Love & Ruin (The Love & Ruin Series Book 1)

by J. A. Owenby

  I laughed. “I wondered if you’d catch that.”

  “Caught. Now, I’m glad we have this settled. My ass is tired.”

  “Mine too.”

  Feeling somewhat pacified, I slipped under my covers and fell into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter 12

  The rain came down in a windy torrent as I sprinted from my dorm to my first class. My hat clung to my head, soaked with water. I slipped into the somewhat crowded bathroom and attempted to dry off before I went to class. Thunder rumbled through the sky while I grabbed some paper towels and blotted the drops from my skin.

  Slipping off my glasses, I wiped them off and put them back on before anyone else noticed. I cursed as lightning flashed through the sky and the rain pelted against the bathroom windows.

  I wondered if it would stop by the time I was finished with classes and on my way to the library. Even though things had shifted with Hendrix and we’d grown closer, we still met there every day. Maybe he didn’t want to assume I’d want to go to the studio. Strangely enough, I felt safer there with him. Maybe it was because people stared at us in the library. I’d caught the librarian watching us multiple times, especially since Hendrix no longer sat across the table from me, but next to me, holding my hand on top of the table for everyone to see. He didn’t seem to care or even acknowledge the looks, and I liked him even more for it. What he saw in me was a mystery. My heart knew better, but my mind still had me fearful he'd turn into another Brandon.

  Humming to myself, I opened the library door and smiled when I saw Hendrix. My heart fluttered but for a different reason now. I almost laughed out loud at how mad he made me when he first sat at my table. Now I was glad he didn’t leave.

  Mac’s promise rang through my mind as I pulled out a chair and sat next to him, leaving my backpack on my shoulder in case we were headed to the studio.

  “Hi,” he said smiling, his eyes lighting up. He leaned over and kissed me on my cheek.

  A giggle erupted from a few tables away, and I shot the girls a dirty look as they pointed at me and snickered.

  “Ignore them,” he whispered. “We have music to write and don’t have time for petty bullshit.”

  A smile crept across my face. “Okay, but it’s pouring outside. We’ll be drenched if we try to make it to the studio.”

  “I parked right outside.”

  “What?” I asked, taken aback. “You have a car?”

  “I do,” he responded as he took my hand in his.

  “Why haven’t you ever mentioned it before?” I eyed him questioningly as I waited for his answer.

  “I like to walk on campus until it turns too cold or it’s raining.”

  “Oh.” My forehead creased as I processed everything. This meant no Uber, just Hendrix and me in the car. Panic threatened me, but then my brain went in another direction, and my alarm stepped up a notch, my ears ringing for a minute.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Hendrix asked.

  My breaths came in short bursts as he lifted my chin up toward him.

  “You’re okay, Gemma,” he whispered. “You’re safe with me, right now, at this moment. You’re okay. Nothing and no one can hurt you. Listen to my voice. Do you hear me?”

  I nodded, staring at him while his thumb stroked my cheek.

  “Take a deep breath for me,” he said in a soft tone.

  I did as he asked, my body finally relaxing a little. “I’m sorry.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry, Hendrix.”

  “Let’s get you out of here.” He stood and pulled me to my feet. “I think some air will do us both good. It stinks in here anyway,” he said, shooting the girls a nasty glare.

  He squeezed my hand and led me outside. The chill in the air and the rain broke through my panic, and I stood next to the door and inhaled deeply.

  “How did you know this would help?” I asked as we tucked ourselves under the small overhang and hugged the wall. I peered up at him.

  “I went to a lot of counseling, and my therapist recommended meditation classes after I lost Kendra.”

  I nodded. He didn’t need to say anything else. Hendrix obviously recognized my panic attacks. He’d seen the one I’d had my first day on campus.

  “Do you trust me?” he asked, peering down at me.

  My gaze shifted away from him. What a shitty question to ask me right now.

  “Let me ask a different way. Can you, right now, trust me for a little bit?”

  I hesitated briefly and nodded. “Yeah. I can do that.”

  “Good, come on.”

  Hendrix bolted out into the pouring rain, and I ran after him. Our shoes splashed through puddles on the sidewalk as we ran toward the parking lot. A beep beep sounded as he darted toward a newer maroon Toyota Camry and he opened the passenger’s door.

  “Get in,” he yelled, as he ran around and slipped into the driver’s side.

  I didn’t hesitate and slid into the leather seat. Soaking wet, I stuffed my backpack next to my feet on the floorboard. I was so focused on all the rain, I didn’t realize we were alone in his car.

  He reached behind him and pulled a couple towels out of the backseat. “Here ya go,” he said handing me one and running the other over his hair.

  I attempted to dry off the best I could, turning away from him to remove my glasses, clean them, and slip them back into place before I faced him again.

  He silently looked at me, a hint of sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. Hendrix had been nothing but kind to me, and he didn’t even know the color of my eyes. How screwed up was that? I chewed my bottom lip as a mix of fear and sadness swirled inside me. I inhaled sharply.

  “Yes,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “Yes?” he asked, strands of his wet hair sticking to his jawline.

  I mentally thanked God for my hat, or I’d look like a drowned redheaded rat.

  “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”

  His brow arched, and he gave me his charming smile. My heart jumped. He was sincerely happy.

  “Before we go any further, I need something first,” I added.

  “Okay, whatever you want,” he said, still grinning.

  “I need you to take me here.” I fumbled around in my backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen, scribbling down an address and handing it to him.

  His expression filled with a deep frown and I sank into the seat. He wasn’t going to do it.

  “Seattle?”

  I nodded.

  “If I take you, will you explain it to me? I mean, why you need to go?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re okay being in the car alone with me for a day?”

  I swallowed hard. I’d have to be. What other choice did I have?

  “Yes.”

  He peered out of the car window, the fat drops of rain splattering against the windshield.

  “If I do this, we are planning a date when we get back? Like a real date, Gemma, not studio or library time, but a going out to a nice dinner kind of date.”

  “Yes,” I answered, knowing we probably wouldn’t make it that far. I had to do this, and I couldn’t do it without him. It was time.

  “Tomorrow is Friday, does it work for you?”

  I paused, mentally reviewing my schedule and the information I’d researched. “Yeah, it works.”

  “I’ll meet you at seven tomorrow morning in front of your dorm. Let's get this over with, whatever it is, so we can move forward.”

  “Okay, thank you.” We’d arrive around twelve-thirty. The timing would be perfect. My head hung down while I worked to regain my composure. He’d agreed. I never thought he would. Shit, what was I about to do?

  He reached over and took my hand. “Is your playlist ready? It’s a five-and-a-half-hour drive one way.”

  “Yeah, I Googled the trip already. I’ll give you some gas money, too,” I said, glancing at him and then to our joined hands.

  “Don’t worry about the gas. I’m just happy to spen
d the time with you.”

  I fell silent. This trip could be the end of us before we even really began. Sadness filled me with the idea.

  “Kiss me,” I said, before I backed out of everything.

  Hendrix didn’t hesitate. Reaching over, he tilted my chin up and brushed his lips softly against mine. My hand threaded through his wet hair as I responded. I inhaled him, every beautiful thing about him, and allowed myself to get lost in the moment, lost in him. For a fleeting second, I took the opportunity to believe someone might really care about me, not because they wanted something in return.

  Our lips parted slightly, and his tongue tentatively caressed mine. I moaned into his mouth as our kiss deepened. Heat shot through me, my body awakening unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I needed air, but the only air I wanted was his. I never wanted to let him go, and for the first time in my life, I wanted more. I wanted to experience all my firsts with him.

  I gasped and pulled back. The unwanted flush traveled through my cheeks and down my neck while I struggled to regain my composure. Was it normal to feel so lightheaded after a kiss?

  “Shit,” Hendrix said, placing his forehead and hands on his steering wheel.

  “Did I do something wrong?” I asked, alarmed.

  He turned his head to look at me. “No,” he said. “You did everything right,” he whispered and shifted in his seat.

  “Okay,” I muttered, embarrassed as I realized his body had reacted to our kiss. “Can we pass on the studio tonight? I guess I’d better get back to the dorm. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, we do.” He hesitated briefly. “Gemma?”

  “Yeah?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Can we kiss like that again?”

  I giggled. “Yeah, I’d love it.”

  “Good, because I’m pretty sure that kiss was song worthy.”

  “Oh my God,” I said cringing, sinking into my seat, my cheeks flaming with embarrassment as he chuckled and started the car.

  We drove in silence, grins on both of our faces, his hand holding mine tightly until we reached my dorm.

  “You don’t need to walk me to the door, maybe just watch me until I step inside?”

  “Don’t be silly, I’m already wet.”

  He turned off the car, ran around to my side, and opened the door for me. We ran through the rain, hand in hand, laughing.

  “Your hat is soaked,” he said as we stopped in front of the entrance to the building.

  “Yup,” I said, smiling up at him. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll text you in the morning when I’m here, okay?”

  “Sounds good.”

  A few girls passed us, and Hendrix moved me away from the front door to allow them in. Suddenly, his mouth was on mine, and he was pulling me into his body. I gasped, feeling him against me. Every other time he’d kissed me, there’d been space between us. Not this time. His hand traveled slowly up my back, causing me to arch into him. Butterflies swirled inside my stomach while my brain registered every single inch of him through his jeans.

  I quickly pulled back, shaking. His face fell as he realized he’d scared me.

  “I’m sorry, it was too fast,” Hendrix said, tossing his hands up in the air. “Shit, sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I...slow. I need to take things slow.”

  He nodded, unwilling to touch me. I wondered if he thought I’d break? I wondered if I might. He was the first guy I’d met that might be worth the risk, though.

  “Still on for tomorrow?” he asked, his look hesitant as he rubbed his jawline.

  “Yes,” I replied, giving him a shy smile. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  His shoulders relaxed as he gave a small wave and ran back through the rain.

  Still shaking, I opened the doors and walked into the dorm. A dozen or so students occupied the main floor. No one wanted to be out in this weather. I scanned the girls and turned toward the stairs.

  “It fucking kills me,” a loud voice rang through the hallway.

  I stopped mid-step and slowly turned. Was she talking to me?

  A tall brunette with a resting bitch-face expression sauntered toward me. “Like, how did this even happen?” she asked, pointing at me. If I’d had any question about who she was referring to before, it was gone. She stopped a few feet away from me.

  My chin jutted up as she surveyed me.

  “You must give one hell of a blow job. I mean, seriously, how Hendrix could even touch something like you is beyond me, and not to mention disgusting.” The other girls giggled behind her.

  “It’s none of your business,” I said, determined to hold my ground.

  “Oh, but it is my business. I just fucked his brains out last month, and tonight he had his tongue in your mouth?”

  “You what?” I asked, the words sticking in my throat.

  Her dark eyebrows wiggled at me. “You heard me, I have fucked his brains out on multiple occasions.”

  “Oh, for shit’s sake. Seriously Gigi? You’ve never slept with Hendrix, so shut your pie hole,” Mac said, descending the stairs and placing her hand on my shoulder. “Go find someone else to harass,” she said, shooing her away like she was a pesky bug.

  If I weren’t afraid Gigi would kick my ass, I’d have laughed out loud—hard. I wasn’t searching for a fight, though.

  “Take her shopping for some real clothes that fit her and burn that hat,” Gigi barked.

  My eyes widened. How could people be so rude?

  “I’ll catch you later, Mac.” Gigi sneered as she turned around and strolled over to her group of haters.

  “Let’s go,” Mac said, pulling on my hand and leading us up the stairs.

  “Who is she?” I asked, stammering.

  “A bitch,” Mac said, laughing. “Seriously, she’s kind of like the little chihuahua who has a big bark but never bites. At least that’s been my experience with her. She’s all about the intimidation factor.”

  “She’s rude for damned sure.” I closed the door behind me while Mac sank onto her bed. I heaved a sigh, my shoulders slouching as I removed my wet clothes. After I was in dry pajamas, I sat on the edge of my bed.

  “I need to call Ada Lynn this weekend. She’s going to worry.”

  “Nice topic change. I saved your ass, and you talk about Ada Lynn?” Mac smiled, letting me know she was teasing.

  “Did you hear Gigi? What she said to me?” I asked her, frowning.

  “Part of it. I was actually headed down to check the washing machines, so I could do some laundry. Hell, I’d recognize her voice from anywhere. We’ve gone to the same school since we were in the third grade. She’s a bully, but she’s harmless for the most part. Most importantly, she’s not one of the brightest bulbs in the box.”

  “Mac! That’s not nice,” I chided her.

  “Nope, but it’s true. I’m not sure she could piece together a believable lie even if she tried really hard. Blow it off.”

  “She’s really never slept with Hendrix?” I asked softly.

  “Nope, not that he’s ever told me about,” she replied. “And we do talk to each other about stuff, including who we’ve slept with.”

  My nose wrinkled. “Not anymore.”

  “Nope, I’m going to get all the deets from you now.” She smiled, leaned forward, and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

  I shook my head and laughed. “No deets here.”

  I quickly thought about it and decided against telling Mac about the Seattle trip tomorrow. For now, I needed to keep it to myself.

  “I have an early day tomorrow, and I’m tired,” I said, glancing at the clock. I slipped underneath the covers and got comfortable.

  “Me too, big test tomorrow. I’m actually tired too, so the laundry can wait.” Mac settled in as well, and the room grew silent.

  Chapter 13

  As tired as I was, I couldn’t sleep. My covers were in a twisted mess, so I finally sat up on the edge of my bed and peered out the window. The su
n would be up soon, and Hendrix would meet me outside. My stomach churned with nerves. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could even go through with it. Maybe I’d text him I was sick and couldn’t go. My mind raced through the possibilities, but deep inside, I knew. I knew I had to do this.

  A few hours later, my phone vibrated with a rare text. I looked at the screen and grabbed my backpack. Mac had already left for Starbucks and class. At least I didn’t have to explain anything to her. She was always full of questions.

  My head throbbed with anxiety, and black dots floated in my vision with every step I took toward Hendrix and Seattle. I grabbed the wall and breathed. The memory of Hendrix’s kiss last night broke through my fear, and I straightened. With every step I gained strength, and before I knew it, I was settled into his front seat.

  “Morning,” he said, smiling.

  I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you for doing this.”

  “I have a date to plan,” he said, chuckling. “You ready?”

  I took a deep breath and nodded. The scent of his woodsy aftershave filled the car.

  “Okay,” he reached over and took my hand. “I put the address in the phone, and we’ll arrive in about four hours. Sleep if you can. I have a sneaking suspicion you didn’t get a lot last night.”

  “How did you know?” I asked, shocked.

  “Just a feeling. Whatever this trip is about, it’s important.” He shifted the car into drive and pulled out of the dorm parking lot.

  “I’ve never been to Seattle before,” I announced once we were heading west on I-90.

  “I’ve performed there several times. We can plan another trip if you’d like to. I mean, I know you have something in mind for today so we can come back. I’m pretty familiar with the area.”

  “I’d like to,” I said, and meant it.

  A comfortable silence settled between us in the car. One of the things I appreciated about Hendrix was there was never any pressure to make conversation. He was perfectly content sitting next to me, holding my hand. It didn’t take long before I slipped into the safety of his touch, and my eyelids fluttered closed.

  * * *

  “Hey, Gemma.”