Sing With Me: A With Me In Seattle Universe Novel

by Anna Edwards

  The doctor motions for me to sit down again.

  “The fall could have been a lot worse. We’ve checked and can’t see any sign of internal injuries, but we want to keep a careful eye on your mother for a few more days to make sure. Sometimes these things manifest themselves later and surprise even medical experts.”

  “Yes, of course. You said on the phone my mom has broken both her legs and one of her arms.”

  “She has. The break on the left leg was particularly nasty. We’ve operated and pinned it together. We’ve leaving it open for a few days so the skin can heal where it was punctured, and then we’ll place a cast on it, but it’s going to be a long healing process. Your mother will be in a wheelchair for some considerable time while all the breaks heal.”

  “That’s fine. I can look after her in our apartment.”

  The doctor and my mother look at each other. Then he coughs, and I know something is going on between them.

  “What’s happening?”

  “Miss Danson, Zoey. Your mother has been committed. She’s under state control at the moment.”

  “Committed,” I repeat.

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing. It doesn’t make any sense to me. What does it mean? I reach to my side expecting Tate to be there, offering me comfort, but he isn’t. He’s in Paris, probably sleeping. I can’t even talk to him.

  “Yes, she tried to take her own life, and it’s believed she’s a danger to not only herself but also possibly others should she attempt to do it again and someone gets in her way. Once we’ve fixed her physical injuries here, she’ll be transferred to a different hospital where the other issues your mother has can be treated.”

  Other issues, I know exactly what he means.

  “Her alcoholism.” I state flatly.

  My mother lets out a sob of anguish.

  “Yes, plus the depression she has.”

  “Did you say depression?” I shake my head. “No, it’s just the drink.”

  “I’m sorry, Miss Danson. We’ve had a psychiatrist talk with your mother, and there is a lot more going on with her than an addiction to alcohol.” The doctor looks at my mother and then back at me. “Why don’t I leave you both to have a little chat for a while. I need to do my rounds, and then I’ll come back and check in on you both.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” my mother replies before I can.

  I feel numb, unsure of what’s going on around me. It’s like the second I walked into the hospital I was sprayed with an invisible drug that has rendered me permanently confused.

  The doctor leaves.

  My mother reaches out, and grasping my hand with her fingers, she pulls it closer to her.

  “I’m sorry, Zoey. I’ve been a horrible mother. You’ve been through so much for someone so young. I’ll never forgive myself for some of the things I’ve made you do. No child should have to clean up after their mother when she’s passed out, having vomited everywhere. I’ve stolen the money you’ve worked hard to earn to keep us afloat, and I’ve drunk it all. I’ve wasted everything, and you’ve every right to hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you. You’re my mom. I always try to remember the good times when you’ve not been drinking, and it keeps me going.”

  “But it’s not enough, Zoey.”

  My mother is stroking my hand. She’s being the adult for once and allowing me to be the child.

  “Mom, please. What’s going on?”

  “I don’t want you to hate yourself for this. You have to promise me, Zoey. You’re the most amazing person I know. Strong and spirited—kind and caring. I saw the photos of you and that guy, Tate.” I nod. “I saw the love between the two of you, and I’m happy for you both.”

  “Is that why you did this? Because of the pictures of Tate and me. Mom, I’m not going to leave you alone. I know I’ve been away traveling recently, but I can stop that. I’ll come back home.”

  “No, no, don’t ever think that. I love the photos of you both. It shows me you have the prospect of a wonderful life without me dragging you down.”

  “So you tried to kill yourself by jumping off a bridge.” I leap up and let out a cry of anguish. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have taken the job.”

  “No!” my mom shouts at me with the authority of a parent. “Zoey, please, sit down. I need to explain everything to you. I’ve hidden secrets from you for so many years. I need to tell you them because otherwise I can’t heal. I can’t get better, and I can’t be the mother you need.”

  I sit back in the chair and take my mother’s hand while tears stream down my face and hers.

  “I lied to you about your father.”

  “My father?” I question.

  I know nothing about my father except he was supposedly a one night stand who walked out on my mother.

  “When I fell pregnant with you, I lost everything—my family, my job, my home. Seattle was supposed to be a fresh start, but I couldn’t run away from the memories.”

  “I don’t understand. You said your parents died in a car crash when you were young.”

  “Another lie.”

  “Is my entire life a lie?” I shake my head, struggling to take everything in.

  My mom falls silent for a moment. She shuts her eyes and fresh tears fall.

  “I was raped. The night I conceived you, I was attacked on my way home from my shift at the local supermarket where I worked to help put myself through college. The details have haunted me ever since. I was grabbed from behind and pulled into an alleyway and raped. After the man had finished, I made my way home and took a scalding hot shower. I was in shock. I didn’t tell my parents.”

  Bile pools in the back of my throat. My mother was raped, and I was the result.

  “Why didn’t you get rid of me?”

  “I couldn’t. I realized three months after the attack that I was pregnant. My stomach had started to grow with you inside. I told my parents, and they assumed I’d been playing around with some of the college boys. They booked me an appointment for an abortion, but I couldn’t go through with it. What happened to me wasn’t your fault. The man who attacked me was the one in the wrong. I couldn’t punish you for his actions. When I didn’t go through with the abortion, my parents threw me out of the house. That’s when I came to Seattle and started what I thought would be a new life. It was all right for the first few years, but the nightmares continued to haunt me. I started drinking just to sleep. Eventually, it led to an addiction and the life I put you through. I’m so sorry, Zoey. I love you so much, and I’ve destroyed so many years for you. I can’t allow you to suffer any longer, and you can’t let me. That’s why I jumped from the bridge. It was a cry for help. I need to change and become the mother you deserve. You need to have the life you deserve.”

  “You are a fantastic mother.”

  I’m crying like a baby now. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. My father was a monster who attacked my mother. She must have suffered terrible visions over the years, and I was a constant reminder of what happened to her. No wonder she drank herself into oblivion.

  “No, I’m really not, but I’m going to be. The man who attacked me has stolen far too much of my life and yours. I’m not going to let him steal anymore, especially when you now have a chance at happiness. Please know I love you, Zoey. I’ve never regretted having you. You’re the best thing to happen to me in my life. I’m so glad I have you in it.” My mother brings my hand up to her lips and tenderly kisses the back of it. “Don’t ever think I hate you. I love you, my darling. I really do.”

  “I love you too, Mom. I know things haven’t been easy, but I’ll help you through this. I’ll be at your side the entire time.”

  “No, I’ll go to the hospital Dr. Vladimir was talking about, and I’ll fight this myself because I‘m the only one who can. I have to learn to live again. You’ll go back on tour with that man of yours, and you’ll discover all the fabulous places I never got to take you to because I let a monster win.�
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  “You’ll beat him, Mom. I know you will.” I can barely get my words out now, my voice cracking with the emotion flooding my body. I wish Tate was here. I need him. “And when you win, I’ll show you some of those places. So you can live again with me.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Reaching for a tissue beside the bed, I gently wipe my mom’s eyes and face to remove her tears before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

  “I love you, Mommy.”

  “I love you too, my little Zoey.”

  Her eyes begin to flutter shut. The exertion of telling her story has exhausted her.

  “Sleep for a little while, Mom. I’m going to get a breath of fresh air and a coffee, and then I’ll be back.”

  “I will. Zoey, promise me you’re all right.”

  “It’s going to take a little while for everything to sink in, but I’m not the product of my father. He was a monster. I’m nothing like him. I know that for certain. Sleep, Mom.”

  I leave the room and shut the door behind me so my mother can get some rest. My mind’s running a mile a minute at the moment, and I feel absolutely exhausted.

  Dr. Vladimir must see me exit my mom’s room because he appears in front of me.

  “Are you all right, Zoey?” he asks kindly.

  “Surprisingly, yes. It actually helps to have an explanation as to why my mother is the way she is. I just wish she’d have told me the truth sooner.”

  “She’s kept her secret for twenty plus years, but she’s shared it now—it’s the first step on the road to her recovery. The next few months won’t be easy for her, but I think your mother is a fighter.”

  “Thank you.”

  I shake the doctor’s hand and make my way numbly down the corridor. My phone rings, and I look down at the number. It’s Tate. I answer immediately but don’t say anything.

  “Zoey…Zoey,” he repeats as I reach the entrance to the hospital and step out into the fresh air.

  “I’m here.” My voice breaks. I wish he was holding me. “Tate, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.” Fresh tears fall, and I let out a small sob.

  “You’ll get through it because you’re the strongest person I know.”

  “I’m scared. I wish you were here with me.”

  “Look up,” he tells me, and I do just that.

  Relief floods my body when I see him standing there in front of me. I don’t remember running to him, but I must have because suddenly I’m in his arms. He holds me close as I breakdown, and just like my mother, I begin the process of my recovery.

  Chapter 28

  Tate

  #ItIsTimeToDoTheRightThing

  When Zoey tells me about her conception and her mother’s suffering, I know my decision to walk out on the tour and fly to Seattle was the right one. She couldn’t have gone through this on her own. It’s got to be one of the hardest things to hear about yourself.

  After a long cry in my arms, she seems positive about the future and even takes me into the hospital to introduce me to her mother. I find her mother inspiring. She’s been through so much, and I admire the courage she’s now showing in facing the darkness of her past. I am glad to have met her.

  When it’s time to leave, I’m faced with Leo Nash. It’s not a meeting I’ve been looking forward to. Thankfully, even he understands why I’ve flown back, and he tells me he’d have done the same thing in my position. According to my mentor, the concert in Paris has gone well, and Cameron has promised the fans we’ll schedule another one with all of us there as soon as possible.

  I also speak to Austin to give the boys an update. They’re all desperate to get back and support Zoey as well. It’s reassuring to know how much they’ve embraced her into their lives. The band has one further concert in Rome tonight before a short tour break during which they plan to return to Seattle.

  “Tate, this place is massive,” Zoey exclaims as I show her around my home in the more affluent district of my favorite city. “Seriously, my whole apartment would fit into your bedroom.”

  “Speaking of your apartment, we’ll go around there tomorrow and pack up all your belongings and bring them here.”

  “Huh, what did you say?” Zoey stops dead in the middle of my lounge where she was looking at the limited edition black and white prints I have on my wall.

  “We’ll go get all your stuff,” I repeat.

  “Are you asking me to move in here? I can’t, Tate. I can’t leave my mom alone when she first gets out of hospital.”

  I stride forward and pull Zoey into my arms. “You don’t have to. I have separate accommodation here where she can live. It’s a self-contained apartment, meant for a butler, but I don’t have one of those.”

  “Seriously?” Zoey questions, and her jaw drops in shock. Placing my finger under her chin, I gently close her mouth before pressing a kiss to her lips.

  “Yes, your mom will need help, and I’m not going to let you do it all alone anymore. Give notice on your place and move in here. When we’re away on tour, my parents will help look after her. They’re good like that even if they did refuse to admit their daughter died from a drug overdose.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say yes.”

  “Yes.”

  I pick her up and twirl her around before placing her back down on her feet.

  “We’re going to get you some counseling. I don’t know if the hospital provides it, but I think it’s important. You’ve had to deal with a lot today, not all of it good. Well, actually none of it good. I think you need to make sure you’re all right with everything that’s happened.”

  “I agree. I was going to talk to Dr. Vladimir about it tomorrow.”

  I lead Zoey to the couch where we both sit, and I bring her into my arms. She looks exhausted, and I’m not much better. I could only get an economy seat on the flight back to Seattle, which meant cramming my large six-foot plus frame into a small space for a very long time. Thankfully, I wasn’t recognized by any of the other passengers and was able to sleep most of the journey.

  “How do you feel about what your mother said?” I tentatively ask.

  “Are you asking me how I feel about being the result of my mom’s rape?”

  “Yes.”

  “I won’t lie—it hurts. One half of my biological makeup comes from a rapist. I’m worried I could have inherited traits from him…maybe his evilness, but I’m a strong believer in nature versus nurture. I know I didn’t have the best start in life, growing up with my mom and her addiction, but it gave me an inner strength not many people have. I’m grateful for that, and I’d like to think that strength will shine through in my future rather than anything from my sperm donor.”

  “That’s a very sensible way of thinking about it. You don’t have an evil bone in your body. The fact the band effectively went into mourning when you left shows just how wonderful you are. You’ve become an important part of all our lives, and we don’t want to lose you.”

  Zoey shifts in her seat, so our heads are at the same level, and we’re facing each other.

  “You’re not going to lose me. I’ll need to support my mom, but I also love my job, and I don’t want to give it up. There are a lot more countries I want to explore. Plus, I still haven’t had the chance to try a traditional Bratwurst in Germany, and I never got to see Rome and the Colosseum—you’ll have to arrange another gig there.”

  “Done.” We settle back down in our embrace, but something is still bugging me. It’s been at the back of my mind since I boarded the plane. “Zoey, will you support me with something if I do it now?”

  “Depends on what it is. I’d really like a shower and some sleep first. The doctor said I can go and see my mom again before they move her. I won’t be able to see her for thirty days while she goes through detox and counseling.”

  “It won’t affect that.”

  I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. Fiddling around with the apps, I bring up the Facebook live pa
ge for the band’s account.

  “Would you film me?” I hand her the phone, and she looks to see what’s on it.

  “Is this something that’s going to create a lot of work for me publicity wise?”

  “Only good.” I smirk at her before motioning for her to switch the video on.

  I probably look a complete mess, but I don’t care.

  “You’re live,” she states, and I begin my speech.

  “Hi, everyone. I just wanted to pop online for a few minutes to tell you what’s been happening. As you know, I was absent from the concert in Paris due to a personal emergency. I want to apologize and say I’ll also be missing the concert in Rome tonight. I need to be here in Seattle to support Zoey. I hope you all understand. I know Cameron isn’t as good a singer as I am, but he can at least carry a tune.”

  “Cameron says fuck off. Nobody missed you at all.” Zoey chuckles from behind the phone as she reads out my best friend’s response to my comment.

  “Hi, Cameron. I’m guessing Austin and Liam are there as well. Miss you guys and thank you. Now get off Facebook and start practicing.”

  Zoey laughs again. It’s lovely to hear.

  “I won’t repeat the comments they’ve written. You can read them later.”

  “I can imagine. At least they’ve got you laughing. I’ll forgive them everything just to hear that sound every day.”

  “They are the best guys in the world. I’m a lucky lady to know you all.”

  Tears start to pool in Zoey’s eyes, and I quickly change the subject.

  “Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted by my bandmates. I wanted to say a few words. Addiction is something that ruins many lives. It changes everything. Not just for the person with the addiction but also for those around them. Life can become hard…in fact, almost unbearable for all those involved. That’s why I’m devoting fifty percent of my earnings from the current tour to developing a specialist center here in Seattle. It will help those suffering with addiction and their families, and no one will be turned away. All will be welcome in the hopes we can prevent others from losing their lives like my sister.”