Accelerant

by Katelyn Beckett

  And there, in the center of it all, stood Ember.

  No, no. It wasn't my Ember. Ardent stood there in stark white, raising hell from the ground around her and lashing fire across the world. I walked toward her, blind to the rest of the world around me. No one saw me. No one knew I was even there.

  I just walked to Nishelle, took her wrist in my hand, and cracked my elbow across her temple as hard as I could.

  She dropped like a stone, a completely painless knockout blow that tore her out of the Dream.

  Her skin burned my hands. It didn't matter. The smoke was choking me. That didn't matter, either. She was too heavy for me to drag back to any of the Alliance vehicles by myself. I didn't care. The flames slowly died around us and I sank to the ground, Nishelle in my arms for the first time in too long. She was unconscious.

  But that didn't matter, either.

  I held her. I let the world melt away around me and I held her in my arms in the midst of all that chaos; all that blood, sweat, and pain, and I just.

  I held her.

  Around me, the heroes won. They brought down Wreckless first, then Melody. When they'd loaded them in one of the trucks, Creed came back for me. I looked up at him and gave a fretful, weak cough. Nate reached for Nishelle, but Adam shook his head. He scooped both of us up at once, carried us to another truck, and climbed in the back with both of us.

  Nate joined us.

  And all the way home, through the broken streets and the burning buildings, for time lost to me and everyone else; I held her.

  He tried to take her from me but I pulled her closer.

  Chapter 16

  Clean, amber sheets awaited me upon waking. That, and a faint headache that was more the sort that affects all your senses at once than the type that pounds your ears out.

  It was like I'd taken a punch from a Blitzer, or something.

  As I tried to sit up, an arm across my chest caught me. I hesitated and looked to my left. There, bathed in morning sunlight, lay Cassie. She was fast asleep, still in her supersuit; minus the hood. I looked around and didn't recognize the apartment. Maybe she'd been given another one when she got out of prison for killing me?

  The sensation was hot, angry. It punctured my mind and slid all the way down my back. I closed my eyes and pursed my lips, irritated at it. The Dream was like an infection, never quite willing to give you up without the right medication. And I had no idea what I needed to take, yet, to fully get its claws out of me.

  I had to say, waking up next to Cassie in a strange place was somewhat comforting. I didn't think the Dream could make me create that scenario. And the headache suggested that I was in the real world, that I was experiencing reality instead of some heartachingly wishful place.

  Still, I needed to be sure. I pinched myself as savagely as I could, drawing blood. It hurt like crazy and I growled, shaking the back of my hand out to try to relieve the pain.

  "Dunno why you'd do that to yourself."

  Cassie watched me, amusement in her gaze. She withdrew her arm and used it to prop herself up instead. I sank back down into the sheets with her. "We're in the Alliance building, right? Somewhere safe?"

  God, I hadn't meant for those words to seem so frightened. My voice almost cracked, threatening to spill over into tears if I wasn't careful. Safety. Security. A place to really know that I didn't have to worry about anything? That meant so much. Yeah, sure, I'd gotten one of those rent-by-week apartments on my own, but it wasn't somewhere I could trust no one could get to me. How many times, in the few weeks that I'd had it, had I come home to find the door open?

  Thankfully, I hadn't really kept anything there. Even my suit was in one of the old Alliance caches around the city, just to make sure no one popped my door and swiped it.

  Secret identities were important and I had no idea how badly mine had been ruined during Cassie's trial.

  Her fingers danced their way up my belly, coming to rest at the bottom of my ribcage. I fought down the urge to break her face and kiss her all at once, which, let me tell you, is one hell of a conflicting emotion to have. A smile crept across her lips and I knew she had to know, had to realize what I was struggling with.

  "You're safe and sound at home. Or as safe as we ever get," Cassie said.

  I leaned in to kiss her, my eyes sliding shut. I wanted to know, had to know that everything was the same. That I hadn't been lost for so long. We could pick up where we'd left off, wherever that was. And better yet? I didn't feel sick anymore. My heart was fine, my body ready to do whatever I wanted. We could have a life together again. A real life, built on that kinds of things that everyone dreams of doing with their significant other.

  We could even get married, if we wanted to.

  Picturing her out biking with me, the two of us camping in the middle of nowhere or just hiking for the day. We could go swimming out by the bay or just relax without having to worry about my medication schedule. Maybe we'd go see some fireworks and I wouldn't have to worry about exposing myself to the dust and allergens in the air, or my doctors wouldn't be terrified it'd set off some chain event that would end up with me getting another hospital-level nebulizer treatment.

  It was so strange. I could do my superhero work sometimes, even back then. But I hadn't been able to really exist with Cassie. And she'd taken it in stride, never complaining when we had to cancel plans or when the idea of going out to the movies had become too much.

  Her hand caught the bottom of my chin and gently pressed me back.

  My heart fell to the ground, flopped weakly, and died.

  "Cass?" I asked.

  She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. "We need to have a conversation before that happens."

  "Look, if you had to clock me to put me down before I hurt someone, that's fine," I said. "I'd have wanted that to happen. I'm not upset, I'm not worried about it. I don't care."

  "It isn't that."

  I pulled away from her and sat up a little straighter in bed. "Okay. It's not you having to deck me? Because it feels like you decked me."

  "Well. Yeah, I decked you," she admitted. "But it isn't that."

  My mind reeled. I couldn't fathom what she had to say to me that was so important. "Then... what?"

  "I've got boyfriends."

  The world didn't stop, but it definitely paused for a second. "You got a boyfriend." I thought about it, then shrugged. "Okay. That's... I understand that. You thought I was dead. It seems like everyone thought I was dead. So, you moved on, you found someone else-"

  "Boyfriends."

  Boyfriends? I tried to understand, but it didn't make sense. "You're... You were never the type to screw around. What happened?"

  Cassie sighed at me. "I'm not screwing around and I'm not doing it behind their back. I'm with Edwin, Adam, and I just got with Nate. It's a multi-person relationship thing. And I like it."

  "You're dating three guys and you don't want me." The words burned coming up my throat but I forced them out. It had to be said.

  Her eyes widened. She grabbed my arm and tightened her grip on it with both hands. "Are you crazy? Of course I want you. Nishelle, I'll always want you. But what I want doesn't matter."

  "That means what, exactly?" I asked, fumbling to grasp the concept. Couldn't this talk have waited until I was fully awake? Until I'd had a little coffee and maybe something to munch on?

  No, Cassie wasn't that person. She was always the sort to jump straight to any problem she found the second that it came into her mind. It was what Blitzers did. They got so hyper-focused on something that it was impossible to persuade them to concentrate on anything else until that "task" was finished. It didn't matter what it was. It was like watching a laser hone itself on something.

  And she wanted me to know she was dating someone else. Not just one person, but multiple people. I guessed that was some sort of a compliment. When we'd been together, I'd been enough for her.

  Or had I?

  She looked so upset. "It's what you're co
mfortable with. What you want. If you don't want something with me because of them, I understand. But I can't give them up, either."

  The message? If I wanted Cassie, I had to put up with sharing her. The idea wasn't exactly something I was a fan of. It'd been us, not all of us. My head rocked back as I played with the thought and tried to see if there was any way to do something else. Anything else.

  But the look on her face said there wasn't. She was regretful, sad, but she wasn't going to budge on it. And that was, of course, completely in character for her, too. That was who she was.

  As she'd said, that didn't matter quite as much.

  What mattered was how I thought about the five of us as a group, not Cassie and me as a thing and her with someone else. I paused to concentrate on that. Cassie, Adam, in a shower as they kissed and moaned, hips rolling and thrashing beneath the water. I forced myself to imagine it, to see her pregnant with a child of Nate's or Adam's or Edwin's.

  Perhaps what surprised me the most was that I didn't hate it. I wasn't exactly enthused by the image of her having sex with them or spending time away from me with them, but I didn't erupt into a jealous rage and set the bed on fire. That was a starting point, wasn't it?

  Could I cope with it in the long-term? That was the important question. I looked up at Cassie and saw her waiting for me, worry evident on every feature she had. I drew my hands back and put them in my lap, bowing my head over them.

  "I need to think about it. It's a lot to take on and a lot for either of us to deal with. I know that you thought I was gone. I get it. Like I said. I really do get it," I said.

  She sighed. "Five years, Ni-ni. It's a long time for anyone to be alone."

  A little ball of uncertainty uncoiled at the nickname. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against hers, smiling. "Even if we're not together, I'm still here. You know that, right?" I paused for a moment, then kissed her anyway. It was a brief, stiff thing. "Ci-ci."

  That broke her. She choked, sniffed, then fell forward into me and began to cry. How long had she had it in her? Was it the kind of thing she'd been able to do in prison? I didn't know; I'd never been unless I was delivering scum to the city. I held her as she sobbed. Decades washed away and we were just beginner idiots finding each other in the dormitories, missing what we'd lost and gaining something brand new along the way.

  I ran my fingers through her hair and rocked her. There was no point in trying to shush her. Good friends, good lovers, they didn't do that. You're supposed to let them cry when they need to, not shut them up because it's inconvenient. Maybe I wanted some coffee. Maybe I wanted to get up and go to the restroom.

  Those things don't matter when someone needs you.

  When Cassie had cried herself out, I kissed the top of her ear. She sniffle-giggled and pulled her head away from me, just like she always had. When it came down to it, we were in two different worlds now. And who knew when I'd snap and end up in the Dream, watching my body fry her alive?

  "It's not safe for me to be here," I said.

  Cassie wiped her eyes. "I don't care."

  "I do."

  "I don't."

  I sighed and eyed her. "I have to figure out what I've done, Cassie. We don't even know if I'm responsible for some kind of heinous... stuff."

  "I don't care," she said, much more forcefully that time. She looked up at me and wiped her eyes again. "We'll get there when we get there. And we'll figure it out when we can."

  "You gonna bail me out of jail if I did something really terrible?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

  She smiled and shook her head. "I'll just have to do something terrible, too."

  "I can't let you do that. Not for me. You've got all these wonderful men out here," I said, a little more flatly than I'd intended.

  Her face broke into a million pieces. "You're mad at me."

  "Ci-ci," I sighed, leaning in to nuzzle her neck. She squirmed toward me. "I can't be mad at you. Not really. Confused. Frustrated. Not too sure about the situation. But I can't be mad at you."

  Cassie fell silent and I explored her, taking in the sight of new scars, the smell of fresh mint shampoo that she'd never used before. I found a spot of perfume, her old favorite, lingering on the back of her neck and a bump she'd gotten doing superhero work. I placed a kiss on that bump and got a grumble in return for it.

  "We'll figure this out over breakfast?" she asked, hoping I'd say yes.

  Rolling back on the bed, I shook my head. "Maybe more like pizza from the cafeteria. Besides, I have to figure out what I've been doing. If you saw my bank account, you'd flip."

  She grabbed her phone and pulled up some app or other. I assumed it was for the cafeteria but wow, we hadn't had that when I'd been a resident in the Alliance building. Feeling just a little jealous, I peeked around to look at the screen. It took her all of a few seconds to put the order together. She still remembered which pizza toppings were my favorite.

  I'd always had to double-check hers, even when we were together.

  The food arrived within minutes. I was five slices in when I brought it up. "Is there any way to try to track a superhero's outings? From what I've been able to gather, Ardent's been running around on Alliance hours."

  "Just how big is that bank account now?" she asked around a slice of cheese.

  I snorted. "Big enough that I don't have to worry about affording anything ever again. Which is to say, I was probably freelancing on the side of the Alliance pay."

  "And you don't know for who."

  Frowning, I said, "No. I don't know for who. I'd guess that Allison was just sending me wherever made her the most cash the fastest. ...Weird of her to cut me in on it, isn't it?"

  "I wouldn't think that most people would do that, but maybe she was hiding money in your account? How was she even able to access your account?" Cassie asked. "Shouldn't your parents have taken it over when you supposedly died?"

  We watched one another for a few, long moments. Then I tore a chunk of crust off and shrugged. "When we catch her, I guess we'll make her tell us."

  "Oh!"

  "Oh?"

  Cassie smacked her forehead. "I'm an idiot. I'm such an idiot."

  "I wouldn't go so far as that, but I'm waiting for you to elaborate."

  She smiled at me and waved the first part of that away. "Edwin could pull every record you want, all day long. He's got full access to everything, as far as I know, and it's not like Scribe can do anything about that when he's stuck in the hospital."

  I blinked at her. Then I blinked again. "You think he'd do that for me?"

  "Edwin? He's been friendly with us for years. It might be a little bit against the rules but we've been loosening him up bit by bit."

  "You don't mean that in some weird sexual way, right?"

  Her eyes narrowed at me. "I mean it in a 'he'll help you out' way, Nishelle. I'm not going to publicize my sex life to someone who isn't sure about how she feels about my current situation."

  "Are you really so surprised that someone needs time to think over playing the 5th wheel in a relationship?" I asked, trying to keep cool. The heat in her voice needed to be brought down a few notches. We'd been apart so long, I couldn't bear our first time together turning into a fight.

  She grumbled into her crust. "You wouldn't be a 5th wheel. You'd just be mine. Ours, if you wanted it, but I don't know how you feel about the other guys."

  "You're pushing me. You really don't want to do that."

  "I'm not pushing you just because I'm frustrated that you aren't on board with this thing. I just don't like the fact that I might lose you for good."

  I got up a little faster than I meant to and knocked my pizza to the floor. So much for keeping calm. "And how do you think I feel? I've already lost you, Cassie. You're three feet away from me and all you want to do is talk about your boyfriends. Your boyfriends. You get one taste of dick and-"

  "Excuse me? I did not -"

  "Forget it," I snapped. "I'll go see what precious
Edwin can do for me. And maybe, if I'm good, he'll tell me what he does to you that I can't."

  Cassie got up to follow me but I was already headed out the door. I smacked it shut behind me, careful to lock the knob on the way out. It'd take her the extra second to realize that I'd locked it and to get it open. By the time I heard the door unlocking down the hallway, I was already in the elevator. I poked the button to close the sliding doors and watched as Cassie came running up.