Love & Ruin (The Love & Ruin Series Book 1)

by J. A. Owenby

  My nose scrunched. “You’re his sister, how can you even talk about him like that. Eww.”

  “We’re step-siblings, and I told you, we talk about a lot of shit. We’re humans, and we all have a sex drive. Well, most of us do,” she said, arching her eyebrow at me, and stopping herself from blurting out anything else stupid.

  “I’m not dead, Mac,” I said, quietly. “It’s not that I’m not attracted to Hendrix. It’s all just so new to me. Sometimes when he kisses me...the flashbacks...”

  Mac hurried toward me and took my hands. “It was a stupid thing to say, and I didn’t mean it like that. At. All.”

  I nodded. I knew Mac well enough now to realize when she said something stupid, it wasn’t what her heart meant to say.

  “Are we good?” she asked, her expression pleading with me.

  “Always,” I replied.

  “Okay,” she took a breath and stepped back again. “We’re missing something,” she said, tapping her chin with her finger.

  “What?” I looked at myself in the mirror. The short, blue A-line, off-the-shoulder dress fit every curve like I’d seen in magazines. I’d just never imagined I’d be standing in the middle of the River Park Square Mall, not to mention the Nordstrom’s dressing room, wearing a dress and three-inch heels.

  “Okay,” Mac said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Jewelry, do you still have enough money after you buy the dress and shoes? I mean, we still have to get your jeans, shirts, and stop at Victoria’s Secret. It’s in the mall, too."

  “Victoria’s?” The pitch of my voice climbed a notch.

  “Girl, you can’t be wearing something that gorgeous and granny panties underneath. Work with me here.”

  I stifled a giggle. No one would be seeing them anyway. I glanced at the price tag and cringed.

  “Mac, I’ve never spent this much money on one item in my life. What in the hell am I going to do with it after I wear it tonight?”

  “Hmm, good point. Oh, I’ve got it. If you don’t want to keep it, donate it. There are stores that help girls go to their senior prom. Like they give them dresses.”

  My heart lit up with the idea of giving back to someone. “Okay, I can justify the purchase now. Let’s find some jewelry.”

  Over the next several hours, Mac and I shopped for jeans, shirts, and everything else I needed in a size two. My cheeks were stained an irreversible shade of red while Mac picked out my new panties and bras. Several thongs and padded push-up bras made it into my basket. I kept my head down as the chatty cashier rang up my new items.

  “One more stop,” Mac said, glancing at her watch. “We should hurry, though. We barely have enough time.”

  I followed her down the mall, my bags swinging as I hurried a few steps behind her. A few store entrances later, she took a sharp turn into a salon.

  “This one’s on me,” she said, grinning.

  “Mac, you don’t have to do this.” My eyes widened with her generosity.

  “You have the best hair I’ve ever seen, but it needs to be cut, shaped, and styled. You’re going to feel amazing when she’s done with you!” she squealed.

  I sighed. There was no use arguing with her.

  “Mac, honey, so nice to see you.” A woman I guessed to be in her forties with soft brown, shoulder-length hair and red manicured nails hurried over and hugged Mac.

  “Maryann, this is my bestie, Gemma.”

  “Oh, I see what you’re saying,” she said, picking up a piece of my hair. “Absolutely beautiful, and with your red hair maybe we can add some soft blond highlights?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said, shyly.

  “Oh hon, no need to call me ma’am. I’m not that old,” she said, laughing. “Come on back girls. Let’s get started.”

  Ten minutes passed as we chatted about length, shape, and what Maryann considered would be a good fit for my hair. Mac sat in the chair across from us, jabbering a million miles an hour with her. Apparently they went back a while. Every time I tried to sneak a peek in the mirror, they scolded me. Maryann finally turned the chair toward Mac so I couldn’t look.

  Eventually, my jitters disappeared, and Maryann worked her magic. The dead ends fell to the floor, and she brought new life to my hair.

  “Okay, hon, close your eyes and don’t look until I tell you to.”

  The spin of the chair caught me off guard as she turned me around and removed the cape.

  “Open up,” she said, standing back.

  It took a moment for my brain to wrap around what I saw in the mirror. My dull hair had a shine it’d never had before, and the new blonde highlights toned down the red. The cut was fantastic. Maryann had taken off a good five inches and added in some subtle layers which made my hair fall perfectly around my shoulders. My usually wavy hair was now sleek and straight. I turned slightly, admiring the length as it flowed down between my shoulder blades. I chewed my bottom lip and took it all in. This was the real me staring back at myself. I’d shed the façade and finally gained the courage to show myself again.

  “I love it,” I whispered. “I love it.” A smile eased across my face, and I touched my newly styled strands gently, not wanting to mess it up.

  Mac turned my chair around and hugged me. “I’m so glad you like it. Thanks, Maryann, you’re the best!” She hugged her and paid the bill. Twenty minutes later we were pulling into our dorm’s parking lot. A few girls gave us open-mouthed stares as Mac and I carried all my bags inside. The attention was new to me, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I’d kept myself hidden ever since the pregnancy, trying to avoid anyone really seeing me. Now? Here I was wearing clothes that fit me and my new haircut and style.

  “I’m going to do your makeup,” Mac announced, as she pushed open our room door.

  “Oh, I forgot about the makeup we bought.”

  “Yup, and we’re about to use it. Helping you get ready will give me something to do, anyway.” She smiled while she set the bags down on my bed. I followed suit behind her and sank down on it, my feet throbbing.

  “I’m tired already, Mac. Wow, who knew shopping was such hard work?”

  "I know right? Now listen carefully. Go wash your face, brush your teeth, scrub your pits, and freshen up all the lady parts," Mac said, wiggling her brows at me. "Do not in any way, form, or fashion get your hair wet or near the water. I do not want it to frizz."

  I did as instructed and returned to the room. Mac grinned as she flipped the lamp on, rolled out the desk chair, and patted the seat for me. She rifled through my bags and pulled out the makeup she’d helped me choose at Sephora.

  “You don’t need much, just a little.”

  I moaned from exhaustion and moved from the bed and into the chair, allowing her to apply the foundation, eyeshadow, and mascara. She touched up my eyebrows and stepped back, a thoughtful look on her face. I hoped she was admiring her work.

  “Poor Hendrix,” she muttered behind her hand.

  “Why do you keep saying that?” I squealed. “What’s wrong with me?”

  Mac laughed, placed her finger near her crotch and raised it, thrusting her hips forward. I couldn’t help but laugh and remembered her earlier comment about him walking around with a hard-on. My hand lifted toward my face, and she shot forward, pulling it away.

  “Do not touch the perfection,” she said, nodding at me. “Hands off the face.”

  Mac reached for a mirror on the desk and held it to her chest. "Are you ready?"

  I nodded and Mac flipped it around. Startled by my reflection, I stared in disbelief.

  “Holy hell, Mac. Is that me?” I asked, leaning toward my image.

  “Yup. I kept it light and natural to accent your cheekbones and the shape of your eyes. It was effortless, really. You have no idea how gorgeous you are, do you?” Mac asked, shaking her head. “Eva did. She used it to her advantage, too. She manipulated the poor guys, and they followed her around like she was a goddess, and to them she was. You’re not like her. You’d never hurt a guy on p
urpose. Tonight was the first time I wondered if your new look would change you, though. If Gemma, my bestie, would change if she ever realized how gorgeous she was.” Mac’s voice was threaded with sadness, and I suspected something similar had happened with Eva.

  I turned my chair slowly, taking her hand in mine, and smiled. “I can’t say what the future holds, but from what I’ve seen in my nineteen years, family sticks together no matter what.”

  “Sis?”

  “No,” I said, grinning. “Not in the sense that I’m marrying your brother, but I do consider you my sister.”

  Before I knew it, my chair rolled back and smacked into the desk when Mac yanked me up and wrapped me in a huge hug.

  She pulled away, her eyes misty with tears, and hurried to the garment bag that held my dress.

  “You have fifteen more minutes until Hendrix arrives. He will show up at this door tonight instead of meeting you outside, and he will be on time. So let’s get you dressed.”

  My nerves hummed as I stood and approached the dress.

  “Don’t forget to change your drawers for God’s sake. Wear one of the new pairs we got you. You won’t need a bra since it’s off the shoulder.”

  My eyes grew wide. “Shit, I hadn’t considered that. What if it’s cold and I nip! I don’t have five layers of clothes to hide behind anymore.”

  Mac giggled. “The dress fabric has a lining in it. You just didn’t notice. You’re fine.”

  “Oh my God. All of this is so over my head, I’d be completely lost without you.”

  In a matter of minutes, I stood in front of the full-length mirror that hung on Mac’s closet door and stared at myself.

  “This is so stupid, but I feel like fucking Cinderella,” I muttered.

  “Mm, I don’t think Cinderella would ever say the word fucking, but by all means, it’s a new world.” Mac burst into giggles. “All right, he should be here any minute. When he knocks, open the door wide so I can watch his expression.”

  “What expression? I mean, why would he view me any different—” I didn’t finish my sentence as I realized he would be seeing me for the first time, just like I had in the mirror a few minutes ago. My stomach did massive backflips, and I sank on Mac’s bed, my hands trembling.

  “Breathe,” she said, rushing over to me. “You’re never alone and look—” She got up, grabbed something from the pocket of my old, oversized jeans, and held up my pepper spray. “See this?”

  I nodded.

  “Don’t trip out on me, but it fits right here.” I gasped as her fingers pulled the material away from my breasts and slid the pepper spray into a thin piece of material and readjusted my top again. “This brand of dress has a place for women to discreetly hide pepper spray between their cleavage. Cool huh?”

  “Is it why you kept bringing only this brand to me?” I asked, shocked. Mac continually amazed me with her ability to constantly think ahead.

  “Yup. See, I’ve got your back bestie, even when I’m not around. So if Hendrix needs to step away, you still feel protected.”

  A light knock sounded against the door, and I sprang out of my chair, nearly stumbling over in my heels.

  “Careful,” Mac said. She grabbed my arm and stabilized me. “Deep breath and open the door.”

  My eyes closed, and I inhaled sharply. It was just Hendrix. I’d spent the entire day with him, alone, in a car. I could do this.

  One step at a time, I managed to walk to the door.

  “Open it wide,” Mac whispered loudly.

  My fingers wrapped around the doorknob, and I stepped back while I opened it.

  Chapter 19

  Time stopped as my attention landed on him. My breath hitched in my chest while I took in every inch of him in his tux. He was striking, his hair above his shoulders, his eyes dancing. My heart skipped a beat. He looked amazing. Every single bit of panty dropping amazing.

  Hendrix’s mouth gaped open, and his cell phone clattered loudly to the floor. I remained quiet as his focus traveled down my body and back up to my face again. Neither of us spoke.

  “Might want to make sure your phone didn’t break,” Mac chimed in.

  Hendrix bent down, grabbed it, and held it up.

  “Phone is fine,” he said, grinning, his eyes landing on me again. “Wow! Gemma…you’re gorgeous.” He peered around at Mac. “Thanks for helping her. You did well. I think you could start a business and get rich.”

  “I thought I did pretty damned good myself. All right, you two have fun, and let me know if you’re not coming home tonight, please.”

  “Mac!” I hissed.

  Hendrix shook his head and chuckled as he extended his hand to me. “Ready?” he asked.

  I nodded, grabbed my cell phone, and looped my arm through his. The second my dorm door closed behind us, Hendrix took a deep breath.

  “Jesus, you’re so beautiful,” he said softly.

  “Thanks. You’re pretty hot yourself,” I replied, blushing. “It was all Mac really.” I pulled on his arm and stopped him before we reached the steps. “Hang on.” I bent down and slipped my heels off. “I don’t have the stairs mastered quite yet,” I said, giggling. We safely descended the stairs to a noisy group of girls on the first floor. I crouched down and slipped my heels back on. When I straightened, my gaze locked on Gigi, her mouth slack. All the girls in her group fell silent while Hendrix and I passed them. A bit of pride swelled in me as we walked out the door.

  We strolled to his car in silence. He reached for the handle and paused.

  “No, Gemma it wasn’t all Mac. You’re breathtaking. And you’re going to have a lot of eyes trained on you tonight, including older men. I need to know before we go any farther if you’re doing okay. I know this change is from the inside out, and what you’ve been through—what you’re trying to leave behind. With that in mind, I can’t take you tonight if I even think you’re going to be scared or hurt.” His jaw tightened after he said the last part.

  “I know you’ll be with me. Am I safe with your dad?” I asked.

  Hendrix nodded. “As long as he’s sober, he’s your go-to guy if I’m not around. If he starts drinking again, I’ll let you know. He’s been sober for over a year now, though.”

  “Okay, I can stick close to him if you’re not with me. Mac showed me how much she loves me today.” I smiled. “You have to take a few steps back, so I can show you what I mean.”

  Puzzled, Hendrix released the door handle and walked backward.

  “A few more,” I made a shooing motion with my fingers for him to keep going. When he was a safe distance, I pulled the top of the dress out a bit and slipped the pepper spray out. He grinned. “As I said, Mac showed me some major love today.” I slid it back into my dress and readjusted myself.

  “Can I move closer now?” he asked, his voice low and husky.

  I nodded. Goosebumps suddenly dotted my skin, making me shiver. In two long strides, he reached me, wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me to him, and crashed his mouth down on mine. His hands traveled up to my shoulders, and I gasped as his fingers danced across my bare skin. His desire was evident as he kissed me until I was breathless and heady.

  To my disappointment, he pulled away slightly, holding me at arm’s length. “I told you I’d show up today and wouldn’t take off on you. I’ll tell you again and again until you can trust me with every fiber of your being.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Hendrix gave me his sexy smile and rested his forehead against mine. “We better go, or we won’t make it at all.”

  I smiled shyly.

  I nodded and ran my fingers along his jaw. “You look amazing tonight,” I whispered, breathing in his woodsy cologne.

  He growled and took a step back.

  “Oh, sorry, we should go, huh? Your dad won’t think very highly of me if I hijack his son for a make-out session.” I wrinkled my nose at him while he opened the car door for me.

  “If it were any other night you could sure a
s hell hijack me.”

  I laughed and he slipped into the driver’s side, leaned over, and kissed me again. “Maybe we’ll sneak out early instead?” he asked, his brows raising in hope.

  “Hendrix Harrington, I’m not that kind of girl,” I chided. “For you, though, I’m willing to give it a try.” At this point, I'd give just about anything a try if Hendrix asked me.

  His chuckle filled the car as he turned the ignition, the engine purring to life.

  He touched the power button on the stereo, and our song filled the car.

  “What? It’s finished?” I squealed with excitement.

  “Yeah, you like it?” he asked, his fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel.

  “You sound fucking amazing,” I said.

  “So do you. This couldn’t have happened without you. And, I finally nailed down a name for it. What do you think of 'Couldn’t Love You More'?”

  My eyes widened as the song repeated, the lyrics and harmonization consuming me, taking me back to the first time we met, his concern and protectiveness for me even then. He glanced at me, his expression gentle while he reached for my hand.

  “It’s perfect,” I replied, suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling I'd never experienced before. My head throbbed as the terrifying realization began to fully form inside me. Not just my mind, but my heart, my body, and every fiber of my being.

  Although I was almost in a full-blown panic attack, I casually turned to stare out my passenger’s window. I took a deep breath and focused on the city lights. He couldn’t know. I cleared my throat and sang with the song, and before I knew it, he’d joined me, and my nerves settled down to a dull roar.

  “Here we are,” he said, pulling up to the parking lot of the Riverside Place.

  “Holy hell, this is beautiful. Look at the architecture!” I leaned forward in my seat while I released the seat belt, opened the glove compartment, and tossed my phone inside. It had never crossed my mind to purchase a handbag for the evening. Hendrix hurried around to the other side and opened my door, extending his hand to me.

  I slipped my hand in his and stepped out of the car. “The columns are magnificent,” I said, scanning the building as we walked toward the front door.