Forever Only Once

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  It was going to be fun working until I crashed.

  I did my normal security routine when I got home, locked the doors, checked the windows, looked at my feed, and then slid off my shoes. I got a nice glass of water and a cup of tea and then went to see how long it would take me to get grading.

  The text came about twenty minutes later, and I froze.

  Had Thomas known I hadn’t been home this whole time? Or was it just coincidence?

  Unknown: I miss you.

  Those words. Cross had said them in a text once, even though it had been a joke between us because we had just talked. And I hadn’t felt like this.

  The girls said those words all the time, and it didn’t feel like this.

  The words now sent my tea straight up my throat again, and I vomited everything I had eaten during brunch.

  My hands shook, my whole body felt clammy, and I rechecked my security, then held my phone close to me.

  I knew I needed to call the detective, like I had before. Because this could be Thomas. Or it could be Thomas’s friends. He’d relied on them in the past to help him and I wouldn’t put it past them and their money to do this—even if they’d cut him off when he’d gone to jail.

  I didn’t know.

  Thomas was out.

  Even though I had built my security around me, a bubble that I had hoped nothing could penetrate, I knew it wouldn’t be enough.

  It would never be enough when it came to Thomas.

  As I hung up the phone after talking with the detective, getting empty assurances that they would help me, that they would do their best to protect me, I wondered if taking myself out of my comfort zone and trying with Cross was too much.

  Because I had made a mistake before.

  What if I was making one again?

  Chapter 10

  Cross

  * * *

  I was running late. But then again, when my head was in the game, and I was enjoying my work, I tended to be focused on only that. However, people were waiting for me. Or, rather, she was waiting for me. I wasn’t actually going to be late, but I did have to hurry up and finish what I was doing.

  The project in front of me was complete, thank God. I was just going over it for anything I needed to change or work on before my clients picked it up. I felt like I’d done a good job, even if it wasn’t my most elegant piece. I was still nervous about what the clients would think of the finished product, but that was always the case. No matter what I did, I was always nervous, even if it was damn good work.

  I rolled my shoulders back, gave the piece one more nod, and then went on to the next item on my checklist before I could leave.

  I went to my desk rather than my workroom and opened the files on my computer.

  I really didn’t want to do this, but I had to. I needed to go through every single one of my files, both those for my work and Chris’s.

  I needed to dissolve this partnership, and I had to make sure that everything was sound before I did. I did not want to fuck this up more than it already was, but this wasn’t the first time I had gone over this paperwork in the past two days. Wasn’t even the second. And I didn’t like what I was seeing.

  I had made a grave mistake. I’d trusted the wrong person. If I weren’t careful, I was going to pay for it and with more than just a potential ulcer, and lack of sleep.

  Chris was stealing from me. There was no getting around that, not when I looked at the numbers in front of my face.

  I wouldn’t have figured it out until I sat down and worked through every single error that I encountered. I wasn’t even sure my accountant would have noticed it because he wouldn’t have known that some of the items on the list were lies. He would have trusted me to make sure I sent him the right info, and would have trusted Chris to do the same. He would have double-checked everything, but there were some things that the accountant couldn’t triple-check unless he knew the specifics behind every single item.

  Even I was having trouble finding the reasons for some of these things, and I should have known every single one. This was my fault. I had fucked up by not looking sooner, and now I would have to figure out what the fuck to do. Should I go to the cops? Or to the IRS?

  Because if this was fucked up the way it was, it likely wasn’t the only thing. I had a feeling that Chris was fully aware of what was going on. We could potentially lose the business, and I would be the one on the hook when it came to the IRS. Because I didn’t think Chris would be the one holding the bag at the end. No, he was going to leave that with me. He’d make sure of it.

  “Fuck.”

  I went through the books line by line again, my back aching as I found myself twisted over my desk, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I had to be wrong.

  I was just overthinking things.

  “And that was how you got into trouble to begin with,” I said.

  By trusting the wrong person.

  I saved everything and put it in my cloud so I could show Liam later. Liam would know what to do. And even though it grated on me that I would have to ask my brother-in-law for help, I knew that Liam would know who to talk to. I was grateful that I had someone to go to at all.

  But, fuck. There was something wrong with what I was looking at, though I couldn’t pinpoint the exact errors. And that meant I needed help. Because if the business went belly-up because of Chris, I didn’t want to take the fall with him. And I wanted my fucking money.

  I had bled for that, worked long hours for it, put every single ounce of myself into it. And Chris was stealing from me.

  “Knock, knock,” Chris said from the doorway. “You look so serious. What’s wrong?”

  I fisted my hands on the desk. I knew that this wasn’t the time to go over everything. I didn’t have all of the evidence ready, and I didn’t even know what to say. Plus, I didn’t know how Chris would react. What I wanted to do was wipe that smile from his face and beat the shit out of him. And since that wasn’t the appropriate response, I didn’t say anything. But, hell, we were about to have our reckoning, and it was a long time coming.

  “Just going over some paperwork.”

  Was I wrong, or did I see a flash of fear on the other man’s face? Maybe it was just cunning. Regardless, I saw too much.

  “Oh.” A pause. “New clients?”

  Chris walked over to my side, and I closed the files, but not quickly enough.

  “Accounting? That’s not your job. Were those my files, too?” Chris rolled his shoulders back and glowered. “Going over my work? Or are you just jealous that I’m making more than you?”

  “We know that’s not the fucking case,” I blurted, and then could have rightly hit myself upside the head.

  Hadn’t I just told myself that I was going to wait until I had all the evidence, that I was going to be cool and collected and not fuck things up? I sighed internally. I was so glad that I followed my own advice.

  “Really? You’re doubting me? We’ve worked together for how long? Well, fuck you, too. I’m sorry you’re jealous of everything I can do and the people that I’ve brought in, but that’s no reason for you to go through my accounts. How do I know you haven’t touched any of my stuff? Have you stolen my clients while you’re at it? Or maybe my accounts?”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I growled.

  “What? You don’t think I see you wanting what I have. I was trying to throw you a bone with that client of mine, but hell, you couldn’t even get that right.”

  The man had officially lost his fucking mind. He was twisting the truth as if I hadn’t just lived through it.

  What else had I been missing over the years because I had wanted to believe in what we’d once had?

  I had wanted to believe that my trust had been earned.

  I was so fucking wrong, and now I would pay the price. Maybe for a long damn time.

  “You know what, I’m done. I’ve got shit to do, and I’m really not in the mood to deal with this.”

 
; “You’re going to be in the mood to deal with this when I go through the paperwork myself.”

  I was grateful that I had already sent myself a copy because I was not in the mood handle or face whatever lies Chris came up with now. Our accountant had a copy, as well, and that would have to be enough for now. But hell. This was not what I had planned on doing today.

  “You know what, I’m late. But you and I? We’re going to have to talk soon.”

  “You keep saying that. Talk, talk, talk. And yet you don’t do anything. You’re just a sorry excuse for a man, and not the one I used to know. I’m pretty sure this partnership will be over soon.”

  “You know what? Fine. I wanted to dissolve it anyway, but I was trying to figure out a good way to say that to you. Now, fuck it. We’re going to have that talk soon. Because you and me? We’re done. But it’s not going to be as easy as you just walking away.”

  Chris looked at me, that fear in his gaze again. This time, I knew it wasn’t just my imagination.

  “Fuck you. You’re going to regret saying that.”

  And then Chris was gone, and I wondered who the hell the man was. That wasn’t the guy I had gone to school with. Wasn’t the friend I had opened a business with. Who was the guy I was looking at now?

  And here I was, the fucking loser still attached to him because I’d wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  How the hell was I supposed to even look at myself in the mirror at this point?

  I didn’t have time to wallow, though. No, I had a date.

  A date with a woman that I had a feeling was a little scared of what was happening between us.

  I probably should have canceled. I should have just walked away and let her have her space while I figured out what the fuck was going on.

  But the selfish part of me didn’t want that.

  That part of me was afraid that if I did, there’d be no going back. I’d had those fears for long enough.

  I got ready in a blur and nearly sped to the restaurant where I was meeting Hazel. I honestly wasn’t sure that I should be on this date, but I wasn’t going to cancel and be a jackass. I parked, noticed Hazel’s car already there, and cursed under my breath. I hated that she was waiting for me. Hell, I needed to get my head on straight if I was going to do this. She deserved more than me being an idiot.

  I also didn’t mind that she’d met me at each of these dates. There was clearly something in her past, and secrets that she needed to keep. And I was fine with that. Maybe she’d trust me enough to tell me one day. If meeting me at a restaurant made her feel safe, then that was fine with me. I wasn’t the type of guy who refused to listen, who imagined myself a caveman who could just get what I wanted by shouting and beating my fists against my chest.

  Although I did kind of want to do that with Chris, but that was a completely different situation.

  “Hey there,” Hazel said from the bench near the doorway when I walked in.

  I leaned down and brushed a kiss against her lips. My shoulders immediately relaxed, and I kept my eyes open enough to notice that hers did the same.

  Hell, that was a good feeling. The tension eased from me, and I felt like I was coming home. Such a weird feeling for someone that I was still getting to know.

  I didn’t know what that meant, but what I did know was that I wanted to push all of my other worries from my brain and only focus on her.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. Work things that I can talk about later.”

  She just smiled.

  “I don’t mind. But I’m glad you showed up.” She rolled her eyes and whispered, “They wouldn’t let me get a table unless you were here.”

  “I have reservations,” I said. “You should have been able to sit.”

  “Apparently, she didn’t believe that I was actually with you.”

  I glowered and then looked over at the hostess, who had the grace to flush.

  “I have no idea what that was about. But, fuck her,” I whispered.

  “I think that’s kind of what she wants,” Hazel said, her voice completely dry. I laughed, throwing my head back, my whole body shaking.

  “Thank you for that. I needed to laugh.” I kissed her again, then we made our way to the hostess stand. “Hi, Brady party of two,” I said.

  The hostess blinked at me but kept a smile on her face. “Right this way.”

  Apparently, everybody was going to gloss over the fact that she hadn’t treated Hazel politely, even though I knew for a fact that there wasn’t a policy that kept Hazel from taking a seat. In fact, my family came here often, and none of us ever arrived at the same time.

  Well, that was fine. We weren’t going to have to worry about that much longer.

  Because now it was just us, and this date was something I craved. Just like I longed for Hazel.

  That should worry me. But it didn’t. She was a touchstone. One I hadn’t been prepared for.

  We took a seat, and the waiter came right away, taking our drink orders.

  “This is quite an upscale place,” Hazel said, looking around. “I’ve never been here before. I’ll need to tell Myra about it. She loves foodie places.”

  I smiled. “It is a bit foodie for my family, but we like to come here for celebrations. And considering there are five of us, there’s always a birthday or a promotion or something that we want to celebrate. But this is our place.”

  “It looks wonderful. And I’m kind of excited to try everything.”

  “Miss Noble?” an older gentleman said as he walked towards our table, a woman with a double strand of pearls at her throat and a skintight dress standing next to him.

  I raised my brow. The cultured tone of the man’s voice spoke of money, and the way he dismissed me with a casual glance spoke of snobbery. Or maybe I was just seeing too much into things after my dealings with Chris.

  “Mr. Peterman. It’s wonderful to see you,” Hazel said in a completely different voice, one that I had never heard from her before. She sounded cultured, and a bit snobbish, as well.

  Who the hell was this Hazel?

  “I didn’t know you were back in town. I haven’t seen you around the vineyards in Napa recently. I should’ve known that you had moved out here.”

  “It’s been a few years, Mr. Peterman. Mrs. Peterman, I presume?” she asked, nodding to the woman. Hazel didn’t push back her seat to stand up, and neither did I. This was all so weird.

  “Hello,” the woman said, but didn’t say anything else.

  Well, then.

  “Anyway, I see you’re on a date,” the man said, a questioning tone in the word date.

  I should’ve been insulted by that, but I really didn’t give a shit. I had my own problems to deal with. I didn’t care what this asshole thought of me. I might not look like I had money, but I did. And I worked my ass off for it. No one needed to judge me for that. And even if I didn’t have money, fuck him. Seriously. Fuck him hard.

  “It’s good to see you. I hope you have a wonderful night. I shall get back to mine.”

  If my brows could rise any farther on my forehead, they would be in my hair.

  “Ah. It’s good to see you out and about after, well…you know.”

  Hazel’s expression completely shut down, and I wanted to kick the man’s ass.

  “Yes. Have a good night.”

  And then she turned from him, giving the other man what I thought I remembered one of my friends, Aaron, calling the cut direct.

  Well.

  That was interesting.

  “Sorry about that,” Hazel said, her cheeks completely pale. The waiter came by and dropped off her wine and my beer. She drank half her glass in one large gulp before we even had a chance to toast or anything.

  Fuck.

  “You want to talk about it? Or do you want to go? We can hit up a bar and get some wings and beer. Or I can follow you home to make sure you’re safe.”

  Fear danced in her gaze, and I cursed myself. “Or I can not follow you home and not s
ound like a creep.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath.

  “There are a couple of things you should probably know about me. First, I’m not that person anymore, so you don’t need to worry about me. Truly. I just need to breathe. It’s just that I didn’t expect to see him here. I hate that man because of what he represents, but I also don’t like making a scene. Now, I feel like I’m making a horrible scene anyway.”

  “You’re not. But what’s wrong?”

  She let out a breath. “I don’t really know how to say this without sounding snobby.”

  “Let me guess. You come from money?” I asked. Her eyebrows rose.

  “That’s one way to put it.”

  “What’s another way to put it?”

  “Honestly, that’s the best way to put it. My parents were wealthy. Big W, all of that. I grew up affluently and ran in the circles my mother told me to. Myra ran in those same circles. That’s actually how we met. Now, we’re both here. And, yes, I still have my family’s money, but I mostly live on what I make at the school. Which isn’t much, but compared to what others make, it’s great. I didn’t live up to my family’s expectations, but I’m used to that. However, that’s pretty much what most little rich girls say.”

  “Hazel.”

  She waved her hand in front of her face and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Sorry. That’s what my ex-husband used to say. Thomas.”

  Something turned in my gut. It wasn’t jealousy. But I knew I wasn’t going to like where this led.

  “I’m going to need more wine for this, but I’m driving.”

  “We can leave your car here, and I can have one of my brothers pick it up.”

  “No, falling into a bottle won’t help me either.” She let out another breath, composing herself. She looked like a Valkyrie. Strong and fucking sexy. I admired her so much in this moment, but I couldn’t say that. Not when I knew she was barely holding it together. “We married young. I was nineteen. Stupid and I didn’t understand what I was getting into. But it was what my family wanted. Thomas was who my parents thought I needed to marry. He was old money, even older than the Nobles’.”