by Nicole Dykes
All three kids are lost in a fit of giggles, and it’s endearing as hell.
Lola’s husband couldn’t make it to dinner tonight because he had something to do with Lincoln Sterling. But I’ve been assured that’s a good thing because if they came, then we’d have two more large children tonight.
But it’s said with affection.
Lola is very clearly in love.
“So how’s it going?” Vivienne’s question brings me back to the conversation with Lola and Viv.
“We haven’t been here very long . . .”
Lola and Viv share a look, and then Vivienne smiles. “But how’s it been so far?”
I sigh softly as I watch Sawyer and Audrey, they’ve connected pretty fast. “Really well. Almost too well.” My eyes drift back to Vivienne, who has a kind expression on her pretty face. “She didn’t hesitate to want to move in. She thinks about everything, especially for a six-year-old, but this . . . She seemed excited almost instantly.”
“Well, it’s pretty exciting. I mean, it’s a big house on the beach with a pool,” Lola says matter-of-factly.
I nod, my heart aching. “I know. And Sawyer . . .” I briefly look over at his handsome face with his sparkling eyes and chiseled jaw. “He’s charming.”
“Yeah,” Viv and Lola both agree.
I look back at them. “That’s terrifying.”
Neither woman argues, which only serves to make me more nervous. “But he’s a good man,” Viv reassures me. “He’s not going to hurt her. I promise.”
“How can you promise that? I know he’s your friend, but . . .”
Lola places her hand on my shoulder. “He’s our friend, but we’ll both be the first ones to tell everyone he’s an ass. And we’ll call him out on his shit.” I look at her, probably looking a little stunned, even though I’m not sure why. Viv said as much during our talk. “But look at the way he looks at her.”
We all turn to see Sawyer kneeled down in the grass, listening to something Audrey is telling him. She’s right, the look on his face says he’ll never hurt her or let anyone else hurt her either.
My stomach flutters with an odd sensation I haven’t felt in a long time. Oh my God, is him acting like a father to our little girl actually turning me on?
What the hell is wrong with me?
“This is dangerous.”
Viv leans her head on my shoulder. “There’s nothing hotter than a good dad.”
I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped wide open. How the hell did she know what I was thinking? “I, um . . .”
She giggles and then lifts her head, facing me. “It’s okay to let your guard down, Piper.”
“No. It’s really not. That’s how I got hurt the first time.”
“He won’t hurt her, and he’s grown up,” Lola assures me.
I can’t help thinking they’re biased as hell, but I turn to watch the guys playing with the kids again.
And I let myself get swept away in the moment.
Audrey has never had this. Sure, she’s had some friends from school, but we haven’t attended any parties yet. And she’s never had a father figure.
I hate my treacherous body for responding when he picks her up and tickles her, making her giggle. I hate my heart for squeezing tightly in my chest as I watch her whisper something in his ear that makes him laugh.
But I can’t seem to help it. I never allowed myself to go there before. I never wanted to dream about what it could be like if Sawyer wouldn’t have been a lying cheater and I’d told him about my pregnancy.
Would we have ended up here?
“Baz isn’t too bad.” Audrey tilts her head to the side, like she’s thinking it over even though I didn’t actually voice a question. “But I think I like Jacee better.”
I grin at that as I hold her small hand in mine and we walk into her room with Piper in tow. “I’m still very okay with that.” She plops down onto her pink bed, and I kneel down in front of her, in awe of how similar her eyes are to the ones I see every day in the mirror. But hers sparkle. “Hang on to that.”
“Sawyer,” I hear Piper from behind me, and I can’t stop my laugh.
Today was fun. Really fun.
I always have a good time at Ash and Viv’s, but tonight was different. I got to spend time with Audrey. The kid is a giggler. She laughs at everything. So different from the way I remember Piper when she wasn’t too much older than Audrey is now.
She also hates pickles. And her favorite color is pink.
The kid is an open book, and I took full advantage to get to know her better.
Piper walks to the dresser, it’s white but has rainbow handles. She pulls it open and pulls out a nightgown. “It’s definitely past your bedtime, missy.”
Audrey pouts for a moment but then kicks her shoes off, and then . . . yeah, the kid giggles. Which makes me laugh. “Okay, Mommy.” She looks at me as Piper dresses her in a nightgown. “Can we do that again?”
I nod my head, a thrill shooting through me at her asking. “Yeah. They do that a lot, and I’m usually invited.” I grin. “Which means now, you are too.”
“And Mommy?”
Piper looks slightly uncomfortable as she runs a brush through Audrey’s hair. I face Audrey. “Of course, Mommy too.”
Her smile is vibrant. “Good.”
Piper kisses her forehead. “Get good sleep tonight, baby.”
“Okay, Mommy. Love you.”
“Love you.”
Piper walks toward the door, and I stand next to Audrey’s bed, unsure how to leave it. She can’t know I’m her dad, so I can’t exactly say I love you. But I don’t want to just say goodnight.
Fuck, this is hard.
“Thanks for going with me tonight, kiddo. I’m glad you had fun.”
“Thank you, Swearer,” she says, and I laugh.
“Baz tell you to call me that?”
She giggles. “Yup.”
“Of course, he did.” I ruffle her hair. “Night, kiddo.”
“Night.”
My heart aches in my chest from not being able to tell her I love her. That I’m her dad, and I’m not going any-fucking-where. But I just force myself to leave the room, telling myself I will someday.
God, this kid is turning me into a pussy.
Piper flips on the light switch in her room, and I follow her inside, drawn to her like I’ve always been and feeling the aftereffects of a moment ago. “I like your friends.” She stares absently into the mirror above her dresser, removing her earrings.
“They like you. And Audrey.”
She smiles at that and then sits on the edge of her bed, undoing the straps on her sandals.
It all feels utterly domestic. Tucking our kid in and then undressing for the evening. I’m not ready to let the night end, so I sit next to her on the bed, my feet on the ground.
There’s something that’s been bugging me, and I suppose now is the time to ask. “Did my brothers know?” Her eyes meet mine, and I clarify, “About Audrey?”
It wouldn’t surprise me at all if they kept it from me. Especially Spencer. “No. Of course not.”
“How? You work for them.”
She snorts. “The Rosses don’t give a damn about their employees’ lives as long as they’re bringing in money.”
I suppose that’s probably true and breathe a sigh of relief. “Good. You had fun tonight.”
It’s not a question. It’s an observation that has her tilting her head to the side in slight amusement. “I suppose I did.”
Her hair falls in front of her eyes, and I don’t hesitate to brush it away. But I leave my hand behind her ear, letting it linger.
“You’re really great with her.” She looks almost bewildered, and I can’t say I blame her.
“She’s a really great kid.”
She nods, and then she’s leaning in, her full, red lips are nearing mine and causing my heart to thunder in my chest. I should stop this. It blurs way too many lines. My other hand cups the back of
her head, but I don’t pull her to me.
I let her make the decision.
Her lips part as she stares at my mouth, and I think I might actually die if she doesn’t kiss me. Thankfully, I remain alive just as her mouth crashes against mine after so many goddamn years of not touching her.
Her mouth moves against mine, and my fingers thread through her hair. She doesn’t open her mouth, and I don’t force her. I just stay in the moment that I already know is going to be fleeting.
The kiss is way too brief, leaving me gasping for air and craving the connection as it’s severed by her small hands pushing against my chest and away from her.
“No. I can’t do this.”
“Piper.” I don’t move. My body is frozen on her bed, in the same spot as it was when she kissed me. But she jumps up, shaking her head.
“No. Oh my God, Sawyer. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
“A kiss?” I turn to face her, but don’t stand.
“No. Not a kiss. You.” Her arms flail, gesturing at me. “Your charm. I can’t fall for this shit again.” Her eyes look at the wall she shares with Audrey. “I’m a mother now.”
“Mothers kiss.”
That only prompts an angry glare as she places a hand on her hip. “You need to go. We are . . . Hell, we aren’t even friends. You need to go.”
She’s really freaking out here. I can see it on her face and hear it in her panicked tone. I stand and take one step toward her, but she steps back. I try to not feel hurt. I know she doesn’t trust me. “It was a kiss, Pipes.”
“Don’t Pipes me. I’m not that girl, Sawyer. I’m not.”
“I know.”
She shakes her head furiously. “This shouldn’t have happened.” She huffs and folds her arms over her stomach, but she keeps her voice low when she says, “You’re such an ass.”
“Me? You kissed me.”
Another glare. “You’re still an ass.”
“Fine. Whatever.” I head toward the door, walking past her, not wanting to fight.
“Wait.”
Her voice is quiet, but there’s a desperation in it that makes me turn around. “What?”
“Why?” I search her eyes, trying to find what she’s asking me, and I see the fat tears welling up in her eyes.
“Why what?”
Is she talking about the kiss?
No. She kissed me.
“Why did you . . .” her voice cracks, and then it nearly severs my heart in two when I realize what she’s asking me.
I step closer to her, and she doesn’t pull away as her golden eyes look directly into mine, giving me a glimpse into her pain. Pain I caused. “I . . .”
She holds up her hand to silence me and then steps back. “No. Never mind. It doesn’t matter, Sawyer. None of it matters.”
“Piper.” Her name is barely a whisper, and I know I’m a goddamn coward because my reasons are shit. There’s no good explanation.
“Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”
“You matter though. I . . .”
She glares at me. “Get out, Sawyer. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to revisit the past. Audrey is what matters. That’s it.” She takes another step away from me. “We’ll never be friends.”
I want to argue with her, but I can see just how pissed off she is right now, and I’m not fucking with it.
“I guess I’ll just have to make sure that Audrey and I are.”
“Guess so.”
“Goodnight, Piper.”
“Goodnight, Sawyer.”
I turn and leave, feeling only slightly defeated. I mean, she did kiss me. Even if she regretted it immediately after, maybe she’s softening a little.
I smile when I see the glow from the nightlight in Audrey’s room before I head downstairs.
Piper is right though. Audrey is what matters.
I kissed him.
Oh my God, I kissed him.
What the hell was I thinking?
Okay, so yeah. He’s gorgeous. Even more so than he was when we were eighteen. The bastard. And seeing him with Audrey . . . God, it did something to me I can’t explain.
Tucking her in together like that. Talking about our day like a normal family.
I groan and pull the plum-colored comforter over my eyes because the sunlight is illuminating the reality of what happened too brightly.
I kissed him.
I can’t even blame him for starting it. No, that was all me. I pressed my lips to his soft, firm ones and kissed him.
I could just stay here in the dark and avoid facing that, being perfectly happy with that until I hear the distinct sound of my daughter’s loud giggle.
Audrey’s up.
Of course, she is. It’s Saturday during the summer. Why wouldn’t my child be up at the crack of dawn?
I toss the covers off and climb out of bed, wearing my cute sleep set that has lemons covering the white tee and matching short shorts and head into Audrey’s room. Her bed is empty, so I follow the sound of her giggle down the stairs, wondering if I should have grabbed a robe.
Not because I’m barely dressed, but because it’s cuter than anything else.
And then I kick myself for that thought. Cute is fine. I’m a mom. I don’t need to impress Sawyer.
And it’s him who I spot first in the kitchen. The annoyingly handsome bastard is already dressed in tight jeans and a black button-down shirt he’s rolled up at the sleeves.
Of course, he’s this goddamn gorgeous early in the morning when I’m standing here looking cute in my pjs.
But my insecurities fade away quickly when I see Audrey next to him, stirring something in a big mixing bowl. She’s dressed in a cute white and turquoise sundress—which I definitely didn’t buy, so it must be from the clothes that mysteriously filled her closet—with her hair neatly brushed. “Mommy! We’re making pancakes!”
“What would we do, Pipes?”
I laugh, easily as I lie on my back in Sawyer’s bed looking up at the ceiling. “Make pancakes from scratch.”
The memory comes from out of nowhere and slams into me as Sawyer catches my eye. “You okay?”
“You learned how to make pancakes?”
His lips quirk. “Not from scratch.”
Oh my God, he remembers.
I stand there, stunned, as my eyes remain on Audrey. She looks so damn happy as she stirs the batter, making a huge mess. But Sawyer is patient and unbothered by it. “Okay, you ready?”
Audrey nods excitedly as they move over to the griddle. Audrey reaches out, and I’m about to leap over there, but Sawyer playfully grabs her little hand before she makes contact.
“That’s hot, kiddo. You need that hand to draw me more pictures.”
“How long have you two been awake?” I notice the crayons and paper on the kitchen table with Audrey’s art and some that must be Sawyer’s, judging by the pictures of cars and trucks.
Audrey mostly draws unicorns and flowers.
He shrugs. “Not too long. We thought we’d let you sleep.”
I move closer as Sawyer pours the batter onto the hot griddle. “Did she wake you up?”
“I tried to wake you up, Mommy, but you didn’t want to. So I found Swearer.”
He grins at that. “I was up already. It’s no big deal.”
I nod, surprised I didn’t wake up when Audrey tried to wake me. I’m usually a light sleeper. And maybe I should be worried that I didn’t, but I know in my gut that I trust Sawyer.
With Audrey, at least.
“Thank you.”
His smile is briefly directed at me before he hands Audrey the turner. “You ready to flip ’em?”
She gawks at him, which pulls a small laugh from me, causing her to look over at me for approval. I nod. “Go on. You can do it.”
Sawyer shows her how, and then she almost perfectly turns one of the pancakes over. “I did it!”
“He—” Sawyer catches himself quickly. “Heck yeah, you did. High five!”
> Her little hand slaps his, and there goes my stupid heart again.
When they finish making a stack of pancakes and placing them on a plate, Sawyer sets the table and invites me to join them. “You going to eat with us?”
Audrey tugs on my hand. “Sit next to me, Mommy.”
I don’t argue and sit down, loving to see her so happy.
“What’s on the agenda today?” Sawyer asks as he sips from his coffee mug.
I stand up and grab my own cup of coffee. “I need to find a babysitter.”
“What about Angela?” Audrey whines as she stuffs a huge piece of pancake into her mouth.
I smile at her as I take a seat again, watching her chew the massive bite. “She lives pretty far away, sweetie.”
She told me she’d babysit the last time I talked to her, but she also said I should give this a real try and do what I needed to do.
“What about Viv?” Sawyer interjects, and I look over at him, shaking my head already.
“I can’t ask her to do that. She has a job and is pregnant and has Baz.”
“She’d love it. It would give Baz someone to play with during the summer and hopefully keep that little monster busy.” He winks at Audrey, who giggles.
Don’t melt stupid, stupid heart.
I take a sip of my coffee, relishing how good it tastes. “What about her job?”
“She doesn’t work as much in the summer. But Ash is a teacher, so his lazy as—” he corrects himself, “butt is home a lot during the summer too. They’d both happily watch Audrey.”
I have no doubt they’d take good care of her, but I shift uncomfortably in my seat. This has always been my struggle with Audrey.
Wanting to do it all on my own but not wanting to let her down. Not wanting others to raise her but needing to provide for her.
“Or you could quit and just stay with her.”
My eyes snap to Sawyer, fire burning inside me. “What?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s just a suggestion.”
“I have a job.”
Again, with the easy shrug of his broad shoulders. “You could quit. I’d be happy to provide—”