For those of the Eastern tradition, spirituality can mean Buddhism or its derivatives. Buddhism is a philosophy and way of life rather than a religion. Meditation was an incredible revelation for me. Learning how to switch off the death spiral of despair so that I could use my CBT was a crucial part of my healing. As with Pete, it eventually replaced antidepressants.
I had to learn the importance of letting go and trusting in God, the universe or simple probability (I don’t live in a war zone), to cause things to work out for me rather than constantly worry they wouldn’t. Pastor Joseph Prince’s books and sermons were very helpful here.
I also had to learn to be grateful when things did work out. I highly recommend books by the ‘happiest man on Earth’, Matthieu Ricard. His book, Happiness, is a favourite of mine and was given to me by my therapist. Other great authors, influencers and modern thinkers whose work I found valuable include Ben Lynch, Daniel Amen, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lipton, Brendon Burchard, Hal Elrod, Paulo Coelho, Mitch Albom, Anita Moorjani and Eckhart Tolle. This list includes scientists, philosophers and philosophers of science.
The work of Dr. Wayne Dyer has also been especially important in helping me fight relapses into depression. His book, Your Erroneous Zones, taught me how to take responsibility for my moods rather than blame external events, other people or even my genetics for my depression. Dr. Dyer showed me I had a choice, but also acknowledged it isn’t an easy one.
Acknowledgments
I would first like to thank my wife. I very much doubt that I would be alive today without her. Her love saw me through the worst of my depression, even though at the time I did not acknowledge or appreciate it, so I’m doing it now and will for the rest of my life. My wife is also brave in calling me out if I start slipping back into my old habits. She’s more than I could have ever hope for in a wife and friend.
To my son, who was the inspiration for this book. Thank you for showing me everyday how much potential is contained within a human being and giving me hope for a better world. Son, never lose the courage to express yourself.
Thank you to my therapist, Dr. Joel Yang, who kept pushing me to get better and to not become dependent on antidepressants as treatment for my depression. He wanted me to walk out of his practice a self-sustaining individual.
A special thanks to the Australian Society of Authors (ASA) who provided access to my mentor, Nadine Davidoff. The ASA also provides courses and advice on how to get published and self publish and is a true advocate for Australian authors.
To my mentor Nadine, thank you for teaching me that writing a novel is not like writing a PhD thesis or conference paper – it’s harder.
To my editor, Nan McNab, who called me out on many of the assertions in Learning to Fly and made sure that they were supported by medical science. Thank you, Nan, for making sure my book does not harm the potentially vulnerable people reading it.
To another self-published author, Mark David Abbott, thanks very much for all of the advice and encouragement that I needed to get my book out there. Mark’s John Hayes thriller and Hong Kong series are inspirations for independent authors as well as being great reads. And special thanks to my launch team, who helped me to get my book into your hands. My great cover design is by Hilda (hildixx27), who entered and won my cover design competition in 99designs. Thanks Hilda.
Nadine and Nan pushed me to be become a better writer, my therapist a healthier person and my wife a stronger and more caring individual. My son continues to inspire me. And, I hope all that they have given me has benefited you, the reader.
About the Author
David E. Forrester was born in Australia and has spent nearly twenty years living and working in finance in Asia. He currently calls Hong Kong home.
David’s a recovered depressive and knows what it’s like to feel as though happiness is only for other people. Through genetic testing, David discovered he has an MTHFR gene mutation as well as some other genes that reduce his body’s absorption of folate and vitamin B12; deficiencies of which have been linked to depression. To ward off depression he takes supplements and eats leafy-green vegetables. David also regulates his mood via exercise (preferably outside), sleep, meditation, yoga and spending time with his family. A hug from his son always helps.
David is a struggling blue belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which also helps with his depression: it’s social, teaches resilience and requires presence. It’s also more exciting than yoga.
David can be found online at:
davideforrester.com
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And emailed at: [email protected]
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Notes
Prologue
1 A Chinese New Year greeting in Mandarin. Literally translated it means may you attain greater wealth.
9. Talking about connections
1 Also known as okra.
2 A sweet, salty and spicy chilli paste mixed with dried anchovies, which stimulates all of your taste buds.
10. Bad behaviour
1 A Chinese dialect commonly spoken in Singapore amongst the Chinese community. Its harsh tones make it a favourite language amongst young men to swear in.
2 Hokkien for red haired. It was originally used to refer to the Dutch merchants in Singapore’s colonial times, but later became a reference for all caucasians. Depending on the context, it can be a neutral or derogatory term.
3 Stupid white guy.
14. Counting steps
1 Colloquial Singaporean english.
2 Mandarin for it’s nothing.
24. Winning the lottery
1 To allow for seasonally surges in employment such as a greater demand for fruit pickers during harvest, the ABS adjusts the data. They also adjust for seasonal declines in employment such as when teenagers head off to study at university in March. Sometimes this seasonal adjustment is floored, as it was on this very real occasion.
29. First day of school
1 Bahasa for village.
35. Mirror
1 An Australian tabloid magazine.
44. London calling
1 Know Your Client.
45. Picnic in the park
1 Corner-shop hamburgers have a meat patty, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions and choice tomato or barbecue sauce. What makes them different from fast-food-chain hamburgers are the options to add slices of beetroot and tinned pineapple as well as a fried egg. The American fast-food chains have made them scarce.
2 Bahasa for child.
3 The Country Women’s Association, which advances the rights and equity if women, families and communities in Australia through advocacy and empowerment, especially those living in regional, rural and remote Australia. It also publishes books on Australian stories and recipes.
50. An intervention
1 The five stages of grief defined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These five stages do not necessarily occur in their originally listed chronological order or discretely. They may also be experienced more than once.
51. At least kiss me before…
1 When an employee resigns or is fired and is asked to stay away from work during their notice period. They are still on the payroll and cannot work for anyone else, especially a competitor. The term comes from executives supp
osedly staying at home, tending to their gardens during their notice period. In reality, they take a holiday.
Learning to Fly: A story about overcoming depression Page 27