Jung Hwan stopped walking even as I continued.
"So," he said, making me freeze mid stride to turn around. His eyes travelled over my skirt before going back to my face. His handsome face was scowling, his jaw tense. "You doubt how I feel for you because I'm not like everyone else?"
I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "How am I supposed to know when you only tell me once in a while and you don't act like not touching me will kill you?"
I cringed at myself. Why did I have to sound so dramatic? Feeling suddenly vulnerable, I looked down at my feet. Was it so wrong for me to want the man I love to love me back with the same intensity and the same openness? I had waited so long to have a proper boyfriend.
Jung Hwan's face remained implacable and he started walking, his steps a bit faster. He said nothing to me and for a second I feared that he would just walk off. That he would just leave since I made him angry.
I watched him, close to bursting into tears, when, in the middle of the crowded street, he cupped my face and took my lips in his. I closed my eyes as his warm breath invaded mine, the taste of spring, love and the hot chocolate that he drank after dinner on my lips. I felt a strong hand on my hair, his fingers tender, another on my neck, his touch heartbreakingly soft. My arms went around his neck, my fingers running through his thick head of hair.
His lips moved over mine gently, his tongue dancing on the edge of my lips. I made a sound in the back of my throat before clutching his shirt, pulling him as close as he could possibly get. In one second, the softness with which he was kissing me transformed into a barely restrained control, his heart beating against my chest just as fast as mine was.
I felt out of breath, as if I'd been running and running and running. The scent of him was all around me, and I felt my knees go weak.
If he was trying to convince me of how he felt with this kiss, then I was thoroughly convinced. If he kept kissing me like this, I thought a bit dizzily, then I don't even care if he ever spoke again.
Just as I thought my legs were going to buckle from under me, he pulled away and opened his eyes, his finger tracing a line over my cheek.
"Just because I don't tell you how much I love you, doesn't mean that I don't," he said, his voice husky. "Just because I don't touch you all the time and demand that you do the same doesn't mean that I don't want to."
I nodded, struggled to find the words.
"You..." he said softly, his hand tightening over my hip, "are everything to me. I waited for you for so long… do you think I am going to do anything to mess this up? You are everything to me. As precious as my family. As loved as anyone could possibly be."
I could only stare at him as a small smile formed on his lips, lips that, until just a few minutes ago, had fit perfectly with mine.
"I didn't say anything about your skirt because I didn't think it would be gentlemanly. You want me to tell you you're beautiful? I'm not going to keep saying obvious things. That's not the only reason why I love you."
I looked at his eyes and was struck by the honesty that I saw in them. He may not say much most of the time, but when he does... my heart fluttered, reminded me how much I loved this man.
I caught something on the corner of my eye and gazed around to see Jung Bong Oppa and Man Ok standing not too far from us, identical expressions of surprise on their faces. There were others too, bystanders, staring at us agape.
"Uhmm, jagiya," I said, suddenly self-conscious. "You can let me go now."
He did as I asked, picking up my hand and resuming walking as if he didn't just turn my insides to mush.
"Deok Sun-ah."
"Yeah?"
He grinned at me. "Was that clear enough for you?" He asked. "I don't want you getting confused and getting ideas in that ugly head of yours."
I bit my automatic sarcastic reply and decided to give him a pass... this time. I knew better now than to jump conclusions.
"Yeah," I said, happier than I've ever been, "I love you, too."
Jung Hwan
Jung Bong Hyung practically skipped up the steps to our house and Deok Sun and I stood by the bottom of the steps, reluctant to part.
The kiss we shared in the middle of the street still danced in my mind, and I had to force myself to think of something else as I looked at her face. The light from our house played over her features, and I felt my heart slow as I looked at her.
She looked luminous.
I was humbled by the fact that it took so little to make her smile. And how even now, even with having known her for so many years, how there was so much about her that I didn't quite understand.
She played with the hand that was holding hers captive, her graceful fingers running over my palm. She kept looking at our hands together, her mouth in a small smile.
"Are you that happy?" I asked, trying to stop myself from taking her in my arms.
"Yeah," she answered. "I'm really happy right now."
"Me, too." I knew that if I didn't let her go back to her house now that I wouldn't be able to at all. I might have tried to find any excuse to keep her with me. "Don't you have to go in?" I asked her. "You have a flight in the morning, right?"
I didn't mention that I had to be awake in a couple of hours to drive back to Sacheon, that I had driven here tonight specifically because I knew that she was coming home.
I didn't need to.
She nodded, her face sobering. "I won't be back until the weekend," she said. "I hate back to back international flights."
"That's okay," I reassured her. "I'll call you."
"I'll miss you," she said, her voice soft.
"Me, too."
I was just about to lean down and engulf her in one last hug before letting her go when the front door to our house opened and out came Appa, a dish of food for the dog in his hand. He brightened when he saw Deok Sun and assumed his position.
"Aigoo, Sung Sajang!" He said loudly, his arm shooting in a straight line against his head.
As if on cue, Deok Sun broke away from me and ran towards my father. "Aigoo, Kim Sajang."
I watched as they went through the routine, Deok Sun just as enthusiastic as my father was. There was a time when I might have found this whole thing confounding, but now... I smiled as I watched them, pride mingling with affection for both my father and my woman.
Just as the small things never failed to make Deok Sun happy, it seemed that she didn't hesitate one bit to do the same for someone else.
I wasn't lying when I said that I didn't just love her for her looks. Her kind heart, her easy personality, her willingness to put herself out there regardless of the consequence... all these things made up the reasons why Deok Sun was the only one for me. As she always had been.
Her acceptance of my family was just the icing on the cake.
She winked at me as she finished her routine with my father, her smile widening when she saw the smile on my face, very much like it did back in the day.
There might be lots of things I don't always do quite right, things I don’t always say quite right, but these were not some of them. The first: I wasn't lying when I said I knew exactly how lucky I was. And the second: falling in love with her was the best decision I ever made.
June 1996
Deok Sun
Jung Hwan and I sat next to each other, watching a movie in his new apartment in Sacheon. I looked around distractedly as the music from "Dirty Dancing" played in the background.
He looked as if he was focusing on the film though we'd seen this so many times since our teenage years. The way he looked right now no one would even guess that I had to almost twist his arm just to get him to agree to it.
His apartment was small and sparse, efficient and neat... a perfect reflection of the man I loved. Even his refrigerator was so tidy it was almost maddening. The only touches of softness were pictures of us scattered on every flat surface all over the place, coupled with pictures of our friends and his family.
I wondered what I could buy to bring myself
into this place. I was still thinking about this when Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey came onscreen, dancing together, with not an inch between them.
"How can two people dance that close?" I asked out loud, more to myself than to him.
I stole a glance at Jung Hwan and saw that his eyes were still intent on the film. He shifted his weight on the couch until he was a few inches away from me. There was color high on his cheeks, his eyes averted.
The way he looked now sparked a memory: the one of us during the night of the retreat, stuck in an alley, our bodies pressed closely together. I had thought then that he must have been uncomfortable and that was why he was avoiding my gaze, but why did he look that way now?
An idea formed in my head and I tried to push it away, trying to tell myself that Jung Hwan didn't like me then. But then again, had he not confessed since that he did?
If that was the case, could it be that...
The thought left me blushing. I knew I felt something back then! Deciding to ask him directly (knowing that Jung Hwan was actually quite a lousy liar), I spoke before I lost my nerve.
"Jagiya..."
"Hmm?" His voice came out in a croak and I almost laughed. What the heck was he? Sixteen again?
"That night... at the alley..."
"What alley?"
"You know what alley," I said. "When we were stuck together and couldn't move..." I let my words trail with the hope that he would look at me but the man remained stubbornly adamant about not doing so. "Something was pressing against me."
"I don't think so," he said, not quite convincing to my ears.
"Really?" I asked. "Because I really think that you were ha..."
"I'm sure you're mistaken," he replied, clearing his throat.
"Really?" I repeated, inching myself closer to him.
"What are you doing?" He asked, sounding nervous all of a sudden.
"Testing a theory," I said, leaning myself closer him as he leaned away. Unluckily for him and luckily for me, there was only so much distance he could do before he was practically parallel on the couch.
I silently rejoiced. He can't run away now. My chest against his, he blinked at me but didn't try to push me off.
"What...” he stammered, "what theory was that?"
I smiled at him. "The theory that my close proximity does things to you," I answered. "That it did, then, too."
He didn't give me an answer and I relaxed my weight against him, letting my body melt into his. He stiffened under me, tried to get some distance and I giggled.
I was right.
I only just had enough time to marvel at the thought before I found myself under him instead. He had moved so quickly I didn't even have time to brace myself.
"Well?" He asked, his eyes taking me in.
"Well, what?"
"Was your theory right?"
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down until nothing but air separated our bodies. "Let's see if we could prove it further."
Epilogue
September 1996
Jung Hwan
I straightened my uniform and took off my hat, tried to stand a little straighter. I smoothed a hand over my hair, and took a deep breath.
I had just lifted my hand to knock on the door to Deok Sun's parents' house when the door flew open and No Eul came out, his face looking at me in surprise.
"Hyung!"
"No Eul-ah," I greeted.
"Unnie isn't home," he said, looking behind him as he closed the door. "She won't be back until next week."
I nodded, tried to look behind him. "I know," I said. "Are your parents home?"
He didn't respond right away, looking at me in confusion. "They are, but why..." He smiled, relief flooding his face, as if in understanding. He pushed the door back open. "Omma! Appa! There's someone here to see you!"
I bent down to pick up the basket I had placed next to the door, and by the time I rose, Deok Sun's Omma and Appa were standing behind No Eul, both of them regarding me with a mixture of bafflement and joy.
"Jung Hwan-ah!" Deok Sun's mother spoke first. "Deok Sun isn't here."
I smiled sheepishly. "I know," I said, feeling as if this conversation had already taken place. "I came to speak to you both."
Deok Sun's Appa nodded, before opening the door wide. "Come in, come in," he said, shoving No Eul out the door.
"But, Appa," he protested. "I want to st..."
"Just a few minutes ago you said you were going out!" Deok Sun's Appa frowned at his son before smiling again at me. "Don't mind him, Jung Hwan-ah. Come on in."
No Eul was still complaining when I entered their house, and I took my shoes off before walking to the main room. Deok Sun's parents sat themselves down warily in front of me, eyeing the basket I had brought.
"Deok Sun mentioned how much you loved blood clams," I said, explaining, "And since I was in Sacheon, I brought you some. There's some fresh fish and meat in there, too."
Deok Sun's Omma took the basket to the kitchen and I waited for her to come back, meanwhile trying not to let Deok Sun's Appa intimidate me. When finally she was once again seated, I cleared my throat, and then sat on my knees.
"Omonim," I started, all of a sudden nervous. I only planned on doing this once, and the magnitude of the moment of this moment. "Abonim."
They both raised their eyebrows expectantly, as if they knew what I would say next.
"I would like to ask your permission to marry Deok Sun."
There was a pregnant silence before Deok Sun's Omma erupted in joy, clapping her hands. Deok Sun's Appa, though a bit more reserved, broke out in a grin that stretched from ear to ear, his dimple creasing his cheek.
"You're not kidding, right?" He asked.
I shook my head no. "I've been thinking about it a long time, and I knew I could never marry her without your blessing," I said.
"Deok Sun is very soft hearted," Deok Sun's Omma said. "And she's not very smart, but she's a good person."
"She is smart," I corrected her. "Maybe not book smart but in the ways that do matter. And she's kind. I," I coughed, "I love her very much. I'll make her happy, even if it's the only thing that I do."
Deok Sun's Omma fixed me with a thorough look, as if assessing how serious I was and I bowed my head.
"Her Unnie isn't married yet," Deok Sun's Appa said quietly.
"I could wait," I said. "Until Bora Noona's married. It would take that long to figure out where we would live anyway. As you know, I'm still serving at the base in Sacheon."
"That's a long way away from us," Deok Sun's Omma said, her tone a little sad.
"I know how important it is to Deok Sun to stay close to her family," I told them both, "which is why I already put in a transfer to Osan. It's closer to Seoul, so you wouldn't have to be without her too often."
Deok Sun's Omma started tearing and her husband placed a comforting arm around her.
"I'm so happy," she said, dabbing her tears.
"Does that mean you approve?" I asked, not wanting to count my eggs before they hatch and start celebrating before I received their blessing.
Deok Sun's Appa nodded solemnly. "I think I speak for both of us when I say that you have our permission."
I released a sigh of relief. One question down and another question to go. Inside my pocket another ring sat, one that was as important as the other ring I once wanted to give her but didn't until much later. Until it was almost too late.
That's not going to happen this time. The single greatest gift that Deok Sun gave when she decided on me was her unending faith, her willingness to give me another chance, time and time again, and the benefit of her doubt.
This time, I won't fail her. I will make up for those lost years for the rest of my life, forever thankful that she chose me.
"Abonim," I said suddenly and Deok Sun's Appa looked at me. "Can I ask another question?"
Deok Sun
I sat in our living room, the mountain of food in fr
ont of me failing to whet my appetite.
"I said I didn't want to celebrate Unnie's birthday with mine," I complained. "Didn't I tell you this years ago? We were born three days apart!"
Unnie glowered at me. "What's the point of having two celebrations when our birthdays are so close together? Especially now that neither of us is barely home?"
Goodbye, Hello Page 12