by Amy Clipston
The notion of her children never knowing her family had not yet dawned on her. She placed her hand on her forehead as her world spun out of control. She couldn’t allow her older siblings to see how much they were hurting her. She had to stay strong. She may be the youngest, but she was stronger than they thought.
“Look, Cindy.” Jamie stood and walked down the steps, coming to a stop next to Mark. “We just want you to think about this. Don’t make any decisions until you’ve really thought through the consequences.”
“I have thought them through.” Cindy lifted her chin. “I may be younger than you, but I’m not a kind. And this is my life.” She pointed to her chest.
Jamie held up his hands as if to calm her. “But you’re killing Dat.”
“I’m killing Dat? What about me?” Her voice scraped out of her throat, betraying the emotions she’d tried to suppress. “This is my choice, not his.”
“Come on, Cindy.” Laura stood as her voice rose. “You can’t do this to us. We’ve already lost Mamm. We can’t lose you too. Don’t rip our family apart.” She sniffed and wiped at her eyes.
“Don’t throw Mamm in my face!” Her voice shook as her tears broke free. “My decisions are my own!”
“Please don’t do this.” Laura folded her hands as if praying. “Please.”
“I hope you all can understand my decision someday.” Cindy turned and ran to her father’s house, ignoring her siblings’ calls to come back.
She hurried into the house, relieved to find the kitchen empty. She made her way up to her room, where she sat down on her chair and closed her eyes. A myriad of emotions ran over her like a team of horses plowing one of her father’s cornfields.
While she appreciated her siblings’ concern, she also longed for their blessing. But how could they bless her decision to leave the community?
She pulled the necklace from under her dress and ran her fingers over the cross as she opened her heart to God.
Please, God. Help my family accept my decision, and help me find a way to keep them in my life. While I believe you led me to Drew, I also believe there’s a way for me to keep my family, and only you can show me what that way is.
When she climbed into bed a few minutes later, she waited for sleep to send her to a land of sweet dreams.
twenty-one
Cindy hurried down the stairs Sunday morning. At the kitchen counter, she bowed her head in silent prayer, then grabbed a roll from a basket. As she cut it open and buttered it, she heard footsteps behind her.
“Where are you going?” Sarah Jane asked as Cindy took a bite.
She held up one finger as she chewed and then swallowed. “Church.”
“Church?” Florence walked over to her. “But it’s an off-Sunday.”
“I’m going to church with Drew and then spending the day with him.” Cindy headed for the mudroom door and waved at the two women over her shoulder. “I’ll see you this evening.”
Then she rushed out the back door and down the steps, eating the roll as she walked. She had planned to be up early, but she’d sewed late into the night and lost track of time. Then she had forgotten to set her alarm and woke up just in time to get dressed and dash to Drew’s.
She found Drew standing in her driveway next to his pickup truck. Her heart stuttered. He looked so handsome in khakis and a gray collared shirt. His face was clean-shaven, and his eyes were as bright as the blue sky above him.
He waved, and she increased her pace as she finished the roll. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted her father coming from the barn, and her smile faded.
“Where are you going?” Dat asked.
Cindy halted and tried to ignore the angry narrowing of his eyes. “Drew is taking me to his church.”
Dat flicked his glare at Drew and then looked back at her.
“Good morning, Vernon.” Drew’s smile seemed forced.
Dat grunted and then started for the house.
“I’ll be home this evening,” Cindy called to Dat, but he kept walking with his back to her. She shook off her frustration and rushed over to Drew. “Good morning.”
“Hi.” He smiled at her. “Are you ready?”
“I am.” She climbed into the passenger seat and ran her hands over her yellow dress and white apron.
Drew climbed in next to her. “You know, you don’t have to go to church with me if you don’t want to.”
“Why would you think I wouldn’t want to go?”
He pointed toward the house and raised an eyebrow. “Even after your siblings grilled you Friday night?”
She had filled him in on her siblings’ lecture when she visited him yesterday afternoon.
“Ya. I think they’ve given up, but that’s all right. I’d rather they just accept my decision than keep questioning me.” She looked at the clock on the dashboard. “We need to go or we’re going to be late for the service.”
“Right.” He studied her and then smiled.
“What?” She touched her dress and then her prayer covering to make sure nothing was out of place.
“You’re beautiful.”
She laughed as heat infused her cheeks. “Thank you. And you’re handsome.” She pointed to the clock. “We need to go.”
He turned the key, and when the engine roared to life he backed out of the driveway to Beechdale Road.
Cindy settled back into the seat and smiled as a calmness rolled over her. She’d been nervous about attending a church outside of her own, but she was also curious to see how other Christians worshipped God.
“Did I see you eating something when you were walking out of the house?” Drew looked over at her as he slowed to a stop at a red light.
“Ya.” She laughed. “I accidentally slept in. I only had enough time to get dressed and then run out the door. I grabbed a roll on my way through the kitchen.”
“I’ll have to take you out to lunch after church, then.”
“You don’t need to do that.” She waved off the suggestion.
“I want to.” He turned toward her and cupped one side of her face in his hand. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” He ran his finger over her cheek, and the contact sent tiny shivers across her skin.
A horn tooted behind them, informing them that the light had turned green.
Cindy nodded toward the traffic signal. “You’d better go. The people behind us are in a hurry to get to church too.”
Drew negotiated a turn and then pulled into the parking lot of the Bird-in-Hand Community Church.
Cindy looked up at the white church and admired the bell tower and stained-glass window. It looked like several churches she’d seen from the outside. Her chest tightened with apprehension at the idea of walking inside. She’d never stepped foot in a church before, but the possibility of worshipping a different way was exciting too.
“Are you ready?” Drew’s smile was hesitant. “Remember, we don’t have to do this. If you’re uncomfortable, I can take you home. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to go to church with me.”
“This was my idea.” She angled her body toward him. “I told you. When we’re married, I want to worship with you. This is our first step toward our new life together. Don’t feel as if you’re forcing me to do anything.”
He touched her cheek again. “I love you.” His voice was a little rough, as if the words came from deep in his soul.
“I love you too.” She opened the truck door. “I’m ready.”
They walked across the parking lot holding hands, and Drew entwined his fingers with hers. With his free hand, he waved and smiled at members of the congregation who greeted him by name. Cindy nodded in response to their curious smiles and waves to her.
“How long have you been attending this church?” she asked.
“I think it’s been almost a year.” He smiled at a man in a suit. “This congregation is warm and welcoming.”
“Do you think they’ll welcome me?” The nerves in her stomach tie
d themselves into a knot.
“Are you kidding?” His tone was like an audible eye roll. “They’ll love you.”
“Even though I dress Amish?”
“You can dress any way you want. They’ll just be happy you decided to come today.” He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they reached the front steps.
“Thank you.”
He winked, and the gesture scrambled her insides with happiness.
A man in a suit and tie held open the large wooden door as Cindy and Drew entered the church. Another well-dressed man standing at the entrance to the sanctuary handed Cindy a folded booklet with a beautiful image of a mountain scene and a Scripture verse under it.
“Thank you.” Cindy took the booklet and glanced up at Drew as they moved toward the pews. “What do I do with it?”
“It’s called a bulletin.” His words were soft in her ear, sending a tremor through her. “It’s sort of like a guide for the service. It lists the order of the service, hymn numbers, and the schedule of church meetings and events for the upcoming weeks.”
“Oh.” Cindy followed him to a row near the back and sat beside him on an aisle. She glanced through the bulletin, taking in the order of the service as well as the page numbers and names of the hymns. She also found Scripture verses printed, along with the prayer of the day. It felt strange to have the service printed out in her hand, in a sanctuary, sitting in a pew. She was used to sitting on a backless bench in the home or barn of a community member every other week.
She looked toward the front of the room and found an altar with two large vases, each filled with a spray of orange and white daylilies and chrysanthemums. Although they were beautiful flowers, they seemed out of place to her. Neither an altar nor flowers were part of the Amish church tradition. She was accustomed to sitting in a barn or in a home that had movable walls to make room for the congregation. While couples and families sat together in these church pews, Cindy was used to sitting in a segregated congregation, divided by married men, married women, unmarried men, and unmarried women. It felt strange to have Drew sitting beside her instead of other women.
Cindy turned her gaze toward the large stained-glass window at the front of the sanctuary and the wooden cross hanging in front of it. She tilted her head and studied the display. What would her siblings think of this church?
She closed her eyes and tried to shove away the image of her siblings’ disapproving expressions on Friday night. They’d bothered her more than she’d wanted Drew to know. When she opened her eyes once again, she focused on the cross. It gave the large room a warm feeling. She could feel God’s presence all around her. Yes, God was here with her, no matter what her family said about her relationship with Drew.
“Good morning.” A man leaned down and shook Drew’s hand. He looked at Cindy and smiled. His smile felt warm and genuine. “Good morning.”
“Hi, Wayne.” Drew gestured toward Cindy. “This is Cindy. She wanted to come to worship with me today. Cindy, this is Wayne.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Wayne shook her hand. “Welcome to the Bird-in-Hand Community Church. We’re happy to see you here.”
“Thank you.” Cindy pushed the ribbons from her prayer covering behind her shoulders. She smiled at a few members of the congregation who made their way past Wayne and nodded a greeting to her.
Were they wondering what a woman dressed like an Amish person was doing in the church? Would they stare at her throughout the service? She inwardly groaned at the thought. Hopefully, they would focus their thoughts on God and not the person who seemed out of place in their sanctuary.
Wayne and Drew chatted about the weather for a moment as Cindy turned her attention back to the bulletin. She read a lengthy prayer request list that warmed her heart. It was comforting to see that members of the congregation prayed for others’ family members and friends who were struggling with illness, unemployment, or other challenges. She perused a list of the weekly events, taking in the different church committees and organizations.
Suddenly the organ sounded, and Cindy jumped. Music was another foreign element to her, because no instruments were ever played during Amish services. The voices swirling around Cindy faded to a murmur as if on cue, and the knot of people loitering in the aisle filed into pews.
Drew leaned over, and Cindy enjoyed the familiar scent of his aftershave. “Are you all right?” He rested his arm on the back of the pew behind her and ran his thumb over her shoulder, sending contentment zipping through her.
“Ya.” She nodded. “I was startled by the organ, but it’s beautiful. I’m enjoying the music. It’s different from what I’m used to, but I like it.”
When the music stopped, a woman dressed in a robe took her place behind the pulpit.
Cindy leaned over to Drew and touched his arm. “Is she your minister?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “That’s Pastor Ellen. You’ll enjoy her sermon.”
“Oh.” Cindy was surprised. She had never seen a female minister. Women weren’t permitted to serve as bishop, minister, or deacon in the Amish church.
Pastor Ellen looked to be medium height and had a warm voice and pleasant smile. Cindy guessed she was in her mid-forties, and her dark-brown hair and deep-brown eyes reminded Cindy of the color of coffee. Although she was used to hearing Pennsylvania Dietsch and German during her community’s services, she felt at ease listening to English.
She glanced around and found the other members of the congregation nodding and smiling as the minister spoke. Cindy marveled at how comfortable she felt. It was as if God had sent her to this service today.
The organ began playing again, and the congregation stood. Drew handed Cindy a hymnal and she flipped through it to find the appropriate hymn listed in the bulletin and on the board at the front of the sanctuary. The congregation began to sing, and Cindy listened for a few moments, enjoying the warm, rich sound of Drew’s voice beside her. She smiled up at him and he winked, causing her pulse to quicken. She joined in with the hymn singing, enjoying the opportunity to worship the Lord with a new song.
When the hymn concluded, the congregation sat down, and a man dressed in a suit approached the pulpit and read the lessons for the day. Cindy folded her hands and concentrated on taking in God’s Word. Proverbs 3, verses 5 and 6, struck a chord in her: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
The verses echoed through her mind while the reader finished the lessons, and their message continued to float through her thoughts during the minister’s sermon. It was as if God had chosen those verses for her today. He was ministering to her in her confusion.
Pastor Ellen’s message of hope and trust through adversity spoke to her heart, just as the Scripture verses had. Cindy wondered if God was blessing her through this small church. Still, she missed the familiarity of the Amish services, including the hymns, the congregation in which she grew up, and the Pennsylvania Dietsch language.
Once the sermon was over, Cindy followed along with the remainder of the service, singing the hymns and reciting the prayers.
When the members of the church lined up to go to the front of the sanctuary for communion, Cindy’s chest seized with anxiety. She touched Drew’s arm. “I’d like to stay here. I’m not comfortable taking communion.”
“I understand.” Drew patted her hand. “Only do what feels right to you.”
“Thank you.” She sat with her hands folded while Drew went up to receive communion. She was grateful he didn’t insist she accompany him.
After one last hymn, the service ended, and Cindy followed Drew into the aisle. Then they stood in line to greet Pastor Ellen. A few people walked over to greet Drew, and he introduced Cindy to them. Each person welcomed her to the church and invited her to come back. She smiled and thanked them for their kindness.
They reached the front of the line, and Drew shook the minister’s hand. “Pastor Ellen, thi
s is Cindy Riehl. Cindy, this is Pastor Ellen.”
“Hello.” Cindy shook her hand. “I enjoyed your service.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Cindy.” Pastor Ellen’s smile was warm and inviting, putting Cindy at ease. “Welcome to our church. I imagine this was a very different service than what you’re used to.”
“Yes,” Cindy said. “But I truly enjoyed it. Your church has a homey feel. I can see why Drew enjoys coming here.”
“That’s very true,” Drew said.
“We hope to see you again, Cindy.” The minister smiled. “May God bless you.”
“Thank you.” Cindy followed Drew to the exit. “This was nice. I really enjoyed the service.”
“I did, too, and I enjoyed having you beside me in the pew.” His eyes were full of tenderness that caused her heart to dance. “May I take you to lunch?”
“That would be lovely.” Cindy looked up at him and wished the day would never end.
twenty-two
Drew sat across from Cindy at a small sandwich shop and watched her while she studied the menu. Her blond hair and deep-blue eyes captivated him. She looked so beautiful in her yellow dress that she seemed to glow.
He was grateful to have her next to him in church today. It felt as if they were a couple—a true couple, not two people who met in secret at his house. They were truly together, and she was going to be his wife. The thought sent such warmth and happiness surging through him. How he loved her!
“I think the club sandwich sounds good.” She glanced up, and her mouth tipped up on one side. “Why are you staring at me?”
“I’m sorry.” He lifted his glass of Coke. “I was lost in my thoughts.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to order?” She placed her menu on the table.
“I think I’ll have a BLT.” He sipped the Coke and then put the menu back by the napkin dispenser. “Did you really like the service?”
Cindy settled back on the bench seat. “I loved the music, and the sermon touched me. I think your minister is wonderful.”