Bittersweet

by Jacquie Underdown

  ‘No. Tom. Can you please just leave and let me handle this myself?’

  He shook his head. ‘Not a chance.’

  Ten customers were waiting out the front. He faked a smile and did his best to serve them. He was clueless with the till and had to leave the drawer open, handling the money manually. Lucky he was good at math.

  When he thought they were all gone, another would walk in. After half an hour, he earned a break.

  Amy was still in her room. She was finishing a phone call.

  She shook her head solemnly when she hung up. ‘It’s not worth even trying to get it back. Too expensive. They can have it.’

  Tom kneeled in front of her, so he was at eye height.

  ‘Can you please just go, Tom? I’ll deal with this.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  Tears glistened her eyes, but she blinked them away. ‘I thought I was making some headway, but then another bill will turn up, some creditor I had forgotten about. I only missed two payments on that car …’ she trailed off, rubbed her forehead with a trembling hand. ‘I’m kidding myself to think I can keep doing this … keep staying here.’

  His heart stuttered. It wasn’t ideal that she was in financial trouble, but he wasn’t going to leave her high and dry. He wouldn’t condemn her for trying to make a business idea work then come up against such blatant sabotage. Nor for the fact that it had failed. And he wouldn’t make her feel bad because of the mess she was in.

  But mostly, he was going to do everything he could to help her stay.

  He shook his head. ‘We just need to find a solution here.’

  ‘What am I going to do without a car? God, this is so messed up.’

  The front doorbell chimed again.

  Tom stood, ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Go splash some water on your face and take a few deep breaths, then come meet me out the front. This afternoon, once we have more than two minutes to ourselves, we’ll talk about what we can do.’

  Amy nodded as she drew a shuddering breath. ‘Ok.’

  Tom marched out the front to serve customers. Amy joined him a little while later. During the brief moments they had between customers, she explained the extent of her situation.

  ‘I’ve been able to get on top of things since the lease in Melbourne finished. That’s helped. And living here frees up a big expense.

  ‘My restaurant settles at the end of the week, but with the sale price being below what I bought it for, it doesn’t wipe out the full mortgage. I have managed to re-mortgage the remaining balance, though, so my repayments each month are less.

  ‘The profits from Sugar Cakes are getting better. It’s nowhere near what I’d get paid in a top restaurant, but it’ll have to do.’

  The more he heard, the more his gut churned. He hadn’t realised how much she was sacrificing by staying in this town. Of course, she had told him about it, but he hadn’t understood how deep. She’d kept paying for Mitch’s rent in the city. She’d bought a lot of his food just to know he was taken care of.

  Here Amy was staying in town, running the shop, despite her ability to earn more elsewhere, just so she could do what Rachel had asked of her—be there for Mitch and Sophie.

  By the time they’d closed up and finished cleaning, the churning had morphed into a sickly feeling of guilt. Guilt, because he hadn’t helped. And looking back, he should have.

  He should have helped in some way. At least covered Mitch’s food, or covered the rent on her Melbourne apartment.

  They sat together at the bench with a coffee each. Tom hadn’t even touched the cupcake she had left aside for him, and that was not like him at all.

  ‘I feel like such an arse,’ Tom said.

  Amy frowned, her forehead crumpled. ‘Why the hell do you feel like an arse?’

  He rubbed his face. ‘I should’ve seen how much you were struggling. I could have paid your car payment, Amy, and all this could have been prevented.’

  She shook her head, a horrified expression on her face. ‘Let’s get one thing straight, okay? I don’t ever expect, nor will I ever expect you to come to my rescue here. This is my problem, and I’ll deal with—’

  ‘It’s not your problem. You were covering rent for my brother when you were not in the position—’

  ‘And I had his house in return.’

  ‘No. It’s not the same thing, and you know it. You could’ve been here—’ he pointed to the back room where she was living, ‘—months ago. You’re to stop buying Mitch food. If he needs anything, you call me, and I’ll go with you to get it. Do you understand?’

  ‘I don’t mind.’

  ‘Fuck, Amy,’ he yelled, slamming his fist on the bench. ‘Your car was repossessed, you need to start minding. Or I’m … I’m going to lose you.’

  He groaned, scrubbed his palms over his face. He hadn’t meant to yell, hadn’t meant to make this about him, but if the need to find a higher paying job became too much, she would have no choice but to leave, and he couldn’t very well tell her not to.

  ‘Tom, there was always the strongest chance I’d be leaving. We’ve known that from the start.’

  He closed his eyes and sighed. Yes, he knew that. He just hoped that maybe once their emotions deepened, they’d find a way to work it out. ‘Do you have any bills that are urgent?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. It was just the car.’

  ‘You sure?’ he asked.

  ‘I’ve set up payment arrangements with most companies. And as long as nothing else comes in, I should cope.’

  ‘Can I help with anything? I honestly don’t care. You can pay me back if it makes you feel better.’

  She stood. ‘No way, Tom. You and me, we’re not going to be like that. No way. I got myself into this mess, and I’m going to get myself out of it.’

  He sighed. ‘Fine.’ There was no changing her mind. ‘Come sit down, please.’

  Amy sat on the stool beside him again.

  ‘So what are you going to do about a car?’

  Her next exhale deflated her body, and she slumped in the chair. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I can find something inexpensive for sale.’

  Tom nodded. ‘I’ll keep an eye out for you. In the meantime, you can borrow one of the vineyard’s vehicles—’

  ‘No, Tom. I don’t want Mitch or Sam to know about this.’

  He agreed it wouldn’t be a good idea to let either of those two know. They’d not understand, and he didn’t want them on his back telling him that Amy was trouble.

  ‘I’ll say the lease on your other car has ended, and you’re looking for a new one to buy. Meanwhile, you’re borrowing, very short-term, a vineyard vehicle. And to be honest, Mitch wouldn’t even notice.’

  ‘Except for when I visit him,’ she said.

  ‘Even then, I doubt it. What do you say?’

  She hesitated but nodded. ‘Sure. Thank you.’

  ‘It’s no trouble.’

  Tom stayed at Amy’s place that night. In the darkness of her room, he kissed her as deeply as he could. Touched her with all the wonder he possessed.

  Inside him was passion he’d never known existed. The passion of a man who had glimpsed the possibility of the end. Until today, he had put aside that what was flourishing between them with all the fervour of a fuelled fire was temporary.

  But with his blunt understanding of the real situation, he had felt true fear. He could no longer deny that he was in deep. And he knew with all his heart, he would fight tooth and nail to keep her here.

  Yes, that may be selfish, but he didn’t care. She meant too much to him.

  Tom lifted onto his elbow until he was looking into Amy’s eyes through the darkness. She kissed him, her hand holding his cheek.

  When he pulled back, he said, ‘You mean so much to me. You hear me, Amy? I’m not going back out to the mine. I’m staying here.’

  She lifted her head, eyes wide as she stared at him. ‘You are?’

  He nodded. ‘My resignation was accepte
d this morning. I want to be here as much as I can. With you. For you.’

  A long smile curled her lips, and it warmed his heart to see the pleasure in that simple but exquisite smile.

  Chapter 28

  A car roared up the driveway towards the back of Sugar Cakes. Amy shoved her mop back into its bucket. It didn’t sound like Tom, though that’s who she had been expecting.

  Pushing through the back door, she saw Tom climbing out of an unfamiliar, old car. A late model Ford Focus. The paint work was blue—not too bad except for a few blotches worn away over time.

  Tom grinned and gestured at the car. ‘Your new chariot, my lady.’

  She smiled. ‘You found me a car?’

  He nodded. ‘One thousand dollars, as is. There were a few minor problems with it, but you’re lucky I’m a diesel mechanic, so they weren’t too difficult to iron out.’

  Grease still lined the underside of his nails, and he had a little on his neck and jaw. But her stomach was sinking because even though one thousand dollars was a great price, she didn’t have it. Not even on her credit card.

  After this month’s interest had been charged, she had no room left. She was living on the cash takings from Sugar Cakes now.

  Noticing the change in her expression, Tom came to her. ‘I bought it.’ She opened her mouth to say no, but he cut her off. ‘You can pay me back. In a manageable way.’

  All she seemed to be doing was paying people back in manageable ways. She wasn’t sure anything was manageable at the moment. But she couldn’t say no to the car.

  In a rural town like this where everything and everybody was so far apart, and there was limited public transport, a car was her livelihood.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I really appreciate it.’

  ‘And if there’s any trouble with it, I should be able to help you out. It’s an old car, but it seems sound. I checked it all out. Threw in a new battery, spark plugs. The air-conditioner even works.’

  Amy laughed because he looked so damn pleased with himself. She went to him and kissed his cheek. ‘What would I do without you, Tom Mathews?’

  ‘I’d say you’d be pretty unhappy. And horny.’

  She laughed again. ‘Yes, I’d be both of those things.’

  ‘Speaking of horny …’ he said, one brow arching.

  Amy slapped his chest. ‘Let me test drive my new car first, Casanova.’

  He rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning. ‘Fine. I guess we can do that.’

  ‘I’ll just finish mopping. I made a macadamia and caramel slice for Mitch last night. We can take it around for him.’

  Tom looked affronted.

  Amy giggled. ‘Yes, I’ve made one for you and Sam too. I don’t know why you ever doubt me.’

  He drew her to him and kissed her hard on the lips. ‘I don’t. Ever.’

  Amy finished the last of the cleaning, retrieved the slice and jumped in the driver’s seat. The car had a stuffy scent, but the upholstery was still intact, and the engine started easily when she turned the key. As far as she was concerned, it sounded okay.

  For a few years at least, this was going to have to do, a thorough downsizing, a readjustment of her expectations. It was going to be tough since she’d grown up experiencing the best of everything.

  With a three point turn, Amy manoeuvred the car around, headed out of the driveway and onto the main road. Tom wound down the window and yelled, ‘Woohoo!’ as she accelerated up the street.

  Long black shadows stretched across the landscape tinting the day’s colour in shades of grey by the time they arrived at Mitch’s. He met them at the door when they knocked, Sophie in his arms. Amy’s heart sung like it did every time she saw Sophie after a few days apart.

  ‘Good afternoon, Sophie darling,’ she cooed, touching her cheek hoping to induce one of those infamous smiles she reserved for her father.

  Sophie’s eyes shone, and she gave a dribbley grin.

  Amy, brows arching high, peered at Mitch, then at Tom, laughing. ‘Look at you, clever girl.’

  ‘Why don’t you do that for me?’ Tom said to Sophie, tickling the sole of her foot. Sophie grinned again, and Tom burst into laughter. ‘I spoke too soon.’

  ‘Come in,’ Mitch said. Amy flinched to hear the gruffness in that command, especially in contrast to the joy of having Sophie smile for the first time for her and Tom.

  Amy shared a questioning glance with Tom. Tom shrugged and shook his head as they followed behind Mitch.

  ‘I’ve made a slice,’ she said. ‘I’ll just leave it in the kitchen. You can eat it after dinner. Or for dinner,’ she said with a nervous laugh.

  When she joined them in the lounge room, Mitch was sitting with Sophie on his lap, Tom opposite on the lounge.

  ‘I had a visit from Felicity today,’ Mitch was saying.

  The tone of his voice, deep and resentful, was not a good sign at all. Amy’s stomach was churning as she took a seat beside Tom. She understood the horrible emotions Mitch was dealing with at the moment, but trying to predict what mood he would be in was becoming painful.

  And knowing that he was shitty right now, she wanted to stand up and leave, not in the right headspace to deal with whatever he was about to unleash on them both.

  But she drew in a deep breath and tried to calm that sickly feeling churning inside her. She had to remind herself that leaving him alone to stew in his grief was not going to help anyone. Especially Sophie.

  Regardless, Mitch needed to know that she and Tom had his back.

  Tom said, ‘We ran into her at Sugar Cakes. She said she was going to pop around.’

  Mitch frowned at Tom. ‘She’s worried about me. What would have given her that idea?’ Definite accusation in that question.

  Both Tom and Amy shook their heads at the same time.

  ‘You haven’t stuck your noses into my business and said something to her? Does that ring any kind of fucking bell?’

  ‘Mate, don’t,’ Tom snapped. ‘She asked how you were, and my exact answer was ‘up and down’. End of story. Don’t go making up bullshit to start a fight. I don’t go talking about you behind your back, so don’t start assuming that I do. Maybe she was worried from observing you. Had you been drinking? She’s a counsellor. She’d see things we can’t.’

  Mitch shifted in his chair, readjusted Sophie on his lap.

  ‘Do you want me to take her?’ Amy asked, aching for the distraction and comfort Sophie would give.

  ‘She’s fine here,’ Mitch barked. Sophie flinched at his booming voice. ‘Look, I’m doing the best I can. I’m not perfect. But I’m trying.’

  ‘I know that,’ Tom said.

  Amy nodded, grateful Tom was handling the conversation because she didn’t trust the strength of her voice.

  ‘So tell me, is it also bullshit that the two of you are moving on as though nothing has happened, fucking each other behind my back?’

  Amy went rigid. They hadn’t told Mitch about their relationship in case this exact situation arose. Neither of them was sure how he’d handle it. But Felicity must have said something. Damn it.

  ‘Don’t be so crude,’ Tom said, exasperation thick in his words. ‘I’m not ‘fucking’ anyone behind your back.’ He used his fingers to make angry quotations in the air. ‘We have a … relationship. And we thought it best to keep it to ourselves considering the situation.’

  Mitch slammed his fist on the couch startling Sophie, and she burst into tears. ‘God,’ he said, voice cracking. ‘So you both keep on moving on as though Rachel never even existed.’ Sophie bellowed louder. Mitch stood and carefully placed her over his shoulder, bouncing her and patting her back. ‘I’m sorry, darling. God, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘I’m leaving,’ Amy said standing. Her hands were shaking. She was tired of being made to feel as though every decision she made was the wrong one.

  Perhaps, she hadn’t taken Mitch fully into account when she started this relationship with Tom, but it was her life. And Tom w
as a major factor in helping her deal with her own grief and remembering that she still had to live regardless of all the days she wanted to join Rachel because the pain was too unbearable.

  Tom pushed to his feet. ‘I’ll not feel guilty for this, Mitch. No way. You don’t think I don’t miss Rachel every day too? You don’t think it fucking kills me to see you struggling like this? To see Sophie without a mum? We’re all trying our best here. And trying to make the right decisions. But Rachel would never insist that we all die too.’

  ‘Fuck off,’ Mitch yelled. Sophie screamed in fright.

  ‘You’re frightening her,’ Tom said, a whispered shout.

  ‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ Mitch said, restrained but still with a punch of anger in his tone.

  Tom shook his head. ‘’This is pointless. You’re beyond reasoning with.’

  He gripped Amy’s hand and led her out of the house. They jogged down the stairs. Amy could hear Tom’s deep, angry breaths. Her own heart was beating in her throat.

  It was so damn hard trying her hardest and failing at every turn.

  Tom closed his eyes, rolled his head back. ‘I know he’s my brother. I love him to death. I know he’s hurting inside, but sometimes I just want to punch him in the fucking head.’

  Amy nodded slowly. ‘Come on, let’s just go home.’

  He climbed into the car, his shoulders deflated.

  Amy turned to him as she started the engine. ‘At least he knows now. And we don’t have to hide it anymore.’

  Tom scrubbed his fingers through his hair and groaned. ‘I just don’t know how to reach him.’

  Amy shrugged. ‘Maybe we can’t. Perhaps he has to find his own way, and when he does, we’ll be here waiting for him.’

  ‘Thank God I’ve resigned from the mine. He’s still in no shape to run this vineyard. Then there’s Sophie. He frightened the hell out of her tonight. God. This is just so frustrating.’

  It was frustrating and sad and unfair. But putting labels on it didn’t change anything. She never could ever have imagined how all their lives would be shaken about so suddenly. Who they all were now was so unfamiliar. All directionless. But trying to find their own way forward.