by Blair Grey
Fuck! Maybe that’s her problem. Maybe she still thinks you feel that way about her, and she’s only letting Allegra in your life because she wants her father to have a dad. Fuck! I need to talk about this.
I almost grabbed my phone, but instead grabbed a beer. I did need to talk about this, that was for damn sure, but I felt the right person to talk about it with wasn’t the woman I was trying to win over. No, if there was one person who would know what to say right now, it was Isaac.
He picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”
“I need you to come over,” I said.
“Why?”
“Have a beer with me and talk. I need to talk to someone, and I need to now,” I replied.
“What the fuck, dude?” he sounded annoyed. “I’m at the bar and was planning on getting laid tonight.”
“Well, I did get laid today, and now I’m not sure what it all means. Come over!” I said. “You owe me, anyway.”
“For?” He sounded amused.
“I don’t know! Just get your ass over here. I’ve got plenty of beer for you to get drunk off, and I need to talk,” I tried not to snap at him, but I was starting to think that he wasn’t going to come.
“Alright, alright. Keep your pants on. Oh wait, you didn’t, now you want to talk about it,” he said. He was still clearly amused, and I bit my tongue. He liked to antagonize me, and I was putting up with it for the sake of getting my way.
“Good, I’ll see you shortly,” I said.
“What, you want me to come now?” he asked. “I just got here!”
“Then you’re still good to drive,” I said.
“You’re impossible,” he retorted.
“Just do it,” I hung up the phone before he had chance to argue.
I grabbed another two beers out of the fridge and sat on my couch, waiting for him to show up. He didn’t live far from me, but I didn’t know what bar he was at. I almost felt lucky that he was even still in town. He often still liked to go rogue when he was out drinking, but perhaps he had to work later that night.
Within twenty minutes, he was at my door. I threw it open and shoved a bottle in his hand.
“What has you so goddamn worked up?” he asked. “Geez, man, you’d think this was the end of the world with the way you’re acting.”
“It feels like the end of the world. I love that girl, and I don’t know what to do about it!” I said before I had the chance to really think. “We fucked earlier, but then she left, and we didn’t talk about it. Like, what the fuck does that even mean?”
I shook my head, and Isaac stared at me for a second before bursting out laughing.
“What the hell do you think is so funny?” I asked.
“You really called me over to talk about your feelings? You are such a girl!” he said. I smacked him on the arm.
“I don’t care if I’m an elephant. I care about that girl more than I can say. I care about our daughter more than I can say. But here I am, sitting alone at home while they’re gone. What the fuck?” I shook my head.
“Well, clearly, you need to talk to her,” Isaac said. “That’s really the only way you’re going to figure out how she feels. And, I think you’d rather hear how she felt about this than me.”
“I can’t talk to her. I just got my daughter in my life. What if it freaks her out and she pulls back?” I asked.
“She can’t since the papers have been signed – and besides, do you really think that she would do that? If she’s fucking you, then it’s my guess that she loves you, too,” he said. I sighed. He definitely had a point, but I was still nervous about the idea. I didn’t know how to talk to her. I’d never felt this way about anyone, and I really didn’t know what to do with the feelings.
“Alright,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”
I picked up my phone, but he snatched it out of my hand. “Not now! You can’t talk to her when you’re drunk.”
“I was going to text her, idiot,” I said. I pulled my phone back and fired off a text. “Don’t worry. I’m not saying anything stupid. I’m just feeling good enough to talk to her now.”
“I’d say that’s the beer talking, and you better be careful how much you let it talk,” Isaac warned. “That’s going to get you in more trouble than anything.”
I knew he was right, but now that I had sent her one text, I knew it would be easier to send her another. I couldn’t go crazy, but I wasn’t going to hold back too much. Isaac drained his beer and grabbed two more from the fridge, handing one to me. “You dragged me over here for that, now what are we going to do?”
“Put something on the TV for all I care,” I said. “You told me what I needed to hear.”
“And, we couldn’t have handled that over the phone?” he rolled his eyes. “Fuck, man. I wanted to get laid tonight.”
“Sorry. But I needed to talk to you more than you needed to take some bitch home. It’s not like you really planned on doing much with her anyway,” I rolled my eyes.
“Uh-huh.” He turned on the TV as I chugged another beer. I wasn’t getting any answers from Jenna, but I knew that had to have something to do with her driving home. She was likely still on her way, and too smart to have her phone on her at the time.
But, as the night wore on, I was getting more and more eager to get a response. The beer was flowing, and I was growing bolder. Isaac was doing a fine job of keeping up with my drinking, but he was also staying more rational about things than I was.
He pulled my phone out of my hand again after the fifth beer, and that became the last thing I remembered of the night.
18
Jenna
I laughed and shook my head again at the text messages I’d gotten from Nathan the night before. It was obvious he’d gotten drunk after I left, but I was driving, so I didn’t bother to text him back. I waited until I got home, but by then the messages had stopped and I figured he’d passed out.
But, the contents of the messages made me feel good. He was so nice to me, giving me so many compliments, not only about my appearance, but about our daughter. I cared more about how I treated her than anything else he could have told me, that was for damn sure.
And, to know that he thought the world of how I’d raised her turned me on. Perhaps there was a chance the two of us would hook up again. I hardly dare let myself think it, but I almost wanted to think that there could be a real relationship there.
Don’t lose your head with this. You never know what’s going on in his mind, and he might have just been feeling good about the day. You don’t want him to think that you’re easy or anything.
I tried to shove the thought back out of my mind as quickly as it had come. It was a thought that I’d had several times over the morning, and I didn’t like it. I was half tempted to think that my brother was right. I was a slut. After all, it was the first chance that we really had to have each other again, and our clothes were on the floor in a heartbeat.
What did that mean? I didn’t know, because we didn’t talk about it. I wanted to know his thoughts on the matter, but all that he had sent me through text was how much fun it had been and how much he was happy to have us in his life. There wasn’t any mention of the sex whatsoever. And that confused me.
I sat on the floor and played with Allegra. It was my favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning. I’d be meeting up with Khloe later to grab lunch and talk about what happened with Nathan, and I hoped she’d have more insight into the situation than I did.
She was smart, and she certainly knew how to handle the men in her life. I, on the other hand, hadn’t had much experience to speak of outside of high school. I lost my virginity to a douche bag jock when I was in school, and afterward, I just wanted to have fun for a while.
Then everything happened with Nathan and Allegra, and I hadn’t had the time to date since. I was twenty-one with a two year old, and I’d accepted that as my life.
There was a knock at my door, and I sighed. I didn’t want to deal wi
th anyone but my daughter this morning. I was tired from the night before, and I wanted to take it easy until lunchtime. But, when the knock repeated itself, I knew I had to see who it was.
I hadn’t spoken to Marcus again since the day he’d come over, and besides showing Nathan the place, I hadn’t had any guests. I was never big on guests, and I now hoped whoever was at the door was just someone who was lost and looking for directions.
I unlocked the bolt and pulled it open, not bothering to show my annoyance that my brother stood in the hall. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day he yelled at me, and I still wasn’t too eager to get back in contact. Now that I had Nathan in my life, I felt that I had the support system I needed, and I didn’t have to have Blaze anymore.
Of course, I was willing to let him still be in Allegra’s life, but that was only if he could accept her – and me – for who we were. I wasn’t going to put up with any more of his bullshit.
“What do you want?” I crossed my arms and gave him a condescending look, disgusted that he was clearly hungover. I didn’t care that he still partied, but I didn’t like dealing with the aftermath. I’d given up partying before I’d even got the chance to really start.
And I had to admit, there was part of me that resented him for that.
“We need to talk,” he said as he pushed past me. I didn’t want him in my apartment, but I wasn’t going to kick him out. I was quickly getting the impression this was going to be short and sweet.
“I’ve got nothing else to say to you,” I replied.
“Shut up and listen. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’re being stupid, and I’ve had enough,” he snapped. “I know you went to see that prick in Santa Rosa, and I don’t approve. Do you realize you could get yourself hurt doing that?”
“I realize that there is a truce between the MCs, and he wanted to show me his place before I allowed Allegra to spend time there unsupervised,” I snapped.
“What the hell are you thinking? You are going to let Allegra spend time there without you? Not that you being there is any better, but you really think that it’s a good idea for her to be there with him? With them?” he snapped.
“I think that I said he could be part of her life, and that’s part of it,” I retorted.
“Part of her life is seeing her occasionally when you happen to be shopping – it’s not handing her right over to the devil himself!” Blaze put his hands on either side of his head, taking a deep breath and letting his exasperation show. I was sure he likely had a headache on top of the fact he was here yelling at me, but I didn’t care. He was the one who came over uninvited, and I wasn’t going to go easy on him because he had too much to drink the night before.
“Do you know how stupid you sound?” he said.
“Do you? First of all, you aren’t going to talk about Nathan that way anymore. He’s a much better man than you give him credit for, and I’m glad Allegra gets to have him in her life,” I snapped. I cocked my head as I stared at him. “I’m beginning to think that you don’t want her to have a father figure.”
“I certainly won’t condone that father figure being a Folded Flag,” he said. “What are you going to do when she grows up and chooses them over us? Huh? Then what?”
“I wouldn’t care who she chose if she’s happy in her life. In fact, I kind of hope she doesn’t get involved in any of the MCs! She deserves a life that is better than all this control and politics!” I snapped.
“You take that back!” Blaze yelled. “How dare you go against your own MC like that? What would Dad say if he knew?”
“Fuck what Dad would say! I hated the way he raised us to be nothing but little political pawns in his game. He didn’t care about us being happy, he only cared about the status we held in the MC, and I’m sick of it! The only reason I’ve not left is because this is the only family we really have!” I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction.
“Listen to what you just said. They are our family, and here you are, turning your back on them like they’re nothing.” Blaze shook his head “How dare you?”
“Nathan is my family now! I have the father of my child and my child together, and I’m not going to give up on that because of some stupid club rules! Besides, you know they’re working to make everyone get along, why do you have such a problem with that?” I bounced Allegra up and down on my hip.
She was once again getting upset with the yelling, but my brother had crossed the line. This was the conversation we’d needed to have for a long time, and now that we were having it, I wasn’t going to back down.
I would stand up to him, not only for myself and for my daughter, but for Nathan. He didn’t deserve the shit my brother pushed on him. He didn’t do anything to my brother, and I firmly believed all the MCs could get along if they really tried. Hell, they might even be better together, instead of fighting each other all the time.
“I can’t believe you,” he said as he shook his head again. “It’s like you don’t care about anything anymore. You just want to run off with this guy and act like it’s all going to be alright.”
“I didn’t say I was going to run off with anyone, Blaze,” I replied. “He wants to be in Allegra’s life, and I feel that it’s best for her to have that. We’re already talking to lawyers and working out our custody agreement. You can like it or not, but Nathan is in my life now, and he’s here to stay.”
“There’s nothing you can say that’s going to get me to change my mind. I don’t like this, and I don’t approve. And quite honestly, I think you need to be really careful of who you let around your daughter,” Blaze said. “I see that you’re being an adult about this – or at least, trying to be – but there are some decisions that are just hard to make, maybe the sort of decisions we don’t want.”
“I’ve made myself clear,” I said. “I’m not changing my mind, either, and I’m not going to let you talk about Nathan that way. If you are going to be around me, then you’re going to have to show some respect.”
Blaze shook his head once more. I had a feeling there was a lot more he wanted to say to me, but it was clear I wasn’t going to budge. Nathan and I were already working through the process, and I didn’t regret a damn thing.
I was sick of being under Blaze’s thumb. Whether he had helped me or not didn’t matter. He didn’t control me, and I was done acting like he did.
“I hope you come to your senses,” he said. He turned and walked back out the door, leaving me in the middle of the room with Allegra in my arms. I held her close and kissed the side of her head, trying to get control over myself before I burst into tears.
He wasn’t allowed to tell me what to do, that was for damn sure. Perhaps he still had enough alcohol in his system he was bold enough to come over and yell at me, perhaps he was just done caring enough about my needs to even care to hold back anymore.
As always, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I knew he was closer to our father than I had ever been, and he cared about the MC as though it was the only thing that mattered in his life. But, there was a part of me that feared he was choosing the club over his own family members – his own flesh and blood.
Blaze liked to be right, and there were many times in my life I’d wondered how far he’d go to do that very thing.
Whatever the case, I hoped he’d go home and sleep it off. He needed it.
19
Nathan
I checked my phone, hoping to hear from Jenna. We still didn’t talk about the sex from the other night, and she didn’t really bring up the drunk texting, either. I read back over the texts when I woke, and I had to admit, it was pretty bad.
She’d sent me a text Sunday morning, but it was lighthearted and funny. She didn’t really go into anything. I was a little frustrated with that. I wanted so much more from her, but I didn’t know how to bring it up in conversation, and I wasn’t getting the impression she was going to, either.
It was as though we were stuck
in some sort of limbo where we were clearly still attracted to each other, but neither of us were making a move. I had a feeling it could only go on for so long, but there was another part of me that worried with her freer schedule now that I was going to take Allegra a few times a week, she’d be open to dating someone else.
I couldn’t tell her not to. But then, I couldn’t ask her to date me, either. I was stuck.
My phone rang as it was in my hand, almost causing me to drop it out of surprise. But, it wasn’t Jenna who was calling me. It was Carl. I would have preferred it be Jenna, but I was still eager to hear from Carl, so I answered quickly.
“Hey, I think I got you a job. Get down here to the diner, and we’ll talk about it over lunch,” he said.
“I’ll be right down,” I replied. It was just what I was hoping for. I was eager to get the job so I could better provide for Allegra, it was just a matter of finding the right one. With Carl helping me out, I knew it wasn’t going to take too long. He was known around town, which made him a good reference.
If I knew Carl, he likely already talked to the guy at this job site and told him to hire me. I threw on a t-shirt, clipped on my prosthetic, and I headed down to the diner.
Zach was cooking in the kitchen, and he gave me a nod as I walked by. “Dad and Adam are in the back booth. He said he wants to talk to you.”
“That’s why I’m here,” I replied. “He gave me a call about a job he might have found for me. Let’s hope to God that he did.”
“Here’s hoping,” Zach said. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I replied on my way out into the diner. I didn’t have to tell Zach what I wanted. None of us did. He had been cooking long enough he knew our orders by heart, and since we never changed them, it wasn’t hard for him to whip up lunch quickly.
Just as he said, Adam and Carl were in the back booth. They both had beers in front of them, but I wasn’t going to drink if this was possibly an interview. I didn’t he wanted.