zoegirl:
go on
SnowAngel:
and say i put powder on my nose to get rid of the shininess, and i use just a dab of cheek tint to get that flushed-and-glowing look, and i curl my eyelashes for ten seconds on each side and put on one coat of black mascara, AFTER gently wiping the wand on a square of toilet paper to de-glumpify it…
SnowAngel:
well, say i do all that, but i forget to pluck the nasty and annoying chin hair that appears like clockwork a week before i get my period. (not that i ever wld. i HATE that chin hair.)
SnowAngel:
but say i did, do u think rob would fall to his knees and worship me for the goddess i am?
zoegirl:
um… is this somehow going to lead back to me? and what i should wear?
SnowAngel:
let’s do a visual, shall we? *whips out artist’s palette and jaunty beret* Portrait of Zoe on a Typical Day: shiny brown hair in cute little bob, big brown eyes, shy smile.
SnowAngel:
so far, so good, which is lucky since u can’t do much about your basic face. u COULD flip out the ends of your hair and add some wax for an edgier look, but blah, blah, blah, i know u won’t.
zoegirl:
i look stupid when i try to do my hair some fancy way. we have gone over this.
SnowAngel:
zoe, zoe, zoe. even Amish girls use wax, like Betsy on “Breaking Amish,” remember?
zoegirl:
no, because i never watched that show and i still can’t believe you did.
SnowAngel:
still can’t believe i *do*. it’s a great background show for doing hw to.
SnowAngel:
but whatever, let’s move on. it’s a school thing, not a date, even tho it’s at some guy’s house. u wanna be comfy and casual, but still look good. i say u can’t go wrong with jeans and a white t-shirt. NOT your dad’s vanderbilt shirt, but a shirt that fits. do u own one that fits?
zoegirl:
you don’t think that’s boring, jeans and a t-shirt?
SnowAngel:
think classic, zoe. not boring. add in a pair of dangly earrings and ur good to go.
zoegirl:
what about you? what are you wearing to the dark horse?
SnowAngel:
well since u asked. attire: black tank, skinny jeans, my black boots with the buckles, hair in a jillion clippies. scent: Juicy. makeup: standard, but with thicker eyeliner for that over-21 look.
SnowAngel:
whaddaya think?
zoegirl:
lovely, dahling
SnowAngel:
*kisses all around* and now i simply must run. gotta go pluck that chin hair!
Thu, Sept 16, 11:03 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
i’m in heaven!!! simply heaven!!!
zoegirl:
hey, angela. i am SO sorry, but i was seriously just about to turn my phone off. i am soooo tired.
SnowAngel:
don’t u wanna hear about my romantic evening? i wld have called, but i was too scared of yo mama since it’s so late.
zoegirl:
can u tell me all about it tomorrow?
SnowAngel:
but, zoe! i think he may be THE ONE.
zoegirl:
the “one” what?
SnowAngel:
*lowers voice to stage whisper* the one i go all the way with (!!!)
zoegirl:
oh god
SnowAngel:
i’m saying MAYBE, that’s all. IF things keep going well—and i know they will. *swoons*
SnowAngel:
making love with rob would be amazing, i just know it.
zoegirl:
and how, exactly, do u know it?
SnowAngel:
cuz he’s hot! and cuz at least i’ve done more than kiss a guy, that’s how.
SnowAngel:
anyway, one of us has to go for it eventually so she can tell the others what it’s like. and not to be rude, but it’s not gonna be u or maddie.
zoegirl:
well, now that i know ur really doing it for us…
SnowAngel:
zoegirl:
i’m just glad you’re not rushing into things. i’m glad you went out on two whole dates before making this life-changing decision.
SnowAngel:
rob and i have a true connection, zoe. u know i’m never wrong about these things!
Fri, Sept 17, 11:03 am E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hey, hot stuff. i seeeeeeee u, u know.
mad maddie:
well, yes. we R both in the cafeteria line. yr point?
SnowAngel:
i have no point. but i also see rob, and i wld just like to say, “damn, that boy has a fine ass.”
mad maddie:
okay
SnowAngel:
okay, what?
mad maddie:
u said u wld like to say it, so say it. who’s stopping u?
SnowAngel:
heh?
SnowAngel:
OH. haha. but, sure!
SnowAngel:
damn, that boy has a fine ass!
mad maddie:
u shdln’t say ass. is bad word, fuckhead.
SnowAngel:
if there is a roll shortage, grab me one! and a spare
SnowAngel:
and u know how much i love my butter, so grab some extra butter thingies too. ok, my little bunghole spunk-bubble?
mad maddie:
*your* bunghole spunk-bubble?
mad maddie:
i am no woman’s spunk-bubble save my own!
SnowAngel:
mwah!
Fri, Sept 17, 5:15 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
s’up, peepz? u heading over for our friday night festivities?
zoegirl:
in car with mom. there in five. was i supposed to bring anything?
mad maddie:
just yo dancin ass, baby, cuz robyn is crankin and i’m ready to groove. (er, if you won’t be offended, that is. she does say the f-word, u know.)
zoegirl:
angela on the way too?
mad maddie:
yes’m, and when we see her, we can tease her about her loverboy some more. “oh, he is so amazing. every moment at the dark horse was something special. i really think he’s the one!!!”
zoegirl:
you don’t really think she’s gonna sleep with him, do you?
mad maddie:
r u serious? she may be a fool, our angela, but she’s no skank.
zoegirl:
i never said she was!
mad maddie:
anywayz, rob’ll be long gone before things get that far. especially if angela’s been feeding him the same hoo-ha she’s been feeding us.
zoegirl:
i guess
zoegirl:
it kind of startles me that she’d even consider the possibility.
mad maddie:
u don’t think about it? ever?
mad maddie:
oh, wait, ur saint zoe. of course u don’t.
zoegirl:
of course i THINK about it, but that’s all.
mad maddie:
well, that’s all angela’s doing. she *thought* about it with dixon schaeffer too, remember? and that scott guy from the pool?
zoegirl:
oh yeah.
zoegirl:
pulling onto your street. see you soon!
Sat, Sept 18, 6:00 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
omg, this sucks.
mad maddie:
what sucks?
SnowAngel:
me, my life, MY MOM.
SnowAngel:
maddie, it’s saturday night and i’m stuck at home with chrissy, who discovered “grey’s anatomy” on netflix and is now watching every single episode of every single season. this SUPER sucks.
SnowAngel:
(altho, fine. still a good show, at least in the beginning. and patrick dempsey still hot hot hot.)
mad maddie:
oh, that’s right. yr grounded. zoe called, but she didn’t give me the full story.
SnowAngel:
i shld have known something was wrong when my mom picked me up from your house yesterday. she was all “hello, angela” in this frosty, ice-queen way, but i didn’t care cuz rob and i were SUPPOSED to go to a movie tonight and i was imagining the romantic possibilities of snuggling in the theater together.
SnowAngel:
but then my mom axed all of that, thx very much.
mad maddie:
sorry, babe
SnowAngel:
aaargh! the whole thing is SO not a big deal, but she’s making it out to be a federal case. she waited till we were halfway home and then she said, “angela, i read a note in your french book, and i know u didn’t go to the library thursday night.”
mad maddie:
well, no, cuz u were at the dark horse
SnowAngel:
she was like, “how can i trust u? ur the only member of the family who is dishonest, angela, and i consider this a character flaw.”
mad maddie:
a character flaw—yowza. the moms hasn’t laid that one on me yet.
SnowAngel:
i just kinda plummeted inside myself, the way i always do when i’m confronted with something “wrong” that i’ve done.
SnowAngel:
thank god she didn’t realize it was a bar i’d gone to—then i’d really be dead. she just thinks i met up with rob and hung out, but apparently that’s bad enough, cuz now i’m stuck at home with my 12-year-old sister while george o’malley holds his finger over a hole in some dude’s heart.
mad maddie:
aw, george. i remember george!
SnowAngel:
he’s pretty adorakable. u shld bike over and watch it with us! please, please, please!!!
mad maddie:
can’t, sorry. i’m already biking to work. i pulled over when i heard yr special angela txt tone, cuz i’m just that awesome.
SnowAngel:
yeah, yeah. zoe’s out with her parents, ur off to serve beignets with that cute waiter guy, and here i’ll be, drowning myself in an endless pool of misery.
mad maddie:
it could be worse.
SnowAngel:
how?
mad maddie:
chrissy cld be watching a “shake it up” marathon.
SnowAngel:
omg. true!!!
SnowAngel:
but still, it’s just wrong. i was like, “ok, mom, fine. i’ve learned my lesson. now can i plz go out?” i totally begged her, and she still said no.
SnowAngel:
she is ruining my life!
mad maddie:
damn her oily hide
SnowAngel:
i’m serious!
mad maddie:
i know, but i’ve gotta hit the road, yo. we still doing our math together tomorrow?
SnowAngel:
yeah. i’m allowed to do homework with ppl, i just can’t go out with rob. i feel so bad for him, cuz now HIS night is totally ruined too!
Sat, Sept 18, 6:23 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
me again
SnowAngel:
did u change yr mind? r u coming over?!!
mad maddie:
i am at work! some of us have to work. must we go over this again?
mad maddie:
i just wanted to ask—did u notice that zoe didn’t mention friday morning fellowship at all yesterday? not during the school day, not after school, and not at my house last night?
SnowAngel:
well, duh. cuz she knew u’d make fun of her.
mad maddie:
and get damned to hell? heavens, no.
mad maddie:
did she tell *you* anything about it? is she going back next friday?
SnowAngel:
*sigh* must we talk about this now?
SnowAngel:
i’m really too depressed.
mad maddie:
spill
SnowAngel:
she said the drive with mr. h was really good. they had this great talk about relativism (???) and what a cop-out it is, or something like that, so i think she’s going back, yes.
mad maddie:
blah
SnowAngel:
*shrugs*
SnowAngel:
it’s her life. at least she *has* one!
Mon, Sept 20, 4:45 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
zooooeeeeeee! *stomp stomp stomp*
zoegirl:
angelaaaaaa! why the stomping?
SnowAngel:
cuz i’m pissed!!!!!
zoegirl:
why?
SnowAngel:
BECAUSE! cuz stupid rob went out anyway, and he didn’t even tell me!
zoegirl:
angela, what r u talking about?
SnowAngel:
i was heading out after school, and tonnie wyndham came twiddling over and said, “i hear ur going out with rob. that’s great!” only she didn’t say it like it was great. she said it in this fake-surprised way, like rob’s dating down or something cuz i’m not a cheerleader.
zoegirl:
tonnie is not the best person to trust when it comes to character judgments. you know that.
SnowAngel:
i said, “yeah, we’ve only been dating for a week, but it seems like so much longer. we have the most amazing connection.” and tonnie was like, “i know. that’s why it was so sad that u couldn’t come with us saturday night.”
SnowAngel:
i said, “huh?” and she goes, “me and rob and tim and eric. didn’t rob tell u?”
zoegirl:
rob went out with tonnie? while you were grounded?
SnowAngel:
well, they didn’t GO OUT go out.
SnowAngel:
they just hung together at eric’s house.
zoegirl:
still!
SnowAngel:
it gets worse. cuz then rob strolls up, and i said, “sounds like u had a good time saturday night. u could have called me, u know.” and tonnie jumped in and said, “he wanted to, but i told him not to.”
SnowAngel:
i said, “oh yeah, sure,” and rob said, “really, angie. i was just about to hit ‘call,’ but tonnie said it wld just bum u out to know that we were having such a blast without u.”
zoegirl:
!!! what did tonnie say?
SnowAngel:
she didn’t say anything. she just stood there pretending to be all sympathetic, nodding away like one of those bobblehead dogs.
zoegirl:
what did you say to rob?
SnowAngel:
i said, “hey, no problem,” but the whole thing makes me so mad!
SnowAngel:
i can’t stand it that rob was going to call me and tonnie told him not to. SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF HIM!
zoegirl:
yuck, yuck, yuck. why didn’t he just call anyway?
SnowAngel:
cuz he’s nice. cuz he was trying to do the right thing, and he probably thought it *wld* bum me out. which it wld have, but it still wld have been better than nothing.
SnowAngel:
ANYWAY, i told him to call me when he got home. it better be soon!
Tues, Sept 21, 5:34 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
zo-ster!
zoegirl:
madster!
mad maddie:
i just got home from some excellent driving practice with good ol’ moms and found a long-ass voicemail from angela, only now she’s not answering her phone. what’s up with that?
zoegirl:
she went shopping with chrissy. i guess her mom didn’t consider that part of being grounded?
zoegirl:
but her ph
one’s probably buried in her purse or something.
mad maddie:
is she still being a pouty-pants about rob?
zoegirl:
pretty much. she saw him talking to tonnie in the hall today.
mad maddie:
ooo—talking in the hall. tsk, tsk.
zoegirl:
i know. she’s kind of overreacting.
mad maddie:
she’s moved straight from her starry-eyed phase into her wounded-lover stage. which is good, if for no other reason than she’s at least cut back with the devirginization business.
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