A Welcome at Our Door

by Amy Clipston

  “Ya.” Cindy walked with her toward that spot, away from the groups of people leaving the barn. When they reached it, Annie squealed and reached for Cindy. Unable to resist her sweet niece, Cindy took Annie into her arms, and the baby snuggled down on her shoulder. Cindy sighed as she began to pat Annie’s back.

  “Was iss letz?” Priscilla’s chestnut-colored eyes seemed to plead with Cindy. “I watched you during the wedding, and the expression on your face. I’ve never seen you this bedauerlich. Please tell me what’s going on with you. Is this about Drew? I can’t stand to see you this unhappy.”

  Cindy kissed Annie’s head as she considered her answer. She could avoid the conversation and tell Priscilla she was just exhausted, but she was tired of lying, tired of hiding her feelings, and tired of the loneliness.

  “I haven’t spoken to Drew in a month. I miss him so much that sometimes I have trouble breathing.” Cindy looked down at Annie, who was now sucking her thumb.

  Cindy explained how Gertrude had helped them exchange letters, and that they had ended their relationship. “I think about him all the time. And though the wedding was lovely, it only reminded me that I’ll never have a chance to build a life with him.”

  Priscilla leaned toward her and lowered her voice. “Cindy, leaving the community doesn’t mean you’ll find happiness.” She pointed to her chest. “I should know. I’ve had more support here in this community than I ever had in the English world.”

  “It’s different for me, Priscilla.”

  “What’s different?” Laura walked up behind Cindy and divided a look between her and Priscilla. “What are you talking about?”

  Cindy glanced over to where Mollie carried Catherine as she walked toward the house with Kayla. Then Cindy looked at Priscilla, who continued to stare at her as if she’d just said she’d booked a trip to the moon.

  Laura turned to Cindy. “I want to apologize for being so cold to you. I’ve missed you, and I want to work things out.” She touched her abdomen. “I want to be close again. You can trust me.”

  Cindy took a deep breath and then repeated what she had just told Priscilla. Laura’s eyes widened, and she cupped her hand to her mouth before exchanging a look with Priscilla.

  “I love Drew and I miss him,” Cindy said. “I can’t let him go.”

  “Are you going to leave the community?” Laura grabbed Cindy’s arm. “No! Tell me you’ll stay.”

  Cindy shook her head. “I don’t know. All I know for sure is that I’m miserable.”

  “Are you still praying about this?” Priscilla looked so grave Cindy felt sorry for her.

  “Every day, at least once a day.” Cindy looked down at Annie again. “I want to have a life like yours. I want to be married, have kinner, and build a life with the man I love.” She looked back and forth between Priscilla and Laura. “Didn’t you dream of that when you fell in love?” She focused on Laura. “Didn’t you want that with Allen when you realized you loved him?”

  Laura wiped at her eyes. “Ya, but Allen is Amish. It’s not the same.”

  “It is the same,” Cindy snapped. “It’s exactly the same. We’re all human, whether we’re Amish or English. We’re all sinners created in God’s own image.”

  Priscilla touched Cindy’s arm. “Don’t do this, Cindy. Don’t leave. It’s difficult to come back.”

  Laura cleared her throat and nodded toward the women carrying food into the barn. “Why don’t we talk about this later? We’re going to start attracting a crowd. We’ll continue this conversation later, when we can talk alone.”

  “That’s a gut idea.” Priscilla took Annie from Cindy’s arms. “I need to change her and feed her. Mei mamm is probably waiting for me to come and get Adam from her.”

  Laura nudged Cindy. “Let’s go help serve the meal. Don’t do anything until we talk. Promise me.”

  Cindy nodded, but deep in her soul, she knew she already had a plan in place—a plan she believed would let her know if she was meant to leave the community.

  * * *

  Cindy had managed to avoid speaking to Laura and Priscilla for the rest of the afternoon. She couldn’t allow her sisters to talk her out of her plan, but she was also tired of deciding what to tell them and what to keep to herself, so she might have blurted her secret if cornered. It was easier not to talk at all.

  She’d found a notepad and envelope in a desk in their hosts’ family room, and then with a silent apology to Karen and her family, she’d written a short note. Then to make everyone in her family happy for once, she spent time with Sarah Jane and a few of her youth group friends.

  Now was the moment she’d been anticipating all afternoon. Her hands shook as a tiny seed of hope took root deep in her soul.

  “Gertrude,” Cindy called as she caught up with the older woman just as most of the wedding guests were climbing into their buggies for home. Cindy picked up her pace.

  Gertrude spun toward Cindy. “Hello there. How are you?”

  “Gut. Danki.” Cindy glanced behind her and was relieved to find they were alone. “I want to ask you how Drew is doing.”

  “Oh.” Gertrude’s smile wobbled. “He’s been quiet. I think he’s bedauerlich and he misses you, but that’s to be expected. You had forged a nice friendship, and he’ll need some time to get over you.”

  Cindy fought against the tears that pricked the back of her eyes and squared her shoulders. “Would you do me a favor and give him one last note from me?”

  Gertrude hesitated. “I don’t know if that’s a gut idea.”

  Cindy peeked over her shoulder once more before she pulled the envelope out of her apron pocket and slipped it into Gertrude’s. “Please, Gertrude. Just one more message. I promise this is the last one.”

  Gertrude pursed her lips and sighed. “Fine, but I can’t be responsible for what might happen after he receives it.” She held up her hand. “And I will not deliver any message back. I could get into trouble with the bishop if he finds out I already delivered letters for you both.”

  “Danki.” Cindy hugged her as excitement bubbled through her. “Danki so much. I promise I won’t ask again.”

  As Cindy hurried to her father’s buggy, she touched the letter in her apron pocket and smiled. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance she and Drew could make their relationship work. She just had to know if he thought so too.

  * * *

  Drew opened his front door later that evening and was surprised to find Gertrude standing on his porch. He swung open the storm door. “Hi. How are you?”

  “Gut.” Gertrude lifted her chin. “Ervin and I were at Roy Esh’s wedding today.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.” Drew motioned inside. “Would you like to come in?”

  “No, thank you.” Gertrude frowned. “I saw Cindy today, and she asked me to deliver a message to you.”

  Drew’s heart slowed and then jumped into hyper-speed. “What did she say?”

  Gertrude shook her head and took a step back. “This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be doing this. If the bishop knew . . .” Her voice trailed off as if she were internally battling through a dilemma: what option to choose—bad or worse.

  “Gertrude.” He stepped onto the porch, let the storm door shut behind him, and lowered his voice. “Please tell me. You can’t come over here and tell me you have a message from Cindy and then not share it. That’s just cruel.”

  Gertrude sighed. “I know. I just don’t want to cause more problems. I’ve already become too involved.”

  “Please just tell me. No one holds you responsible.”

  “Cindy asked me to give you one last note from her.” She pulled an envelope from her apron and handed it to him. “I need to go.” She huffed and then turned and marched down the porch steps.

  Drew opened the envelope and removed the note as a quiver began in his hands and traveled down to his feet. The paper trembled as he held it.

  Dear Drew,

  I love you and I miss you.

  Forev
er,

  Cindy

  Drew blew out a deep breath and wilted. He grasped one side of the porch bench and sat down so he wouldn’t hit the floor.

  In the last month he’d convinced himself Cindy didn’t want him in her life after all. That he was too much of a risk for her.

  That she didn’t love him.

  But this message, this short message, changed everything.

  “She does love me,” he whispered.

  An almost maniacal laugh escaped from deep in this throat as he stood and turned toward Bruce, who was sitting on the other side of the storm door, watching him with his head tilted.

  “She loves me, Bruce! She loves me!” Drew went inside, picked up his dog, and spun around with him. “Cindy still cares about me. She loves me!”

  Then he set Bruce on the floor and flopped onto his sofa. His grin faded as reality crashed over him. Cindy loved him, but they still had a problem—he wasn’t Amish.

  He scrubbed his hand over the stubble on his chin as he contemplated what to do. He needed help. He needed to pray.

  “God,” he whispered. “Help me figure out what to do. I love Cindy, and she still loves me. But how can we be together? If she sent me this message, it means she still wants me in her life. How can I make that happen? How can I build a future with her without ruining her life? Help me see the right path for us.”

  Drew stood and paced, and then he turned to his dog, who was still sitting on the floor, staring at him.

  “I know what I’m going to do, Bruce. It’s the only way.”

  nineteen

  Cindy pulled another weed from her garden and then dropped it into her bucket with a plunk. She looked up and found dark clouds had started to clog the blue sky as the faint scent of rain filled the air.

  When she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, she looked up and gasped, dropping the bucket as Drew walked up the path toward the house.

  “Drew,” she whispered, her heart pounding. He got my message!

  Her heart took on wings as she drank in his appearance. He was clean-shaven and wearing khaki trousers and a blue button-down shirt. It was as if he had dressed up for this visit.

  She wiped her hands down her apron as she ran to the path to intercept him. “Drew! What are you doing here?”

  He turned toward her with a look of surprise, and then a smile. “I got your note.” He placed his hand on her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “I love you.” His voice was raspy. “I can’t live without you, Cindy. I have to be with you, and I want to work this out. We have to find a way to make it work.”

  “I love you too.” Her lungs clenched as she craned her neck to look back at the barn. “Mei dat is home. We should really talk about this another time. Should I come and meet you tonight?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I can’t wait any longer.”

  “But I don’t think—”

  Drew dropped to one knee. “Cindy—”

  “What are you doing?” She motioned for him to stand. “Get up.”

  “I’ve spent the past month wondering if I’d lost you forever.” He reached for her hand and took it in his. “I’ve prayed again and again, begging God to find a way for us to be together. Then I had myself convinced you’d decided I wasn’t worth having in your life. When I got your note yesterday, I nearly fell down with relief. I’m so grateful you still care for me. I’m so honored, and I can’t stand being away from you one more day.”

  Cindy’s heart squeezed as tears filled her eyes and then spilled over. Warmth hummed through her entire body. These were the words she’d dreamt of hearing. Was she dreaming now? Could this be real?

  “I know we’re from different worlds,” he continued, his voice sounding thick with emotion. “But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t have much to offer, but if you give me a chance, I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

  Cindy wiped at her eyes as her knees shook.

  “What I’m asking is . . . Will you marry me?”

  “Drew, I . . . I . . .” Cindy’s head swam. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say yes.” His eyes searched hers. “Please. We’ll build a life together. We can have a future, a family. I want to grow old with you.”

  Cindy opened her mouth to speak, and a sob escaped. She cupped her hands to her face as all her emotions came forth, as though they were exploding from a dam that had been holding them back. These were the words she’d always wanted to hear. Drew was in front of her and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her prayers had been answered.

  “I’m sorry.” Drew stood and pulled her into his arms. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

  “What’s going on here?” Dat’s voice boomed.

  Cindy released Drew and then spun to face her father, Florence, Jamie, and Sarah Jane as they all walked toward her, their expressions a mixture of confusion and anger. Panic weighed heavy on Cindy’s shoulders as she focused her gaze on her father and wiped her face of tears.

  “I said, what is going on here?” Dat’s eyes narrowed as a red flush crept up his neck.

  Cindy swallowed against her suddenly dry throat. She hadn’t seen her father this angry since Jamie and Mark had raced buggies when they were teenagers.

  A light mist of cool rain began to sweep over them, filling the air with a sweet aroma.

  Drew took a step closer to her father and lifted his chin. “I came here to propose to Cindy. I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

  “How dare you?” Dat seethed as he took a step toward Drew. He shook a finger just millimeters from his nose. “I’ve already told you to stay away from my daughter, and now you have the nerve to come here and propose marriage? You’re not welcome here. Get off my property!” He pointed to the street. “Now!”

  Drew opened his mouth to speak, but Cindy placed her hand on his chest to stop him.

  “He’s welcome here, Dat—because I say he is.” Cindy’s words were steady and even, although her body was vibrating with a mixture of excitement and angst.

  The rain fell steadier, bouncing off her shoulders.

  Dat’s eyes widened as he studied her. “He’s not one of us. You can’t possibly be considering accepting his proposal.”

  A strange and sudden sense of calm came over Cindy as she looked into Drew’s eyes. She knew at that moment that she belonged with him. He was her future.

  She turned back to her father. “I am accepting his proposal.”

  Dat’s mouth opened and closed a few times as Florence and Sarah Jane gaped at each other.

  “Cindy.” Jamie stepped to her and touched her arm. “You need to think this through. This is a huge decision.”

  “If you choose Drew, you’ll lose us.” Dat’s blue eyes seemed to shine with pain, stabbing at her heart.

  Cindy nodded. “I know.”

  “Have you prayed about this?” Florence asked, her expression challenging her.

  “I have.” Cindy looked up at Drew as she threaded her fingers with his. “I feel God has led me to Drew.” Her heart pounded again, and her legs wobbled, but she was going to stand firm. This was her future, and she needed Drew in it.

  Drew smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “I’ve prayed too.”

  The rain began to soak through Cindy’s dress and apron, but she didn’t care.

  Dat shook his head, and renewed anger seemed to grip him as his expression twisted into a frown. “I forbid this.” He pointed to the ground. “I will not allow you to marry him.”

  “It’s my decision,” she told her father. “This is my life and my future.” Then she looked up at Drew. “May I come to your house for supper tonight?”

  “Of course.” He squeezed her hand again.

  “Gut,” Cindy said. “I’ll be there at six o’clock, and we can talk about this more.”

>   Drew nodded.

  Then she released his hand and hurried toward the house.

  “Cindy!” Dat called after her. “Cindy! We need to talk about this.”

  “You’re making a mistake!” Florence chimed in.

  Ignoring them, Cindy entered the house, leaving her family behind her in the rain.

  * * *

  Drew rubbed his hand over his stiff neck as he watched Cindy rush into the house with her father and stepmother close behind her, calling her name. A mixture of confusion and elation poured through him.

  The rain had soaked his hair and his clothing, but he wasn’t worried about that. He smiled and blew out a breath that seemed to bubble up from his toes.

  She’s going to marry me!

  Jamie stepped into his view, his eyes narrowing. “Do you realize what you’re doing? You’re breaking up our family.” His voice wavered. “We already lost my mother, and now my sister is going to leave us? Don’t you have a conscience?”

  Drew fought the guilt that dug its talons into his back. “It shouldn’t be that way. Cindy and I are in love. We should be permitted to build a future together just like you and Kayla have.”

  “It’s not the same,” Sarah Jane protested. “You’re not a member of our community. If you marry her, you’ll destroy our family. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “Yes, it does.” Drew jammed a finger into his chest. “I’ve lost my family—my entire family. Do you know what that feels like?” He nearly spat the words at her.

  Sarah Jane shook her head as she took a step back from him, her dark eyes widening.

  “It hurts so badly that sometimes you wonder how you’ll face the next day.” Drew glanced toward the house. “But then I found Cindy, and I felt like I could move past the grief. I felt like I could have a life worth living. I realized I could be happy again.”

  Drew divided a look between Jamie and Sarah Jane as his frustration simmered. “I love Cindy. I will take care of her and cherish her. It’s not your place to decide her future. That’s her decision, and you need to respect that.”