Help! I'm Trapped at Witch School

by Em Lynas

  Jess’s witchwood is shrinking back into her spoon, as if the spoon is sucking it back in, but my witchwood is still entwined with Shalini’s so I force her hand off my arm and break the link with her too. The rocks in the Tunnel of Freedom shift as their witchwood pulls away.

  Their witchwood has gone within seconds but my thumb-tree continues to grow! They both ignore this.

  Shalini searches the rubble for any sign of Dominique and Arwen. There isn’t any. Not a hat, a tie, a foot or a hand sticking out from under the rubble. Jess inspects the very large, very shiny, very imposing door.

  “This door is amazing!” she says. She’s aims her hat-light on it and the light bounces back, giving the walls and floor a warm yellow glow. The door’s slightly open. It has silver symbols engraved on the panels. A witchwood spoon, a cauldron, a book, a rune, a key and others. Dark-red words, blood red, have been carved into the stone arch above. Only The Best And Brightest May Enter The Trials Of Marietta Toadspit.

  I do not like the sound of that. Jess reaches out and wipes a panel at the top with her sleeve. “Only one will win,” she says. Shalini leaps across the rubble and pulls her back.

  “Do not go through that door,” she hiss-whispers.

  “We promised. Plus you can’t possibly think it’s a good idea to enter a door that has the words Trials of Marietta Toadspit written above it. Remember what happened last time we went through a door that we shouldn’t have gone through? We unleashed catastrophe and it led to disastrous consequences! We just have to find Dominique and Arwen and get out of— Uh-oh!” She spots me and spins Jess round. “Look at Twink! She’s still half tree!”

  It’s true. I am. I am sitting on the floor surrounded by twigs and roots. They’re twisting into a carpet of Celtic knots.

  “Twink!” cries Jess. “Stop being a tree!”

  “How can I concentrate on not being a tree when you’re distracting me with the possibility you’ll go through a secret golden door!” I say.

  She moves away from the door. “There,” she says. “I will not go through the door. Now you turn back into ninety-nine per cent Twink.”

  I close my eyes and focus. My zen space is full of roots, twigs, branches and buds. “Witchwood thumb, please hear my plea, I don’t want to be a tree. Shrink and shrivel, waste away, be the thumb of yesterday!”

  My hand fills with pins and needles. My arm fills with pins and needles. My body fills with pins and needles and I am in AGONY! This AGONY is worse than any previous AGONY ever experienced in the history of AGONY.

  “It’s working,” says Shalini. She sounds impressed.

  I grit my teeth and try not to move because moving ALWAYS makes pins and needles worse, and worse would be bad. I hear a creak like a door swinging open. I hear footsteps. Then something like laughter. It’s a splutter. It’s followed by a guffaw. I frown. I know that guffaw. This is a DISASTER! It’s Arwen! There’s a tsk. Tsk. Arwen AND Dominique! They’re ALIVE!

  “Ignore them,” says Jess.

  “Just keep saying the rhyme,” says Shalini. “Concentrate.”

  I comply. I repeat it. I hear Arwen repeating it too. I hear Jess telling her to shut up. I ignore it all. The witchwood in my zen space shrinks. I repeat until the pins and needles have gone and my hand feels light. I open my eyes. I’m normal. I’m exhausted.

  Dominique and Arwen are standing in the golden doorway. The door’s wide open behind them but I can’t see in because they are blocking it. Arwen’s sneer is mocking. “Wait till Ms Thorn hears what you’ve been up to.” She pauses. “Twiglet.”

  Dominique is not sneering. Her look is odd. She’s staring at my thumb. She looks annoyed. No, not annoyed. No. She’s doing a look from The Book of Jealousy! She ac-chew-ally wants to be part witchwood. Of course she does. How can she be the absolute Best and Brightest without a bit of witchwood DNA?

  “You are unstable,” she says.

  She is correct. I am. I am in an emotional turmoil. We are still trapped. Ms Thorn is not here so I have zero chance of bonding and I am furious because…

  “This is ALL YOUR FAULT!” I shout at Dominique. “You brought the ceiling down and now you’re … NOT EVEN DEAD.”

  Dominique looks down on me and smirks a smirk from The Book of Smirks.

  “Twiggy Toadspit,” says Arwen. “Twinkletwig.”

  “Shut up, Arwen,” says Jess.

  There’s a rumble behind us. A shower of stones falls into the tunnel because there’s no witchwood left to hold it up. Shalini drags me to my feet and we back away towards the others. More stones fall. The archway cracks, the cracks spread across the ceiling, towards us.

  “Uh-oh,” says Jess, looking up. “We may have no choice, Twink. I think we’ll all have to go through the door and face the consequences.”

  “Only the Best and Brightest may enter this room,” says Dominique. She nudges Arwen and Arwen stretches her arms across the doorway.

  “Get out of the way, Dominique,” says Jess.

  I get between them. I turn my back to Dominique and Arwen, who are now both standing like Guardians of The Door and hiss-whisper to Jess.

  “No, Jess! We have to do exactly what Ms Thorn has told us to do. No exploring. No endangering the school. No causing any disruption at all. No going through any doors! I’ll get the blame if anything goes wrong. You know I will. If we go through that door there’ll be no need to remember any lines because I will be banned from performing FOR EVER.”

  I turn back to Dominique.

  “No one will go through that door. We will ALL wait here to be rescued.”

  There’s a loud creaking directly above us. Oh warty boils! The cracks are spreading. We’re sprinkled in dust. Showered in grit. The ceiling is crumbling!

  “Look out!” shouts Jess.

  She pushes Dominique and Arwen through the golden door and Shalini runs in after them. I hesitate.

  “Twink!” Jess is holding the door open. “You have no choice.”

  Oh dungpats! I give in. As the ceiling crashes down behind me I enter The Trials of Marietta Toadspit.

  Summary:

  I am LIVING IN THE LAND OF ANNOYED! I know entering this door will lead to the possibility of endangering the school and the breaking of The Deal!

  Jess slams the door as soon as I’m through. She leans against it and I hold my breath as the rocks crash down on the other side. It holds. Jess grins. I don’t. We are completely trapped. I inspect our prison.

  The room is round with coloured doors evenly spaced around the white wall. Most have a symbol and some words written in black letters. Three don’t: The golden door we’ve just come through, a black one and a white one. In between the black and white doors is a golden frame of leaves and roses, and inside the frame is a mirror. My face is pale and I have dark circles around my eyes.

  The floor is odd. It’s made of large triangular flagstones. The points meet in the middle and the bottoms reach the doors.

  There’s stillness and silence. Then suddenly, there isn’t.

  There’s a rumbly, grating noise, not like ceilings collapsing. More like rusty gears shifting behind the doors of colour. It’s a grumble. The whole room vibrates. Shalini holds her spoon out ready. So does Jess. Arwen is clinging to Dominique, who is attempting to look unconcerned as if being trapped in an unknown room in the East Wing is not a problem and she is still in charge.

  The grumble dies away. The mirror’s frame glows and the roses light up from within, flickering like red candles. A deep voice booms into the room.

  “YOU HAVE ENTERED MARIETTA TOADSPIT’S TRIAL OF THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST,” it booms. This boom is deeper than a Ms Lobelia boom and less friendly. I name it a doom.

  “I don’t like the word trial,” says Shalini. I agree.

  “I don’t like the word Marietta,” says Jess. “Uhoh.” She’s pointing at the mirror.

  I don’t like the words Uh-oh.

  The surface of the glass is fuzzy. Buzzy. It clears and a head appears. It
is not human. The head is made of red clay and its eyes are bright green and glowing. I think it’s attached to a body because there are shoulders too. It has a round mouth and there’s a rolled-up piece of paper slotted into the hole.

  “Oh, wow!” says Shalini. “It’s a golem!”

  Arwen frowns. “You only know that because I wrote about them in The Toadspit Times,” she says. “I know more than you.”

  “No one knows more than Shalini,” says Jess. “I bet you don’t know we found an army of tiny golems in Marietta’s Room of Wonderful Things.”

  Arwen does not know this and Jess knows that she does not know this.

  “I do know that,” says Arwen. Jess is about to argue when she’s interrupted by the golem.

  “ONLY THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST WITCH WILL LEAVE THE TRIAL WITH THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST CHARM,” he dooms.

  A picture of a silver charm appears in the corner of the mirror. It’s like a witchwood knot making the shape B&B.

  Dominique’s face lights up. She glances at me. It’s a glance that says, That’s mine. I glance back. My glance says, You are welcome to it.

  The golem continues.

  “ALL WITCHES WILL BEGIN WITH THREE CHARMS.”

  There’s a jingle from my bracelet. Three extra charms are dangling. Three silver question marks. The others have them too.

  “WITCHES WILL ENTER THREE TRIAL ROOMS. THE CHOICE IS YOURS. ALL THOSE WHO FAIL A TRIAL WILL REMAIN IN THE ROOM UNTIL RELEASED BY MARIETTA TOADSPIT.”

  “But she’s dead,” whispers Shalini.

  Oh dungpats! I don’t have time for this! I have to get out. I plonk myself in front of the golem and act important.

  “Mr Golem, sir,” I name him Clump, “I have no wish to partake in this event. I wish to be excused. If you could just show me the way out I will depart and leave Dominique to be the Best and Brightest.”

  Dominique tsks. Tsk. “You do not wish to take part because you know you will fail.”

  “You are incorrect,” I say. “I do not wish to take part because I have better things to do.” I wait for a response from Clump.

  “ANY WITCH WHO WINS THREE TRIALS WILL ENTER THE FINAL TRIAL,” he dooms. Which is obviously not the response I was waiting for. The response I was waiting for involved a door opening. An escape route appearing.

  “ONLY ONE WITCH WILL WIN THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST CHARM.”

  I open my mouth to complain but Shalini stops me. “You’re wasting your time, Twink. He’s not really alive. He can only do and say exactly what he’s been instructed to do by the paper in his mouth. The only way to stop him is to take that out.”

  Oh, dungpats! “But, Shalini, that means I have no choice but to do the trials and I hate having no choice! I am ac-chew-ally allergic to having no choice!”

  “CHOOSE YOUR FIRST TRIAL BEFORE THE SAND RUNS OUT.”

  Clump disappears and a sand timer appears on the glass. The sand is trickling.

  I do not believe this! I don’t want to choose a trial!

  I bang on the glass. “I REFUSE TO CHOOSE!” I shout. Everyone else is inspecting the doors.

  Dominique is studying the green door. Arwen’s leaning over her shoulder. Jess reads the rhyme on the yellow door to Shalini.

  “If your witch skill is your voice,

  Then enter here, make your choice,

  Find a song, a note, or pitch,

  To defeat the Qwibbling Quitch.”

  She looks at me and shakes her head. “That sounds like singing. Plus,” she points to a symbol, a musical note, “that’s a blatant clue. I am definitely not going in there. You shouldn’t go in either. Unless we go in together, with Shalini.”

  “That’s not allowed,” says Arwen. She’s moved to the purple door.

  “He didn’t say we couldn’t,” says Jess. “I think it’s a great idea. Maybe we should all go in together.”

  “It’s cheating,” says Arwen.

  “Not if we don’t want to win,” says Jess. “What about this one, Twink?” She’s moved to the red door. It has a cauldron symbol.

  I have not moved to any door. I am standing firm in front of the mirror. “As previously mentioned, Jess, I refuse to choose,” I say.

  She ignores me and reads the words.

  “Add a bit of this, add a bit of that.

  Make a cure for this, make a curse for that.

  Boil and simmer, stir and whip,

  And maybe even take a sip.”

  She steps away. “I’m not going in there either,” she says.

  This is wise. Her potion to cure Old Man Nose Hairs resulted in a rather long nose beard when she tested it on herself. Ms Pottage had to intervene.

  Clump dooms: “YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO CHOOSE. TEN.”

  “Still refusing.” I face the mirror and stand in a power pose. This involves arms folded, legs apart and a look of determination.

  “But I wonder what happens if we don’t choose,” says Shalini nervously.

  “NINE.”

  “Maybe there’ll be a punishment,” she says.

  “EIGHT.”

  “Or a curse or a hex?”

  Jess inspects the blue door.

  “Lines connected, lines apart,

  Carved and drawn, writing, art.

  Make your magic with a mark—”

  “SEVEN.”

  “Choose this door and make a start.”

  She points at another blatant clue – a carving of a rune above the rhyme. “Runes,” she says, just to confirm.

  I do not move. I am as solid as the golem.

  “SIX.”

  “I think we should choose, Twink,” says Shalini. She reads the green door. She’s rushing.

  “Dog and frog, bat and cat,

  Bog and log, hat and mat—

  “FIVE.”

  “Which witch words,

  Will match with that?”

  “FOUR.”

  There’s another grumble. I shudder. It’s worse than Ms Thorn’s sharpened fingers down a block of granite. I imagine. I maintain my power stand. I do not budge.

  “THREE.”

  They all jump as the doors fly open into the rooms. I don’t. Shalini falls backwards into Dominique. Dominique grabs her arm and doesn’t let go.

  Shalini struggles. “Dominique! Let go. What are you doing?” she says, trying to get away.

  “TWO.”

  “I still choose not choosing!” I shout at the mirror. “And you can’t make me.”

  “ONE.”

  I do not move. I will not give in. I will insist on leaving as soon as the countdown is over.

  Shalini’s still struggling with Dominique as Clump dooms, “FAILURE TO CHOOSE HAS RESULTED IN – NO CHOICE.”

  There’s another grumble, from under our feet. The middle of the floor is opening up. The flagstones tip. I wobble. I stumble into Jess. The tipping tips more! We tumble towards the red door.

  “Not potions!” cries Jess, clinging on to me.

  “Shalini! We need you!” She makes a grab for her but Dominique still has tight hold of Shalini’s arm and they’re sliding towards the yellow door and the singing trial.

  “Dominique!” shouts Shalini. “Let me go!”

  “Help!” shouts Arwen. “Dominique!” She disappears through the purple door and I have no idea what’s behind that one.

  Jess is ac-chew-ally squeezing the air out of me as we roll into the potions room and the door slams shut behind us. The room is freezing. We shiver all over and our fingers immediately turn red with cold. We sit up and cling to each other as we look around.

  I see four iron cauldrons dangling from the ceiling. They’re almost touching the floor. There’s a table to the side with three dusty bottles standing side by side.

  Jess rubs her hands. “I don’t like the feel of this cold,” she says. Her breath hangs in the air. “It is not a good cold. Uh-oh.”

  We jump as flames suddenly flicker up the sides of the cauldrons, but that isn’t why Jess is saying the uh-oh words
of disaster. She’s staring at the walls and pointing at the walls and her eyes have gone BIG. Almost as big as Shalini’s. “I don’t like the look of that,” she says.

  Oh, dungpats!

  Neither do I!

  Summary:

  There is POTENTIAL DANGER in the potions room! There is the possibility of AC-CHEW-AL PERIL!

  The walls are made from ice and inside the ice there are thousands of skinny black legs and thousands of big furry bodies and thousands upon thousands of shiny black eyes.

  “Toadspit Terrors!” squeaks Jess. She’s staring at the spiders as if she expects them to move. They don’t.

  “It’s OK, they’re frozen,” I say, getting up. Jess follows me. My breath is misting the air as I touch the ice-wall with my fingertips just to make sure. My fingers stick to the ice. I pull them away. “Definitely frozen. They are dead Terrors.”

  “But they can’t die. Can they?” says Jess. She’s just behind me, peering over my shoulder. “Because they weren’t alive in the first place. They were drawn and a drawing can’t die! Can it?”

  “I do not know the answer to that question.”

  “Well, I think it’s a strange sort of way to wallpaper a room,” says Jess, backing away towards the cauldrons.

  “ATTENTION, WITCHES,” dooms Clump. “ADD THE CORRECT INGREDIENT TO EACH CAULDRON TO WIN THE POTIONS CHARM AND ESCAPE THE ROOM.”

  Jess inspects the three bottles on the table. There’s a name and a picture on each label. The labels are faded and dirty.

  “We could just fail,” she says, squinting at the labels. “It won’t matter that much if we fail, will it? It’s not like we’ll be punished or lose ticks. We’ll just have to wait until someone else wins and Marietta lets us… Oh.”

  That oh is as bad as an uh-oh because Marietta’s DEAD and Jess has just remembered that.