Fitting In

by Amanda Radley

  For her to have spent most of the day with people she hardly knew and to feel relatively happy and safe was unexpected to say the least.

  “You could stay the night,” Sue suggested for the second time. “We have a spare room.”

  “Mum, she wants to go home. She doesn’t have anything she needs to stay overnight,” Heather gently nudged her mother.

  “You’ll come and visit again soon, won’t you?” Mike asked.

  Scarlett didn’t know how to reply to that. Her invitations were extended through Heather, and she didn’t know if she should expect another.

  “Dad, don’t pressure her,” Heather said, pulling her coat on.

  They were standing in the hallway to the farmhouse, preparing to say goodbye. Dinner had gone well, and afterwards they had retired to the living room to play a quiz game. To Scarlett’s surprise, Heather was extremely good at general knowledge.

  Luckily, Scarlett had a knack for remembering facts and figures and could hold her own. Mike and Sue were quickly knocked out of each round and both cheered Scarlett on in the hope she would end Heather’s winning streak.

  She hadn’t, but Heather had admitted that Scarlett had given her a run for her money a couple of times.

  Sue wrapped Scarlett in a warm hug. “It was absolutely lovely to meet you. I hope we see you again soon.”

  “Thank you, I had a good time,” Scarlett said.

  As soon as Sue had let her go, Mike was hugging her.

  “Safe journey back,” he said.

  She wanted to comment that she had little control over the train, so it mattered very little how safe she was being. Instead she simply nodded.

  Heather held the front door open for her, and they both left and got into the Jeep.

  “Got everything?” Heather asked, starting the engine.

  “Yes.”

  “Excellent, we’ll be at the station in plenty of time for the twenty-past train.”

  They started to drive away, both waving to Mike and Sue who had come outside to see them off.

  “I’m sorry that time ran away from us a bit,” Heather said. “You’ll be home rather late.”

  “That’s not a problem. I have a book to keep me company.” Scarlett patted her small rucksack.

  “Oh, is it the one Nico lent you? The one I’m reading?”

  Scarlett hesitated a moment. “No, I have moved on from that one.”

  “Ah.” There was a long pause, and Scarlett got the feeling that Heather wanted to say something else. After a few moments, she spoke again. “You don’t have to answer this, but is it because of the same-sex romance element?”

  “I prefer non-fiction,” Scarlett replied.

  “I see. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have poked my nose in, I just know that some straight people don’t enjoy reading lesbian fiction,” Heather explained.

  “I’m not straight,” Scarlett corrected her assumption. “I do not see gender in the way many people do. I think I would be considered bisexual.”

  Scarlett didn’t know if she was imagining things, but she felt the atmosphere in the vehicle change. Heather’s fingers seemed to grip the steering wheel a little tighter, no doubt due to the narrow country lanes and the fading light.

  “Oh, I see,” Heather said. “So, you’ve been in a relationship with a woman?”

  “Yes.”

  Scarlett looked out the side window, watching the sun set over the cliffs in the distance. It was easy to forget how beautiful the countryside was when one lived in the bustling city.

  After a few minutes, they pulled up by the train station.

  “You still have a while before the train gets here, if you want to wait in the warm car?” Heather suggested.

  Scarlett didn’t mind either way but assumed, as Heather was suggesting it, that waiting in the car would be the most practical solution.

  “Thank you.”

  “So, which book are you reading?” Heather asked.

  “I’m reading about the Spanish Armada.”

  Heather smiled. “I see. Any particular reason?”

  “It was on the shelf in the bookshop.” Following two books from Nico that left a lot to be desired, Scarlett had decided to try a different genre. Not having many interests made picking a book very difficult. The book she had picked had an aesthetically pleasing cover and seemed a good size without being too heavy for her bag.

  “And have you learnt anything interesting about the Armada?”

  Scarlett quickly nodded. “I have. It seems the Armada wasn’t as powerful as we are led to believe. A great deal of propaganda took place.”

  “Don’t tell me; Elizabeth the First didn’t really say that speech about her body being that of a weak and feeble woman but her heart and stomach being that of a king?”

  Scarlett shook her head sombrely. “It’s very unlikely. And Elizabeth’s speech at Tilbury probably happened after the Armada had been vanquished.”

  Heather chuckled. “I’m not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. Still, it’s a good message to send to young girls and women, whether it happened or not.”

  “I agree.”

  Silence loomed for a few moments, and Scarlett looked at her watch. She had a few more minutes to conduct small talk before she had to leave to catch her train. Not that she had to go far, the track being clearly visible from the Jeep.

  “And you are reading the book Nico recommended?” Scarlett asked, not able to decide on another topic.

  “I will, when I get some time. I haven’t picked it up yet. I get the impression you didn’t enjoy the book?” Heather asked.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “As I’m about to read it myself, may I ask what you didn’t like about it?”

  Scarlett sucked in a quick breath. She didn’t want to lie, but she wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to have this conversation with Heather either. The question presented her with little option but honesty.

  “It made me sad.”

  “Sad?”

  “Yes. Sad to see people having a relationship like that. A relationship that I’m unlikely to experience for myself,” Scarlett explained.

  Heather hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand. What kind of relationship?”

  Scarlett shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. She considered her words carefully, knowing that she often struggled to explain what she was feeling with simple words.

  “Love. True, all-encompassing love. I don’t think I will ever experience that. The characters’ actions are a mystery to me. The feeling of the love, as described in many romance books, feels alien to me. I don’t appear to feel the way other people do. Therefore, love will probably never be something I truly experience.” She shrugged her shoulder. “I believe I am incapable of it.”

  Heather sat up and looked intently at Scarlett. “I don’t believe for one moment that you are incapable of love, Scarlett. And those books, they show a version of love that very few people will ever experience. They are a fantasy, a wish. Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It’s different for different people. It isn’t always fireworks and over-the-top emotions. Sometimes it’s just a warm hug at the end of the day.”

  Heather placed her hand atop Scarlett’s that sat in her lap. “You will experience love. I promise you that.”

  Scarlett didn’t know what to answer to that, so she didn’t.

  They sat in silence for a few moments, neither speaking and both seemingly absorbed in the quiet. Scarlett distantly realised that Heather hadn’t removed her hand, and Scarlett enjoyed the warmth and comfort it radiated.

  Someone jogged in front of the Jeep, and both women looked up to see the train pulling into the station. Heather pulled her hand back.

  “I should go,” Scarlett said.

  “Yes. I’ll… I’ll see you at work.”

  Scarlett opened the car door and paused. She turned back to look at Heather.

  “Thank you for the day. I enjoyed myself.�
�

  Heather beamed at her, and Scarlett smiled back, satisfied that she’d said the right thing.

  31

  Being Cagey

  Ravi saw Heather parking up in the Silver Arches employee car park and pulled up next to her. They stepped out of their respective vehicles at the same time.

  “Good morning,” Ravi greeted her happily.

  “Morning,” Heather said, getting her bag and suit jacket from her car.

  “How was your long weekend?”

  “Fine. Good. And you? Did you do anything nice?”

  Ravi frowned. It wasn’t like Heather to not have much to say after a visit to her parents. She usually spoke about ridiculous projects her father was working on, how many new dogs they had at the rescue, how nice it was to be out of the city.

  “You’re being cagey.” He grinned. “What happened? What have I missed?”

  Heather stopped walking towards the entrance and stared at him. She looked like she was going to deny the charge. Then she chuckled and shook her head. “How do you do that?”

  “I know you very well,” he explained.

  She looked around the car park to check that they were alone and then took a small step closer to him. He lowered his head, eager to hear whatever gossip was about to be revealed.

  “I invited Scarlett down to the farm on Saturday,” Heather admitted.

  Ravi was a little surprised by the admission. At first, Heather’s interest in Scarlett had seemed purely professional, but Ravi hadn’t been entirely sure that was all it was.

  Scarlett was different to other employees at Silver Arches. Different because she was Scarlett and different because of who her father was.

  Ravi had thought he’d detected a hint of non-work-related interest in Scarlett from Heather but had pushed it to one side, thinking it was his overactive imagination and his desire to see his friend in a relationship again.

  But a trip to her parents’ farm was definitely not a professional setting. Only a small handful of employees had ever been invited to meet Mike and Sue and spend time at the dog rescue.

  It just wasn’t something Heather usually did; she preferred to get away from work rather than bring it along with her.

  “And how did that go?” Ravi fished.

  “Well. Very well,” Heather confessed, a touch of a smile on her lips. “She’s very different out of work.”

  Ravi smiled widely. “Oh, is she?” he asked playfully.

  That earned him a slap on the arm for being cheeky.

  “Tell me everything,” he requested.

  “Not a lot to tell,” Heather said. “We spoke, she stayed for dinner.”

  Ravi could tell by Heather’s body language, grin, and tone that it was a lot more than that. Maybe nothing had actually happened, but he suspected that something had substantially shifted in their relationship.

  He’d seen Heather act this way before, when she was interested in someone. And when she was in the early stages of falling in love. He felt happy for her. Not that he had any idea if they were a good match or not. He knew very little about Scarlett.

  “So, what are you going to do next?” Ravi asked.

  They’d just started walking again when Heather came to a second sudden halt. “Do?”

  Ravi chuckled. “I don’t know Scarlett well, but I am going to guess that she’s not the kind of person to make the first move. Especially if there was any subtlety from your end in the way you feel about her. I doubt she would have picked up on it. Which means that is down to you.”

  Heather paled a little. “I… I hadn’t actually planned to do anything. We had a nice time; I hadn’t really planned much ahead of that.”

  “Do you want to have another nice time?” Ravi asked, trying to keep the suggestiveness out of his tone.

  “Well, yes, maybe.”

  “That’s kinda called dating, Heather,” he told her.

  Heather licked her lips. “I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not? There are no rules against employees dating. Hell, I’ve seen you set people up and then attend their weddings,” Ravi reminded her. “You are allowed to date, you know.”

  “I know. I just… I don’t know if it’s appropriate,” Heather admitted.

  “Appropriate?” Ravi chuckled. “Why would it be considered inappropriate?”

  They were suddenly illuminated by headlights.

  “Because of that, for one,” Heather said, looking at the new arrival.

  Ravi turned around and looked at the expensive car pulling into the executive space. Leo Flynn had arrived, with no meetings booked in and no notice, as usual.

  “Don’t you want to call Leo ‘daddy’?” Ravi asked.

  Heather glared at him with such a strength that Ravi felt it in his soul.

  “I’m only kidding,” Ravi reassured her. “Look, Leo doesn’t care about Scarlett; they’re not close. I’m sure he won’t care if you date her as long as she stays out of trouble. That seems to be his primary concern when it comes to her.”

  “Keep your voice down,” Heather said through gritted teeth.

  Leo was still in his car, far away, with the engine still on. There was no way he could hear a word they were saying.

  Ravi grinned to himself. Heather had it bad. He was going to enjoy watching this play out.

  32

  Realisation

  Scarlett placed the book on the counter of the Gay Days pop-up shop and waited for Nico to come and serve her.

  Nico, who was hanging heart-shaped lights from the ceiling of her temporary store, looked at the book and then at Scarlett’s expression.

  “Okay, I’m going to guess that you didn’t enjoy this one either?”

  “No, I did not.”

  “What was it you didn’t like?” Nico asked.

  Scarlett took in a breath. She’d confessed why she hadn’t enjoyed the book to Heather a couple of days before and that had gone well; hopefully the same would happen with Nico.

  “I find it… depressing that I will not experience that kind of love,” she admitted. “Your lights are in breach of centre health and safety guidelines.”

  Nico looked at her lights and then at Scarlett. “What are the odds of me convincing you to pretend you haven’t seen these?”

  Scarlett slowly raised an eyebrow.

  “Fine,” Nico grumbled as she started to remove the string of lights. “What do you mean by depressing? What kind of love do you think you won’t experience?”

  “The perfect kind. The kind that appears in these books, that appears from nowhere and is amazing in all ways.”

  Nico nodded. “Ah, yeah. I can see that. These books are all grand declarations of love, star-crossed lovers, all of that. If that’s not your thing, fair enough.”

  Scarlett inclined her head, glad that Nico seemed to understand what she was saying.

  “But remember that these books depict a grand romantic love that very few people will get to experience. It’s escapism, attractive to the masses who daydream and believe that one day they could have the opportunity of being whisked off their feet by a beautiful billionaire who finds them irresistible.”

  “People find that extremely unlikely scenario… appealing?” Scarlett asked, confused.

  “Oh yes. The idea that some rich, gorgeous someone wants you and will wine and dine you on their private yacht before they take you downstairs and show you how to tie a reef knot. Lots of people want that.”

  “But the probability of that happening is incredibly slim.”

  “Escapism,” Nico repeated. “People don’t read these books because they logically feel they are likely. It’s a fantasy. A dream of a world better than the one they are in.”

  “Are there no realistic lesbian romance novels?”

  “There are, but they don’t sell as well. Nobody is really reading about two average people who bumble around until one of them asks the other to go to Pizza Express.”

  “Why Pizza Express?
” Scarlett asked, wondering if that was a key component she was unaware of when it came to dating.

  “It’s the most romantic place in the world,” Nico said with a wide grin on her face.

  “Oh.” Scarlett filed that information away for later.

  “Bonjour. Are you Nico?”

  Scarlett almost jumped at the presence of the woman who suddenly appeared beside her.

  “That’s me,” Nico confirmed.

  “I’m Aurelie. I’m here for your health and safety certificate. A copy is supposed to be in the file, but there isn’t one.”

  “I’ve got it right here.” Nico picked up a large folder and leafed through the paperwork. “I’m all about health and safety, me.”

  Scarlett watched as Nico kicked the string of heart-shaped lights under the table while looking for her certificate. She turned to look at the newcomer, trying not to stare. Aurelie was tall, impeccably dressed, beautiful, and presented herself with a confidence that Scarlett only dreamed of.

  Moreover, Scarlett had never seen Aurelie before. She obviously worked for Silver Arches, but this was the first time Scarlett had seen her. Aurelie’s gaze drifted to Scarlett and offered her a small wink and a smile.

  Scarlett felt her cheeks flush and quickly looked away, focusing again on Nico.

  Nico pulled out a sheet of paper from a plastic wallet and handed it to Aurelie.

  “Thank you, this is perfect. May I take this to grab a copy? I’ll bring it back in a few minutes,” Aurelie asked.

  “Sure, no problem.” Nico giggled unflatteringly.

  Aurelie grinned at them both and turned and left. Scarlett watched Nico lean over the counter to observe Aurelie’s departure.

  “Wow, she’s hot,” Nico commented. “I’m going to see if she’s single when she gets back.”

  Scarlett raised her eyebrow. “How do you know she is a lesbian?”

  “Gaydar.” Nico finally stood up straight again once Aurelie was out of sight.