Never Have I Ever

by Remy Marie

  “I agree completely. Okay, back to the game. Never have I ever been in a fight.”

  Carlos didn’t say anything as he placed down a finger and took a long swig of his drink, finishing it in a few seconds. He placed the bottle down and opened a new one.

  “Never have I ever…” he began.

  “Wait, you can’t just down a beer and then skip to me. We’re alone in a house and you just confessed to fighting someone. Not really convincing me that I should be alone with you.”

  Carlos gave me a side glance. I could tell he didn’t want to open up about himself. I despised asking him. However, whatever the reason, this fight in his past was dark and still haunted him till this day. Before I had a chance to apologize, Carlos spoke up.

  “I’ve only been in one fight in my life.” He paused and closed his eyes tight. His fists clenched and he growled, as if the very memory sickened him. “It was against my biological father when I was twelve. You see back then he was an alcoholic.”

  Carlos and I shared a looked and he shook his head.

  “Don’t worry he’s clean now, but ten years ago his addiction was bad. I remember how he played a good Christian man in public, always there on Sundays, and stepping in the confessional each day, but no matter how hard he prayed and confessed, the devil always won. My father would come home with vengeance. As he stormed around the house, little things like uncleaned dishes and bad grades set him off like a firecracker on the Fourth of July. In a house full of boys, he thought it was alright to ruff us up.”

  Carlos shifted his weight and rubbed his arm.

  “He always had his hands on us. Nothing that would bruise the next day, but it hurt during the moment. He was mean to my mother too, always yelling at her for something. My biological parents used to always be in fights. Back then I thought that behavior was normal.”

  “It’s not,” I touched his hand to comfort him.

  He gave me a gentle smile and took another sip of his beer.

  I didn’t have to say I was there for him. With the look we shared, I knew he understood my silent gesture.

  “Things were okay until he knocked my four year old brother unconscious for not eating his dinner. All I could remember was my father wouldn’t stop hitting him. His fists just kept going straight for my brother’s face. My poor brother just lay there motionless taking each punch.”

  I gulped the dry air listening to his story. Even though my brain already knew where the story was going to go, my heartbeat doubled from his intense story. Carlos voice became more distressed and distorted. I could tell he was holding back the tears as he explained his story.

  “My mother tried stopping him, but she got slapped herself. I think seeing my mother get slapped flipped the switch for me. After the slap, she just lay there, staring at the monster beating her child, and that’s when I felt the rage. I only saw blood as I punched him. He got a few good licks in the fight, but at the time I didn’t feel one punch. My rage was in the driver’s seat as I vented my frustrations on his face.”

  Carlos stared at his hands as if they were weapons of mass destruction. There was unhealed skin between his knuckles. Even after ten years, I could still see the scars.

  “I didn’t stop until two police officers pulled me off him. My mom filed charges, but honestly, she didn’t need to. My brother’s broken nose, cheekbone and ribs were enough evidence to lock him away. My dad went to jail that night to start serving his twenty-five-year sentence. That’s the only fight I’ve been in.”

  I felt like the biggest bitch on the planet. Why did I have to push him to share? I just thought it would be some drunken bar fight. Not something serious.

  “Carlos. Shit, if I would have known that was the outcome I would have never…”

  “Christina,” Carlos softly said as he moved my chin towards his. He stared into my blue eyes and smiled. “You didn’t even let me finish my story. Like all romances, the story is always darkest before the ending. My stepdad was the saving grace for our family. After my mom divorced my biological father, we were homeless for a month before my mom started dating my stepdad. My stepdad and my mom fell in love and within a month he was ready to include my brothers and me in his life. He’s an amazing man and an even better father. He managed to not only love a mother and her children, but to save them from the harsh streets.”

  “Sounds like he has a good heart.”

  “The best.”

  We were quiet as we both took sips of our beer and stared into the fire. We were both naïve, thinking that our simple game wouldn’t have become so complex.

  It remained silent until Carlos spoke up again. “Never have I done something I’ve regretted.”

  I placed a finger down and finished the beer in my hands. I popped open a new one and finished half of it in one gulp.

  “That bad huh?”

  “Yeah, growing, up, one would say I was privileged. I’m white and didn’t have to face the common prejudice of being a person of color. I had two parents who loved me, and money wasn’t hard to come by because both my parents were lawyers. From the outside looking in, one would judge me as someone who had life handed down to them. They would say things like, someone like her would never understand struggle because everything was given to her. That’s where they’re wrong. I have my share of demons and faced my own trials and tribulations.”

  I felt Carlos’ hand on top on mine and he smiled at me. His smile gave me the strength, with a deep breath, I continued my story, “When I was a freshman in high school, I wanted to join the cheerleading team. I never participated in gymnastics, so I wasn’t gifted in doing somersaults, but I figured, since all the pretty girls were trying out, I should have too. Stick with the status quo, right?”

  Carlos nodded leaning in closer.

  “Tryouts were a disaster. I had no coordination, I couldn’t do any of the stunts they wanted. I was one of the first people they cut from the team. In retrospect, I learned I got cut because they knew I would make a shitty cheerleader, but at the time I thought it was because of my weight.”

  Carlos made a face and his eyes scanned my body. It was clear that he was judging my size.

  “I know what you’re thinking, and I’ve always been this skinny. But, at fifteen, I didn’t recognize my own body. Even though I weighed 115 pounds, I felt like I weighed 200 pounds. After being cut from the team, I was depressed. I felt trapped, worthless, and at a loss. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. It started off small, skipping breakfast and not snacking any more. Over time it got worse. A lot worse. There would be times, where I would only eat an apple for the day. Hell, most days, after I ate the apple, I would run to the bathroom to throw it up. I stopped eating and became anorexic. It lasted for months.”

  “Wow,” Carlos murmured.

  “My parents, tried to intervene, getting my school counselor involved and sending me to therapy. My dad tried his hardest to make me eat something. He didn’t care where we went or how much money the meal cost. He just wanted solid food in my belly. My father took me to the best restaurants in Charleston, just so there would be little excuse on why I couldn’t find something on the menu I wouldn’t like. Usually, when he did this, I would eat the meal due to their peer pressure, but afterwards, I was right back in the bathroom to throw it up. I remember times where I would just sit in front of the toilet, trying to make sure everything I ate was out of me.”

  Carlos rubbed my hand. “Keep going. I’m here for you.”

  I gave Carlos a light smile as tears slowly ran down my cheeks.

  “Shit. Why am I crying about this?”

  “It’s okay.” Carlos comforted.

  After I wiped away the remaining tears, I looked back at Carlos, “My parents learned of my extra time in the bathroom and caught me one night throwing up my dinner. I think that was their final straw. They took me out of my private school and for an entire year I lived in a mental hospital. I learned to cope with my condition. The first few weeks at the
hospital were rough, but I learned to respect my body, and how somethings are just out of your control.”

  “Wow,” Carlos combed his fingers through his short black hair, then placed the ski cap back on. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I regret that decision to stop eating to this day. I thank God that I’m alive. When I was admitted to the hospital, I learned what my path could have led to if I continued. I was close to killing myself. That’s when I learned it wasn’t worth it. I had a moment of enlightenment when I realized what my life was becoming. What was I killing myself for? A status quo of being popular. It was stupid. Till this day, I hate the path I took in high school.”

  “Christina…” Carlos frowned. “If I would have known, I would have gotten that answer I never would have asked it.”

  “It’s okay. I didn’t think I would get your answer about fighting your biological dad, but here we are.”

  Carlos laughed. It was unexpected but needed. Due to the recent conversation, the lighted room seemed to be growing darker by the minute, but his laughter reversed it’s course. I grinned at his unusual laugh. “What’s so funny?”

  “I was asking you that question because I thought, your regret would have been over a guy.” I grinned at his admission.

  “Oh I’m a maneater, Carlos. I don’t do well in relationships. The maximum time I’ve dated is a month.”

  “A month! That’s crazy.” Carlos exclaimed. He laid on his back and placed his hands under his head. “A month?” He repeated in disbelief.

  “Never found the guys I dated interesting. The passion always seemed to fizzle out.”

  “Damn. You are a maneater.” I grinned and shrugged at his remarks. I followed, Carlos’ actions, by laying down, I then placed my head on top of his chest.

  God did he smell good.

  Every time my nose picked up his scent, my heart skipped a beat. I could make millions selling his scent. Sexy Body by Carlos…No screw it, I’m not selling his scent, because I can already see some whore trying to claim him. Sorry bitches, this man is all mine. Claimed.

  He didn’t shy away as we cuddled. He gently pushed a lock of my blonde hair behind my ear. While we only knew each other for a few hours it felt like we had been dating for a few years. What the hell is this new feeling?

  “Never have I ever been in love?”

  Carlos showed me his hand and lowered his middle finger to only show one finger.

  “Who was it?” Right when the words came out of my mouth, I wished I used a softer tone. Jesus, I sound like a revengeful girlfriend asking about a side chick. Get your shit together, Christina.

  Carlos grinned at my outburst.

  Wait can he read minds? I’m fucked if he can.

  “Her name was Mariah. We were high school sweethearts. We both ruled the school, so it was only natural we dated. She was the star forward on the woman’s soccer team and I was the star defender on the men’s team. We were perfect together. Our friends joked that after Mariah and I won the woman’s and men’s world cups, our children would grow up to mega soccer stars.”

  I gave Carlos a stray look and started to laugh.

  “I’m not making this up. One hundred percent true.”

  “Sure.” I replied in a high-pitched voice.

  Carlos shrugged. “You can either believe me or not. It’s up to you.”

  “Anyways, we were supposed to be going to the University of North Carolina on scholarships. There, we were going to dominate the school’s soccer teams. While she was at the top of the class, my grades weren’t the best in high school. I was barely keeping my head above a 2.0. English was my worst subject and I ended up failing it on my senior year, bringing my GPA below a 2.0. With my grades, my ride to UNC was taken away, so I went to community college here and she went to UNC without me.”

  “You started a long-distance relationship?”

  Carlos nodded.

  I had a feeling on how this love story was going to end.

  “We kept in contact all throughout the school year. I worked my ass off to get the grades I needed to get into UNC. I’ve never studied so hard in my life. I surprised myself. While, my grades improved, my relationship with Mariah faded. Our contact became limited, to only a few texts a week. She grew distant. Whenever I tried to contact her, she always had an excuse. She stopped visiting due to her soccer practices. One day I paid for an Uber to take me to Chapel Hill because I missed her and wanted to surprise her. I did the whole nine yards, flowers, chocolate, and condoms.”

  I leaned my head to the left to look at him. “Condoms?”

  “Safe sex always.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Anyways, as I walked towards her dorm with my bag of goodies, I spotted her in the distance sitting on a bench. A guy had his arms wrapped around her. They were laughing, entranced by each other’s company. I didn’t think much of it at first. I thought they were good friends.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m a sucker for love. I know it’s hard to explain, but when you’re in love with someone you wear blinders on the things they do. You give them the benefit of the doubt. I loved Mariah. She could do me no harm, but on that day, she harmed me like I never imagined she would. As I walked closer, I witnessed them kissing. Instead of walking away, I just stood there, watching them suck each other’s faces. I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, I just stood there, like a broken man. They eventually left, but I stood there a hollow shell of myself. I felt sick to my stomach. It took me a while to get out of a depressing funk after the break up. I consumed myself with work. I worked harder and applied myself like never before. When I got my grades up, I applied to Eastcliff University, and now I’m projected to graduate on the chancellor’s list.”

  “Chancellor’s list and a frat boy. Is that possible? Did you sell your soul or are we actually in the Matrix and you’ve discovered a glitch?”

  Carlos giggled and I could feel my head tremble as his stomach quaked with laughter.

  “Neither, just applied myself.”

  “Well, if it matters, I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

  Carlos arched his eyebrows in disbelief. I took my head off his stomach, and inched closer to his face.

  “No, seriously. The shit you went through with your father, Mariah, and getting into college. I’m glad things are starting to finally look up for you.”

  “One would say the same thing about tonight.” He pushed another stray hair away from my face.

  The way his fingers touched my skin sent a jolt of electricity through me. It traveled from my ear lobe to my toes. It barely felt like the air around us was enough when I breathed deeply. My cheeks grew warm and his stare tickled my core. It was powerful, beautiful, and majestic like watching a humpback whale jumping from the ocean to take a breath. Unable take his charm, I looked away.

  “Don’t hide from me.” His fingers guided my chin back to him, our eyes locking on each other. “We still have to continue this game.”

  I grinned back at him. “Yeah we do. We are evened up at one to one.”

  “Oh, it’s totally on now. I think I got a question that would wrap up this game. Question, what happens if I win?” We both sat silent as we looked at the fire crackling in the fireplace.

  “A kiss?” I asked breaking the silence. He looked at me and smiled.

  Damn, I love his smile. How the hell can someone turn me on with just a smile? Was it a superpower?

  “Just a kiss?” He asked. I nodded my head. “What happens if I just kiss you now? What would be the prize then?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’m sure we can figure something out,” I said staring deeply into his eyes. I couldn’t resist anymore.

  Fuck it.

  I leaned forward and he leaned closer too. As we closed the distance, I could smell his mint fresh breath. His coarse stubble brushed my cheek as his lips drew nearer. His lips were barely on top of mine, when I felt something wet on my hip.

  “Shit! I’m sorry,
” Carlos said, quickly grabbing the spilled beer bottle. “I didn’t mean to knock it over.” He apologized, wiping up the mess.

  “No, no it’s okay.” I replied with a frown. It was like I’d been woken from an amazing dream. All I wanted to do was hit the snooze button and fall back asleep, but the dream was over and reality found a way to set back in.

  “Are you wet?”

  “A little. It spilled on my butt.”

  “I have some towels in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.” Carlos hopped off the blanket and walked towards the kitchen.

  I stood up on the blanket and checked the damage. My jeans weren’t completely soaked, which was the good news. I checked my phone to see if it was damaged from the beer. I sighed with relief when the phone lit up the semi lit room. However, my relief disappeared when I saw the ten text messages and two missed calls from Stacy.

  “Shit,” I whispered, realizing my planned night with Carlos was going to change.

  Overtime

  “Okay, I have the towels,” Carlos said reentering the living room. “…What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing my facial expressions as I stared at my phone.

  “Everything is okay. I’m texting my friend, Stacy back. She was worried about me. She’s still next door, sleeping over at Todd’s. Shit, I didn’t realize how late it was!”

  “What’s the time?” Carlos asked cleaning the spilled beer.

  “Ten to three.”

  “Oh, wow it is late.”

  I nodded finishing my beer. “Listen Carlos…”

  “You don’t need to say it. I had a good time too, but like all good things, it must come to an end.”

  I smiled. However, part of me wished the night wouldn’t end.

  Please say yes to my next question.

  “Carlos?”

  He looked up and returned my smile. His smile alone told me the answer was yes. If I asked this man to fight a war for me, he would say yes.

  “Do you mind walking me home?”

  “Sure, do you live close?”

  “Yeah, my apartment complex is on the opposite side of campus. I usually just cut through the quad.”