“No,” she admitted. “He tried so hard not to let this happen. Tried to warn me not to get too close to him.”
“Tried not to let it happen how? By pulling out? That doesn't work, Addie.”
Addie choked on a sip of her rapidly cooling tea. “Auntie! No, not like that. He didn't want to take my virginity, wanted me to save it for the mythical man who was supposed to become my husband. It was only when my life was threatened that he… we lost control.”
“Tell me that doesn't all sound like love, Addie,” Beth said dryly.
Addie studied the grain of one of the floorboards. “He was in love with a girl named Lily. She died.”
“That doesn't mean he can never love again. Are you willing to let him cherish his memories of Lily?”
“I don't think it's different from me cherishing memories of Mama and Dad, right?”
“Right,” Beth agreed. “The passing of those we love changes us, makes us who we are. We shouldn't regret that. So are you going to contact Jesse?”
Addie closed her eyes and searched deep within herself. She considered the options, and their impact on herself and the tiny person growing inside her. Pressing her hand to her abdomen, she felt the slight swelling that had only recently begun to strain the seams of her bloomers. She imagined Jesse. Aunt Beth was right about one thing. He'd take responsibility. And she doubted he'd resent her either. She imagined the tiny swell grown, as it soon would, to a heavy roundness. Imagined lying beside Jesse in a comfortable bed, his arms around her waist, his hand on her belly, his hot breath on the back of her neck. And whether he ever admitted he loved her, at least he could touch her again, could hold her close. She wasn't taking him from anyone who might need or deserve him. It wouldn't harm him.
“Yes,” she said at last, and the decision filled her with peace.
“Do you want me with you?” Beth asked. “Or would you rather have some privacy? I've been meaning to take a little trip out of town and visit a friend of mine in Denver, and I haven't been on the train in ages, so if you don't mind being on your own a few days, I could do that. But I have no problem staying close to home either.” Beth's eyes shone when she spoke of the trip.
Something more is going on in your head, Aunt Beth, and I aim to get to the bottom of it. But for the moment, Addie had her own issues to deal with. Still, she couldn't help but smile. “Go on your trip. I'll be fine. One thing I'm sure about. Jesse would never harm me.”
“That's good to hear,” Beth said. “Why don't you get changed, and then write that letter. We need to go into town anyway.”
“All right,” Addie replied.
Chapter 11
The main street of Colorado Springs consisted of a row of adjoined buildings, painted in bright colors. At the end of the street the mountains raised white heads like grizzled potentates against the horizon. Clouds massed and roiled in the sky above, turning the vivid blue of July to an ominous slate gray. Rain felt imminent, and indeed, the crisp, sharp scent of impending showers hung in the still air. Addie clutched her umbrella tight in her hand and shivered.
“Addie, Addie!” A rumbling voice called. Addie rolled her eyes and ducked into the mercantile, pretending not to see the towering, bear-like man trailing her. I wish he would give up already.
Inside the general store, two men sat near a cold potbellied stove, playing checkers and trying not to get caught cheating. Three ladies in gray skirts and colorful coats stood gossiping near the cash register while their children gazed hopefully into the candy display, their faces pressed against the glass. Addie passed everyone with polite nods and handed the letter to the store owner, who also happened to be the postman. He took the envelope without a second glance, leaving Addie free to browse. A skein of soft white yarn snared her eye and she touched the skein with one fingertip. I could knit that into the sweetest blanket.
“Addie, there you are!”
Sighing, Addie turned, taking in the towering form of a man, well above six feet tall, thickset and bulky with a shock of wild, curly hair streaming down around his shoulders in back and obscuring his eyes in the front. An equally dense beard clung to his cheeks. “I don't recall giving you leave to use my Christian name, Mr. Mills,” she replied in her coldest voice.
“So coy,” he commented, as though she were playing a game with him. “I like that.”
How stupid can one man be? Addie didn't bother to respond. Instead she turned and slowly stalked away.
“Addie!” he grabbed her arm.
She whirled with a hiss. “Let me go. Take your hand off me.” She yanked against his grip but to no avail. His fingers clutched like iron and refused to release.
“Settle down, Miss Addie,” the man said in a gentle voice under which his steely determination peeked like a hidden rattlesnake. “Let's just take a seat on the bench outside and have a little talk.”
Her heart pounding, Addie tried once more to wrench her arm free from the man's grip, but to no avail. His fingers tightened until she could feel her skin bruising. Though she could probably escape by injuring him, she didn't want to make a scene. Not to mention, I don't want to incite him. He gives me such an unsettled feeling. I'm sure he's prone to violence. She didn't want violence to touch her, especially now that she knew she was pregnant.
She let the oversized beast lead her out into the cloudy heat, planting her roughly on the bench and joining her before she could flee. He captured her hand and laced his meaty fingers through it.
“I've been real nice to you, Miss Addie,” he said in a sad but also threatening voice, “and you've been a bitch to me. That will stop now. I want to court you and I expect you to let me do it, you hear?”
“But listen, Mr. Mills,” Addie insisted, and his hand tightened painfully on her fingers. One of her knuckles popped.
“Call me Byron… or rather Bear. My friends call me Bear.”
What friends, you oversized shoe brush? “I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in being courted at this time. And I don't think we're a good match. Please, don't take it the wrong way. I'm sure for the right girl, you'd be a great catch.” If the right girl lives in the woods and tears apart beehives with her fingernails.
“You're too sassy by half,” Bear snarled, looking and sounding like his namesake. “You should be glad I'm willing to take you on. You'll be a proper lady once I'm through training you.”
Addie shuddered. She wanted to know neither his idea of a proper lady nor his training methods.
“I'm not yours to train, Mr. Mills.” She wrenched her hand again. Lulled by her apparent passivity, his relaxed fingers were unable to clamp down on hers. “I don't know what you think makes someone a lady, but being rough and forceful sure doesn't make you a gentleman.”
He grabbed for her but she dodged. “Hear me now. I am not interested in being courted by you, now or ever. I don't want to be your girl. I don't want to be trained by you. In fact, you can leave me alone.”
The hefty man surged to his feet and lunged. Addie drove the toe of her boot into his shin. Bear yelped and in that moment of distraction Addie whipped her knife out of her boot, waving it under her adversary's nose. “No means no, Mr. Mills,” she said in a cold, stern voice. “Even when you don't agree. Do not assume everyone small is helpless.” Backing slowly away from the man, keeping her knife poised, she made her way to Aunt Beth's buggy, where Rosie the patient mule waited to bring them and their purchases back from town. Beth was already waiting, and Addie scrambled into the buggy, trying not to turn her back on Bear for a second. Though he was already distant, she kept an eye on the dark, shaggy figure. A space between her shoulder blades itched. This isn't finished.
“Ha,” Beth said, shaking the reins, and the mule trotted forward. “Now then, my dearest, what the hell just happened?”
Addie smiled, amused by her aunt's dirty mouth, but tension stilled strummed through her. “Bear Mills,” she replied in her usual succinct way.
At last, with the mercantile no longer visib
le, she consented to turn around and face the mountain in front of them, letting the sight of the peak soothe her nerves.
“Good Lord,” Beth sighed. “Is that oversized bully still lurking around? I thought they were going to ship him out.”
“Still around, and apparently he's sweet on me.” Addie rolled her eyes.
“Get out, really?”
“Yep.”
Beth shuddered. “I don't know about you, but personally I'd rather go to bed with a porcupine than that big dolt.”
Addie giggled. “You have that right.”
Then Beth grew serious. “He's not taking no for an answer?”
“Nope,” Addie concurred. “I had to be… quite forceful to get away from him.”
“That's not good. Maybe I should stay close. Two shotguns are better than one.”
Addie sighed and massaged her aching temples, and then her belly. Nausea was trying to rise again. “No, go. I need some time with Jesse to talk to him, see what he wants to do. Besides, I think your friend is a gentleman who would like to see you.” She risked a glance at Beth and saw a smile on her aunt's face, her weathered cheeks turning pink with pleasure.
“By the way,” Beth added, changing the subject, “I got a note that might interest you. Remember all those letters you sent me over the years? The ones about plants and their uses?”
”Sure,” Addie replied, recalling how often she'd written to her aunt about the edible and medicinal fauna of Colorado. “Why?”
“Well I thought they deserved to be known. I took a risk and sent one to a newspaper in Denver, under a man's name, of course. They're interested and would like to run a weekly column, and they'll pay you a little. Not enough to live on, sadly, but enough to help out, if you're interested. I hope you don't mind.”
Addie considered. Should something go wrong with Jesse and she and Beth have to raise the baby alone, a little extra income would be welcome. And while her help made the flower and quilt making business her aunt ran out of their cabin home more efficient and profitable, being able to contribute more would go a long way toward making her feel useful. She nodded. “That would be very nice. Thank you, Beth.”
“Of course, Addie.”
“I'm glad I came here,” the girl commented. “It's nicer than being alone. You've showed me so many things I would never have realized. And especially with the…” she laid her fingertips on her belly. “Most guardians wouldn't have been so accepting, so I'm doubly glad.”
Beth patted her knee. “I remember what it's like, Addie. I'm also glad I was here to help you. You would have made your way somehow, I have no doubt, but some things are best not done alone.”
Addie nodded.
“So when did you ask for Jesse to come and talk to you?”
Addie toyed with one of the buttons on her jacket. “It seems so strange that he's living right down the road and I can't just go to him.”
“I know, but that's a rooming house for men only. If you went there, it would look bad, and no one could guarantee your safety. Besides, Bear lives there too.”
“Definitely not then.” Addie shuddered. “I suppose the letter will take a few days to reach him. I asked him to come by Sunday morning. All the customers who want to order flowers will be in church. No idlers or busybodies hanging around.”
“Good thought.” Beth shook the reins to help the mule keep moving. Rosie was showing signs of wanting to snuffle a pine tree. “I can probably get a spot on tomorrow's train and be back in a week or so. You all right being alone that long?”
Addie chuckled. “Auntie, when the old pastor and his wife moved away, I'd be alone for months on end while Dad worked. I can manage a week.”
“How is it you never had any trouble? Didn't anyone think they might try something, since you were a young girl by yourself?”
Addie blushed a bit to recall how Ed had sometimes come to visit, back before their falling out. They had most definitely gotten into trouble. Not to the extent she and Jesse had, but there had been more than a little indiscreet touching. “Someone did try once. Got as far as the edge of the property before the racket in the barn got my attention.”
“Really?” Beth's eyes grew huge. “What did you do? How did you protect yourself?”
“The fool was wearing a red plaid shirt,” Addie replied, “and stood out like a cardinal in the snow. I shot him with buckshot from the porch of the house. At that distance, I knew it wouldn't do any permanent harm, but a backside full of shot convinced him to leave me alone. I mean, it's a small town. People knew I was a tomboy. Most of the younger ones had seen me gut a fish, and also had seen me take down a bully who pulled my hair at school. I don't think anyone conceived of me as an easy target.”
“Atta girl,” Beth said, an approving smile carving pleasant grooves around her mouth. “You're very much one of us, Adeline McCoy.”
“That's right,” Addie agreed. “McCoy women: little bundles of trouble and sass.”
“You sound like an advertisement,” Beth laughed.
“You think? Maybe we could both catch husbands with it.”
Chuckling, they continued joking back and forth all the way back to the cabin. Addie's enjoyment didn't entirely stop the churning in her belly, but taking her mind off it went a long way towards keeping it from growing to an uncontrollable level.
The ladies spent the evening baking cookies and chatting while Beth packed her bag to visit her friend. A secret smile curved her lips the whole time, and Addie knew it was a gentleman she was going to see. Scandalous. The thought made Addie grin.
“So, what's his name?” she asked Beth as she scooped the cinnamon sugar balls from the baking sheet.
“Who?” Beth asked, playing dumb.
“Your 'friend'.”
Beth blushed. “Bill,” she muttered.
“Do you love Bill?” Addie pressed. Beth knows all my secrets. I wish I knew a bit more about her.
The pinkness in Beth's cheeks darkened. “Maybe,” she replied.
“Oh, I think you do,” Addie teased. Finished with the cookies, she licked a bit of spiced sugar from the tip of one finger. “I think you're mad for him. What's he like?”
“Nice,” Beth replied.
Addie rolled her eyes. “Is that the best you can do?”
Beth sighed. “Fine, nosy girl. Yes, I think I am in love with Bill. We met when he came to town on business – he's a newspaper reporter and he was doing a series of articles on towns along the borders of various states and territories. He interviewed me, and when the interview was done, he took me to lunch. We had a pleasant conversation and then began corresponding. This was about four years ago.”
“Four years?!”
Beth nodded.
“How do you stand it?”
“I insisted. Addie, people sometimes assume I'm easy. That boy when I was sixteen wasn't my only lover. I was quite wild in my twenties. But as the years went by, I had decided to… stop all that. So with Bill, I took it slow. We corresponded for a year before we ever saw each other again. And then we met as friends. To be honest, we didn't become intimate until about six months ago, and that was at my insistence. Bill is a true gentleman.”
Addie smiled. “Sounds like a keeper.” Beth smiled, but not as widely as her niece had expected. “What's wrong?” Addie asked.
“He's definitely a keeper. But I don't know if I'm someone he should be keeping. He's a well-respected man in his town. He's moved up recently from reporter to editor. The owner of the paper is retiring soon, and Bill is in line to take over. He's been studying, training and preparing for years. I don't think it will do him any good to be seen with a foul-mouthed tart five years his senior.”
“Bullshit,” Addie retorted, borrowing one of Beth's favorite swearwords. “You're not a tart. I won't argue foul-mouthed, but you might be able to control that a bit out in public. And I'm sure you've slipped in front of him once or twice, right?”
Beth rolled her eyes. “Once or twice an hour.”<
br />
Addie chuckled. “I'm sure that's true. So he knows what he's getting into. Let him make the decision.”
“Are you suggesting I marry him?” Beth demanded. “Not that he's asked, but where would we live? My flower farm is here. I can't very well move it to Denver just to be close to him. And the newspaper here isn't looking for a new owner. We're stuck in our respective places.”
“I don't know all the answers,” Addie said, “but I know that not being with the person you love hurts.”
“That it does,” Beth agreed. “That it does.”
Jesse sprawled on the hard, wooden-seated armchair in his room. He regarded the view through the window of mountains beyond. He would have to leave soon, get out there and hunt down another bail jumper, or he was going to run out of money. It wasn't free, this tiny room he was living in. Not to mention Mercury's spot in the barn, the horse's food, his own meager meals, all had a cost. And his savings were critically low. The breeze stirred the bare branches of a small oak outside the window. They scraped against the glass, setting Jesse's teeth on edge. I have to leave. Tomorrow. I can't stay here anymore. I don't know why I'm still here. But he did know. He knew without a doubt what anchored him to this spot and refused to release him. Big brown eyes. Soft, burnished hair. Petite, curvy figure. Smart mouth. Smart woman. Jesse shook his head, trying to clear out the images. Instead he focused on a perfect blond. Lily looked like an angel even when she was alive. But were her eyes sky blue, wolf blue, or slightly greenish like the water in a mountain lake? Were her lips a perfect Cupid's bow, or a bit fuller? Day by day, Lily was slipping away from him. Heaven was claiming her memories, the last part of her he had. And then Addie had distracted him with her quiet observation, her intelligent conversation, and her blistering sexuality. She interfered with his perfect grief, made a little corner of the scar that had once been his heart want to beat again. Warm and vital and strong. Nothing can wear this woman down. So he admired her. So what? He'd meant what he said about female friends. That they'd once crossed the line and become lovers shouldn't destroy that.
High Plains Heartbreak (Love On The High Plains Book 3) Page 10