“So… the situation is this. I don’t want to extend it and I don’t want to end it.”
“You want to promote her?” he asks carefully and I find myself nodding slowing.
“I just don’t know how to go about it. Matt, I’m not boyfriend material. Before you even tell me you aren’t either, don’t. We’re different. We just are. I want her to be with somebody that deserves her, and I’m too selfish to let her go. At the same fucking time I know Dad is going to lose his shit if he sees me with her.”
“Does it matter if you have the job?”
“The man’s not stupid. That won’t matter. She was just the stipulation because I was directly working with her. I know he doesn’t want me doing the same shit I used to with anybody, her included, even if we aren’t working together anymore.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “There’s nothing against that here. You’re allowed to have relationships, especially if you aren’t even working in the same building.”
“I know, I just… it’s just shit. It brings be back to point one. I don’t know how to be that guy she needs. She’s been weird with me since yesterday and I think it’s because we haven’t talked about what we’re going to do.”
“Josh, this is bullshit. You don’t pussyfoot around shit. Do you want the woman?” he asks.
“Yeah, I want her.” But what do I do if she doesn’t want me?
That’s the thing I’m not asking myself because that’s never happened. I could be here sitting on my thoughts thinking the ball’s in my court when it might not be. She said she wasn’t feeling well last night, so I left her alone. She went home, and it was the first night in weeks that I had away from her. It was the strangest feeling ever. What if that was just her way of starting the distancing process?
I’ve never even done that. Giselle would be the first though that would hurt me if she didn’t want me because I’m the playboy prick who wanted to own her body.
I’m the playboy prick now who wants more than that. I want the rest of her.
Heart, mind and soul. Everything. The missing pieces of what I already have.
“Josh, this is a no brainer. You know what to do. Tell her how you feel. I think it will be okay if you did. You talk and lay the cards on the table. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it. Take back control, man.”
Yeah, he’s right. This situation has knocked me off kilter and made me go soft.
I know what I want and I’m going to make it happen.
She’s in my office doing the files when I get back. The plan tonight was to finish up here and end the night at my place.
She hasn’t said anything about that though and she’s still sporting that cautious expression she had earlier.
It’s close to seven and most of everyone has left the building.
She smiles at me when she sees me and I reach for her, slipping my arm around her tiny waist.
“Josh, we should finish here,” she tries to protest. When she looks at me I see the dimness in her eyes and the slight pink tint like she’s been crying.
“What’s wrong with you, baby?” I ask her, and she studies me.
She shakes her head and brushes her fingers over my chest. “It’s nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I’m still not feeling myself.”
I catch her face and lift her chin toward mine so she can look directly at me.
“Baby, do you remember when we first met, and I told you that I watch?”
“Yes… I remember.”
“Good girl, so you know I can tell when something’s up with you. I knew from last night, but I could tell too that you wanted to be alone. I can tell now that as much as you want me, you’re doing something you’ve never done before when it comes to me.”
“What?”
“Resisting me. You’ve never done that, baby and I don’t want you to start now that we only have a few days left here, working together.” I mentioned it like that before I want to ease her into what I have in mind for us better than that.
Now that I don’t have the job to worry about, I want to focus on her. I want to focus on her and I plan to deal with Dad later. But only if I get the chance.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” I prod and I’m shocked to shit when a tear runs down her cheek.
I wipe it away but another comes. She gets that one.
“I had a run in with Riley.”
“You what?” Jesus Christ, I’ve gone from mellow to psychotic in seconds. “What did he say to you?”
“Josh please… don’t get upset. He just pointed out a few things I think I should have been aware of and I wasn’t.”
What the fuck did he say to her?
I’ll kill him. Beat him senseless this time so he’ll know not to try anything next time.
I take her shoulders. “Tell me what he said,” I demand.
She draws in a deep breath and then she tells me. She tells me what she wants me to know and because I’m so observant I know she didn’t tell me everything.
By the time she finishes telling me what she can though, I’m ready to bring down Armageddon on Riley’s ass. Realistically though… I am ready to end him, but I can’t say the man was a liar.
He used the truth against me, and she knows it’s the truth.
She’s been her usual nice self as we’ve spoken, never offending me. Not once pointing out the obvious factors of truth.
We met at The Dark Odyssey and the way I’ve been with her at the place, it’s like I live there. I’m the devil in my nest of sin, cozy like one of the owners. Like I’m rubbing shoulders with the Giordano pack who own the club. I’ve been acting like that and she’ll know she wouldn’t have been the first woman to indulge me there. She’ll know that night she first met me was because I was on the prowl for a woman to live out my next fantasy.
She’ll know I’m the devil because I’ve kept telling her I am.
We look at each other as she finishes up. I’m still holding her.
Holding her and thinking now more than ever that an angel like her shouldn’t be with a devil like me.
Look at her, she’s beautiful. Inside and out.
“He’s kind of right, isn’t he?” she says. Her voice is meek. I can’t answer her. I don’t want to confirm it. “Josh, why did you pick me? That night you first saw me. My birthday, why me. There were so many women you could have gone for. I stood out a mile away. It was so clear that it was my first time there and I wouldn’t have been used to any of the things we’ve gotten up to. I’m sure without me saying it you must have figured out that you’re the second man I’ve ever been with. Why on earth would you want me?”
It’s all those things. All of it.
I look at her now and I actually understand the obsession, but I feel worse than I already did.
She’s unbroken, untainted. Delicate and innocent. She’s different.
I like different and I saw her and only her out of the sea of women at the club. I saw her then and wanted her, badly.
Like I want her now.
I can’t answer because I don’t think she would understand and I can’t begin to explain that she makes me want to be different too. Just the devil when I’m with her.
So I show her. I lean forward and claim her lips.
I kiss her and pull her close, so close I taste her. Taste her everywhere, except I’m still just kissing her lips.
I’m so focused on her that I hear nothing and see nothing else.
It’s the time that counted though because she must have heard enough for the both of us.
Her eyes go wide as she looks over my shoulder. I turn to see Dad.
Chapter Sixteen
Josh
Dad is watching us with complete disapproval.
“Just for once I truly hoped it wasn’t true,” Dad snarls. He looks from me to Giselle, and I release her. “Just like always and every woman that works for you, you just couldn’t leave well enough alone could you?”
He walks away slamming the door and I look ba
ck to her feeling more exposed. His words are a tell of what I am.
Fuck… what the fuck do I do now?
“I should go,” Giselle stutters.
“No, wait,” I reach for her but she shakes her head.
“Josh, I need to be by myself again.”
She leaves too, and I stand there like an idiot. Dad and Giselle leaving me here.
Dad saw us together. What the hell does that mean for me now?
I march down to his office and go through the door that’s already open.
He’s standing by his window, fuming.
He whirls around to face me with rage, more rage than I’ve ever seen in him.
“What the hell do you expect me to say to you Joshua?” Dad balks. “I asked you to do one thing, and that was to stay away from her. That was the main thing. When Riley told me you’d been seeing her, I couldn’t believe it.”
“Dad—”
“What are you seriously going to deny it? Tell me he’s wrong? I saw you kissing her and it didn’t look like a kiss that just happened. You’re involved with her, possibly the whole time.”
“Yes,” I confess. “I was. But it’s not what you think. It’s not what any of you think.”
“Joshua, women are like toys to you and I’m so disappointed in you for the way you are. It’s shameful sometimes to think of you as my son, and I’m supposed to let you represent my company when you can’t even keep your dick in your pants?”
The truth is all coming out tonight.
I’ve just realized something, though. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of it.
It looks like I may have lost it all, I may as well shed the remnants of what’s left.
“No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have me represent your company. I shouldn’t work for you at all.”
His lips part, and shock suffuses his features.
He looked shocked, but I don’t know what gets me more. That or the fact that he doesn’t stop me when I leave.
I stayed awake last night.
Couldn’t sleep at all. I went straight home and first I sat in the study just looking through the window trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do.
I then ventured into the tv room, switched on the tv and watched classic films marathon that was going on. I saw three of the films Giselle likes. Casablanca, Some Like it hot and fucking hell, I brought the morning in with Gone with The Wind. It was the only film I watched in color. The rest was in black and white.
She loves them all, and I watched them trying to feel close to her, yet I’m so far away in my mind.
I feel like shit by the time morning truly breaks and I’m sitting in the kitchen eating Cheetos instead of heading for a shower to get ready for work.
Jobless and girlfriend less.
Jobless for sure, that’s what I am after I quit. I’m sure to have the girlfriend part I would have had to have the girlfriend in the first place.
The doorbell rings and I don’t answer it. Juliana has a key and I’m not expecting her today.
Matt doesn’t know what shit happened to me so I doubt it’s him and I especially doubt that it’s Giselle. She wouldn’t come here by herself.
So whoever it is can fuck off.
I don’t want to see anyone today.
I need to figure out what I’m doing. Not with work, with Giselle.
The shit happened with Dad, but the part I’m stuck on is her.
Because… I still; want her, I’m just not sure she should be with me.
I hear the front door open and I scowl.
The tension recedes from me however when Dad comes into the kitchen. I forgot he has a key to my place too, but no way did I expect him to be here. not when he’s so ashamed and disappointed in me.
“What are you doing here, Dad?” I ask.
He sighs and gives me an uneasy look.
“I’m here to talk son,” he answers.
“Dad, I can’t. I don’t want to. I should think you’d be more relieved than anything to get rid of me, now Riley can have the job and you won’t have to feel bad to pass him up an opportunity you wanted to give him in the first place.”
“That’s not true Joshua,” Dad says shaking his head.
“The job was yours right from I decided to open it. Then you really pissed me off with the temp and I knew Riley wanted the job too so I… did what I thought was best.”
“Dad… I didn’t do anything with anybody to be classed as unprofessional. I get that my previous behavior was shit, but I wouldn’t have gone to the new branch and give you a bad name. I wouldn’t have planned to do that. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does, because I want you to run the place Joshua. Last night I said something I shouldn’t have and I admit this competition wasn’t fair on you. I saw that you changed, but I was just taking precautions when I thought you hadn’t. I didn’t want to lose Giselle the way we lost Marsha, or any of the other woman you pissed off. I saw her talent and wanted to keep her. Joshua, I need you for this job. Riley is good, but you’re the best.”
I look at him and consider it. It’s all been too much that I’m not sure how I want to proceed.
“If I take it, I don’t want you breathing down my neck. I want you to trust me to have a handle on things. I want you to trust that I got things under control and I mostly if I have a chance with Giselle, I want you to allow me to see what I might have with her.”
He still and his face softens. “You really do like her?”
“Yes. I do.”
He nods. “Okay… I will do all of that. If.. if I may, it seemed to me like she might feel the same way about you too.”
“Well, I don’t know. Since you both seem to know what I’m like I’m not sure what chance I have with her.”
“Joshua, I’m here today not because you’re my son and I feel like I should give you everything. I’m here today because I know I have something good. Someone good. The best. If she knows that, I guarantee you, you have a chance.”
That’s perhaps the best thing he’s ever said about me. “Thank you, Dad… I appreciate that.”
He nods. “It’s truth.”
Truth. I guess for her to know the truth, I’d have to tell her.
Maybe that’s the answer, and nothing else will matter.
Just the parts I want where I showed her how much I wanted her.
Chapter Seventeen
Giselle
“Hey… take it easy on yourself,” Rachel says.
She reaches across the table and takes my hand.
We’ve seemed to gather here at the coffeehouse more than normal since I’ve been seeing Josh.
I know he’s kind of done the same thing with his friends too during our very wild whirlwind romance.
It’s been wild.
Past tense… I keep doing that and every time I do my heart aches.
I don’t want us to be past tense, but what am I really doing? What the hell am I actually doing thinking I can have more with a guy who just wanted to have fun with me. Sex. It was about sex. Sometimes it wasn’t, but it was more often than not.
“I’m trying to separate things out in my mind,” I tell her. As usual, she came to my rescue.
We’ve already had the most fattening things in here. A slice of cake for me and a sugar bun for her, then we each had another two slices each. All in the space of an hour.
I’ll have to leave soon. We’re five minutes away from work, but I can still be late with the way I’m feeling. Or not turn up. It did cross my mind, but that would be completely stupid. I would be very stupid to do that. So I can’t lose a job I worked damn hard for because I fell for a guy I shouldn’t.
“Giselle, we’ve been eating and I’ve just been here trying to resemble the friend I should be, I know I’m probably not much help but talk to me,” Rachel says.
I feel bad as I look at her. It’s clear she’s going through stuff too with Dante. He’s back now officially, and his fiancée right alongside
him.
“How about you talk to me? I know you’re going through stuff. You’ve been here for me and I feel like because of the newness of all I went through with Josh, I needed you more and I haven’t exactly been there to talk to about Dante.”
She smiles. “There’s nothing really to talk about. It’s just me in my feelings for a man I can’t have. I feel terrible whenever I’ve been with them because I just can’t shake off the thing I’ve always felt for him. There’s nothing more to say than that, and nothing I can besides forget and move on. So please allow me to be here for you.” She dips her head and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear.
“Please promise me you’ll talk to me if you need me.”
“Yes, I promise. I absolutely promise I will do that. Now come on now. Talk. I know the core details. You told me what happened, but those are just details. I know you want to be with Josh, tell me about that.”
“I don’t want to get hurt again, Rachel. I don’t want to get hurt and broken the way I was when Kirk dumped me.” I draw in a sharp breath.
“I think that was obvious. Of course you don’t. But if you allow fear to rule you, you’ll never do anything, you’ll never be with anybody. It was okay when you and Josh were fun, but even I could see for myself and I haven’t really met him properly that it stopped being about fun a long time ago.”
“But what if it was just that for me? What if it can’t be more?”
“You know what? I’m going to allow the only person who can answer that question do the talking for me,” she laughs. “Just for the record, he looks at you the same way he did that first night at the club.”
I don’t know what she’s saying to me. She looks up ahead of us and then I see him.
Josh.
He’s standing over my the door and he’s looking over at me.
I glance back at Rachel, and she nods.
“Go, I’ll be fine. Call me later.”
Entice: A Dark Billionaire Romance (Dark Odyssey Club Fantasies Book 1) Page 12