by Nicole Dykes
Fear creeps through me, seeing the desperation in her eyes and feeling like shit because I know where I come from. The type of parents. My family. Me in general. “I won’t. I swear I won’t.”
Her eyes bore into mine, searching, but then she must be satisfied. “Okay. I’ll be in touch. Thank Vivienne for me.”
“I will.”
She leaves, and I take a seat again, trying to catch my breath.
I never saw that coming. Not in a million years.
Now, I just have to be sure not to fuck it all up.
“Mommy!”
I smile when my daughter leaps into my arms. She’s getting so tall, she nearly comes up to my chest. How the hell did that happen?
I stroke her hair and look down into her chocolate-brown eyes. “Hi, baby. I’m sorry I’m home later than usual.”
She shrugs happily. “It’s okay.” She looks over her shoulder at Angela. “We had fun.”
I sit down on the couch, taking Audrey with me and placing her in my lap, wrapping my arms around her, and say to Angela, “Thank you.”
She nods with a warm smile. “How did it go?”
I told her about Sawyer and his ultimatum. I also was a little fired up when I told her everything and asked her to stay a little later with Audrey tonight so I could go tell him to fuck off.
Of course, I didn’t use those words with Angela. “Better than I expected.” I hug Audrey closer to my body and gaze up at Angela, feeling slightly defeated. “Or worse.”
She purses her lips together, and I know she wants to ask me more but doesn’t with Audrey right here. “I’m sure whatever you decided will be what’s best, dear.”
I really hope she’s right.
“I’ll call you later so we can talk about it, if that’s okay?”
She answers with a heartwarming smile and a shoulder squeeze. “You can call me anytime.” Anxiety rolls through me. I finally have someone who resembles a mother, and I’m leaving her behind.
“Thank you.” I want to say so much more. That I’m afraid I’m screwing it all up. That I’m afraid Sawyer is going to hurt me again, but this time, he’ll hurt Audrey too. That I’m going to miss her and I know I was lucky to have met her. To tell her I’m sorry that I agreed to move into Sawyer’s house and that Audrey will likely be attending a fancy private school almost an hour away, so there’s no way I could ask her to watch Audrey after school anymore.
Of course, I can’t say any of those things right now, and instead, we just say our goodbyes like we do every evening.
“I’m hungry,” Audrey says, squirming off my lap.
I stand up and hold my hand out for her. “How about we make dinner then? We have some things we need to talk about while we do.”
She looks curious but then in her adorable little carefree way, just shrugs her shoulders and smiles, agreeing, “Okay. But food too.”
I laugh at that, and we go to the kitchen where I start to prepare dinner. I give her the task of shredding lettuce for a salad and after preparing chicken to bake, I look over the kitchen island at her.
Her big eyes are focused on her task, and her tongue sticks slightly out of her mouth as she concentrates, which always makes me smile. “Audrey?”
She looks up. “What?”
My chest aches with anxiousness. “Do you remember my friend who stopped by the other day?” There’s that bile that creeps up again when I call Sawyer my friend. I think that may be the hardest part of this whole thing.
“Yeah.” She goes back to working on the lettuce.
“Well . . .” Just breathe, Piper. “He has this massive house right near the beach, and he has a problem.”
He has many, so that’s not a lie.
“What problem?” She’s curious now as she looks up at me again.
“His house is too big. And it’s only him there. So he thought maybe we could move in with him and help fill it up.”
Her eyes widen at that, and I have no idea what’s going on in her mind. She’s six. I know, without a doubt, that all the consequences of moving won’t register fully. But she is aware of her world, and I know she can feel a change coming.
“He wants us to go to his house?”
I nod. “Yeah. How do you feel about moving our things into his home for a while?”
She thinks it over because Audrey always thinks things over. “Okay. Is it like this house?”
I smile because my child doesn’t care about things. About fancy houses. And the fact that her room is tiny and barely big enough for her twin bed.
Not yet anyway.
“Well, I haven’t actually seen all of it yet. But it’s bigger. If you don’t like it, though, we’ll find something else, okay?”
She ponders that, and then a determined look comes over her perfect doll-like features. “He needs our help.”
My heart squeezes tightly in my chest because my child is so very kind. “Yes. He does.”
Her smile is nearly blinding. “Okay!”
“Okay.” I wish I could share her enthusiasm.
But everything inside of me is screaming that this is a massive mistake.
I’m nervous. Like actually fucking nervous.
Piper and Audrey should be here any minute. And I can’t keep my hands from shaking.
What if they hate it?
Who the hell am I?
Luckily, the doorbell rings, saving me from the anticipation and thrusting me right into the actual situation. I open the door and can’t stop the great big smile from forming on my face when I see mini-Piper—or Audrey—standing there with a backpack swung over one shoulder and big, wide eyes looking up at me.
Piper and Audrey may have been living in a small apartment building, but it’s clear Audrey is well taken care of. The couple of times I’m seen her, she’s been clean and well-dressed.
Not that I’m surprised by that, but it’s worth noting.
I know I was a fucking snob to Piper about their living situation, and I do want the best for my kid, but I don’t actually believe she’s been wanting for anything.
“Hey, Audrey.”
She smiles up at me, wearing a navy blue dress with her brown hair straight and long, gazing up at me with eyes that are identical to my own. “Hi.”
I hold my hand out for hers. “I’m Sawyer.”
“I know. You’re Mommy’s friend.” She shakes my hand quickly and then pulls it away, giggling as she looks behind me. “Is this where we’re going to live?”
“Yes, come on in.” I step back and let Audrey walk inside, while Piper remains at the threshold. She’s definitely not as enthusiastic as Audrey.
Still, she’s fucking gorgeous with that scowl on her hauntingly beautiful face. Her long brown hair is also down, but it’s got waves. She’s dressed simply in a flowy white blouse with a black skirt.
“You can come in too.”
Her golden eyes dart around the foyer, and I see the hesitance there. She doesn’t want Audrey growing up the way she did. I get that. I truly do. But I’m not going to live in squalor to please her either.
My house is extravagant. Like my clothes. Like my car. Like me.
And I won’t apologize for it.
“Don’t forget the conditions.”
“Never.”
She brushes past me, and Audrey wraps her arms around her mom. “Mommy! Do you see this? It’s awesome!”
She still has a hint of a giggle in her voice as she speaks excitedly to her mom, and it makes me happy. I hate that I can’t tell Audrey who I am, but I’m grateful to get to know her. I can’t explain it, but there’s a pull toward her.
I feel a connection to her even though we’ve just met, and I have no idea how to explain it.
“I do.” Piper is tense as hell as she looks around at the vast expanse of the main floor of my home. It was decorated by Linc’s sister, Lola, his wife, Penelope, and Viv, who are all interior decorators.
I gave them free reign because what the fuck do I care a
bout throw pillows and color schemes?
I do like the direction they went though. Sort of beach house/classy with black and white furniture.
“I’ll show you guys around, if you’d like.” I’m mostly focusing on Audrey because I know she’s my only hope for an ally between the two of them.
She nods her head excitedly, and I walk them through the living room and into the kitchen, which, admittedly, doesn’t get used. But I let them know it’s theirs to use anytime. After that, I show them the basement that’s equipped with a home theater, a game room, and a gym.
Audrey’s eyes are wide as she takes it all in, her little features stuck in shock. “This is in your house?” She stares at the large screen in the movie room.
I nod and kneel down so I’m eye level with her. “Everything here is yours. Anytime you want to watch a movie, we can. Anything you want.”
Piper clears her throat and places a hand on her shoulder. “Not anything. And not anytime.”
“Most of the time,” I say with a wink, and Audrey giggles before I stand up to see a pissed-off Piper.
“What happened to not spoiling her?”
“I can’t help that the home came with all this.”
She rolls her eyes, and I continue the tour. On the main floor, I point to the master bedroom and bath but don’t bother including it in the tour before we go up the stairs. My heart is racing as we approach the first bedroom.
I’m nervous again.
Me.
Sawyer Ross.
I try to shake that feeling off and push the door open, relishing the look of surprise on Audrey’s face as she walks inside. “Whoa! Is this my room?”
I nod. “Yeah. Is it okay?”
She looks around, spinning in a circle. “Yes! It’s amazing!”
I let out a relieved breath, and she continues to look around the room that’s been decorated especially for her in unicorn and rainbow shit. I didn’t get to see much of her the other day, but I did notice the unicorn backpack by the door and took a gamble.
“You did this?” Piper eyes me suspiciously as Audrey sits down on the pink twin bed with her name spelled out on a cloud on the wall behind her.
“I had help. Linc’s wife, sister, and Vivienne are all interior decorators.”
Her lips are pursed, but I can tell she’s trying like hell not to smile. “She loves rainbows.”
I smile too. “I’m glad.”
“You didn’t have to do this.”
I turn my head in her direction, keeping my voice low as I say, “She’s my kid, Piper. I wanted to do this and so much more.”
“Don’t.” She turns to look at me head-on, and I see the emotions on her face—fear and anger.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “I know. Can’t spoil her.”
“You found a loophole, it seems.” Her hand sweeps the air, gesturing toward the heavily decorated room full of toys. And if she looks in the closet, she’ll find a bunch of new clothes.
“Hey, I didn’t buy her a pony.”
She cocks her head to the side, annoyed. “Sawyer . . .”
“I won’t.”
She does smile a little at that. “Thank you for this. It’s a nice room.”
“Wanna see yours?”
Her eyes meet mine, and there’s something there, something I can’t place. She gives a quick nod, and I lead her to the room right next to Audrey’s. This one, I told the girls to go simple with.
Of course, I just had to mention that Piper’s favorite color used to be purple. So Viv had the walls painted a plum color and found matching bedding. Piper’s nose scrunches as she looks at the room, and then her eyes land on me. “Purple?”
“Yeah. You hate it now?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “I wouldn’t say hate. But I don’t love it as much as I did when I was eighteen.”
I swallow, hearing her words, reading too much into them. Thinking that I know how that feels. And now, I’m comparing myself to the color purple.
Why the fuck do I care that she doesn’t love me anymore? Or the color?
“We can change it.”
She shakes her head and takes a seat on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs at the ankles, but her back isn’t as straight as it would have been in high school. Her posture was always spot-on then.
“No. This is fine.” She looks around, and then her eyes meet mine again. “It’s pretty.”
I nod my head and then grip the back of my tension-filled neck. I need a drink. Or maybe a joint. Or maybe to get laid.
My eyes dart in the direction of the next room over.
Yeah . . . None of that will probably be happening anytime soon.
“Viv and Ash are having a small party at their house tonight. Grilling. You want to go?”
Audrey bounces in just then. “A party?”
Piper glares at me, like I knew she was going to hear that, but then her gaze softens as she looks at Audrey. “I don’t know. We have a lot of unpacking to do.”
“Oh please, Mommy.” She looks at me. “Will there be cake?”
I chuckle. “I’m not sure. But since Baz will be there, I’m assuming there will be ice cream.”
Her eyes light up. “Yum!” Then her little nose scrunches up just like Piper’s does when she’s thinking too hard. “Who’s Baz?”
“Baz is my friend. He’s about your age.”
“A boy?” She makes a grossed-out face. “I don’t like boys.”
I nod and smile as I kneel in front of her. “I’m more than okay with that.”
Piper snorts, unable to hide her laugh even though she’s shaking her head. “Sawyer.”
I look over at her. “What? You aren’t?”
She shakes her head again, still not hiding the grin, and Audrey laughs, “I do like ice cream though.”
“Me too.” I stand up and address Piper, “It’s just Ash and Viv, Baz, Lola and her husband. I don’t think Linc will be there.”
She chews on her bottom lip, but then relents. “Okay.” She turns to Audrey. “But we need to unpack first.”
Audrey agrees happily and bounces back to her room.
“She really is a happy kid.”
Piper stands next to me, her eyes looking in the direction of Audrey’s room. “Please make sure she stays that way.”
“I’ll die before I fuck this up, Piper.”
And I mean it.
“So how did you get her here?” I look over at Ash, who’s nursing the margarita his big sister, Lola, forced on him. We both usually stick to straight alcohol, not the fruity shit. “You threaten to kidnap her puppy?”
I roll my eyes and fold my arms over my chest as I watch Piper and Audrey with Viv and Baz across the backyard. “Ha ha. She doesn’t have a dog.”
“Probably smart on her part. The less things to threaten her with, the better.”
“Okay, I get it. I was an asshole.”
“Total fucking asshole.” He’s not letting up, and I suppose I can’t fault him for it since we do love giving each other shit. It works for us. And I know it was fucked up, what I did. But I can’t say I regret it. Audrey and Piper are under my roof.
For now, at least.
I can’t ask for much more, although it kills me that Audrey doesn’t know I’m her dad. I still intend to earn that shit.
“Yeah, yeah. Says the guy who had Viv and ran away like a little bitch. Who’s the bigger asshole?”
“Hey, fucker.” He places his margarita down and shoves my chest but not enough to move me. “She ran. Not me.”
She ran to California because his dumb ass wouldn’t admit he was in love with her, but again, I can’t say much. I pushed Piper away in the most disgusting way imaginable when she told me she loved me.
My gaze roams to Piper, and my chest actually fucking aches. God, she’s beautiful. She changed and is now wearing a short navy and white striped sundress. It doesn’t show much skin, but Piper doesn’t need to.
It does, however, s
how off those long, tan legs of hers. Her hair flows down over her shoulder. She looks so much more free than I’ve ever seen her as Audrey holds onto her hand and they sway to the outdoor music while Piper and Viv hold a conversation.
“Your kid is cute though.” Ash grins. “Good thing she takes after Piper.”
I laugh, “You’re telling me. Can you imagine if she had this mug?” I lift my chin, angling it up, and he shakes his head, laughing.
“Fucking horrifying.” But then he grows serious, and I kind of hate that he can seem to do that now that he’s a dad and a husband. “How’s it going though?”
“They’ve been here for a few hours.” And I’ve been terrified the entire time they were going to leave.
He must sense my apprehension because I feel his hand squeeze my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. She looks like she’s giving it a chance. You’re going to be a great dad, Sawyer.”
I want to say so many things, like how I’m scared as all fuck that I’m going to mess this up epically and not only lose Piper again but also my daughter this time. Not that I have Piper. Fuck.
But of course, I don’t say that. Instead, I place my hand over his and squeeze. “If you want to ask me to join you guys in the bedroom, you don’t have to butter me up.”
I wag my eyebrows at him, and he shoves me away. “That’s what I get for trying to have a moment with Sawyer fucking Ross. You’re such an asshole.”
Yeah, pretty much.
“Piper Ward. I really can’t believe you’re here,” Lola says, looking as elegant and beautiful as I remember her.
I watch Audrey playing with Baz and his friend Jacee, running around the large backyard and then turn my attention to Lola. “I know. It’s crazy.”
She smiles into her mojito. “It is. Sawyer is a dad.”
“He’s going to be a great dad,” Viv interjects.
I can’t resist glancing over at Sawyer, who’s still busy talking to Asher. But when Baz runs over and tags him on the back, Sawyer quickly chases after him. Asher follows and both grown-ass men take off after the three children, who are all laughing hysterically.
I hate how my stupid heart flutters when Sawyer catches Audrey and flings her up on his shoulders. She effortlessly laughs in a carefree way as she holds onto his broad shoulders. Asher picks Baz and Jacee up, tucking them both under each arm.