by Nicole Dykes
I cut him off, “We’re living here to save money to buy a home up to your standards.” I notice Audrey’s wide eyes on me and silently curse myself. Softening my tone, I say to Sawyer, “I’ll talk to Viv.”
He nods, but he’s not as unbothered as he seems Because his jaw ticks with annoyance. “Okay, good.”
“Good.”
I kiss Audrey on the top of the head and excuse myself to go get dressed.
Why do I let him get me so riled up?
Viv happily agreed to watch Audrey while Piper was at work and has been doing so for a week now. Audrey is usually excited in the morning to go play with Baz even if she’s reluctant to say goodbye to Piper.
I wasn’t trying to be an asshole when I suggested Piper quit her job. I see the way she looks at Audrey, and I know she wants more time with her. I’d give anything to be able to give her that, but she’s stubborn as hell.
I offered to walk Audrey to Viv and Ash’s today since Piper was running late and worried my asshole brother was going to give her a hard time. I bit my tongue instead of again suggesting she quit working for him.
And I stopped my mind from wondering whether he’s fucked her or not. It’s something that’ll keep me up at night if I think about it too much. I think it would kill me to find out he’s been inside her.
And yes, I know that’s not fair, considering our past. But I give no fucks.
“Hi, Audrey!” Viv bends down and gives my daughter a hug, which Audrey is quick to return. She’s bonded with Ash, Viv, and Baz remarkably fast.
It should scare me that my kid trusts so easily, but part of me is envious of it.
Baz runs down the hall like the little tornado he is and jumps into my arms. “Swearer!”
“Hey, buddy!” I pick him up for a hug as he wraps his arms around my neck. “Where’s Ash?”
“He had a meeting this morning,” Viv supplies as Baz wiggles out of my grasp and grabs Audrey’s hand.
“Jacee is coming over later.”
“Good,” Audrey says happily as they take off toward Baz’s room, and I smile, watching them.
“God, you are absolutely wrapped around her little finger already, aren’t you?”
I look over at Viv’s knowing smile and shrug, trying to play it off. “Maybe.”
She laughs, “I knew you would be. She’s a great kid. She even insists on Baz picking up toys before they move to make the next mess.”
I chuckle, “Yeah, she’s pretty clean.”
“She is. But she knows how to have fun. It’s clear she’s had a healthy balance.”
Yeah, it is. Piper is a damn good mom. There’s no denying that.
“Now, if I could get her mother to stop hating me.”
Viv grins as she takes a seat on the couch in the living room. “You think that’s going to happen any time soon?”
I plop down next to her. “Probably not.”
“Give her time, Sawyer.”
I think about that kiss. I let her lead. But then she pushed me away, and it fucking hurt. Why did it hurt?
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure she’s always going to hate me.”
Viv shrugs her small shoulders. “As she should.”
I chuckle, stretching my legs out in front of me. “Yeah.”
“Hey.” I look to Viv, realizing I was looking down at my feet. “You’re a good man, Sawyer. You were a shitty teenager, but who wasn’t?”
“You, Little Miss Perfect.”
She rolls her eyes and punches me in the shoulder. “I was the girl who got knocked up at a party with a guy I’d barely even spoken to before.”
I don’t argue, but she was still pretty damn perfect. Piper and she were similar in high school. Although Viv was clenched even more tightly, only focusing on school.
“I really hurt her.” Piper’s eyes, full of tears as she stood in the doorway at that party, looking at Paisley and me in horror, flash through my mind and sends a sharp pain through my chest.
“Focus on being there for Audrey. You’re doing great. Piper sees that.”
I want to be a dad to Audrey more than anything, but that kiss confused shit. It brought back so many memories I wanted to push down.
And I’m starting to realize it’s not only being a dad to Audrey I want out of this.
It’s Piper too.
It’s always been Piper.
I hate coming home late. Fucking Spencer. He’s such an asshole.
I walk into the house, placing my purse on the couch when I hear my daughter’s giggle coming from the open patio door. I smile to myself.
Sawyer sent a text today, asking if it would be okay for him to take Audrey swimming in his pool.
He’s been picking her up at Viv’s every evening, making it home before me. And although I want to hate him, he’s making it difficult.
He’s been so good with Audrey. And I hate to admit it, but she absolutely adores him.
I kept her from him, afraid she’d get hurt. But it’s pretty clear he’s stepped up. Still, I’m guarded. I have to be for Audrey’s sake.
I walk outside, and the scene before me melts my heart instantly. And okay, it might affect a little lower south too. I need to keep that in check.
Sawyer and Asher are in the pool with Audrey and Baz on their respective shoulders while the kids battle it out, laughing hysterically. Sawyer sees me first and offers that sexy as hell grin. “Hey. Long day?”
I nod and take a seat on one of the lounge chairs. “Awful.”
“Mommy!” Audrey waves at me. “We’re winning!”
“Nuh-uh!” Baz challenges, and Asher shushes him.
“Yes huh!” Audrey argues back, and I shake my head.
“Audrey, be nice.”
She scrunches her little nose and looks down. “I’m being nice, but we won.”
Asher pulls Baz off his shoulders before he can argue any further and tickles him, making him laugh as Sawyer lowers Audrey off his broad shoulders as well. God, why does he have to look so damn good?
It’s really not fair.
I feel like I’ve aged twenty years in the last six, but Sawyer? He’s perfect.
He pulls himself out of the pool as Baz and Audrey move to the shallow end to get out, and I can’t stop staring at his defined abs glistening with water sliding over each ridge.
“Spence is an asshole.”
I don’t argue, but then my eyes find the tattoo on his chest that leaves me stunned. Is that a “P”? A fucking “P” on his chest, scrawled in ink?
“Piper?” He’s trying to get my attention, but I’m focused on his tattoo.
He has a few, mostly on his arms. But it’s that fucking gothic “P” on his chest that has me transfixed as I lift my eyes to his.
“Are you okay?”
“You have a ‘P’ on your chest.”
It’s not a question. It’s a shocked statement as I stare at him, completely frozen. “I, uh . . .”
“Mommy!” Our attention is directed at Audrey as she comes barreling for me. “I’m starving!”
I glance at Sawyer briefly, still trying to come out of my stupor and then back to Audrey. “You are?”
“Yes! And so is Baz!”
Baz runs up with Asher in tow, who wraps him in a towel, picking him up and telling him, “We have to get home to Mommy.”
“Okay.” Baz shrugs his little shoulders and waves at Audrey. “See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Baz!” She waves. “I still won!”
“Audrey.” I can’t stifle the laugh.
Baz hollers a quick, “Did not!” Before Asher and he exit through the gate. Sawyer chuckles and leans down to look at Audrey.
“You so did.” He winks, and she laughs at that joyously.
“We did.”
“That’s right.” He holds out his large hand. “High five.”
She happily slaps his hand with hers and then he picks her up, making her giggle.
“Let’s go get you some food.”
I stare at them a
s I watch him walk inside the house. He’s surprised me in so many ways over the past few weeks.
But all I can think about right now is that stupid tattoo.
After helping Piper tuck Audrey in for the night, I can feel something is coming. I felt it all through dinner. The fucking tattoo. I can’t believe I forgot about it.
Her eyes zeroed in on it, and ever since, I could see the thoughts brewing in her head. Thoughts I wanted to avoid.
She walks to her bedroom and gestures for me to follow her. Normally, I’d love the invitation, but there’s a storm brewing.
“Yes?” I look at her, trying to seem nonchalant, like I’m not fucking crawling out of my skin from nerves.
“A ‘P’?”
“Piper—” She stops me, walking to me and tugging my shirt up by the hem. Her fingers graze the skin over my stomach, and I want to resist, but I lift my arms and let her remove it.
Her fingertips slide over the tattoo on my chest. “Why?”
“Why what?” I can’t seem to move. I just look down at her fingers on my chest as she traces the letter.
“Why is my initial on your chest?” She looks up at me in horror, leaving her fingers on my skin. “Or is it Paisley’s?”
“No,” I answer her quickly. “It’s not for her. And you know why.” I place my hand over hers, flattening her palm over the ink.
“I don’t.” Her eyes fill with tears, which guts me. “Last I knew, I was in love with you, and then you fucked my sister.”
Bile rises in my throat, thinking about that night. “There was more to it.”
“So, tell me about it. What the hell happened?”
I don’t want to go back to that time, to the biggest mistake of my life. “Piper, I . . .”
She looks up at me with raw vulnerability, and I hook my hand behind her neck, bringing her closer to me. Breathing her in and wanting so badly to apologize for everything I’ve done. But what can I possibly say?
There’s no good reason for it.
I was a dipshit.
I hurt her.
But now, I see the strong, resilient woman she is and the kid we created together, and all I want is to make it better somehow. Explaining why I did what I did isn’t going to do that, so instead, I crash my mouth against hers, trying to say everything without words.
That I’m sorry.
That there’s no explanation.
That I’ll do better.
That I won’t hurt her.
She lets out a little squeak of surprise but doesn’t push me away. Instead, she kisses me back, her hand pressed against my chest between our bodies. I wrap my other arm around her and kiss her lips, licking the seam and praying she’ll let me in.
When she opens, I breathe a sigh of relief as my tongue sweeps inside, warring with hers as we drift toward her bed. Just as I’m about to lower her onto the mattress, however, the hand that’s resting on my tattoo pushes back.
Her mouth leaves mine, and I lean forward to chase her. But she pushes me further away, this time with both hands on my shoulder. “No. I can’t do this.”
“It felt like you could a minute ago.” I wasn’t imagining the way her tongue met mine, stroke for stroke, and the way she mewled into my mouth.
“I’m . . .” She shakes her head, putting more distance between us. “You’re confusing.”
“I am?” Is she kidding? I’ve never been more confused in my life. One minute, she hates me, and the next, she’s kissing me. She looks at me like she wants me, and then she’s glaring at me and pushing me away.
“Yes. You’re the cocky asshole who hurt me so badly that I’ve never trusted anyone since.” I wince, but she continues, “And then, you make pancakes with our daughter and take her swimming. You kneel down and look her in the eye. You actually listen to what she has to say.”
“She’s my kid.”
“But only just now . . .”
Now I’m defensive again. “Because you didn’t fucking tell me about her.”
“I know.” She doesn’t look the least bit ashamed of her actions, and it pisses me off.
“Why?” The rage ignites inside me, thinking about the last six years. Of how great Audrey is and how I’m only just now getting to know her. Of how many memories I missed with my own daughter because Piper was angry with me.
“Why?”
“Yeah, Piper.” I take a step closer to her, tension filling my limbs. “If you loved me so goddamned much, why the hell didn’t you tell me about her.”
“Are you kidding?” I see the anger in her eyes, but that’s too damn bad because I want answers.
“No. I want to know why.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes,” I answer through gritted teeth as we stand a mere foot apart.
“Because the night I found out I was pregnant . . . When I finally got up the courage to take the goddamn test . . .” She moves even closer, her eyes locking with mine, holding my gaze as her voice shakes. “And when I forced myself to go find you to tell you we were going to have a kid . . .” I swallow, choked by the rage rolling off her. “I found you naked with my sister.”
Fuck. Me.
Eighteen years old
I stare at the pink plus sign for what feels like the hundredth time, my hand shaking while I hold the test.
I’m pregnant.
My parents are going to kill me.
I sit down on the edge of my bathtub and stare at the test, picking up the other two that were on the counter. All positive.
I’ve known, deep down for weeks. But I thought maybe it was just the stress of my senior year. Maybe I’d been too busy. My period has always been irregular.
Sawyer.
Oh God. I place the tests in the trash, burying them under loose Kleenex and then wash my hands.
He’s going to freak out. But he’s my best friend, I have to tell him. We can get through this. I know he hasn’t been able to say the words I love you back to me, but I feel it when he kisses me.
That sparkle in his eyes when we talk about all the things we’ll do someday. He loves me too.
It’s going to be fine.
I know there’s a big party tonight. I’m not sure if he’ll be there, but knowing Sawyer and it being a Friday, I’m assuming he is.
I sneak down the stairs, not passing either of my parents as I make my escape from the house and to my car. I drive to the party and miraculously find a parking spot. My stomach is in knots from nerves and probably from the baby hormones.
I haven’t been able to keep much down over the last month or so.
I take a deep breath even though my hands are still shaking. I walk inside through the already wide-open door past people spilling out into the front yard. The home is in a secluded area, and I guess they aren’t worried about the cops.
I look around the crowded party, full of familiar and unfamiliar faces as I search for only one handsome face. I move through the crowd, dodging advances and overly drunk idiots bumping into me and everyone else.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
I could wait and talk to Sawyer tomorrow, but I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve.
I walk up a winding staircase, finding several doors at the top. Some are open with lots of people inside, but I risk opening the first one I come to.
I immediately regret it when I see three naked people moaning and writhing around on the massive bed inside. I apologize and close the door quickly.
I force myself to keep going. I need to tell him tonight. He needs to know. We’ll sit down and make a plan. We can handle this.
I come to the end of the hall and slowly open the door. I get a glimpse of bare flesh and almost pull the door closed, but then I hear a familiar voice saying, “Sawyer. Yes.”
No.
I clutch my stomach and push the door all the way open. Before me is a scene I never in a million years would have seen coming.
I see a bare female back as a woman with my sister’s voice straddles hairy
thighs that I know. Her hands are on his bare chest as he looks over at me, his face horrified. “Piper.”
I’m numb. I stand there, my eyes roaming over every inch of skin and my mind trying to process what’s happening. My sister is naked with a very naked Sawyer beneath her. His eyes are red-rimmed, and he looks out of it, but I don’t mistake what’s going on.
There’s no explanation for it, other than I’m a fool.
“Piper,” he says again, but I don’t say a word.
My sister looks over her shoulder at me, not bothering to move off him or shield herself. She just smirks coldly at me.
I turn and run away.
I’m pregnant with his baby, and he’s fucking my sister.
I am officially the most foolish girl there ever was.
I can’t believe I let myself kiss him again. I can’t let him make a fool of me again. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
The other night after I told him about finding him with Paisley, he left in a shocked stupor, and I was grateful. We haven’t talked about it in the two days since, but now that Audrey is asleep and I’m reading out on the patio, he’s found me.
And I can tell he wants to talk.
He takes the seat next to me, facing me, his face solemn. “Piper.”
I don’t lower my e-reader. “Don’t.”
“I’m so damn sorry. For so many things. I’m sorry.”
I hear the anguish in his voice. I lower my Kindle, looking up at him, shaking my head and pleading, “Please don’t. I can’t take it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We kissed. Twice. I think it does matter.” He looks so damn earnest, but I remind myself to be strong. “We matter.”
I shake my head and sit up straighter in my chair, facing him. “There is no ‘we.’ There can’t be.”
“There could be. I felt you kissing me back, Piper. I know you want it too.”
I snort coldly, dismissing him. “Oh please, Sawyer. I would have kissed anyone back at this point. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve been kissed. Or anything else.”
He looks like I slapped him, pulling back. “That’s not all it was.”