Death of the Pickle King

by Marlene Chabot

  Oh great! Just what I need, two wound up women here at the same time. I kept my eyes peeled on them while the lady sitting in front of me paged through our latest frame catalog. She had told me it was easier to point out what she was interested in with the catalog than going through all the frames we had on display.

  Aunt Zoe stopped talking to the woman next to her and turned her body in the direction of the door where Gertie still remained planted. “No, it’s not time for my eyes to be checked yet,” she loudly explained. “I brought Mary and the doctor lunch and decided to have my sunglasses adjusted while I’m at it.”

  Gertie jerked a thumb in my direction. “Well, I came to tell Mary the good news about Butch, but I see she’s busy.”

  “Yup. Join the—” Aunt Zoe paused a second, then she shot up out of her seat, scrambled over to me, bent over and whispered in my ear. “Keep an eye on that man near the door. I think he’s stealing your merchandise.”

  “What?” Surely Aunt Zoe was mistaken. Who in their right mind would steal anything in front of several pairs of eyes? I rested a hand on the left side of my face. The customer’s merely trying on sunglasses. A tall three-sided spinning rack loaded with sunglasses sat right next to the man’s chair. If I were him, I’d do the same. It helps kills time. But what if her story is right?

  I moved a hand to the middle of my face and spread the fingers apart ever so slowly, allowing me to peek through an opening without drawing attention to what I was doing. Shoot! Aunt Zoe had it right. The old man with the bushy beard and mustache, who looked like he was on his last leg, was definitely shoving merchandise into the paper shopping bag resting on the floor by the side of his chair faster than I could sneeze.

  At some point the guy must’ve sensed he was being watched. He jerked his Viking cap below his thick eyebrows and looked my way. The second it dawned on him that he’d been caught in the act he grabbed his bag and tore out the door.

  Shocked at what had occurred, I tried to remember everything he had on and exactly what had been displayed on the now empty rack. At least fifty pairs of Raj’s top of the line sunglasses costing anywhere from two-fifty to four hundred dollars. Why couldn’t he have stolen the cheap ones sitting in the window? There goes my paycheck. I shoved out my chair and flew towards the door. “Aunt Zoe, hold down the fort. I’m going after that guy.”

  “But, Mary,” she blubbered, “You said you’d fix my glasses.”

  “And what about Butch?” Gertie whined.

  ~6~

  Adrenaline soared through every pore of my body. Without giving a thought to subzero weather and icy sidewalk conditions, I flew out the door wearing nothing but a short sleeve cotton blouse, klutzy two inch heels, and a knit pencil skirt reaching slightly below my knees.

  By block three my poorly dressed body objected to the cold it had been submitted to: teeth chattered and fingers felt numb. Who chases someone down in freezing weather minus coat and boots? How stupid. Why didn’t I call the cops?

  Maybe I could get a little assistance like a person does when a crime has been committed in a movie. I arched my back, yelled, “Stop that man!” and pointed down the street to the man in the Viking cap and dark brown quilted vest. The few people trudging along the sidewalk wrapped in a cocoon of winter wear stared at me like I had just been released from the zoo and then continued on their way. So much for humankind getting involved.

  I rubbed my chilled arms. Despite the cold air filling the lungs and freezing the body, and no one diving in to help, I wasn’t going to give up. No store owner deserved to lose their merchandise, especially one who had just become an American citizen and had the good sense to hire this unemployed teacher.

  Committed to the task at hand, I increased my running speed, but it didn’t seem to make a difference. The old rat who stole Raj Singi’s sunglasses kept on going. His feet remained steady as a rock. Why couldn’t mine? I was at least thirty years younger. If only he’d lose his balance.

  Just as I caught myself slipping for the umpteenth time, the man I’d been following ducked into a narrow alleyway that ran between two businesses one block up. I recognized the neighborhood immediately. Gracie’s groomer lives on the backside of the street and I knew a shortcut. I swung right, cut across the middle of the yard at the end of the block, made a sharp left turn, and then dashed towards the alleyway, hoping to catch the guy who gave the impression he was preparing for next October’s Twin City Marathon.

  Hallelujah! I hadn’t lost him. Maybe my bad luck was about to change.

  Unaware that danger was coming at him, full speed ahead, from the other end of the alley, the thief kept his head bent low and carefully dodged every nuisance in his way as he went.

  An imaginary crowd cheered me on. I’ve got him now.

  Unfortunately, capturing the thief hadn’t been well thought out. When two people, one heading east and the other west, roar through an alleyway like trains mistakenly sharing the same track a collision is inevitable. The two of us smacked into each other head on in the center of the alleyway. When my legs sprang out from under me, I grasped for anything to help reduce injuries to the backside. My hand caught a handle on the old man’s bag causing the top of the bag to rip. Sunglasses rained down every which way as I smacked the tarred alleyway.

  Before I could even think about getting on my feet from a prone position, the elderly guy stood and tore off with what frames were left in his bag.

  Amazing! I couldn’t believe the dexterity a man his age had. He should’ve broken a leg or arm. Either he works out at the YMCA or he pops a ton of vitamins.

  “That’s it. No more excess weight for me. Tomorrow I’m swearing off candy bars for good.” After I raised myself up and brushed off the snow clinging to my body, I wiggled my numb fingers, toes, and legs, making sure they still worked the way God intended them to. They did. The same didn’t hold true for my uncooperative butt and head though. The only decent remedy for the tremendous pain radiating from those areas would be to swallow an Excedrin the size of a basketball and they didn’t make them that big.

  Now that I was standing upright in the alleyway I eyed the sunglasses strewn about and wondered how the heck I was going to get them back to Singi Optical without a bag, pockets, or a purse. It took about a second to figure it out.

  I popped the two sunglasses nearest my feet on top of my head and then I moved about a foot, collected two more pairs, layered one on top of the other and set them on my face. The day suddenly turned darker, but I didn’t care. There were still ten pairs to gather up and only two hands to carry them in.

  Anxious to get back to the comfort of the optical store, I slid five closed frames over the fingers of each hand and then took off in the direction I’d come a few minutes before.

  The minute I stepped back into the store Aunt Zoe and Gertie surrounded me. “Oh, Mary,” Aunt Zoe said, “You look like something the cat dragged in. I wish I could’ve seen what the other guy looked like. Did you use a couple of those self-defense moves we learned in class last week?”

  “Nope,” I replied, releasing my hold on the ten pairs of sunglasses while Aunt Zoe took the ones off my head. “The situation didn’t warrant it. The old guy was too slick.”

  I glanced at the lone customer sitting by the picture window. The girl was about college age. “I’ll be with you in just a minute.” I removed the two pairs of sunglasses from my face and then attempted to fluff my short cropped hair.

  The girl gave me an amused smile. “Don’t worry about me,” she said. “I’m here for a follow up with my contacts. Although I might take a look at a few of those stylish sunglasses you were wearing when I finish, if you don’t mind. A couple caught my eye.”

  I felt a surge of heat rushing to my cheeks. If only I could hide somewhere. I glanced at the carpet. “Of course. I’ll leave them on the table.”

  Raj Singi shook his head when he came out of the exam room, but didn’t say a word to me. I’ve a feeling he wasn’t thrilled seeing Gertie an
d Aunt Zoe, people not scheduled for appointments, occupying his employee’s time. After taking in our little threesome, he called to his next patient. “Colleen, please step this way.”

  The young woman quickly collected her purse and coat and went off with Raj to the exam room.

  The second the door closed behind them, I pressed Aunt Zoe for information. “You did tell Raj what happened, didn’t you?”

  “I... ah, I...ah, never had the opportunity.”

  My nails dug into the palms of my hand. “I think you and Gertie better leave before Raj comes back out here. I can’t afford to be fired.”

  “Maybe he’s just concerned about your appearance,” Gertie blurted out. “Have you seen yourself in a mirror since you got back? A huge beet-red mark has formed on your forehead. The skirt you’re wearing is twisted and your nylons and shoes are soiled beyond recognition.”

  “In other words I’m a mess.”

  Her head wobbled up and down. “That about covers it.”

  I marched over to the right wall where a huge mirror separated shelves of women’s and men’s frames and searched for the zipper on my skirt. This particular style of skirt is meant to have the zipper centered on the back panel. Instead it was pressed against my stomach. I hastily straightened it and then spun towards Gertie again. “Okay, my minor flaws have been taken care of thanks to you. Now please leave.”

  The woman rested a pudgy hand on her hip and stomped her foot. “Not before I tell you why I came to see you.”

  In no mood for games, I said, “Make it snappy.”

  “You wanted to speak with Butch, right? I nodded. “Well, he’s available whenever you are. He made bail this morning thanks to my brother Lawrence.”

  I gave her a stiff smile. “Terrific. I’ll call him as soon as I can.”

  ~7~

  A scary thought fleetingly flicked across my rather fuzzy brain when my exhausted and hungry body returned from Singi Optical to our apartment. Maybe Aunt Zoe took care of supper. I shuddered. Cleaning up another one of her kitchen disasters is not my cup of tea, no matter what time of day it is.

  Entering the apartment with trepidation, I sniffed the air. There wasn’t the slightest hint food had been recently cooked or scorched. Nor did I hear pots and pans clanging in the kitchen which usually meant Aunt Zoe was about to turn her culinary skills loose. Huh? I wonder what she’s up to. Maybe she fell asleep on my bed.

  My stomach growled angrily. “I hear ya. Don’t worry I’ll take care of you after I get out of this filthy outfit.”

  I charged down to the bedroom expecting to find my aunt, but she wasn’t there either. No big deal. It was nice to have a bit of quiet time. I tossed off the clothes I’d worn all day and put on knit jogging pants and the comfy sweatshirt my Washington Elementary students gave me as a good-bye gift the end of school last year.

  After changing, I’d intended to march into the kitchen and answer my stomach’s pleas for food, but voices coming from the living room caused me to make a quick detour to investigate the situation. Since I’d forgotten to lock the apartment door, anyone could’ve walked in, even Gertie and Butch.

  Aunt Zoe stood near the couch, back to me, holding a laundry basket in her arms while speaking to Kamini Singi, Raj’s wife.

  The woman wrapped in a turquoise sari reminded me of a royal princess. Her complexion, teeth and figure are picture perfect. And she’s always elegantly dressed.

  I greeted the third floor resident with a smile. “I suppose you’ve come by to cancel tomorrow’s belly dancing lessons since Anika’s teething?” Kamini offers free lessons in the laundry room of the Foley twice a week. I’ve only made it to her class once, but I swear I felt the pounds shedding with every shimmy I did.

  “No,” the petite woman with shiny, straight black hair reaching to her waist softly replied. “This has nothing to do with belly dancing.”

  Aunt Zoe set the laundry basket on the couch and pivoted towards me. “Raj told her what happened at the office today.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes,” Kamini said. “You were so brave, Mary, trying to catch a man who stole merchandise from our store. I told Raj he should’ve stopped you. You could’ve been killed.”

  “Raj didn’t know anything about it, Kamini. He was in the exam room when I took off after the thief.” I flicked my hand in the air. “Besides, I’m fine. The guy never threatened me with a knife or gun. And the only thing sore on me is my stupid butt.”

  “Even so,” she said, “You did something another employee would’ve never done for Raj. That’s why I want to give you a little gift.”

  “But Raj already gave me a reward.”

  Aunt Zoe’s heavily colored eyebrows perked up. “He did? What was it?”

  “A pen in the shape of eyeglasses.”

  Kamini shook her head. “It didn’t cost him anything. We get free samples of pens all the time.”

  “That doesn’t matter. It’s the thought that counts. Your husband knows how much I like to collect unique pens.”

  “Believe me what I have for you is even better.” Kamini reached into the folds of her sari, pulled out a gift card, and presented it to me.

  Assuming the card given me had to be used at the optical shop; I turned it over to see how much it was worth. To my surprise the fifty dollar card didn’t pertain to anything optical, just food. It was for my favorite hamburger joint in town, Milts. No cooking for this tired gal tonight. I was so excited I felt like doing a Happy dance. “Thank you, Kamini. But you didn’t have to do this.”

  “Yes, yes. You retrieved over a dozen stolen sunglasses, but ruined your clothes. It’s the least we can do. The food is good there. When Raj craves a hamburger, that’s where he takes us to eat.”

  “Actually, when my aunt showed up with lunch today, I thought she’d brought me a hamburger.”

  Aunt Zoe’s wrinkles created deeper furrows on her forehead. “You did? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Kamini tapped Aunt Zoe’s hand as she moved to the door. “It’s all right, not everyone likes Indian food. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight,” Aunt Zoe and I replied.

  After Kamini left, my aunt quietly tended to the clothes in the laundry basket. “I feel awful, Mary,” she said above a whisper, shaking out a clean towel and folding it. “Did you even touch the Indian food I gave you?”

  “Of course I did. You know me I never throw food away if I can help it. That’s one of the reasons my hips are getting thicker.”

  My words perked her up. “I’m sorry I didn’t get around to planning supper for us, but between taking calls about Gracie and doing the laundry the afternoon got away from me.”

  “I understand.” I slipped an arm around her shoulders. “You mentioned calls about Gracie. Did someone spot her?”

  “No. Once I asked the callers to describe the dog they saw, I knew it wasn’t her.”

  “Darn! I suppose offering a reward will draw plenty of crackpots out of the woodwork, especially druggies.” I took another towel out of the basket. “Let’s hurry up and get this stuff folded and put away, and then we can go for a ride.”

  “So we can stock up on groceries?”

  “Yeah, but it’s not our first stop.” I showed her the dollar amount written on the gift card. “That should more than cover meals for two at Milt’s tonight, don’t you think?”

  Aunt Zoe was ecstatic. One would think she’d never ate out. “Oh, yes, and many more.”

  WHILE WE LINGERED IN one of the hot pink vinyl padded booths at Milts, an old fashioned diner, enjoying cheeseburgers, heavily salted fries, and thick chocolate malts, Aunt Zoe and I rehashed the bizarre crime that took place at Singi Optical. “I still can’t believe that old guy stole Raj’s sunglasses,” I said, dabbing a couple fries in ketchup. “The value of the items taken is nowhere near the high-end jewelry sold in the shop two doors down from Raj’s. If the thief had done his homework, he would’ve known the jewelry store had less foot traffic and one sal
es person on duty, making it easier to swipe whatever caught his fancy.”

  Aunt Zoe tore the paper off her straw, stuck the straw in her malt, and enjoyed a few sips. “Pretty dumb guy, huh?

  I nodded. “There’s definitely something about him that bothers me, but I’m not sure what it is.”

  “Maybe his face reminded you of a student’s dad.”

  I pondered my aunt’s comment for a second as I got a good grip on my order, a cheeseburger overflowing with extra condiments. “Nah. That’s not it. There’s something about his dexterity. It seemed a bit off for a man his age. How old would you guess him to be?”

  “I’d say around seventy-five.”

  “That’s what I guessed too.” I bit into a quarter of the cheeseburger and it quickly disappeared. “The thing is most people in their seventies who get knocked off their feet are usually suffering from a form of arthritis and find it quite difficult to get off the ground without help. The guy I collided with acted more like a young gymnast. He was up and out of the alley before I could even sneeze.”

  Aunt Zoe pushed her empty malt glass aside and finished eating the four fries left on her plate. “Are you implying the man was wearing a disguise?”

  I tapped my lip with a finger. “It’s quite possible. If a person wanted to get away with the perfect crime, putting on a disguise would certainly do the trick.” I finished with the malt and cheeseburger, tossed on my jacket, and grabbed my purse. “Are you ready to head home, roomie?”

  “I guess I’d better be. I don’t want to miss seeing Wheel of Fortune.”

  The second we slid out of the booth to pay our bill we bumped into Gertie Nash and her husband Ralph who had just walked in. “Oh, Mary, I can’t tell you how delighted Butch is that you’re going to talk to him.”

  “That’s good,” I said, “Enjoy your meal.” Thinking the Nash’s had headed for a table, I turned towards the waitress standing on the other side of the counter, dug out the gift card, and handed it to her.