by Simone Elise
I take the cigarette from my lips. “What aren’t you all telling me?”
“Bruce.” And the Chief looked to me. “Is expecting me to hand over my daughter, as payment for him to kill a case on us. The case is currently all done, all he has to do is hand it in. He is looking at Ellie marrying him, as a treaty. Between the bikers and the police.”
“Why Gabriella?” I had to ask the question.
“He has money, status but not yet a wife.” He ran his hand down his beard.
“He’s not fat and ugly, can’t he go and marry someone else?” I stated the facts, something wasn’t adding up.
Chief looked at me, “He’s into BDSM he wants a slave not a wife.”
I stared at Chief for a few seconds longer. “The fucker is dead.” I then felt the blistering rage through my body. “Consider it handled.”
“Thought you couldn’t kill him?” Maddox mocked me.
“That was before.”
“Before what?” Maddox pressed me, arching his eyebrows.
“Before I gave a fuck if I came out of this clean.” Knew then that I’d be giving up my life one way or another for this to work. Whether I go to prison, or end up shot. Maddox is still staring at me. “Fucking why do you care Maddox? When I’m through you’ll be able to marry her. What happens to me after it doesn’t matter.”
And I dropped the cigarette stepping on it, and then turning and leaving. Maddox would still get to marry her and I’d fucking handle this. If I died so be it. Wasn’t really living now. Then I thought to myself, maybe me handling this, would in some way give her the life she deserved and the life I could never give her.
3
Gabriella
I had a cigarette between my teeth painting my toenails when the door opened to mine and Maddox’s dorm room. We were getting a house, but I wanted to go halves or at least contribute so I was still saving and no matter how many times Maddox tried to talk me out of it, I wouldn’t let him.
“Babe?” Maddox said, and I looked up. I knew it was him in the room, no one else would dare to just walk into Maddox’s dorm room, without at least knocking.
“Yeah hon?” I said, still painting my toenails.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Listening.”
“Nah babe I need your full attention.”
I frowned looking up and watching Maddox take the nail polish bottle out from between my feet and putting the lid on.
“Okay?” I said, frowning. What on earth was so important.
“I was wrong last night.” He looked me in the eyes, and I was still frowning, staring at him.
“Hudson is in town.”
At first nothing happened. Then my stomach dropped and tightened. I needed to throw up. Suddenly those bags of crispy chips wasn’t a good idea, I get up pushing Maddox out of the way, and going straight for our bathroom. I’m emptying my stomach within seconds. Maddox pulls my hair back and out of the way, and then when I can’t throw up anymore I flush and go for the basin, grabbing the mouthwash first.
“Darling, I need you to be calm about this.” Maddox says but I can’t look at him. He said, he’d never let Hudson near us. He said, he’d never let him at the charter. I spat the mouthwash out and grabbed my toothbrush. I’m still shaking, now, with rage at Maddox. Because one he made me doubt my own eyes last night and two, he promised me!
I finally rinse my mouth and turn to face him. “You said—”
“I know.” He cuts me off. And then runs a hand over his black hair. “And your reaction to just hearing he is here, makes me think this isn’t a good idea.” He then shakes his head. “Fuck I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“What isn’t a good idea?”
“Nothing.”
“Maddox Matthew Steel do not lie to me right now.” I stomp my foot as well. Making me look five not twenty five.
His eyes went to mine. “I wanted to ask you if you’d consider having a conversation with him.”
My mouth just dropped. “Are you kidding me? You are joking right?” And when he doesn’t say anything, I just stormed out of the bathroom, shouldering him on the way out.
“Ellie listen to me.”
I scoffed, listening to him wasn’t an option right now. He knew. He knew fucking everything about Hudson and I. He knew my secret. He knew everything and now he stands there and asks me to go have a conversation with the man that made me die and get a new heart!
“He’s about to do something Ellie, and he won’t be coming back from it. The least I could think of to give him something in return was a conversation with you.” Maddox added and my eyes go to him.
“He’s handling the Bruce thing?” I said.
Maddox nodded his head. “He’s not going to come out of it a free man Ellie, hell maybe not even breathing.” I stared at Maddox. “He knows the full story, he’s more determined to do it now. Doesn’t give a fuck. He’ll die doing this.”
I continued to stare at Maddox. My hand on the door knob. “Well I couldn’t think of a more pleasant thing happening to that man. I hope he gets shot, bleeds slowly and then goes to a level of hell that is for sick twisted bastards just like him.” I then open the door and storm out. Like seriously. What the fuck was Maddox thinking!
I just can’t. I can’t even. I gritted my teeth and I knew I needed space.
I needed space, so I went to the bar, and not the club bar. But a bar downtown, on the other side. It was funny I picked a place to escape Hudson, only to come to a bar where we had our first date. I wrapped my hand around my pint and sipped it.
I regretted what I said now. I didn’t wish that on Hudson, well not all of it but Maddox knew that. He knew I was just furious. One of the reasons he let me leave to calm down.
I took another sip of my beer, my thoughts conflicted.
“Hey miss,” I glanced up seeing a man with darts in his hand. “Can’t tempt you for a game, can I?”
“No.” Didn’t even give it a second thought.
“Come on sweetie pie I’m known for giving a woman a good time.”
I looked at him dryly, looked him up and down. “Still not interested.”
“I’m good at all games.” He winked at me.
I gritted my teeth. “Please leave me alone.”
“Perhaps a drink together will change your mind?” He then put his hand up for the bartender.
Fuck. Now he was going to drink with me.
“She said fuck off.” And my back stiffened hearing that voice behind me. The man looked behind me, stiffening himself and slowly backing away, and then basically fast walking in the other direction.
I knew he was there. But I couldn’t turn around.
Of course he’d be drinking here too. Because he wasn’t meant to be at the club.
“Don’t worry Gabriella, I’m leaving.” He said to my back, and I’m still frozen on the bar stool, I then feel him walk past me, and I catch sight of his back, he’s bigger than ever muscle wise—and that cut on his back. I made a decision in the heat of the moment. I got up, walking out, catching the door as it went to close, and I spotted him walking to his bike.
“Hudson!” I shouted and he froze, slowly turning around, looking at me.
I inhaled sharply. Fuck the man could make a woman wet by just locking eyes with him. I was no exception. My eyes ran over the club ink on his neck, under his neck, a tattoo of the numbers above his right eyebrow. The Brothers of Diabolo MC, ink was stood out among his other ink.
His eyes run over me, I see them pause on my neck, seeing the mark that Maddox had put there last night.
Saw the tint of rage in his eyes, as I take two more steps towards him. God what was I thinking.
“What Gabriella?” he finally speaks, and I remember that it’s me who started this. I went after him. I called out his name.
God what was I meant to say? I swallowed sharply. “Were you finished drinking?” I asked slowly.
“Why is that important?” He was bei
ng an ass.
“Because I was going to ask,” and I paused, and then knew I could do this. I could sit down with the man that destroyed my life. “if you wanted to have a drink.” I added.
He looked at me like that was impossible. Was he going to say anything?
“With you?” he says, sounding as shocked as he looked.
“Think we have some catching up to do.” I say, and I know in that second. I wasn’t going to tell him shit about my drugs, my new heart, or any of that. But I could have a conversation with him about the club. Which was the only thing Hudson ever cared about.
He walked towards me, and then I go back to the pub door pushing it open and holding it open for him. He goes to the bar, ordering two drinks and I go to a booth. I kept telling myself I can do this. But the reality is, I’m freaking out. I didn’t know if I could be near him, let alone, have a conversation with him.
He puts the beer in front of me, and thank god, he goes to the other side of the booth. Don’t think I’d be able to be close to him, as well.
I kept my eyes on the beer, and swallowed sharply.
I glanced up seeing him lighting up a cigarette, he cupped the cigarette, and I could remember him smoking after sex. In fact it happened after sex. My stomach tightened remembering the days that was hardest for Hudson and I.
The nights he would fuck me, the mornings when he would make love to me. The moments we had together were priceless. I loved him. On a level that was infinite. I’d die for him, and live for him and without him? I died. My heart legitly stopped beating. My heart broke and bled for him, and now I was sitting across from him— and my new heart was reacting in a way my old heart would of.
Hudson took the cigarette from his lips and gives me this look that almost makes me want to slide onto his cock and melt at the same time. God. Get your head out of the gutter Gabriella!
“How you been darling?” he says softly, but with this rough swirl to it. The type of roughness you want in a man.
I swallowed sharply how have I been? I had to get a new heart, because you broke the last one.
“Fine.” I finally forced out, and even had a forced smile on my face. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Having a conversation with Hudson, after everything.
He’s eyes dropped to my hand, and then he looked back up. “Congratulations.” He said that one word but he didn’t say it with an honest happiness, he said it in a way that it was more of a question than a statement.
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say. And I glanced at my ring, my eyes lighting up, seeing that princess cut diamond ring. I glanced up and my genuine smile, didn’t go unnoticed by Hudson. The look of disbelief and rage so clear on his face. Knew in that second, he hated the fact that Maddox made me happy, and me looking at the ring, made me smile.
So my smile dropped, and I looked at him, seeing simmering rage. “How have you been?” I changed the direction of the conversation, and wrapped my hand around the beer, taking a sip.
“Honest answer or what you expect to hear?”
I smiled at that, because that was Hudson, he was direct, and blunt. I smiled. “Honest answer Hudson.” I wasn’t going to get him to lie to me. Even though I had lied to him.
“Well you give me an honest an answer and I’ll consider it. So I’ll ask again, how you been?” The cigarette is burning between his fingers, and his eyes are on me. This time he wasn’t going to let me lie.
“You broke me.” I said the three little words that were the truth. I didn’t add detail or complex the situation. I just stated the one fact. When I was detoxing I went through all the things I’d say to him, if we were ever going to have a conversation together again. I always thought the day I saw him again, I’d be able to tell him, you left and I was fine. But that wasn’t the case.
But hey. When you are detoxing, you tell yourself lies the whole time.
He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me.
“Is that what you wanted to hear Hudson?” I said, taking my handbag strap from around me and pulling out my own cigarettes. I was struggling to keep it together now.
“I wanted to hear that you were fine. That you moved on with no problems. That your life got better. That’s what I wanted to hear.” Hudson says, still looking at me.
“Then you should have accepted my first answer of fine. If that’s what you wanted to hear.” I lit up a cigarette.
“You smoke?”
“Took it up when I was detoxing.” The words just come out, and I fucking regret them immediately and I hope to fucking god that Hudson didn’t hear them clearly but he had. He’s staring at me, with an expression I didn’t want to see—the expression that says clearly he wants fucking answers.
I shake my head. “So you tell me, how have you been?” I expected an honest reply because I had overshared on my answer.
“Not forgetting what you said darling. What did you detox from?”
I stared at him, and if he wanted the truth, I was going to give it. “You.” And that was all I was going to share on my drug habit and darker days. “So how have you been?”
“Dying. Surviving. Typical shit.” He muttered, and his eyes went to his burning cigarette. “You tore my heart apart Gabriella.”
“And you killed me.” I said directly at him. And he looked up from the cigarette.
“Never made sense…” he mumbled.
“What didn’t?”
“What came from us.” He butted the cigarette out. “We were just a disaster, why you loved me, why you stood by me, none of it made sense.”
“I loved you Hudson.” I say with a cigarette between my fingers, not lit. “I loved you so much I died. I would have never left you.” And I wanted him to know that. “But you made sure I couldn’t follow you.” And tears swelled in my eyes. I can’t do this anymore. “I need to go.” I said, going to get up, and his hand goes over mine on the table.
“Don’t…” And he paused.
Tears dropped from my eyes. “No one could hurt me on the level you did. You were my personal poison Hudson,” I smiled dimly “and in the end you killed me.”
And with that said, I pulled my hand from under his and this time it’s me walking away from him, not him leaving me crying in a house we had just bought together.
I managed to make it outside, and the tears wouldn’t stop as I power walked for my car, and then I managed to get the keys out, when a hand wrapped around my arm, spinning me around. I don’t know what I was expecting, but his lips slam onto mine, it’s hard not sweet but the small taste of him, sends me to the edge, and I kiss him back, with my own rage meeting his.
I dropped the car keys, and my hands goes to his hair, getting mixed up in his short black hair. And then his hands land on my hips, and he physically pulls me towards him, so much so, I’m pressed against his chest and he can feel my breasts firmly into his, and that sparks him to deepen the kiss.
I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and it was like going back in time. I could remember the first day he walked through the club doors, the day he became a prospect. I remembered the first smirk I got from him. I remembered everything. It’s when the moan escaped my lips and I realized what I’m doing and I go to pull away, but he pulled me back—as if I was his final meal, before death.
He then is the one to pull back. His eyes locked on mine. “I need to let you go.” He said and I see the tears in his eyes, and then he lets go of me, turning and walking away from me—basically leaving me all over again.
I begin to shake, having PTSD as I see his back, same cut on, as he walked away from me, as he said something that basically meant we would never see each other again. I can’t bend over to get my keys. I can’t do anything. I’m shaking with fear, from memories that ruined my life, and then as people walk by staring I listen to his bike start and take off—he left. He left me again. I picked up the keys and make it to my car, where I physically break down. Shaking in tears. I send one message.
I need you.
Gabriella
My grasp is on the steering wheel and I’m shaking from tears. I’ve reached the point I can barely breath and I can barely fucking cry now—I’m just hyperventilating.
When the car door opened.
“Gabriella, what the fuck is going on?” Maddox demanded, and then he sees me, and he lowered to his knees beside the car. “Fuck sweetie what’s happened?”
I turned to face him, and I can’t form words, I just go to move towards him but my body is exhausted at this stage, and I basically collapse in his arms, and he catches me.
“Darling, it’s okay.” He said, as he pulled me from the car. “You’ll be okay. I’m right here.” And he has me on my feet, moving me around the car, and putting me in the passenger seat.
“What about your bike?” I stuttered out.
“Fuck the bike. I’m more concerned about you.” He said as he has me in the passenger seat. “Let’s get you home.”
I nodded my head and he closed the door walking around it and getting in. He leaves the bike parked next to us and it’s a big deal for a biker to leave his bike on this side of town, it’s another highlight how much Maddox loves me, and I fucking kissed Hudson back.
“I..” I can’t form the words, but know I have to. “I kissed Hudson.” I say it, and I forced myself in some ways it was self harm to look at his expression. But it’s blank.
He’s gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white.
“Who kissed who?” he said.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah it does.”
“I kissed him.” I said, and I knew it was the other way around but if Maddox was going to leave me on this, I wanted to own the situation.
“So he kissed you.” He corrected me as if he was there, and turned the indicator on. “Fuck Gabriella.” He then shakes his head, “You trying to make me want this man dead earlier then set?”
I inhaled sharply. “I fucked up.”