by J. A. Owenby
He turned toward me, his expression serious.
“You’re scaring me,” I whispered.
He didn’t move to hold my hand or reassure me.
“Hendrix?” I asked, attempting to hold the tears back.
He inhaled and blew out a sharp breath. “Move in with me,” he blurted.
Shock slammed into me, knocking the air out of me. “What?”
“Move in with me. I can’t stand leaving you. I can’t stand not having you next to me, watching you sleep.”
“You watch me sleep?”
He nodded. “Please.”
I tried to wrap my head around what he was asking me, but more importantly, the changes it would mean for myself and not to mention, Mac. I’d share his home with him, his space. Even though I didn’t own the dorm room, it was still the one thing I could call mine. And what would I tell Mac? How could I put her through another roomie? How could I leave her alone when she was trying to deal with Brandon and Asher? How could I tell him no when my heart wanted to pack my things tonight?
“Say yes,” he said, his eyes pleading. “We can give you some time and do it over the Thanksgiving break. I realize you don’t have a lot to move, but maybe we can do some shopping and pick out some new furniture or pictures or whatever you want so you have no doubt in your mind it’s also your home. It belongs to you as much as it does me.”
“I love you so much it hurts sometimes,” I said, taking his hand. “What about Mac? I can’t leave her right now.”
“And I love you even more for it. In fact, I wondered what you’d think about her moving in as well? The house is plenty big enough for us all. It will save both of you some money, too.”
“What?” I barked out a laugh. “I should have known you wouldn’t have forgotten about her.”
“She’s my sister, and you two are the most important people in my life.”
My eyes filled with tears at his words. Day after day he continued to show up for us no matter what shit he had to wade through to get there.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I’ll move in with you.”
Relief washed over his face right before his mouth came crashing down on mine.
“I love you so fucking much,” he said, between kisses.
I giggled and replied, “Not near as much as I love you.”
His kiss deepened, and my body responded to him.
Breathless, he pulled back and kissed the tip of my nose.
“I don’t want to rush anything, okay?”
I nodded. It had only been twenty-four hours since Brandon had threatened me, and I was still attempting to process everything.
“I’ll walk you back to the dorm now.”
He hopped out of the car, walked around to my side, and opened the door for me. I smiled as he extended his hand to me, and I stepped out. Shivering, we ran hand in hand up the walkway. We hurried into the warmth of the dorm, and he pulled me against him. I gasped as he kissed me deeply in front of everyone. Some of the girls started cheering.
“Soon, I won’t have to tell you goodbye,” he said before he opened the door and walked away, leaving me lightheaded and breathless in front of an entire hall filled with clapping girls.
Flushing, I kept my head down and hurried up the stairs. Mac and I had some things to talk about.
Barging through the door, I flung myself on my bed and sighed. She burst into giggles at the silly grin on my face.
“My how shit has changed from the first day you walked through the door.”
“I know, right? Anything else from Asher?”
Mac hesitated. “I—I.”
I sat up, she had my full attention. “Yeah?” I motioned for her to hurry up and tell me everything. The moment I saw those two together I knew they had what Hendrix and I had, and from what I could tell, it was rare. Maybe he was with someone else right now, but I was rooting for them a hundred percent.
“I talked to him on the phone,” she admitted.
“Oh Mac, don’t feel bad about talking to him for a few minutes.”
“Phone sex,” she blurted.
My skin flushed hot with her confession.
“Oh, well, no judgment here,” I said, attempting to cover my surprise. “Is he sleeping with his fiancée?” I asked, anger rising inside of me at the idea he might be playing Mac.
“He says no, but he’s a guy, so I’m not sure if I can believe him. This whole thing is a convoluted shit fest.”
Even though the topic was serious, and Mac was quickly becoming the other woman, I laughed at her comparison. She wasn’t that far off.
“You don’t have to say anything. I understand I have to break it off. It’s taking everything I have in me not to text him or meet him so we can steam up the windows in his car.”
For the first time, I totally got it. There wasn’t a minute that didn’t pass by I wasn’t mentally thinking about Hendrix in the bedroom.
“We have a lot to figure out, huh?”
“Well, not really. I mean, it sounds like Hendrix has a plan for what to do about Brandon. I hope he can make it happen before the asshole hurts someone again. Like, I don’t want you going anywhere alone again. We’re like fucking glue, you and me. And if we aren’t near each other, then Hendrix better be beside you. I don’t think he’ll leave you alone again, honestly. Who the hell thought Brandon would go backstage, though? What a sneaky bastard,” she spat.
“He definitely surprised me,” I said, remembering him slipping up behind me, never making a sound. Dread crept over me at the realization that I’d been such an easy target even with people all around me.
“I’ll block Asher on my phone,” Mac said, sighing.
“And your email?” I asked. She could block him on her phone all she wanted, but there were still plenty of ways to communicate.
“I’ll delete them the minute they show up in my inbox.”
I hesitated for a moment, selecting my words carefully. “I think, if you’re really honest with yourself and me, you won’t follow through with it. Even if you block him, it will only be a day or two before you unblock him. He’s your drug, Mac.”
She groaned and flung herself back on her bed.
“And there’s no judgment in that because I’d totally be the other girl with Hendrix, just to have any part of him. Eventually, though, I’d gain my senses and realize I don’t deserve to be second, ever. And if he loves you, he won’t put you in that position. So, do what you need to do, and I’ll love you and support you in your decision.”
Mac’s shoulders tensed, and she released a heavy sigh. “I don’t want to be the other girl, and I do have morals, I swear. And you’re right. Neither of us deserves to be second to anything or anyone. You don’t have to worry about that with my brother, though. He’s already put you before everything. Even his music.”
“Shit, he can’t do that.”
“Don’t think you have a say in it, it’s just the way it is. If you asked him to never perform again, he’d do it.”
“I’d never ask him to give it up. I mean, I’d fully support him and his dreams, whatever the future might look like.”
“Even if he travels?”
My stomach clenched. It’d never crossed my mind he might go on the road more than just in Washington. It was more than I could handle, plus he’d asked me to move in with him. I didn’t think traveling was on his agenda at the moment. Or was this his way of keeping me safe while he was gone? Providing me his home along with a roomie so he would feel comfortable about leaving? Wouldn’t he have talked to me about it?
“Hello,” Mac said, snapping her fingers at me. “You totally went down a dark road on me. He has no intention of leaving you. He’s not mentioned one thing about performances outside of Washington and Oregon. And those, he’ll want you with him, singing if he gets his way.”
Suddenly, I felt stupid at second-guessing his intentions. I really didn’t think I’d have made it this far without Mac keeping me on the right path, soothing my
fear.
“You swear?”
“Swear to you,” she said, covering her heart.
“I believe you.” My worry subsided, and I recalled his expression when I’d told him I’d move in with him. The one thing I hadn’t thought through was if Mac said no. What would I do then?
“Sup, bestie? You’re thinking so hard over there I can actually hear the wheels turning.”
There was no use torturing myself any longer. “You and Hendrix are pretty close.”
“Yeah, he’s my best friend. Other than you I mean.”
“Is it true? What he said about you staying with him a lot last year when you had the bitchy roomie?”
“Ha! She was one of those girls who had a resting bitch face. Like all the time, it never changed. I don’t know if she was getting Botox shots or what.”
I laughed while she continued on about the old roommate.
“Anyway, now I have you, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything. We have the perfect set up.”
My heart sank. She wasn’t going to want to do this, and honestly, I completely understood. Why in the world would she want to share a place with her brother and me?
“He asked me to move in with him,” I blurted.
“Wow! Shit!” She paused, her eyes widening “Wow,” she repeated again. “What did you say?” In a rare moment, I had her undivided attention.
“I told him I couldn’t leave you.”
Stunned, she jerked back a little in surprise. “You what?”
“Mac, I can’t leave you when you’re going through everything with Asher, and we’re both on high alert with Brandon. What kind of friend would I be?”
“Do you know what I’d give to move the hell out of these tiny, noisy-ass dorms? Do you have any clue of how much I struggle with ADHD and all the ruckus?”
“You’d move out if you could?” I asked, hope rushing through me.
“Hell yeah. Please. Although I’m deeply touched, and I love you for being so awesome, you need to move in with him.”
“Well, I’ve finally admitted to myself he really does love me.”
Mac barked out a laugh. “A little slow, aren’t you?”
I shot her a dirty look. “Thanks, Mac.” I paused for a minute. “When I said I couldn’t leave you, he said he wanted you there, too.”
“What?” she asked, hopping off her bed, scurrying over to mine, and plopping down, staring at me intently.
I turned toward her. “He said you were there a ton last year anyway and your room is already ready. He said we could move in a few weeks, over Thanksgiving break.”
“Oh my God, seriously?” she squealed. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” She bounced on my bed and gave me one of her bear hugs. “We’re going to be so tan over the summer, too. Oh, and the nights of drinking and laughing. This is the best thing ever!”
I laughed, grateful she was excited which meant I could also allow myself to feel happy.
She sat back down, grinning.
“He said he’d take me shopping and we’d do some redecorating, so I’d feel like it was my place, too.”
“Oh my God, he’s so fucking whipped!” She yelled and laughed.
“Mac,” I chided her as my cheeks flushed. It would be odd having sex with her brother while she was down the hall, but we’d already done that. She’d just been passed out. At least there was another room between ours. And there would be times she had classes, and we could sneak home and make love anywhere we wanted. Heat spread through me as I thought about making love to him in front of the fireplace or on the kitchen counter. Maybe he’d bend me over the kitchen table when I felt safer, spread my legs, and enter me from behind, his hand teasing my sensitive flesh while he pumped in and out of me.
I swallowed hard, realizing I was having a full-on sex fantasy in front of his sister.
“Well, I guess it’s settled. We have a few more weeks, so we need to tell housing we’re moving out.”
“Done,” she said. “I’ll take care of it tomorrow. I’ll need to find a few boxes. We don’t have a lot, but you definitely have more clothes than you did when you moved up here.”
“Except the dress. I told Hendrix to burn it after Brandon.”
Her expression hardened. “Excuse me while I mentally inflict horrendous amounts of pain on Brandon.” She paused and sighed. “You were beautiful in that dress. I’m sorry he ruined it for you. I hope you’ll consider buying another one. Now that you and Hendrix are together, you’ll need a few dresses for events with his dad.”
“Franklin goes to a lot of events? I mean, I guess it makes sense. I hadn’t asked Hendrix how many he goes to, honestly.”
“Well, I don’t know about now, but before his dad took a career downturn, he attended one a month.”
“Oh shit,” I muttered. “One was enough for me, how am I going to deal with so many?”
Mac giggled. “You’ll get used to it. And Hendrix is such a natural with everyone, I’m sure you noticed at the event.”
“I noticed a lot of women checking him out, even the cougars.”
Mac barked out a laugh. “You’re jealous,” she said, pointing at me.
“I am not.” I picked up my pillow and whacked her upside the head.
“Fight’s on, girlfriend,” she said, hopping over to her bed and grabbing her pillow.
Before we knew it, feathers were flying around the room while we lovingly beat the shit out of each other, jumped on our beds, and laughed as loud as we could. What was gonna happen? We’d get kicked out? It no longer mattered. Nothing mattered except that I could finally see a glimpse of a future that made my heart sing.
Chapter 34
Classes passed by slower than Mom’s molasses dripping from the jar. My focus sucked ass while our moving date grew nearer. Mac was as excited as I was. In the meantime, we stuck close together. Some nights I stayed with Hendrix until around midnight, but then I went back to the dorm, so I’d be with Mac.
Asher had continued to reach out to her, and she hadn’t been able to shut the relationship down yet. I knew where her heart was, but I had also started to question his motives. Granted, my experience with guys was zilch, but I knew enough to understand he was most likely having sex with his fiancée, which wasn’t fair to her either. I was quickly learning I had to keep my mouth shut and my opinion to myself. It wasn’t worth the risk of alienating her. She felt bad enough as it was without me adding to it.
After the baby scare, Hendrix agreed to continue to wear a condom while I took the pill. My doctor had a long talk with me after I shared about the rape and c-section and that Hendrix was my first active, consensual sexual relationship. She sat down next to me, tears in her eyes as she took my hand and told me what an amazing young woman I was. I didn’t feel anywhere close to amazing, but I also wasn’t blindly grasping for something that made sense in my life anymore, either. Somehow, the universe had opened its arms wide and blessed me with Hendrix and Mac, not to mention I was singing on a regular basis again.
Sex with Hendrix had continued to get better with time. And I wasn’t worried about becoming pregnant anymore which allowed me to relax and enjoy him. We took advantage of every minute we had alone. Even though we would be sharing a bed every night, Mac would be with us more often as well.
Butterflies swirled inside me with the idea of waking up in his arms every morning.
* * *
My last class of the day ended, and I hurried toward the library. Even though we’d agreed I’d never walk anywhere alone, it hadn’t worked out exactly as we hoped. My fingers wrapped around the pepper spray, my head up, alert, and aware of everyone around me.
Sighing with relief, I opened the door and hurried through the library. My heart swelled when I saw him, his hair hanging down over his face. I waved at the librarian as she smiled broadly at me. I often wondered what she’d seen the first day I walked in here and what she thought now, the remarkable difference in me. Sometimes butterflies are just ready to be born.
&n
bsp; “Hey, babe,” I said, sitting next to him.
He dropped his pencil and pulled me to him, kissing me. A slow torturous ache spread through my body.
“Hey,” he said, his eyes hooded with desire.
Apparently, his mind was in the same place mine was most of the time.
A soft giggle escaped me while I trailed my fingers across his jawline.
“I finally did it.”
“What?” I asked, eager to hear about his day.
“I wrote our next song.”
“What? Ours?”
“Yeah. I talked to the guys, and they agree, you should join us. I don’t mean on one or two songs, I mean on at least half, if not all. We can take it slow, write some together, record in the studio, and see if we can get onto Spotify. Dad already made a connection and sent our song in.”
“What?” My jaw dropped. “You did all of this without talking to me first?”
Hendrix blanched. “I thought you’d be excited. I─I wanted to surprise you. I guess it was a bad idea on my part. Nothing is in stone, Gem. We don’t have to make any other changes other than you moving in.”
Sadness clouded his features and guilt seeped through me for snapping at him. My fear of him leaving me while he performed had turned into something different. The last time I’d sung in front of a crowd I’d been threatened and assaulted. How could he not have talked to me about such a big deal? And Franklin didn’t suggest to him he needed to talk to me before he sent in a recording of our song? Of my voice?
Anger swelled inside me.
“You should know by now, I don’t like big surprises. You had no right sending our music in without my consent.” I stood quickly, sending my chair skidding across the floor.
“Gem, babe, I’m sorry,” he said, grasping for my hand. “I’ll stop the whole thing, and we can talk about it whenever you’re ready.”
“Well, you were wrong.” I leaned down. “Did you forget what happened the last time I was on stage with you?”
His forehead creased, his shoulders slouching forward. “No, I didn’t forget. How could I ever forget what happened, and I wasn’t there to protect you.”
“I’ll talk to you later. I need some space.” I scooped my backpack up from the table and hurried out the door, not bothering to glance back at him.