InkSpelled (InkHaven Academy Book 1)

by Kenna Bardot

  “He told me he’s in love with me today,” I admitted.

  “Ronan? Talk about burying the lead, darlin’. How did this result in him kicking you out of his bed?”

  “He was pissed I didn’t already know how he felt.”

  Lottie stared at me for a moment, and then burst out laughing, falling over to sit on her bed with an oof. “I can see that. Everyone knows he’s in love with you except, apparently, you. That’d be bound to piss me off too.”

  “Depends on if you’ve had coffee. Without coffee everything pisses you off.”

  “Don’t test me.”

  “I think you need some coffee. Stat.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me. “Ha ha. Tell me what else Ronan said.”

  I flinched, remembering the disappointment written all over his face. “He said that if I couldn’t see what I had with him and the others then I wasn’t the woman he thought I was.”

  She rolled her eyes and released a deep sigh. “Ronan Asher Daniels. First off, have you ever hidden the fact that you had a history with and feelings for Vali?”

  I brushed my hands over my uniform pants. “Of course not. I’ve been very honest about that with all of them.”

  “I expected so as you’re a very honest sort of person. You always do what you can to take care of people, and part of that is honesty. You don’t deserve any of the guilt he’s laid on you for that since you never did any of it anyway. If he thought any of your feelings would just magically go away, then that’s on him. Not you. As to Gaylord, it sounds like Ronan wants him too, so I’m not sure why Ronan would have a problem with you wanting him.” I stared at her for a moment, a bit shocked.

  “You think Ronan was wrong?” I reached out to grab her hand. She gave it several pats before prying my fingers away.

  “Not entirely. I think he has every right to be pissed you didn’t know how he feels for you. But he doesn’t get to judge the woman you are based on misconstrued viewpoints, because his estimation of you is wrong. The Vali problem might, to him, seem new but Vali and the baggage he brings with him isn’t and the complications he brings isn’t just going to go away.”

  “No, I guess not.”

  She gave me a nod. “Good. I think you need to give Ronan a piece of your mind for once, honey.”

  “That’s terrifying.”

  She waved me off. “Give him a day or so to come to his senses. If he doesn’t, then you take charge. You decimated Pia, Kaia, and you only barely tried. There’s no reason you can’t take on Ronan too.”

  I nodded, taking a few deep breaths of consideration. “In the meantime, I can put some pressure on Gale. Push for a decision, one way or another. I’ll think on it.”

  “Ok then, that’s my girl.” She grinned at me. With a flourish, she opened her wardrobe and pulled several hangers from inside. “Now, we’ll plan it out. Find you something that will make you so devastating so he can’t possibly say no.”

  Even though I didn’t know if I was going to do it yet, having Lottie believe me so fully felt like me finding my strength. I was taking back my power and all my men wouldn’t know what hit them.

  ✽✽✽

  “So, how many times did they attempt to separate Ink and Air study? Leave InkHaven to the Inks and make a new academy just for Airs?” Mar’s voice was solemn as she asked me.

  Lottie chuckled and gave me a nudge in the ribs. “If you ask me, that was a missed opportunity. Who wants to spend all their time with Inks?”

  Mar stuck a tongue out at Lottie. “Montgomery, you don’t need to hide it. You’re totally intimidated and in awe of my presence. Don’t worry, I understand.”

  “Whatever, Sole.” Lottie blew a raspberry before throwing a crumpled piece of parchment at Mar’s head. “I don’t swing that way. Too many dicks around to want something I already have, you know?”

  “Only too well. But if I did swing that way…” Mar trailed off and winked, which Lottie readily answered,

  “Oh, for sure, Sugar Lips! We’d totally be bunking together by this point.”

  I interrupted, “Zeevar, are you two sure that you really just met this evening?” I shook my head - I’d introduced them earlier when Lottie and I had stumbled into the nearly empty study room and come across Mar sitting all alone. The two had hit it off. Perhaps a little too well.

  “Sure, Kai,” Lottie answered me. “Don’t be jealous. I still love you more.”

  Mar simply laughed and Lottie joined in easily. It freaked me out since a little more than two hours previous, the two barely knew each other. But, it made sense they’d get along - they were eerily similar.

  “Yeah, Kaia Wren. You can join in if ever we all somehow, through some miracle of Zeevar, get tired of dick and testosterone. Anyway, back to my earlier question. How many times?”

  “Three,” I sighed out. What was it about the people in my life always training and tutoring me?

  “Good. Name one scenario. Why it was proposed and how it was ultimately vetoed.”

  I pulled at a handful of my hair. “I have too many tutors.”

  Lottie had turned back to her book, but she murmured, “Quit stalling, honey.”

  I pouted. “Fine. The first and most infamous event is in the time of Zimyle and Chrilam. When Zimyle finally died of a very ripe old age of ninety-four, she was finally joining her mate Chrilam who had died thirty years prior. Her proteges, heartbroken by her passing wished to rename InkHaven the Zimyle Institute instead but the Airs revolted, stating that it should be the Chrilam School of Air instead. A fight ensued and a compromise could not be reached over the course of five years before a proposal was made - two castles, two academies. Plans were made, Earths were recruited and a site was already chosen. However, Chrilam and Zimyle’s protege Grala, youngest Order member ever to become Headmaster of InkHaven Academy declared a contest wherein the Inks and Air -” I was cut off by the opening door and looked up to see Alec Gaius walk in.

  When he saw us, he froze in his tracks so comically I shot up, fist crumpling the piece of parchment I held. Zeevar, it felt like ages since I’d seen Alec Gaius so closely and his deep eyes seemed to see through and into me. I’d forgotten how much impact he had - lean and golden, bright blue eyes contrasting with that smooth slicked-back black hair.

  “Alec,” I whispered, missing him.

  “Kaia Wren,” he answered, just as quietly. He looked at the women I had with me and smiled as he locked eyes with me. “I’ll leave the three of you in peace.”

  He started to back away but Lottie made a disgusted sound. “Oh Zeevar, AG. Stop being so stiff and formal. You’re not hurting anyone. There are plenty of tables and chairs in this room. Use them if you want.”

  Mar giggled. “Maybe he’s just intimidated to be in a room with so much estrogen. Eh, Williamson? We don’t bite.”

  Alec’s gaze never left my face, but I did notice he flushed a bit, which was very uncharacteristic for him before he shrugged and threw them an arrogant smile. “Just didn’t want to risk distracting you really, Chesson, Montgomery.”

  The two laughed and Alec Gaius walked in, settling himself at a corner table which meant he was behind me and I couldn’t even stare at him. I stiffened a bit when I felt his eyes on me and looked up to see Mar raise an eyebrow at me.

  Lottie spoke under her breath, “You okay, darling?”

  I shook off the feeling. “Just peachy. Where was I?”

  Mar smiled. “Grala.”

  I took several deep breaths before attempting to answer.

  “Ok, Grala was much respected so when the contest was suggested, all the Mages were eager to prove themselves but little did they know that Grala, devious and cunning as she could be, had made it so no one would win and no one would lose. On the day of the contest, the Airs and Inks faced off -” I broke off abruptly and dropped my stylus on the table.

  “What’s wrong?” The two asked me in unison.

  “Excuse me for a moment. I can’t stand it.” I stood and walke
d over to Alec Gaius’ table. Somehow, in the five minutes he’d been there, several books already littered the table, he’d mussed up his hair and the first two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. He looked up as I walked towards him. He looked distracted as I stopped by the table and rested my hand on the back of the chair across from him. “Can I join you?”

  “Of course.”

  I settled myself into the chair and looked at the mess he’d already somehow created. “Hmm.”

  “Sorry, I have a lot of shit I need to study.”

  I smiled, it was so Alec Gaius. “You don’t need to be perfect, you know?”

  He laid his hands on the table, and I saw them tremble a bit before he reached over to grab mine. I squeezed them hard and felt tears sting the back of my eyes. “Kaia Wren. I’m not perfect. When I fucked up during that shadowing with you, I had to prove myself doubly hard, because there’s nothing more I wanted to be but an Air Mage Assassin and that reality was on the line. I resented it even as I studied and worked my butt off because I knew I deserved to be the best. But the resentment and anger are all gone because I ended up finding you and becoming a part of your life and that’s the best part of it, so I figure spending at least three or four hours studying every other night or so is a small price to pay for having you.”

  I felt a tear roll down my cheek before his thumb came up to wipe it off. I turned my face to his hand and sniffled a bit before chuckling. “So is this where you disappear off to on nights you come late to bed?”

  He brought my hands up to his lips and gave my fingers a kiss. I shivered, trembled - it had been ages since he’d kissed me in such an innocent way. “It is. I still have to be the best, Kaia Wren. I love you all and sex is fun, but I figure I have plenty enough time for that once I graduate at the top of my class.”

  I threw my head back laughing. “Trust you, Alec Gaius. I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby. We miss you.”

  I nodded, sad. “I miss you all too, but I don’t think it’s time.”

  He shook his head. “When you’re ready, you go ahead and do what you need.” He gave my cheeks a pat. “Now, Kaia Wren, much as I like looking at your face, I really need to study and you’re a distraction so go away.”

  “Fine. Study hard, baby.” I stuck my tongue out at him and walked back to my table. The two stared at me when I sat back down.

  “You good, Kai?” Lottie asked.

  “We good, Lot,” I answered with a huge smile.

  In fact, I was golden. And I knew exactly what I needed to do next. I had made my decision.

  ✽✽✽

  I took a deep breath as I stood before the dagger embellished door, knowing I would be pushing myself far past my comfort zone. I was ready, I was prepared, I was insane.

  If I had my way with it, Gale would not know what hit him before I had him right where I wanted him. Flushing a little, I tugged on the collar of the shirt I usually wore during training sessions, knowing I hid a sexy secret underneath it. Thank Zeevar Lottie had helped prepare me for it. Bless the woman.

  Gale had grown used to me in my tank tops and even my sports bra on occasion, so Lottie had seen fit to lend me a lower cut, more slinky cami to wear.

  I’d also conveniently forgotten to wear a bra. It was a little hard for training, but I had other priorities.

  If he didn’t see the invitation for what it was, that would be the end of it for me.

  Pushing the door open, I was shocked when Gale shot up from the seat behind his desk, making his way around it to tug the door shut behind me.

  “Kaia! You’re early,” he exclaimed, sounding breathless as he did so.

  “I am.” I nodded and stared up at Gale through my lashes. What was it about him? He was such a contrast - a bad boy who had the mouth of a poet and the eyes of a scholar. All mysterious and exotic.

  Gale moved back as though burned and ran a hand through his hair. It was loose and flowing - how had I not noticed that?

  “Is everything okay? Ronan mentioned you had another fight.” He motioned me further into the room, hurriedly trying his hair behind him into its usual ponytail. I yearned to see it back down again even as I turned my back on him to strip off my tunic.

  “I wouldn’t call it so much of a fight,” I laughed as I unknotted the fastening. While shrugging it off my shoulders, I glanced back at him to see him staring at the place where the fabric dipped to the middle of my spine.

  His eyes. The way the green ring in them almost glowed, so serious, on me.

  Turning back to finish the job, I shucked it off my arms. The moment the air hit my whip, I hissed a breath of relief. It felt so much better when it could breathe.

  “It was more like Ronan tried to guilt trip me, because he had unrealistic expectations of me. He blamed me for wanting more than I have, like that somehow diminished what I have with him. Which it doesn’t. Our relationship only gets stronger the more people we add to it. We only love harder the more people we have to love and give us love.” I turned, facing him and grinning at the way his eyes now landed on the clear outline of my breasts. “Isn’t it our duty to Zeevar? To celebrate the life he has bestowed us. The power he has given us by being uninhibited and welcoming of everything life has to offer. Especially when everything else is heavy and hard and basically impossible.” I walked forward and he backed away with every step I took.

  I played with the dagger he kept on his desk - the one he used as his paper weight. When I asked, he had told me that it reminded him of his duty to the Order. His purpose to keep students grounded so they wouldn’t float away in the breeze.

  My whip still wrapped around my arm, I gave a flick of my arm and sent it gliding through the air and passing only just by Gaylord’s waist to snap him out of his appreciation of me. Snatching up the paper weight, I drew my whip back and caught the dagger by the hilt in my hand with a proud grin as his eyebrows rose.

  “Impressive. Very impressive.”

  "I’m stronger with the men who love me, Gaylord. And I like to think I make them stronger too.” I stepped closer to him and this time he didn’t move. I stopped just in front of him and with my whip dangling to the floor. My thumb reached up, stroking his angular cheek. “You deserve to feel that. To be loved like that.”

  “Maybe one day.” He drew a shaky breath.

  I gave him a sad smile. “I lived that life. A life in limbo, just waiting to die. I wasted over a decade of my life, because I was afraid that if I really lived it would only hurt worse when I had to die. Now that I have survived, there’s nothing I regret more than all that wasted time. I won’t have any regrets in this life, especially since in this one I could die tomorrow.” I leaned up onto tippie toes, grabbing his low ponytail in my hand and using it to tug his face down to mine. My lips hit his, taking his mouth in soft kiss that I hoped said everything my words weren’t able to communicate. My fingers dug into his hair and pulled, the ponytail coming loose as I did so.

  When I stepped back, he kept his eyes closed. The pain of his unwillingness to look at me nearly brought tears to my eyes, but I trudged on. “No regrets, Gale. Even if you decide I’m not worth the risk,” I whispered, turning and gathering up my tunic. I re-tucked my whip and made my way from the room silently. I stopped at the doorway and turned around. Gale’s eyes were on me though his body was still bent how I’d pulled him to kiss his, his hair mussed as I had done with my fingers. I gave him a sad smile and left the room, regardless of the fact that we hadn’t actually done any training.

  He didn’t stop me.

  ✽✽✽

  Deja vu.

  I knew I was ready, and I understood and accepted this moment was the time. It did not mean I had no nerves or reservations. Again I stood on the outside of a door, taking deep breaths and preparing myself to do something I wished I didn’t have to do, but I knew and accepted needed to be done, so there I was.

  I knocked, once, and waited.

  Alec Gaius answered the door and on
his face was such a look of heartbreaking understanding and love that I wanted to wrap tightly around him and ask him to save me.

  But that wasn’t the woman he loved. That wasn’t the woman I wanted him to love.

  “Kaia Wren,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my lips in greeting and ushering me into the room. Ronan sat on his bed, face buried in a book. For all he didn’t move a muscle, it was like he didn’t realize I was there. Emerson sat on Alec’s desk chair, his eyes darting back and forth between Ronan and I.

  “I need to speak to Ronan,” I said, my voice steady. I was proud of it, because I felt like I was going to shake out of my skin.

  “We’re not leaving,” Emerson answered, surprisingly firm.

  “We’re never around for your fights, and neither one of you will tell us what’s going on. How are we supposed to give input on something that concerns us if we don’t know what in Zeevar is happening?” Alec asked, perching on the edge of his bed.

  I nodded, because to me it made sense. “Are you alright with that?” I asked Ronan.

  He grunted. A yes then. I was glad enough he saw fit to answer me at all.

  “When Alec Gaius admitted that he loved me, it was like a light had burst inside me. I felt glorious, alive, wonderful. But I also felt a tug of insecurity - how could this wonderful man love me? Me? Kaia Wren Shaw who no one saw fit to love in that way before. So I couldn’t believe that you could love me because I didn’t fully believe that Alec Gaius did.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Alec Gaius stand up to speak and I held up a hand. “I’m sorry, Alec Gaius. It’s not how I feel now. But it’s honestly what I felt then. Please let me continue.” He sat back down, and I let out a relieved breath. Ronan still stared at me, unfeeling and unmoving. “I know it doesn’t forgive the fact that I hurt you for being oblivious, so I’m sorry that I was too insecure to see how you feel about me. It’s come to my attention that it was obvious to everyone else how you felt about me, so I’m sure that can’t have felt good.” His eyes widened at me, and I finally had his attention focused on me the way I loved. “So I am really, truly sorry for that. However, the rest? It wasn’t okay. What you said to me was wrong, and it hurt me. It broke me. I was never anything but honest about the fact that I had feelings for Vali - have feelings for Vali. For you to throw that in my face and tell me I’m not the woman you love because of those feelings, is complete shit. I do see what I have with the three of you and some days I’m so scared to lose it I can’t even breathe, I know I can’t possibly survive if it were every to go away permanently. Don’t you see that if I didn’t love what we have I wouldn’t be torn in two to protect it?”