Bittersweet

by Jacquie Underdown

  Tom parted his lips to interrupt, but she cut him off, increasing the volume of her voice. ‘In the last twenty-four hours, I’ve lost everything that means anything to me, and I’ve got nothing left to lose. But I refuse to be beaten further into the mud. So, if you want to talk to Mitch, go ahead, but I’m not joining you.’

  He remained silent for a long moment after she finished. ‘What does that mean?’

  If he asked her that one more time, she was going to be the next person using her fist. She opened the car door and stepped out onto the track.

  Bending back in through the door, she said, ‘I need to start taking reasonability for my life. I need to make some big decisions. And I’m not going to be able to do that while the Mathews brothers are walking around beating their chests like cavemen.’

  Tom banged the steering wheel with his palm and swore under his breath. ‘Can you please just wait until I know what’s going on, so we can talk this through?’

  She shook her head. ‘There’s nothing left to say.’

  ‘Can you at least tell me where you’re going?’

  She sighed. ‘I don’t even know that myself.’

  Amy shut the door and marched back towards her car. But as she got halfway there, she remembered it didn’t work. Head tilted back, so she had a clear view of the sky, she screamed at the top of her lungs, again and again.

  Never had she felt so trapped, so confused. She had no money, no options, and her stupid piece of shit car didn’t even work. She was in the middle of nowhere, kilometres from any town. All she wanted was to be far away from here and from Tom, so she didn’t have to feel the heartache every time she looked at his face.

  Finding a rock on the ground, she kicked at it, but it barely moved. Her big toe throbbed with the pain. She screamed again and crouched to the ground as pain pierced from her toe all the way up her leg. ‘For Christ’s sake,’ she hissed as she held her toe through the shoe.

  Footsteps came up from behind her. ‘Amy,’ Tom said. He was keeping his distance as though she was some untamed beast he had to be wary of.

  Her face heated, her body shook. She wasn’t sure she had ever been more humiliated.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

  She shook her head. ‘No,’ she wailed, tears falling fresh on her face. ‘No, I’m really, really not okay. I think I’ve broken my toe.’

  She tried to stand, but her toe was throbbing and so was her heart.

  Tom lifted her up into his arms like she was three, not twenty-nine, but at least it wasn’t over his shoulder, and carried her back to his car. He placed her on the seat.

  ‘I’ll take you back to my place. I’ll kick Sam out for a while. You’ll have the place to yourself. In the meantime, I’ll talk to Mitch and fix your car. Do you think you might need to get an x-ray on that toe?’

  She shook her head; there was only so much humiliation she could cop in one morning.

  ‘There’re painkillers at the house.’ He shut her door and jogged around to his side of the car. Sliding in behind the steering wheel, he sighed. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong. If I didn’t realise … everything enough.’

  She rested her forehead against the window and glared at the vineyard with all its burnished browns and russets and mustard yellows, which seemed almost mocking now with its beauty.

  Her body was a dead weight as she sagged in her seat. Tom hadn’t done anything wrong. Not one bit. The problem was that he had done everything right and now she couldn’t bear the torment of no longer being able to have him in her life.

  When they arrived at Tom’s house, he lifted her from the car and settled her on the couch inside. After turning the television on and giving her some painkillers, he left with Sam.

  Amy slid her shoe off to look at her big toe—swollen and the flesh was tinged blue.

  ‘Damn it.’

  She laid back against a pillow and placed a few under her foot to elevate it. The painkillers were working and the dull throbbing, which seemed to beat all the way up her leg, eased.

  The stupid GST bill and what that meant kept spinning around in her head. Amy sighed. Once Tom had fixed her car, she was out of here. Being in Alpine Ridge was driving an even bigger wedge between the brothers. Her chest squeezed when she remembered the sickening sound of Tom’s fist connecting with Mitch’s face.

  She couldn’t see this family tear itself apart anymore after all they’d been through.

  Amy would book herself into the cheapest hotel she could find, discover which restaurants were hiring outside of Melbourne, which was the best hope she had at landing a position with a restaurateur that Ronaldo hadn’t gotten to first.

  Her next exhale was shaky. She could do this. She was tough. Eventually, this would all be her past.

  An hour later, Tom’s car pulled up outside, and Amy’s stomach flipped. Mitch pulled in behind him. As she sat up, lifting her foot off the pillow and placing it on the ground, her heart pounded. Speaking with Mitch was not high on her list, but it was best to get it over with so she could get out of here.

  Her toe throbbed as blood rushed to it.

  Tom came through the door, Mitch following behind him. She couldn’t meet their eyes so stared straight ahead, focusing on a small black mark on the wall.

  ‘Hey,’ Tom said. ‘You okay?’

  No, she wasn’t okay, nothing had changed since the last time he had asked, but she said, ‘Fine.’

  Tom sat across from her on the lounge while Mitch sat beside her. She crossed her arms over her chest, not willing to meet his gaze.

  Mitch shuddered a breath inwards as he reached for her and touched her shoulder. ‘Amy,’ he said in a low voice.

  It surprised her to hear the apology in that single word, and she looked at him. His eyes were welling with tears. His cheek was cut and swollen, and his expression was a mask of remorse.

  ‘I should never have said those things to you,’ he said with unmistakable sincerity. But there was so much resentment inside of her that all his words did was stir up that emotion.

  ‘Amy,’ he said again, followed by a sniffle. ‘I screwed up. Big time. But you were right; I just didn’t want to hear it. Rachel would never have fallen in a heap like I have. She was stronger than me, so much stronger.’ He stopped and wiped at his eyes as tears flooded them. ‘And she never would have given up on Sophie …’ His voice cracked, so he stopped for a few breaths.

  Amy didn’t want to get caught up in this emotion, but her throat was aching, her chest tight and hot.

  ‘You were doing everything Rachel asked of you because that’s the type of person you are,’ he continued. ‘That’s why you were Rachel’s best friend. She didn’t let just anyone into her life. Only those that were special made it.

  ‘I’ve done nothing but let her down. But not you, Amy. You’ve gone above and beyond, and that speaks so much about who you are and how much Rachel meant to you. And I had no right to doubt that or twist it around and turn it into something …’ He hesitated. ‘Tom told me everything, what you’ve gone through to stay here.’ He shook his head and groaned. ‘You’ve every right to hate me.’

  ‘I don’t hate you, Mitch. But the way you made me feel … I’ve never been made to feel more like spat-out chewing gum on the bottom of someone’s boot—’

  ‘I’m so sorry for that—’

  ‘But what hurt me the most was to hear you say that Sophie was better off with Pete and Barb.’

  Mitch scrubbed his hands over his face, wincing as he touched the bruised cut left from Tom. ‘I’m not going to do that. I could never … I don’t know what I was thinking. I just feel like I’m always screwing things up. I can’t get it together. But I know I have to try. For Sophie’s sake, and for you and Tom.’ Tears welled again, but he wiped at them. ‘I know how much Sugar Cakes means to you. And I know how much it means to this town. I’m not going to stand in the way of Rachel’s wishes.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, Mitch. I can’t run it an
ymore. I can’t stay here. I’ll be leaving as soon as my car is fixed.’

  Tom leaned forward on his elbows. ‘We’ve come up with a plan.’

  Amy went to stand, forgetting about her toe. Pain shot through her, and she crumbled back onto the couch. ‘Gaaaawwwd,’ she hissed between her teeth.

  Mitch’s eyes were wide. Tom was in a half-crouch, ready to help her.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Mitch asked.

  ‘She kicked her toe on a rock,’ Tom said

  Mitch’s gaze went to her big toe, and he winced. ‘Ouch.’

  Her face burned as she rolled her eyes. ‘I let my frustration get the better of me.’

  Mitch shrugged, frowned. ‘I’m guilty of that too.’

  Tom sat back down. ‘Me three,’ he said with a wry smile.

  ‘So tell her the plan,’ Mitch said.

  ‘We have a great accountant we hire to look after the vineyard’s books. We want you to give him your paperwork and let him look through the figures. He knows the tax law inside out.’

  Amy shook her head.

  ‘I won’t take no for an answer, Amy. It’s the least I can do to try and make up for how I treated you,’ Mitch said.

  Tom nodded. ‘It’s worth a try.’

  Amy sighed because she knew she wasn’t in a position to turn down an offer like that. ‘Fine. Thank you.’

  Mitch’s shoulders relaxed. ‘Good. Because he’s on his way to Sugar Cakes now to pick up your paperwork. We know this has to be handled quickly.’

  ‘So don’t go making any rash decisions until we know what the situation is. In the meantime,’ Tom said gesturing at her foot, ‘we should head up to the hospital for an x-ray on that toe.’

  Amy groaned. He was right. There was a strong chance it was broken.

  ‘I know it might take a while for you to forgive me, Amy, if ever, but I hope that you can,’ Mitch said.

  She didn’t give any answer just yet because in her heart, she didn’t know how she felt. Though, she was relieved to hear a heartfelt apology.

  After a two hour wait at the local hospital for x-rays, Amy was sent home with the prognosis that she had sprained her toe. Trapped with Tom in a hospital waiting room gave her time to talk to him and time for her heart to thaw a little.

  As he doted on her, buying lollies from the vending machine, making her coffee, keeping her warm with his arm around her shoulders, she couldn’t ignore Tom’s tender side. She loved him with all her heart, but knowing that only made it harder to leave him.

  On the way home in the car, she turned to face Tom and said, ‘I can’t stick around, Tom. I have no choice anymore.’

  ‘Then I’ll come with you. Wherever you go, I’ll go too.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘And do what?’

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’ll work at a bottle shop if I have to.’

  Her heart was bursting with love for this man, but he couldn’t give up everything for her. He’d only just realised how much the vineyard meant to him, and now he was going to leave it all behind—for her. ‘No way. I can’t allow that.’

  ‘I don’t care. It’s my decision. And I want to be with you. If that means moving to Sydney or Brisbane, even Perth, then that’s what I’m going to do.’

  ‘And what about the vineyard?’

  A flicker of pain streaked across his face, but he hid it behind a determined expression. ‘Mitch will have to cope. I think he will now.’

  She shook her head, amazed at this man. She’d never known anyone like him. Deep down, she’d love him to come with her, but, in time, she was sure he’d resent her for it.

  ‘I won’t allow it. This is my mess.’

  ‘Yes, so you keep telling me. But I love you. Look at all you went through to keep your word to Rachel. To help Mitch and Sophie … and me. I’m not going to give up on you. I can make sacrifices too. You mean that much to me.’

  Amy stared at him, her lips parted, certain she had never loved anyone more than she loved Tom at that moment.

  Chapter 31

  Tom and Mitch headed to Sugar Cakes to clean up the mess left behind. When Tom saw the cutlery and cooking equipment scattered over the floor, he felt afresh like punching Mitch in the head.

  A recognisable void was obvious from Amy’s absence. Even though her bed was still here, the atmosphere in this place had changed. Empty.

  And Amy had thought it was Rachel’s spirit filling this space with love and sweetness when, all along, it was Amy and her beautiful heart.

  Mitch walked through the store looking at everything Rachel had built and Amy kept alive. He came out to the back room. ‘I’d been avoiding coming here.’ His words were strangled by emotion. ‘How did Amy do it every day? I see Rachel everywhere I turn.’

  Tom shrugged. ‘It was hard for her. She’s lived through hell these last few months too. But she did what she thought she had to do.’

  Mitch sighed, hung his head. ‘I’m an arse.’

  ‘Yes, the way you spoke to her …’ He stopped himself before he said something he’d regret.

  ‘You should have hit me harder.’

  Tom chuckled. ‘I gave it my best shot.’

  Mitch ran his fingers over his bruised cheek. ‘I’m sorry, Tom. You’re right, I’ve been treating you like a kid since Dad died, and I shouldn’t have. It’s just, as the eldest, I thought I needed to step into Dad’s boots. But I didn’t take into consideration that you were capable of making your own decisions.’

  Tom nodded. ‘Thanks. It means a lot to hear that.’

  Mitch went to him, threw his arms around him and slapped his back.

  Tom hugged him. ‘I’m sorry too. For hitting you.’

  Mitch drew away and gave a watery smile. ‘Hey, if that’s what it takes.’

  Tom chuckled. ‘Brothers?’

  Mitch nodded. ‘Brothers.’

  After they had finished cleaning, they took a seat together at the bench. Mitch shuffled a hand through his hair, expression meek. It pained Tom to see him like this. This was the last position he wanted Mitch to be in, a shadow of the strong, determined man he usually was.

  But Tom had needed to set things straight with him today and make Mitch know that he wasn’t going to put up with being treated in any way other than his equal.

  ‘How many cases of that wine did you make?’ Mitch asked.

  Tom shook his head. ‘What wine?’

  ‘Rachel’s Blend,’ he said.

  Tom nodded with understanding. ‘Fifty.’

  ‘Do we still have them?’

  Tom’s jaw tightened. He didn’t know the right answer here, but he had to tell the truth. ‘Yes. They are in the cellar.’

  ‘Get ’em out of there. We’ll notify our sellers that they’re available.’

  Tom narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you sure? You were pretty adamant—’

  ‘I’m sure. I think it’s a lovely idea. And the bottles were beautiful. Rachel would have loved them.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘If you’re sure.’

  Mitch sighed, scrubbed his hand over his jaw. ‘I’m sorry about how I reacted. That wasn’t fair. I was just so … I don’t know … lost.’

  Tom frowned. ‘I understand. We all understand.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Mitch said.

  Tom shrugged. ‘That’s okay.’

  ‘No, thank you for being here for me over the last few months. You’ve had my back the whole time, with everything, and I’m grateful.’

  Emotion moved in Tom’s chest, tightened his throat. He cleared the tension there before answering. ‘That’s what brothers are for.’

  On the way home, Tom took a detour to his block of land. The contractor had made a little more progress since he’d last came out here. The timber framing had gone up, the roof was on, and the brickwork was partway complete. He pulled up in the makeshift gravel driveway and turned the engine off.

  He climbed out and sat on a patch of grass that offered views of the vineyard. The cold afternoon ai
r settled on his face. He wrapped his jacket tighter around him. The vineyard was awash with the colours of autumn, sparse clumps of trees shaded in burnt reds, golds, and browns.

  He sighed at the beauty. The magic. It would be hard leaving this place, leaving his brothers, and Sophie, if he had to follow Amy.

  But he loved her.

  He could live without the vineyard—he’d proven that in the past. But he knew with every part of his being that he couldn’t live without Amy.

  ‘I’m not going to give up on us, Amy Jenkins,’ he whispered.

  His mobile buzzed with a message, startling him. He checked the screen.

  MITCH: I’m heading to your house. Just had a call from the accountant.

  TOM: Good or bad news?

  MITCH: Best to discuss it face to face.

  TOM: Meet you there in five minutes.

  The drive back was the longest five minutes of Tom’s life. He had no idea what to expect. Mitch’s text gave no indication of a good or bad result.

  As he jogged up the front stairs, his stomach was flipping. He found Amy on the lounge, and Mitch was striding in from the kitchen with two cups of tea in his hand.

  Tom kissed Amy’s cheek and sunk down onto the seat beside her.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said to Mitch as he handed her the tea.

  ‘You want one?’ he asked Tom.

  ‘No, thanks.’ Tom just wanted to hear the results from their accountant, so he knew which move to make next.

  Mitch sat on the lounge across from them and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. It was the most receptive he had been in four months. ‘Okay, so our accountant double-checked the figures you prepared for the Business Activity Statements.

  ‘He said there were some repetitive errors where you had recorded certain expenses as GST-free when in fact they had included GST. Plus there were some expenses you missed altogether. So, he was able to reduce the amount you had worked out as owing.

  ‘But then he thought that if you had made those mistakes with the most current Activity Statements, then there was a fair chance that the same mistakes were made on the earlier ones. So he went through those too and found quite a number of errors. Again, to your benefit.’