The Summer Seekers

by Sarah Morgan

  Kathleen clutched the bag on her lap. “I am the fortunate beneficiary of that decision.”

  “I know our situation isn’t the same, though. If I’m honest, I don’t feel that brokenhearted about Steven. I was at the beginning, but mostly I felt stupid. Stupid for thinking he was the right one. Stupid for making the decision to marry him. I don’t think I would have done that if Nanna hadn’t died, but I’d known him forever and I was clinging to something familiar.”

  “You have remarkable self-insight.”

  “Never before the event, sadly. Only after and then it’s too late.”

  “How well I understand that.”

  Martha glanced at her. “You were the same? So did you burn Ruth’s letters? Cut them into pieces? If you’d rather not talk about it, that’s fine.”

  “The letters currently reside in a drawer at home, along with the ring.”

  Maybe she hadn’t opened the letters, Martha thought, but nor had she thrown them away. If she really didn’t want any contact ever, wouldn’t she have thrown them away?

  “And you don’t know if she’s still in California? Or if they’re together?”

  “I doubt they’re together. He wasn’t capable of commitment. But the letters were always postmarked California, so it seems reasonable to assume that Ruth still resides there.”

  “And that’s why you looked a bit funny on that first night when I mentioned California. Going there makes you feel a bit weird. Big place though. You won’t bump into her unless you want to.” But maybe she wanted to. Was that why Kathleen had chosen this particular trip? Had she consciously, or subconsciously, been keeping her options open? Martha stifled the million questions bubbling in her brain and asked just one. “Were you very good friends?”

  It took Kathleen a long time to respond and when she finally did, her voice was faint. “Yes,” she said. “The very best. We were like sisters.”

  How terrible must that have been? To lose the man you were engaged to was bad enough, but to lose your best friend too?

  She was starting to think her situation wasn’t so bad after all. Okay, so she was twenty-five and already divorced, which didn’t look good from the outside to people who didn’t know the whole story, but what other people thought shouldn’t matter, should it? Kathleen hadn’t made her choices based on what other people thought.

  Martha lifted her chin. Be more Kathleen. That was her new motto.

  Maybe she should see divorce as a life experience instead of a failure. Things happened in life, to everyone. She needed to focus more on the now, and less on the then. She was young, healthy and didn’t have kids to worry about. She didn’t have to stay in touch with Steven. She was in a position to move on, as Kathleen had.

  Except Kathleen had also lost her closest friend. That was a double blow,

  Martha had a sudden urge to help. Kathleen had already helped her, so the least Martha could do was repay the favor.

  “If you wanted to look her up then we could.”

  “I don’t want that.”

  The flat-out rejection of that suggestion made Martha wonder at the pain hidden behind those words.

  What exactly had happened?

  Martha decided it was time for distraction. “How about some music?”

  “We tried that yesterday. My ears are still in a state of recovery.”

  Martha grinned. “That’s my fault for singing along. I can’t help it. I burst if I don’t sing. Forget music. How about I put the top down?” It was a hot day. The sun beamed its approval of that suggestion.

  “The top of what, dear?”

  “The car. We have this fancy, sexy sports car. We might as well use some of its features. It will probably blow your hair around.”

  “That sounds marvelous. Do it.”

  Marvelous. When had she last heard anyone use that word?

  Grinning, Martha pulled over next to a field. She hit the button, fascinated by the way the roof opened. “It’s very cool.”

  “I doubt it will be cool when we hit Arizona.”

  Martha started the engine and saw a man gazing at them from a house across the road. She was beginning to understand that far from being everyone’s worst nightmare, this car was considered a dream. It wasn’t quite her dream, but they might get there yet.

  Kathleen wound her scarf around her hair and Martha grabbed her phone and snapped a few pictures.

  “You look like a glamorous movie star. And if you’re not too old for an epic road trip, I don’t see why you’d be too old to contact an old friend.” Maybe she shouldn’t have pushed, but if it was the wrong thing to do then Kathleen would tell her. If not with words, then with one of her looks.

  Kathleen adjusted her sunglasses. “She’s probably dead.”

  “That’s not very optimistic. She might be very much alive, and hoping to hear from you.” Martha pulled onto the road. The sun was on her face and a light breeze played with her hair.

  “She probably wouldn’t even remember me.”

  Martha raised an eyebrow. “When did the last letter arrive?”

  “Last year.”

  “So she was obviously still thinking of you then.” Martha settled herself more comfortably in the seat. The car was starting to feel familiar. She no longer had to stare at the pictures on the key for five minutes while she tried to work out how to lock and unlock the doors. True, there were still lots of buttons she hadn’t touched, but overall, she was proud of herself. “I understand why you were so reluctant to be involved with anyone else after that. But it’s funny how life works out, isn’t it?” She slowed down as they approached an intersection. “If my relationship hadn’t ended, I probably wouldn’t be here with you now having the time of my life.”

  Kathleen turned her head. “Are you having the time of your life?”

  “Are you kidding? This whole trip is brilliant. It’s hard even to pick out a highlight so far. I mean—Chicago was incredible. And yesterday, crossing the Mississippi River and seeing The Chain of Rocks Bridge. I loved driving through the little hamlets and passing all those corn and soybean fields. Not that I would have known what was growing if that woman hadn’t told us. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming. Oh and that hamburger! And talking to that French couple. I never realized that this route had such international appeal. I want to stay longer in each place, but at the same time I can’t wait to move on and see what’s next. I feel excited the whole time. It’s made the world seem bigger. It’s made my whole life seem bigger. It’s as if—” she struggled to explain “—my experience with Steven filled my very small world, and now my world is so much larger and filled with possibilities that he no longer dominates. He’s become a small part of my big life, instead of a big part of my small life. This has shown me how important it is to reach outside your normal world. To embrace new experiences. Does that make any sense?”

  “It does. I’m glad you’re finding it all so enriching.”

  Martha loved the way Kathleen talked. “It’s all thanks to you. I think you might have saved me, although you’ve also probably cost me a fortune. Now I’ve got the travel bug and I don’t have the money to subsidize my new passion, but I’ll figure something out. Maybe you’ll need a driver for your next exciting road trip.” She’d already started thinking. There was no way she was returning to her deeply unsatisfying life back home. Maybe she could work for a tour company. Or maybe she’d backpack around the world for a couple of years with nothing but a rucksack and her wits. She could work in bars or cafés. There were no rules that said you had to have a big corporate-type career or a professional qualification to enjoy life. And if her parents didn’t approve—well, tough. This was her life, not theirs. Their judgment was not going to affect her choices. That part of her life was in the past, along with Scoundrel Steven, as she now thought of him. “All I’m saying is that it’s funny how life turns o
ut, isn’t it? Good can come from bad. If your relationship hadn’t ended you probably wouldn’t have had the career you did. Traveling the world. Making all those TV shows. You were a superstar.” She’d managed to find some clips of The Summer Seekers on the internet and she and Kathleen had watched them together the night before. “I’m talking too much.”

  “I enjoy your conversation. Do continue.”

  Kathleen enjoyed her conversation.

  “I mean let’s say you’d married him—” Martha followed the Route 66 sign and made a right turn. “He might have cheated on you after you were married and already had two kids. That wouldn’t have been fun.”

  “No fun at all.”

  “It would have been harder to move on, and your options would have been limited. Instead of which you had this wonderful, exciting life and then fell in love and had kids later. That sounds good to me. Like the best of both worlds. Did Brian really have to propose three times?”

  “Yes.” Kathleen’s voice was faint, as if she couldn’t quite believe she’d told Martha that.

  “You probably protected yourself. Like one of those ancient castles they built in Roman times. An emotional fortress.” She glanced at Kathleen. “I’m not saying you’re crumbly or anything.”

  Kathleen adjusted her glasses. “Many would consider me to be something of a ruin.”

  “I think you’re great. And I understand. I’m not interested in another relationship, that’s for sure.”

  “That needs to be remedied with some urgency.”

  “How can you say that, when you’ve just confessed you avoided relationships?”

  “We might have to entertain the possibility that I’m a hypocrite.” Kathleen reached for the little mirror she kept in her purse and checked her lipstick. “Or it could be that I don’t want you to make the mistakes I did.”

  “But you had a full and happy life.”

  Kathleen stared out the window. “Until I met Brian, it was lacking in intimacy. I kept myself apart from people, male and female.” The waver in her voice made Martha suspect that was a significant admission from Kathleen.

  Had she ever said these things to anyone else?

  “Self-protection.” Martha nodded. “That’s natural. You put your heart on ice. Like the fish counter in the supermarket where they keep it all cool. Shrimp on ice.”

  “You’re comparing me to a fish?”

  “Not you. Your heart. Heart and sole. Get it? Sole. Never mind. Maybe champagne on ice would have been more appropriate.” Particularly for Kathleen who seemed to drink only Earl Grey tea or bubbles. “Whatever. It was frozen.”

  “It was fear. And fear narrows your choices and your life experience. I don’t want that for you. We need you to have a nice rebound relationship as soon as possible to get your confidence back.”

  Martha hit the brakes, relieved there were no cars in front or behind. “A rebound relationship?” Changing the subject was one thing, but this went beyond her comfort zone. Maybe she did have a few boundaries after all.

  “Yes. How would you put it? Get back on the horse.”

  “Get back on—Kathleen! I can’t believe you said that.”

  “We’ve already established that I say what I think, although maybe it is presumptuous of me to make such a personal observation given the length of our acquaintance.”

  Martha smiled. “It’s probably because we’ve bonded so quickly.”

  “Bonded?”

  “I like you. I think you like me a little too, although I get that you probably won’t say so because you don’t like to talk about your emotions. And that’s fine. Probably a generation thing. But it’s not always about words, is it? Sometimes it’s how a person behaves. You want me to be happy. And that’s nice.”

  Kathleen cleared her throat. “It’s true that I may have developed a certain fondness for you, Martha.”

  Martha felt a pressure in her throat. “I’ve developed a fondness for you too. Weird, isn’t it? After only a few days?”

  “I’ve never believed that the quality of a relationship is dependent on its length.”

  Was she thinking about her friend?

  “I’m the same. I’ve known my mother all my life and I don’t feel as close to her as I do to you.”

  “Concentrate on the road, Martha, or the next person we meet might well be pulling us out of the ditch. We’re going to find you someone. I’ve always been very good at spotting a partner for other people. Not so good with myself.”

  “That’s not true. You said yes to Brian. And honestly Kathleen, I’m very touched that you’re thinking of me, but the last thing I need now is a man. I’m still getting over the last one.”

  “Let’s use an analogy. I know you like those.” Kathleen tapped her fingers on her bag. “If you eat a meal you don’t like, do you stop eating? No. You select something different from the menu. If you visit a place you don’t like, do you stop traveling? No. You choose a different destination.”

  “That’s all logical but doesn’t make me inclined to throw myself back into the dating pool.”

  “Not all men are like Steven.”

  “But how do you find out what they’re like? I don’t trust my judgment.”

  “You keep things casual until you know them better.”

  “It’s easy for you to say.”

  “No, it isn’t. The road, Martha! You’re driving in the middle.”

  “Fox!” Martha turned the wheel and adjusted her position. “Sorry.”

  “You saw a fox?”

  “No, fox is an exclamation. The F word.”

  Kathleen blinked. “I may be approaching fossilization, but even I know the F word doesn’t refer to an animal.”

  “It does when I say it.” Martha grinned. “When I was nine I asked Nanna what the F word was. She couldn’t bear bad language, so she told me it stood for fox. I’ve been saying it ever since. It’s a habit.”

  “I suppose no harm will come of it providing you’re not transporting a carload of chickens with a nervous disposition.”

  “It was your fault for distracting me with all that talk about casual relationships. I hope you’re not about to grab some unsuspecting, innocent man from the next diner.”

  “You don’t need someone innocent. You need someone experienced who can show you a good time.”

  Martha managed not to swerve into the oncoming car. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “I will remain alert to a suitable candidate. As you say, one never knows what opportunities life will place before you.”

  Should she laugh or protest? “Well, right now I don’t need life to place a man before me, but thank you for the thought.” They were surrounded by fields, the light playing across the grass and crops. “Did Liza think you should try getting in touch with Ruth?” When Kathleen didn’t answer, Martha glanced at her. “Kathleen?”

  “She doesn’t know the whole story. Only that Ruth and I were friends in college.”

  “She doesn’t know that you were engaged? Or that you have letters?” Martha broke off, shocked. “None of it?”

  “Liza and I don’t talk about personal things. The responsibility for that is mine.”

  “Don’t feel bad about it. It’s who you are. You don’t find it easy to talk about emotional stuff. I’m sure Liza gets that.”

  “I’m not sure she does. Liza has always wanted more than I felt able to give her. That’s a matter of regret for me.”

  “If you can talk to me, you can talk to her.”

  “Perhaps, although your delightfully unguarded nature does rather remove all barriers.”

  “It’s probably different when it’s mother and daughter. I don’t talk to my mother either. Not even about neutral subjects like books. We don’t read the same thing. I like novels, and she reads magazines full of articles o
n how to avoid wrinkles, even though we all know that the only way to avoid wrinkles is to die before you’re thirty.”

  “A sobering observation indeed.”

  “My mother is nothing like you. I’m sure you could find a way to get closer to Liza. It’s never too late to do any of these things.” The traffic was lighter than it had been the day before. They drove past farms, the land stretching into the distance. “We’re stopping for lunch in a place called Devil’s Elbow. I’m going to take photographs of you and record another video so you might want to start doing your research. I think we should start a social media account for you. I’ve been wondering what to call it. It’s a shame you’re not eighty-six.”

  “Why would I want to wish my life away when I have so little of it left?”

  “You don’t know how much of it you have left. I mean, none of us do, do we? I could be dead tomorrow.”

  “If you kept your eyes on the road the chances of living beyond that might be vastly improved for both of us.”

  Martha laughed. “That was one of the things I loved about watching The Summer Seekers. You were hilarious. Anyway, as I was saying, you could live to be 106, in which case you’re only three quarters through. The best might be yet to come.”

  “I doubt that, although I admit my zest for living is considerably enhanced by the prospect of pairing you up with a suitable candidate for your affections.”

  “That’s not fair.” The sun was bright and Martha pulled her baseball cap farther down over her eyes. “I’m supposed to tolerate your matchmaking in order to brighten your days?”

  “That would be a kind gesture.”

  “I hate to disappoint you, but my affections aren’t up for grabs at the moment. As I was saying, if you were eighty-six, I could call our social media account ‘86 on 66’ or something.” Martha pondered. “Or maybe ‘86 meets 66. Or how about Old But Bold? No, that sounds rude.”

  “We could call it ‘Martha finds a new man’.”

  “We are not calling it that.”

  “Martha’s Rebound Road Trip?”

  “Maybe we’ll call it The Summer Seekers. That’s what we are. We’re seeking summer. Seeking adventure. Pick up that guidebook and start studying.” Martha felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. Kathleen’s confidence in her had boosted her self-confidence. “Don’t die of shock, but I’m starting to enjoy driving. I’m feeling happy.”