by Amy Clipston
“Do non-Amish ever attend your services?”
“It’s rare to see them at a regular Sunday service, but I’ve seen Englishers at weddings.” She swirled the straw in her glass of water. “I assume they don’t enjoy it much since they can’t understand what the ministers are saying.”
Drew studied her ivory complexion. He longed to read her true thoughts about leaving her family. She seemed too accepting of the confrontation with her siblings. The guilt he still felt for ripping her away from them haunted him day and night. Would she tell him if she still had doubts?
A young woman appeared at the table with a notepad. “What would you like today?”
When the woman left, Cindy leaned forward on the table and studied his eyes. “If you don’t tell me what’s on your mind, I’m going to keep asking until you do.”
He ran his fingers over the condensation on his glass and considered his thoughts. “I just want to be sure you’re ready to walk away from your life in the community and your family for me. I don’t want you to regret your decision to marry me.”
“Drew.” She leaned across the table and took his hands in hers, and the tender feel of her skin sent heat pouring through him. “Look at me.”
His gaze tangled with hers and he drank in her beautiful face.
“Like I told my siblings Friday night, you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I deserve the same happiness they have.” Her expression grew fierce. “I plan to continue asking God to find a way to keep my family in my life, but you’re my future. I’ll miss them, but I need you, and I’m here as long as you’ll have me.”
He smiled. “I just wanted to make sure.”
“I don’t plan on giving up on you, and I hope you feel the same way about me.”
“Always.” He lifted his Coke glass to toast her. “Here’s to our future.”
“Ya.” She touched her glass to his and then took a drink.
He silently thanked God for leading him to Bird-in-Hand and bringing Cindy into his life. Whatever they had to endure would be worth it to be together.
* * *
Cindy stood on Drew’s porch later that evening and hugged his zippered sweatshirt to her chest. She gazed at the Lapps’ white farmhouse and the rolling fields across the road. Fall had settled on Lancaster County, and the fields were yellow and brown. But they would be lush and green again in the spring. Cindy smiled as she considered her future here as Drew’s wife.
“Thank you for loaning me your jacket,” she said. “I didn’t think to bring a sweater with me.”
“You’re welcome.” He touched her shoulder. “I had a wonderful day with you.”
“And I enjoyed going to church and lunch with you.” She grinned. “And then you cooked for me tonight. I’m going to like being married to you if I get to eat your pork chops and mashed potatoes.”
He wagged a finger at her. “Don’t get used to it. I’m going to let you cook sometimes too.”
“If you insist.” She clicked her tongue with feigned chagrin.
“I’d still like to walk you home, just like I’ve wanted to every time you’ve been here at night. But I don’t want to upset your family any more than necessary.” He stepped closer to her. “It’s getting late, though. Are you sure you’ll be safe?”
“Yes. You’re sweet, but I’ll be fine.” But then she sighed as disappointment washed over her. If only the day hadn’t flown by so quickly!
He leaned down and pressed his lips on hers, sending her pulse into a wild swirl.
“Will I see you soon?” He whispered the question against her ear, sending a rush of heat through her.
“Of course. You know I can’t stay away from you for long.” She grinned, and he laughed.
“I’ll be waiting for you.” He kissed her cheek.
“Good night.” She flipped on her flashlight and started down the driveway.
As Cindy walked past the Lapps’ house, she looked up into the kitchen window and found Gertrude watching her.
Unease spread through Cindy like a choking weed, but she gave Gertrude a little wave. What would the rest of the community say about Cindy when they learned she was engaged to an Englisher? Did they already know?
Cindy continued down the driveway as reality grabbed her by the throat. Her life was about to change, and she prayed for the confidence and strength to stay strong through the adversity ahead.
* * *
The back door clicked shut as Cindy dried the last breakfast dish and set it into a cabinet the following morning.
“Gude mariye,” Laura sang as she stepped into the kitchen with Kayla and Priscilla close behind her.
“Gude mariye!” Sarah Jane’s welcome was a little too chipper as she walked over, took a tote bag from Laura, and then set it on the kitchen counter.
Cindy looked from Laura to Kayla to Priscilla. “What’s everyone doing here today?”
“We’re here for a sisters’ day.” Priscilla set her own tote bag on the counter.
“We’re going to bake,” Kayla added.
“Gude mariye!” Florence announced as she stepped into the kitchen. “I’m so froh you’re all here.”
“You know we never miss a sisters’ day.” Laura opened her tote bag and started pulling out baking supplies.
“Is it a special occasion?” Cindy spun to face Florence. “Did you plan this?”
“I thought it would be gut for you to spend a day with your sisters.” Florence patted Cindy on the shoulder and walked over to Laura, Kayla, and Priscilla. “Are you going to make kichlin?”
Cindy set her jaw as a hot rush of frustration roared through her. She looked around the kitchen as Laura and Florence happily made room on the counter and table. So this was their new tactic to try to convince her to stay in the community.
While they continued to talk about cookies, Cindy turned and walked toward the stairs.
“Cindy!” Laura called after her. “We can’t have a sisters’ day without our youngest sister.”
“Ya, that’s right!” Sarah Jane chimed in.
“Please join us,” Priscilla added.
“We haven’t had time to just be together and bake for quite a while,” Kayla said.
“I have sewing projects to finish for customers.” Cindy pointed toward the stairs.
“Your sewing projects can wait.” Laura beckoned to her. “Please, come here.” She held up a cookbook. “I brought Mamm’s cookbook. We can make one of her favorite cookie recipes.”
Cindy pursed her lips. If she continued upstairs, she was certain Laura would nag her until she came down. It was easier to do what they wanted than try to fight them. She crossed to the counter and peered over Laura’s shoulder as she flipped through the cookbook.
Laura and Florence were discussing brownie cookies when Dat walked into the kitchen.
“Gude mariye!” Priscilla and Kayla called to him in unison as he crossed the kitchen.
Dat nodded hellos and then shared a meaningful look with Florence before heading out the back door.
Cindy moved to the window as Dat bypassed the barn and continued down the driveway. “Florence,” she said over her shoulder, “where is Dat going?”
“He’s just working in the barn.” Florence kept her eyes focused on the cookbook. “Where else would he go?”
Apprehension pooled in the pit of Cindy’s stomach as Dat disappeared down the driveway. He wasn’t going to the barn, and her family was still intent on stopping her wedding. Dat must be going to see Drew.
Please, God. Keep Drew strong. I can’t lose him.
“Cindy,” Sarah Jane sang, “come help us pick out a recipe.”
Cindy took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. All her sisters had come to see her, and she was happy to see them. Perhaps she could enjoy this day. After all, it might be the last time she had to spend with them before she married Drew.
She turned, and a smile overtook her lips. “Why don’t we make Mamm’s carrot kuche, along with the crea
m cheese icing?”
* * *
Drew saw movement out of the corner of his eye as he tossed his backpack into his pickup truck. He looked up and then froze, his shoes cemented to the rock driveway. Vernon was walking toward him.
“I need to have a word with you,” Vernon called, a deep glare twisting his face.
A big, heavy ball of dread settled on Drew’s chest as he shut the driver’s side door. “Would you like to come inside?” He motioned toward his front porch. “It will give us some privacy.”
Vernon glanced back at Ervin’s house and then nodded. “Ya, that’s a gut idea.”
Drew made a sweeping gesture toward the house. “After you.” Then he followed Vernon up the steps, where he unlocked the door and let him inside. Bruce greeted them with a happy bark and wagging tail.
“Sit,” Drew told his dog, and he obeyed.
Vernon glanced around the house.
“Would you like some coffee?” Drew offered.
“No.” Vernon pinned him with a furious look. “I’ve told you to stay away from my daughter, but you haven’t listened. You have no business destroying our family. You need to find a young woman in your community and leave ours alone!”
“Vernon.” Drew held up his hands. “I love Cindy, and I’ll take good care of her. I don’t see why you have to disown her if she marries me. Why can’t we all just be a family?”
“You don’t seem to understand our culture.” Vernon’s glare continued to challenge Drew. “You need to respect how we live.”
“I do respect it, but shouldn’t family be more important than rules?” Drew gestured around the house. “Why should it matter that I’m not Amish?”
“Because that’s what we believe. We live separate from the world, and our children are supposed to do the same. They’re supposed to stay in the faith and pass our traditions along to their children.” Vernon suddenly sank down onto the sofa and fingered his beard, as though the fire had just gone out of him.
Drew sat down on the chair across from him, confusion plaguing him. Why had Vernon’s mood suddenly shifted?
“I lost my wife seven years ago.” Vernon’s demeanor reminded Drew of a wilting plant, desperate for water. “She had an accident. She fell down the basement stairs and broke her neck.” His blue eyes shimmered as he stared past Drew at a wall.
“Cindy has told me the story. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“It was a complete shock.” Vernon met Drew’s gaze. “And I can’t bear to lose another family member.”
“I understand how you feel.” Drew’s throat suddenly felt like sandpaper. “I lost my parents and then the aunt who raised me. I have no family members left, so I know that pain all too well. But it doesn’t have to be this way when Cindy marries me. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“I know my Cindy is special. She has a big heart, and she’s very giving.” Vernon’s eyes narrowed. “But you can’t take her from us. I can’t allow you to steal her from our community.”
Drew felt as though he were one of the old, scratched records his mother used to play. The needle would skip and play the same musical phrase over and over. Was Vernon truly not listening? Or did he refuse to understand Drew’s meaning?
“I’m not forcing her to marry me.” Drew’s words were slow and measured. “This is her choice. I’ve asked her several times if she’s sure she wants to do this, and she keeps telling me yes.”
“It’s wrong.” Vernon pointed to the floor. “Her leaving our community is unacceptable in my eyes and the bishop’s.”
Irritation spread over Drew’s skin like static. He was tired of having the same argument over and over. He leaned forward. “I understand what you’re saying, but I have a question for you.”
“What?”
“Have you noticed that she hasn’t joined the church yet?”
Vernon’s mouth moved, but no sounds escaped.
“I think you need to take a step back and think about your daughter.” Drew’s body vibrated. “Maybe this is what she wants, and maybe this is what God has called her to do. Has that thought ever occurred to you?”
Vernon stood, his face flushing as red as a ripe tomato. His eyes narrowed. “I hope you can live with yourself after breaking up my family.”
“She’s still your family!” Drew exclaimed. “Just her last name will change, like Laura’s last name changed when she married Allen.”
“It’s not the same!” Vernon snapped.
“It should be the same. She’ll still be your daughter. She’ll still have your blood running through her veins.”
With the shake of his head, Vernon stood and marched out of Drew’s house, the storm door slamming behind him.
Drew threw his keys across the room, where they smashed against the Sheetrock and left a dent before falling to the floor in a heap. Then he leaned forward and shoved both hands into his hair.
When a knock sounded, he stood and found Gertrude and Ervin on his porch.
“Hi.” Drew pushed open the door. “Come in.”
“Shouldn’t you be at school?” Gertrude stepped into the house and rubbed Bruce’s ear.
“Yeah, but Vernon came to talk to me.” Drew gestured toward the kitchen. “Would you like some coffee?”
“No, thanks.” Ervin pointed toward the porch. “We just saw Vernon leave, and he looked upset. We were wondering if everything is okay.”
“Did Vernon find out about you and Cindy?” Gertrude looked concerned.
“You could say that.” Drew folded his arms over his chest and leaned back on the wall. “Cindy and I are getting married, and Vernon is upset.”
“What?” Gertrude asked.
“Are you joining the church?” Ervin asked.
“No.” Drew motioned toward the sofa. “Would you like to have a seat, and I’ll fill you in?”
Gertrude and Ervin sat down on the sofa, and Drew sat across from them while he shared how he had received Cindy’s note from Gertrude and then proposed. He explained Cindy’s family was anything but supportive, but Cindy insisted she wanted to move forward with their plans. Both Gertrude and Ervin listened with their eyes wide and their mouths slightly open.
“You do realize her family will basically disown her?” Ervin asked, and Drew nodded. “Life will be complicated, and you won’t have her family as a support system.”
“I know.” Drew blew out a puff of air. “But she thinks I’m worth the risk, and I know she’s worth the risk to me. I love her very much.”
With God’s help, their love would have to get them through this. Cindy’s family wasn’t giving up.
twenty-three
“These brownie kichlin are the best,” Sarah Jane gushed as they sat around the kitchen table later that morning. “You really outdid yourself, Laura.” Then she turned to Cindy. “And this carrot kuche is wunderbaar. I love this recipe.”
“Danki. I’m glad you like it.” Cindy sipped her tea and then looked down at her mug. She’d enjoyed the time with her sisters while they baked, but thoughts of Drew lingered at the back of her mind.
She’d peeked out the window just as Dat had stalked up the driveway and into the barn, and her shoulders had tightened with a mixture of worry and dread. Had he gone to see Drew and forced him to change his mind about marrying her? The thought sent despair spiraling through her. What would she do if she lost Drew? But surely Dat would look happier if he had changed Drew’s mind.
“Do you like the kichlin, Cindy?” Sarah Jane asked.
“Ya.” Cindy’s head popped up and she found her sisters and Florence studying her. “They’re appeditlich.”
“I hope you’ve had fun today, Cindy,” Florence said. “Don’t you enjoy spending time with your schweschdere?”
“Of course I do.” Cindy moved her fingers over the edge of the table as everyone’s eyes seemed to bore into her. This was it. Now they were going to take turns trying to convince her to not marry Drew.
“You haven’t men
tioned Drew today.” Sarah Jane looked around the table. “Have you considered how much your life will change after you marry him? We won’t be able to have days like this. Won’t you miss our sisters’ days?”
“What about church?” Florence added. “You won’t be able to attend church with us unless you sit in the back with the visitors.” She tapped her chin. “You went to that Englisher church yesterday. Wasn’t the service very different from ours? Won’t you miss our services?”
Cindy worked to keep a casual expression on her face as well as keep her surging frustration at bay. If she let them harangue her for a while, maybe they’d eventually give up and let her go upstairs to do her sewing. She’d rather be alone with her thoughts and prayers.
“It’s not just about us, Cindy,” Kayla said. “Our kinner need their aenti. Calvin and Alice want you in their lives. And if Jamie and I have more kinner, we’ll want you to be there for them too.”
“I won’t be far.” Cindy pointed to the window. “You’re all talking like I’m moving to Florida or California. You can walk down the street to visit me anytime, Kayla. I can come and see you too. It’s your choice if you disown me.”
“You know that’s not true,” Florence said. “It’s more complicated if you’re an outsider. We can’t include you the way we can now.”
Cindy rubbed at the back of her neck as tension set into her muscles. How long before they stopped with the lecture? She was tired of their interventions. Couldn’t they just accept her decision and let her move on?
“It won’t be the same without you.” Laura’s lips trembled, and Cindy took a deep breath to hold back her own emotions. “I need you in my life. How can I just let you leave the community without fighting for you to stay?”
“Because this is what I want.” Cindy’s voice sounded confident despite her sister’s emotions. “You should respect my decision.”
“But it’s breaking my heart.” Laura sniffed, and Kayla handed her a napkin to wipe her eyes and nose.
“I’ll still be your schweschder,” Cindy said. “You know that.” She pushed her chair back and stood. “I know you all thought this whole sisters’ day of baking and fellowship would convince me to change my mind, but it hasn’t. I had fun with all of you, but I’m tired of being lectured. I need you to be froh for Drew and me.”