, slicking the waves off his forehead with both arms. Water streams down his pecs. I can see other girls watching. Staring. I want to yell at them to unglue their eyes. Those are my pecs.
Except they aren’t anymore.
There are already six guys in the pool. The two I don’t know have girls already attached to their necks. They’re bikini-clad lightweights. I could knock them off with two fingers. Cooper talks Andrea into joining him. I’m surprised but happy to see Tucker pair off with Jasmine—she crushed on him all spring. Jason calls over a dark-haired girl who’s as tall as he is and looks like she could have serious game. If she doesn’t sink him. Anthony is fielding all kinds of offers. He laughs them off and works his way across the pool. Toward us.
Toward me.
I force myself to stay calm. I’ll play it cool. I won’t say yes.
At first.
My heart is reaching speed-of-light territory as he pops up at the edge of the cool deck, not more than a foot away. He looks at me and then away—to my left.
“What do you say, Delia?”
Delia? My head spins with dizziness. I force myself to take a breath.
He’s smiling at the girl with the auburn hair. She’s smiling back.
“I’m in,” she says.
Stunned, I watch her strip down to a green one-piece with the midriff missing. I want to pick her apart because apparently I am that shallow, but the girl is pretty, and really, the only thing that matters is how Anthony is looking at her.
The way I want him to be looking at me.
I clutch at the sides of the chair to keep myself from doing anything stupid. Like dragging her off him. Which I really, really want to do.
“You okay?” Josie asks again.
The game has already started with shrieks and shoves and churning pool water. “She’s not nearly as good a player as I am.”
“That’s not really the point of the game, is it, Mai?” She swings her legs toward me and leans close. “What is going on? You broke it off with Anthony a month ago. I thought you were over that.”
Tears well up in my eyes. I have no idea where they’ve come from. “I can’t tell you. I swore secrecy.”
Her eyes flash with surprise and maybe a little anger. Then she squeezes my arm. “Secrecy pacts do not include best friends.”
“They don’t?” I ask hopefully. I am such a mess right now, and I need my best friend. Even if it does mean breaking a promise.
“Never.”
More water splashes from the pool, and the shrieks are gaining in volume. Two couples are already out, but not Anthony. Delia is still on his shoulders, his hands holding on to her knees. Her hands in his thick hair. I grab my shorts. “Let’s go inside.”
Chapter Thirty
Mai
The first empty room we come to is the laundry room. I pull Josie inside and shut the door. It’s the size of a small bedroom, and along with a washer and dryer, there’s a long worktable covered in scrapbooking things. A big window looks out on the side of the house—not the backyard, thankfully. I can’t watch Anthony and Delia for even a minute.
Josie leans against the dryer, folds her arms over her chest, and waits.
I pace up a
nd down a blue rug running through the center of the room. I clear my throat, wishing we’d stopped to refill our drinks. “It’s surprisingly complicated,” I begin. “I mean. It’s not as complicated as nuclear physics, but—”
“Mai.” Her voice cuts through my nerves. “What’s going on?”
I exhale and stop moving. “Things sort of started up again. With Anthony.” Her eyes widen, and I rush on. “But then they ended again. So really, it’s like nothing ever happened.”
Concern radiates from every line of her frown. “Except that you can’t take your eyes off him.”
“It was her I was watching. Delia.” I start pacing again. “I was wondering if it would feel better to yank her hair or punch her boob.”
“Mai! You are not a violent person.”
“I know. It’s Anthony’s fault. He makes me feel…things,” I finish helplessly.
I’m expecting surprise, but instead Josie nods. “He always has, hasn’t he?” Before the truth of that has fully sunk in, she says, “Stop pacing and start from the beginning.”
So I lean against the washing machine and tell Josie everything. Graduation night and the kiss. Him showing up at the trail project. The equipment shed.
“He’s volunteering on the same crew and you didn’t tell me?”
“Secrecy vow. I hated it. Believe me.” My heart is in my eyes. “I wanted to tell you so many times.”
“He made you promise not to tell?”
“No. It was my idea. I didn’t want my parents to know.”
Her eyes shine with hurt. “But I’m your bestie.”
“You are. But if I told you, he would have told Coop and Tucker. And mostly,” I sigh, “I was embarrassed for flinging in the first place. You would have said I was being reckless—it’s what you said in March. And April.” I rub a hand over my face. “I knew you were right, but I really thought I could handle it. Control things with rules and a plan and then I’d get over Anthony once and for all.”
She groans. “I feel like I need popcorn and Junior Mints.” She jumps so she’s sitting on top of the dryer. “Tell me the rest.”
I take her up to the fight this morning and the end of our fling.
Her sandals clunk against the dryer door. “Isn’t that good?”
“Yes. Except.” I pause. I can barely meet her eyes. “I’ve liked flinging with him, Josie. It’s been fun. Like, best-time-ever fun. He makes me laugh, and we can talk about anything. It’s like being with you—except for the kissing, which we weren’t going to do but then we did. And he’s smart. It’s not the same kind of book-smart as me, but he knows so much I don’t. And he encourages me to do things. Try things.” I twist my fingers as the words continue to tumble from my mouth. “And he makes stuff. He’s artistic and I think talented if he would give himself a chance. And he’s taking his dad on a trip.”
“His dad?” She finally breaks in, stopping me mid-ramble. “I thought his dad died?”
“I know. That’s what’s so sweet about it.”
She grabs her head with both hands and squeezes. “I’m so confused, Mai.”
“Imagine how I feel!”
We both pause for more breaths. I know Josie is trying to make sense of it all. I hope she does and explains it to me.
“Okay,” she says. “Let’s move on for now. We’ll come back to his dead father.” She pauses, cocks her head in disbelief. “Do you like him? I mean, like him?”
The hot mess of emotion inside me starts swirling again. I feel like I’m holding onto a tornado by the tail and it’s slipping free. “I do.” My voice is small, but everything inside of me is a roar. “Everyone always has these expectations of me. What I should do and say and how I should act. Even you.” I catch the surprise on her face. “I get it. My crush was so out of character. I’ve always been focused and sensible. But I don’t have to be with Anthony.”
She looks stricken. “I’ve been a crap friend.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Except I do have expectations for you. It’s why I didn’t think Anthony was right for you in the first place. You’re just so different. It’s why I told you to break it off with him.”
“I was going to have to break it off anyway. I still have plans he doesn’t want to be a part of.”
“Is that why you fought today?”
“Pretty much. The expectations haven’t gone away, and honestly, Josie, I don’t want them to. I want to be that person everyone is proud of.”
“But you also want to hang out with a guy you like and not have everyone judge you. Including your best friend.” She slides off the dryer, leans a shoulder into mine. “I’m sorry.”
I press my shoulder against hers. “I know you were trying to protect me. I know that’s what my family will say, too.”
“Do they know about him?”
“Not exactly.” I take a breath, realizing this is a long story, too. “He found out about the yearly fundraising dinner for Community Cares. He said I should invite him. But he thinks dressing up isn’t worth his time. He doesn’t want to fit in. He likes to flaunt the rules.” I pick at the tiny bow of my suit, straightening it carefully. “Even if he looked the part, he’s never going to fit their image of who I should date. They’ll judge Anthony. Then they’ll judge me.”
“They love you, Mai.”
“They love the girl I’ve always been. And that girl wouldn’t fall for a guy like Anthony. It’s not sensible. I’m a Senn, Josie. A Senn is always sensible.”
“You sound like Ethan,” she says.
“That’s a good thing. Ethan is doing amazing things.”
“You’ll do amazing things, too. It doesn’t mean you have to do them exactly the way he does.” She adds in a mutter, “With a stick up your butt.”
“Josie!” My voice is sharp, a defensive reflex. “He’s not that bad.”
She hesitates and then lets out a sigh. “The first time he spoke to me, he asked my opinion on manifest destiny.”
“What?” I blink at her, surprised. “You never told me that.”
“Because I would have had to say, ‘Mai, your brother is an ass.’ It wasn’t worth ruining our friendship.”
The worst part is that I can hear him saying that. It’s his defense mechanism—put others in their place before they can do it to him. “What did you say?”
“That I knew everything I needed to about destiny from reading my horoscope.”
I groan, just imagining the look on Ethan’s face when she said that. “I’m so sorry, Josie.”
“It’s okay. I’ve gotten to know him over the years. It’s obvious how much he loves you. That’s what matters.”
I bump her shoulder again. “It would be easier if I didn’t know how much my family wants the best for me. They just want to protect me from making a mistake.”
That “mistake” is out there right now playing pool chicken with another girl. Or maybe Anthony and Delia have gone off somewhere on their own. I press a hand to another twist of my stomach.
“So let’s summarize,” Josie says. “You found yourself attracted to Anthony and you decided it would be good to have a short fling and get over it. So you did. Except you didn’t get over it. But it doesn’t change the facts. He’s headed off with an urn of ashes, and you’re leaving for college. He doesn’t want strings, and you want everything tied in a neat little bow.”
“And double knotted,” I add.
She nods. “Your parents would never understand. Your brother would be an ass. Your best friend would wonder if you lost your mind. So, you fought and it’s over, crisis averted. Did I get all of that right?”
“You could have your own talk radio show.”
“Except,” she continues, holding up a finger for emphasis, “there’s one problem. You still like him. Wait!” She holds up a second finger. “You have a
second problem.”
“I do?”
“Right now he’s out there with Delia, and you want him back.”
Frustration burns in the back of my throat. “I can’t want him back. That’s why I wanted a fling to stop liking him.”
“Which failed miserably.”
“You’re a real downer, you know that?”
“Thank you.” She shifts to face me, her eyes serious. “I know I told you to end things with Anthony—that he wasn’t the right guy for you. But I was also 100 percent certain that Garrett was not the right guy for me. Which means I know crap about this, other than the fact that sometimes our hearts are smarter than our brains. Maybe you should see where your heart leads.”
“But it’s not like you and Garrett.”
“It wasn’t like that with us at the beginning, either.” She shrugs. “Just remember. While you’re in here convincing yourself it’s nothing, he’s out there with Delia, who, by the way, I hear is a really nice girl along with being drop-dead gorgeous.”
“Oh Lord.” I straighten. “But what do I say? He’s the one who ended it this morning.”
“You ended it once and took him back. It only seems fair.”
I raise an eyebrow, thinking. “You’re right.” I give Josie a fast, hard hug. “I love you.”
She laughs as I head for the door. “And no boob punching!”
Chapter Thirty-One
Mai
“Do you have a minute?” I ask.
Anthony’s still in the pool, but thankfully the competition is over. I don’t have to ask who won. Tucker and Jasmine are taking a victory lap around the pool and dodging huge splashes from the other guys. Delia is standing by Anthony in the shallow end, but I don’t look at her.
Anthony hesitates, pushing his wet hair off his forehead. “I’m busy right now.”
I shift on the cool deck, wishing I’d put my shirt back on. I feel…exposed. The sun is down, the light a soft blue-gray, but it still feels like there’s yellow heat licking across my shoulders. “I left something in your car.”
A guy I don’t know calls out, “Your virginity?”
How to Quit Your Crush Page 15