But it will. Because like it or not, Addie loves you, you pig.
To distract himself, he opened the first of the letters he'd received that day. A slow smile spread across his face as he saw Kristina's distinctive handwriting. The letter was dated seven months past, before Christmas. Sometimes he could be a bit hard to track down.
Dear Jesse,
I hope you are well and that you are enjoying many adventures. Life in Garden is progressing like it always has… well almost. We have a new pastor for the church. Dad's been preaching since the poor old Pastor passed away. This new fellow is far too young and more than a little too bossy for my taste. Tries to lead the choir, poor man, though he has little musical talent and even less training. It will be a Christmas miracle if we get the pageant ready in time. I think he might like Ilse Jackson. What a shame that would be. Can you imagine Ilse as a pastor's wife? I shudder to think it!
In other news, there are train robbers in Dodge City. I hope they don't come this way. They've shot people. It's really scary. Maybe it's good I have nowhere to go.
Sorry to cut this short, Jesse, but the organ is calling me. You know how it is. Nothing like Christmas Carols to make one feel like playing. Or maybe you don't. Regardless, be careful out there, and come visit now and again. Say hello to Mercury for me.
Kristina
Jesse chuckled throughout the letter. Something about the way Kristina wrote about the pastor made him wonder whether she was sweet on him. Maybe Kris had finally had her eye snared. He hoped so, but only if the young pastor was worth the trouble. And those damned train robbers keep popping up in conversation…I wonder, could it be the same nest of fools I helped root out near Cañon City? We got most of them, but at least a dozen got away. Jesse scowled.
Setting aside his friend's missive, he tore open the second envelope. This was from Wesley Fulton, another close friend. It was dated two weeks prior. The letter had a noticeably terse tone.
Jesse,
In the last few months we've had a lot of trouble here with train robbers. They attacked the Wichita run. Kristina was on the train and barely escaped alive, but they killed a whole bunch of people, including Deputy Wade. You know how many kids that poor man has? Anyway, Sheriff Brody is a good guy, but he can't run this town with only one deputy, and the violence is escalating. Rebecca Spencer's shop was firebombed, and there was an attempted jailbreak. Sheriff Brody asked me to write and see if you would come home. He's been running ads all year, but so far, no one seems interested. I know you didn't plan it, but it's been five years, and we really need you. Would you please consider returning? Maybe being a local lawman isn't as exciting as chasing bandits all over the mountains, but it would be a steady job with decent pay. Please consider.
Wes
Jesse pondered how stressed his friend must have been to write such a terse and jumbled letter. Train robbers attacking the Wichita run? He hoped Allison Spenser's father hadn't been hurt. His thoughts turned to the fourth of their childhood band of troublemakers. Like Lily, Allie was a blond, but she was no ethereal creature; tall and curvy to the point of plumpness, Allie had always been solid and strong. I wonder if she and Wes got married yet. Probably. They were so in love. Bet they have a whole litter of little Fultons, in spite of Wes's horrible mother. And still, in her last letter, Kristina hadn't mentioned them. How odd. Well, she hates gossip, but this isn't gossip, it's news. Shrugging over his incomprehensible friend, Jesse abandoned the line of questioning and returned to Wes's job offer.
How should he answer the letter? Should he go home, back to the flat prairie and the endless wind? No matter how he wandered, no matter how he hated it, Garden was home. It still called to him. Not to mention a steady paycheck and a comfortable bed to sleep in would be welcome. You're getting soft, old man.
Deciding to put the idea of returning home on the back burner for a while, he ripped open the third envelope.
Jesse,
I hope you'll forgive me disturbing you. We must talk, as soon as possible. Please come to my aunt's house this Sunday at nine. It's urgent.
Addie
This missive puzzled Jesse more than the other two put together. He wondered if she was not getting along with her aunt or something. Though if there was any trouble between them, wouldn't Beth have mentioned it? Try though he might, Jesse couldn't imagine what was going on. Guess I'll find out Sunday.
Chapter 12
Addie sat in the rocking chair beside the fire, her knitting needles flying. While Beth could construct the most intricate quilts, all the cutting and stitching drove Addie to distraction. When she wanted to busy her fingers with a task, leaving her mind free, yarn called to her. She'd bought the white skein and a mint green one and was candy striping a blanket. The tiny size of the piece – just long enough to wrap an infant in – had warmed her even as it frightened her. No regrets. Everything is going to be fine. I have to believe that. Thank you, God, for Aunt Beth.
Sitting, her expanding abdomen bulged much more obviously than standing, the slight weight and pressure noticeable. She touched the tiny curve. Soon Jesse will be here. I want to see him. I hope he agrees that us being together again will be okay.
She switched from knit to purl stitch to complete the row, creating a recessed bar to contrast with the raised one and let her imagination float away. She saw herself lying on a bed, her baby cuddled in her arms. Behind her, Jesse leaned up on one elbow to look over her body, admiring their child. The image was so vivid she could almost feel it.
A knocking at the door shattered her concentration. She jumped, dropping the partially completed blanket onto the floor. Rising, she called, “Who is it?”
“Addie?” Jesse's warm, familiar voice cut through her, bringing tears to her eyes.
She drew in a deep breath and answered, “Come in.”
The door opened and Jesse stepped into the room, the sunlight sparkling through the window turned his pale hair to rich gold and the stubble on his chin gleamed. Unable to stop herself, she took one step towards him and then another until she all but ran across the room, throwing herself into his arms. Shuddering, gulping on sobs, Addie tried desperately to hold back her tears.
“What's wrong, honey?” Jesse asked. “Did something happen?” He tucked his knuckle under her chin and lifted her head, staring down into her eyes.
“You might say that,” she replied, hysterical giggles burbling up in her. “Come sit down.” She led him to the sofa. “Would you like some coffee?”
“No thanks, Addie,” Jesse said, sinking onto the warm brown upholstery. She settled beside him, even more uncomfortably aware of the firm, outward pressure on her belly. Be calm, Addie. You know people can't see it yet.
She grasped Jesse's hand and laced his fingers through hers.
He leveled a strange look on her. “Addie, what are you doing?”
“I… we have a problem, Jesse,” she said. Then she took a deep breath.
He lowered his eyebrows, his forehead crinkling, the corners of his mouth pinching. “Did someone start a rumor?”
If only… “Not yet, but it's only a matter of time.”
Now Jesse really looked confused. “I think you'd better just spell it out for me, Addie. What are you talking about?”
That's right, Addie. Get to it. “Jesse, I… we… we're… we're expecting a baby.” At last she managed to blurt out the words.
Jesse closed his eyes. “Are you sure?”
“If you open your eyes and look at me, you should be able to see.”
He did and the color drained from his face as he took in the changes. Not so much the tiny thickening of her waist, but the swollen breasts that strained the buttons of her shirtwaist. He reached out one tentative hand and gently touched the seam. His eyes seemed to glaze over as though his thoughts were far away.
“Expecting a baby… expecting a baby… expecting a baby…” Addie's words echoed inside his mind as though his head were empty as a tomb. Dear Lord, why did I not guess
? It all made such perfect, terrible sense. The letter. The timing. Well, man, now what? What are you going to do? But he knew the answer before his mind even raised the question. I cannot allow Addie to be hurt any further by my actions, and now there's a little one to consider as well. He pictured a little girl with big brown eyes, hiding in the fold of Addie's skirts and his heart clenched. Then he imagined a small boy with golden hair sitting in front of him on Mercury's back and his heart melted. A little one. Oh Lord in heaven, I'm a father. And yet, with the blind panic that left him blinking dumbly at the fire, a sense of sparkling warmth spread through him. I'm a father!
Jesse met Addie's eyes, and she could see his worry and strain. “How long have you known?”
“Uh…” her voice broke and she cleared her throat. “I've suspected for a few months… maybe three? But I was sure a month ago.”
“A month?” he exclaimed, staring at her. “Addie, you've known you were in a family way for a month and you didn't try to contact me?”
“I didn't know where you were.” Addie cast her eyes downward. “Beth only told me earlier in the week, when I had to admit… everything to her. And I kept hoping if I pretended long enough, it would go away. I guess I wasn't thinking straight.”
“I guess not,” he said, and the anger in his voice forced her gaze back to his face. “If you'd told me sooner, we might have been able to take care of business before the timing became impossible. Now, no matter what, people will know.”
“Well, if I'd known you were nearby…”
“Okay, okay.” Jesse sighed. “I wasn't thinking right either. Otherwise I would have prevented this from happening in the first place. We should have… right away… but….” His face flushed and he took a deep breath. “I guess it's too late to worry about that. Now we have to make it right going forward.” He laced his fingers through hers and stroked her skin.
“You mean you want us to…” Hope blossomed. Though she'd felt certain he would take responsible action where she was concerned, her heart had doubted. She hadn't quite dared believe it in her soul.
“Of course, Addie. I put you in this position and it's my duty to make sure you don't suffer for it. No more than necessary.”
“Duty and suffering? Is that all you see in this situation?” she asked, hearing the wildness in her own voice.
Jesse sighed. “Not exactly.” Suddenly his expression turned vulnerable and he admitted, “Part of me is relieved. I missed you, sweet girl. I like the thought of being with you. I just worry about you, you know? You could have done better.”
“I have what I wanted, Jesse,” she reassured him. “I have a man I care about, one who cares for me. We'll be all right together. Take care of each other.”
He lifted her hand and touched his lips to the sensitive skin on the back. “I think you might be right.”
A tear slipped down Addie's cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb. “What's wrong, Addie?”
“I was so scared,” she admitted in a whisper.
“My girl? Scared?” He affected a startled expression.
She punched him in the shoulder. “No jokes, Jesse, please.”
“All right,” he agreed. “No jokes. I get it.”
As though sensing she needed more reassurance, he her wrapped in a tight, loving embrace. If this isn't love, I can't tell the difference. Maybe calling it friendship is his way of protecting himself. Addie leaned her forehead against Jesse's shoulder and allowed the tension to drain from her. Then she lifted her head to meet his eyes.
“Addie, I'm…”
She cut him off with a finger over his lips. “Don't say you're sorry, Jesse. Don't apologize. Please just let this be okay.”
He shook his head. “But I am sorry, Addie. Sorry I put you in a scary situation. Sorry I tried to walk away. Sorry you spent all these months worrying. I hurt you, Addie. That's the one thing I never wanted to do. And yet it's all I can seem to manage.”
The harsh regret in his eyes brought tears to Addie's. Pregnancy is turning me into a watering pot. And poor Jesse, who had defined his life so rigidly that he couldn't accept change even when it was obvious. Who loved her enough to try to spare her from living his misery, and yet couldn't bring himself to admit it. She laid a hand on his cheek and guided his face forward, claiming his lips. “I love you, Jesse, whether you want me to or not. Whether you can accept it or not. You are the heart of my heart and the only man I want. Whatever you are, whatever you are able to give is enough for me. And that's my decision, my choice. You can't chose it for me, can't deny me it.” She kissed him again, cutting off the reply she could see forming in his mind. I don't want your excuses or your reasons. I don't want your denial. Just let me love you, Jesse West. Just let me be close to you. Let your actions speak, since your words are stuck. She opened her lips, inviting him to kiss her deeper. His tongue surged into her mouth, just as she'd hoped. Her lips curved against his. She slipped her arms around his neck and held him flush against her upper body.
“Addie,” he murmured, but it was more an endearment than a comment. She could see he had acquiesced to her urging. He pulled her to stand, still crushing his lips to hers, one arm around her waist, the other petted down her front to feel the slight convexity of her belly. “So little.”
“I have a ways to go,” she mumbled.
“Not long enough, honey. I should have married you the next day.”
“Hush, Jesse. It's in the past. Marry me tomorrow.”
“Soon, Addie. I need to make a few arrangements. But I understand how much we need to hurry this.”
“And right now?” Addie urged.
“Right now, I'm going to take you to your bed, little Addie, and remind you how good we are together.”
She smiled. “I've never forgotten.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Do you not want to? Are you feeling sick or something?”
“I think the sickness is waning,” she replied. “And I do want to, very much. I've missed touching you, Jesse.”
She laced her fingers through his and led him around the sofa and through the room to her bedroom, where she pulled down the covers to reveal the cream-colored sheets beneath her aunt's quilt.
“How cozy,” he said as he set to work on the buttons of her blouse. “Looks like a perfect nest for me to lay my sweet lady down in.” The garment fell away, leaving only Addie's worn and stretched out chemise covering her breasts. The dark points of her nipples pressed hard against the fabric, clearly visible. Without shame, she thrust her breasts forward, begging Jesse to touch her there.
He lowered the lacy straps on her shoulders, baring her top completely.
“Undress me, Addie,” he urged. She eagerly set to work on his buttons while he reached forward and claimed one aching nipple between his fingertips, before bending down for an arousing suck. Pregnancy had made her breasts sore, and Jesse's touch both hurt and pleased her, but she didn't hold back. Not even when he nipped her before moving to the other side. By that time she had Jesse's shirt on the floor and was working on the buckle of his belt. He released the tapes of her skirt and let it fall. Undergarments quickly followed; both lovers were desperate to be naked. At last, Jesse stepped back and looked Addie all up and down. “I can see it now.” He traced his fingers along her belly. “Oh, Addie…”
Stepping close again, she tugged Jesse down onto the bed beside her. He obliged, lifting her breast in one hand so he could suck her again.
“Jesse,” she sighed stroking his back. “I'm so glad you're here to stay.”
“You'll never be alone again if I can help it, Addie.” He mumbled against her belly. Her toes curled in anticipation, knowing where he was headed. She parted her thighs widely so he could access her. Her cheeks heated and a fluttering sensation in her stomach told her anticipation. Jesse kissed her mound and then set to licking her clitoris. One finger and then two invaded her body, making that enticing tickling sensation deep inside her. The dual stimulation had Addie whimpering on the edge
of orgasm in no time.
“That's it, Addie, come on,” Jesse urged, and the rumbling of his voice against her most sensitive places tipped her over the edge into ecstasy. Her toes curled, gripping the sheets.
At last Jesse moved to cover her body. Addie tensed, remembering the discomfort of their first coupling. This time was different, however. Jesse slid his erection along the seam of her body, eliciting shivers and shudders from Addie. Her climax, wavering on the edge of dying away, flared to shivering life. Wetness surged, preparing her for Jesse's entry, and he took the invitation, pressing slowly into her shuddering depths. This time the stretching felt wonderful. Filled to her limit, the bulbous head of Jesse's sex bumped and scraped on that magic internal place. Addie whimpered. She squirmed. Then she let out a shriek as pleasure peaked again.
Jesse couldn't help grinning at Addie. Her uninhibited response pleased him tremendously. As did the lusciousness of her wet, clenching sex. Groaning, he drove deep, pulled back, and drove deep again. Though he kept his movements controlled to ease Addie's transition into sexuality, he didn't stop himself from surging fully into her.
“Jesse,” she moaned, her voice soft and breathless.
“Enjoy it, Addie,” he urged, knowing she was. “Enjoy me bedding you.”
“Oh, Jesse, Jesse…” her whimpering sounded less than coherent, and he realized that in the extremity of her pleasure, she was no longer fully present.
She's fine for the moment, he thought, cupping her bottom with his hands and lifting her so he could plunder her at just the right angle. He dared thrust with a bit more force now that she was completely submerged. Her orgasm was waning, leaving her sex relaxed, wet and submissive to his possession, and he claimed it, claimed every inch, not with force, but with tender insistence. “You're mine, Addie. For all time, you belong to me.”
High Plains Heartbreak (Love On The High Plains Book 3) Page 11