by Amy Clipston
“But you took care of Ervin’s animals and the milking this morning. That’s work too.” She made a dismissive gesture. “I’ve got this. You go sit on the sofa and work on your school project.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “How about we compromise and work together? And then we can work on that puzzle we started earlier this week. I can do schoolwork later.”
She smiled up at him. “I’ll agree to that.”
“Good.” As he kissed the top of her head, Drew wondered what he would do if his wife ever regretted marrying him. If she didn’t experience some level of reconciliation with her family soon, how could she not?
* * *
Later that evening, Cindy climbed into bed beside Drew and pulled the covers up to her neck as she snuggled down with her back facing him. She yawned and adjusted her pillow as all the work and preparation for the Thanksgiving meal caught up with her, sucking her strength and leaving exhaustion in its place.
While she and Drew had worked on their puzzle together and then later rested on the sofa this afternoon, she’d imagined her family gathered at her father’s house, enjoying the holiday with the people they loved most. She had hoped a few of them would stop by later to wish her and Drew a happy Thanksgiving. But they hadn’t.
Had they even thought of her? Had anyone mentioned her name or wondered how she was doing?
Sadness welled up in her chest, but she breathed past it. She loved her life with Drew, and her family’s decision to forget her wouldn’t ruin that.
Drew rolled over and wrapped his arms around her waist before pulling her against him. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Happy Thanksgiving,” she whispered back through the dark.
“Thank you for an amazing meal.” His breath was warm on her neck.
“You’re welcome.” She closed her eyes.
He held her close and kissed her cheek. Soon his breathing changed, and his body relaxed. He’d fallen asleep.
Her thoughts turned back to her family. Laura would be having her baby in a few weeks. Would anyone let her know when her baby was born? Would she be invited over to see the little one?
Cindy squeezed her eyes shut as a prayer filled her mind.
God, I miss my family, and I long to have them in my life. I love Drew, and I’m happy with him, but I’ve realized how much I need my family too. Please bring them back to me. Please soften their hearts toward Drew and me. Help us all be a family together.
She listened to her husband’s breathing and hoped sleep would soon take her too.
* * *
Drew stepped out of Ervin’s barn the following morning and mopped sweat from his brow. While he’d fed the animals and mucked the stalls, he recalled the guilt he’d felt during their Thanksgiving meal yesterday. He loved his wife deeply, and he knew how close she’d been with her siblings and father. Drew had single-handedly ruined her relationship with the most important people in her life when he married her. He still feared someday she would regret marrying him, and for her sake, he almost regretted proposing to her. Perhaps she would have been better off without him.
He rubbed the stubble on his chin as he looked out toward the street. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he could do something to bridge the great chasm their marriage had caused between Cindy and her family. But what?
When an idea struck, he started walking down the driveway. He hoped Cindy was busy working on one of her projects in the sewing room and wouldn’t peek out the window to see him leaving.
Drew made his way to the street and then to her father’s driveway. Apprehension tightened the muscles in his back as he continued toward the house.
When Jamie emerged from the barn, Drew sighed with relief. He’d hoped to have a chance to talk to Jamie and not Vernon, reasoning Jamie might be more apt to listen to him.
Jamie met his gaze and froze, his expression blank. He glanced toward his father’s house and then started down the path toward him.
“Good morning,” Drew called, hoping to keep his voice even despite his growing feelings of resentment toward the Riehl family. “I was hoping to talk to you for a few minutes.”
“Is my sister all right?” Jamie asked, concern written on his face.
“Yes and no.” Drew folded his arms over his zippered sweatshirt.
“What do you mean?”
Drew tilted his head. “We’re happy together and we’re building a good life. But I know she misses her family. Have any of you considered that she might want to see you? Need to see you?”
Jamie shook his head. “She made the choice to leave the community, and that means we can’t include her the way we used to.”
“Come on, Jamie. Just for one minute consider what would have happened if you’d fallen in love with Kayla and she wasn’t Amish. How would you feel if you were torn between your wife and your family? Wouldn’t it hurt if your siblings turned their backs on you?”
Jamie blew out a deep sigh and glanced toward his father’s house again, and then he leveled his gaze with Drew’s. “Look, we do miss her. Laura and Mark were just talking about her yesterday during Thanksgiving dinner. They said our family isn’t complete without her. Laura cried. But Dat . . .”
“Cindy feels the same way without all of you. She keeps hoping some of you will come visit her.” Drew took a step toward him. “Can’t you try to make your father understand it’s acceptable to see Cindy occasionally? Maybe you and Kayla could come over for supper or something.”
Jamie cringed. “I don’t know. My father follows the bishop’s rules.”
“You’re the oldest. You must have some influence in your family. Just try to talk to him. Tell him Cindy misses you all and you miss her. See if you can come to some sort of compromise.”
“All right.” Jamie nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you!” Drew shook his hand as hope took seed in his soul. “That’s all I ask.” He started down the driveway with a spring in his step.
“Drew!”
Drew spun to face him.
“Remember what I said earlier. If you joined the church, we could all be a family.”
Drew felt his jaw set. “I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t think that’s what Cindy wants.”
Jamie shrugged. “It would solve a lot of problems, and it would bring us all together.”
“I understand.” Drew waved and then hurried down the driveway as he asked God to help Jamie convince his father to reach out to Cindy—and show her he still loved her.
* * *
Cindy shivered and hugged her coat to her chest as she stepped into the grocery store and grabbed a shopping cart nearly two weeks later. When December made its appearance in Lancaster County, it brought winter temperatures.
She steered the cart down the aisle with spices as she pulled her shopping list from her pocket. She was looking for cinnamon when she heard someone call her name.
Cindy smiled as Priscilla steered her cart over to her. “Priscilla!” She stepped around her own cart and hugged her. “How are you?”
“I’m well.” Priscilla touched Cindy’s arm. “You look great. How are you?”
“Gut.” Questions swarmed Cindy’s mind. “How are Ethan and Annie and Adam?”
“They’re all great.” Priscilla’s smile was warm. “The zwillingbopplin are getting so big. They’re with mei mamm today because it’s so difficult for me to shop with them.”
Tears filled Cindy’s eyes as she pictured her niece and nephews. “I miss them.”
Priscilla opened her mouth, but then closed it.
“What?” Cindy asked. “Is everyone all right?”
“Ya.” Priscilla’s smile faded. “Laura had her boppli last week.”
“She did?” Disappointment and anger stirred in Cindy’s belly. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“I don’t know.” Priscilla touched Cindy’s arm. “I wanted to, but Mark insisted I shouldn’t.”
The hurt boi
led over, and Cindy wiped away tears. “What did she have?”
“A bu. They named him Allen Junior. Allen is so froh. He finally has his sohn.” Priscilla rubbed Cindy’s arm. “I knew you’d want to know, but you know how it is.”
Pain squeezed at Cindy’s heart, and she tried to breathe past it. Had Gertrude known and not told her? No, she couldn’t believe that. She and Ervin were the one Amish couple who hadn’t treated her as though she were shunned.
“How are you doing? How’s Drew?” Priscilla asked.
“We’re gut.” Cindy tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “I just miss everyone. I thought maybe Dat would reach out to me, but it’s as though I never existed.”
“No.” Priscilla shook her head. “We all miss you. It’s just that we’re bound by the rules of the community. We’ll always love you. You’re our schweschder.” She looked toward the end of the aisle. “I need to go. My driver will be here soon. You take care.”
“Ya. You too. Tell the zwillingbopplin and Ethan that I love them. Mark too.” Cindy hugged her again, and her heart broke. She was missing so much.
* * *
Cindy put the last of the groceries into a cabinet as her conversation with Priscilla rolled through her mind. She’d kept her disappointment and hurt to herself as she and Drew had driven back to the house and as he helped her carry the bags into the house. But the conversation had lingered in the back of her mind, taunting her.
“So.” Drew appeared and leaned on the counter beside her. “It’s my night to cook. What do you want for supper?”
“Whatever you want to make.” Cindy set the container of cinnamon in the cabinet with the rest of the spices.
“Did something happen today?” Drew touched her arm. “You’ve been quiet since we left the grocery store.”
She turned to face him. “I ran into Priscilla there. She told me the family all miss me, but she also said Laura had her baby last week. No one bothered to tell me.” Her lips trembled, but she forced back tears.
“Oh no.” Drew pulled her against his chest and rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry. I had hoped my talk with Jamie would change things.”
“What?” She stepped back from him and stared. “You talked to Jamie?”
“Yeah.” Drew frowned.
“When?”
“The day after Thanksgiving.” He rested his hip against the counter. “I asked him to try to convince your father to at least let some of the family visit you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She searched his eyes for an explanation. “I thought we decided not to keep secrets from each other. You promised me.”
“I’m sorry I kept this from you, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed if my effort didn’t help.” His shoulders hunched. “I’m sorry it didn’t work.” He brightened a bit. “Jamie did say Laura and Mark both talked about you on Thanksgiving. Laura especially missed you. She cried. I should have told you that sooner.”
“She did?” But then she shook her head. “None of this is your fault, and you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m glad I wasn’t completely forgotten that day. But I still don’t understand how they can turn their backs on me. Laura said she wanted me to be part of her baby’s life, but she couldn’t even call me to tell me she and Allen have a son.”
“Come here.” Drew pulled her against him once again. “Laura must feel stuck because of the rules.”
She spoke into his chest. “But she’s my sister. The rules shouldn’t matter to her.”
“I’m sorry your family is still hurting you.” He kissed the top of her prayer covering. “You must wish we’d never married. If I hadn’t proposed to you, you wouldn’t be missing out on things like your new nephew. I ruined your life.” The regret in his voice was palpable.
“No.” She looked up at him. “I never regret that. You’re the greatest blessing in my life.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. “Don’t forget that.”
“I’m so grateful you think so.” Then he pulled her closer for a hug.
* * *
Later that evening, Cindy slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. She pulled the package out of her purse and read the instructions. Then she opened the package and lifted the lid on the commode.
Cindy held her breath as she followed the instructions and then stared down at the stick. When the second blue line appeared, she bit back a squeal. This was the best news she could have!
It would be difficult, but she’d wait to surprise Drew with her news on Christmas Day—the best Christmas gift ever!
twenty-six
Drew looked out from the barn’s double doorway a week later as an Amish woman he didn’t recognize got out of a van and walked up the driveway toward his house. He smiled and waved, and she returned the gesture before mounting the porch steps and knocking on the front door.
When Cindy appeared, he took in her beautiful smile as she welcomed the guest. She was the loveliest woman he’d ever known. Some days he had a difficult time believing she was his wife.
They’d been married for nearly two months, and every day he prayed that God would reveal a way for her family to welcome her back. He longed for the day her father would appear at their door with a smile and a hug for his youngest child, reuniting the Riehl family and making Cindy feel important to them again.
Until then, was his love enough?
* * *
“How are you, Lydia?” Cindy asked the Amish woman as she stepped into her house.
“I’m well.” Lydia smiled. “Were you able to repair my quilt?”
“Ya, of course.” She motioned for Lydia to follow her into her sewing room. “I have it back here. I finished all the stitching and then remade the hem.” She took the lone star–patterned quilt out of her stack of sewing projects and held it up for Lydia to see. “What do you think?”
“Oh, Cindy. You’re still the best seamstress I know. You’re just as gut as your mamm was.” Lydia ran her hand over the quilt.
Cindy’s smile faded at the mention of her mother, but she was grateful for the compliment. “Danki.”
Lydia handed her a stack of bills. “It’s perfect.” She took the quilt and then seemed to study Cindy, her brown eyes making her self-conscious. “You married an Englisher, but you still dress like an Amish person. Why is that?”
Cindy ran her fingers over her apron. “I guess it’s because I’m comfortable in these clothes. Drew said I can dress any way I want, and this is how I choose to dress.”
“If you’re still Amish in your heart, then maybe you should reconsider why you left the church.”
Cindy stared at Lydia, her mouth gaping at her words. What was she saying? That she should leave Drew?
“I saw your schweschder last week. Do you know she had a sohn?”
“I heard.”
“He’s adorable. They named him after his dat.” Lydia tilted her head. “You must miss them so. It had to be difficult to leave them after losing your mamm the way you did.”
“It was.” Cindy suddenly felt as if she’d swallowed a pail full of rusty nails.
“You look as if you long to be Amish, though. That doesn’t make much sense. Why would you marry an Englisher if you consider yourself Amish?”
Cindy opened her mouth to speak, but then she closed it again. What could she say that would make any difference?
“Well, I must be going. My driver has to take me to a few more places. Danki for saving my quilt.” Lydia gave her a little wave. “Take care.”
Cindy followed Lydia to the door and then watched her climb into her driver’s van and leave. Then she put on a sweater and hurried to Gertrude’s house, where she knocked on the back door.
“Hi, Cindy.” Gertrude opened her door wider and unlatched the outer door as well. “How are you?”
“Do you have time to talk?”
“Of course. Come in out of the cold. I just heated water for tea.” Gertrude gestured for her to enter the house.
“I can help
.” Cindy walked into the kitchen and retrieved two mugs from the cabinet where she knew Gertrude kept them, along with sweetener. She was so grateful Gertrude and Ervin treated her the same way they treated Drew. They were risking the bishop’s displeasure if he found out.
Gertrude brought two filled teacups and then a container of cookies to the table, and they both sat down.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Gertrude said before lifting an oatmeal raisin cookie toward her lips.
“I’m expecting,” Cindy said.
“Oh!” Gertrude lowered the cookie and touched her hand. “What a blessing! What did Drew say when you told him?”
“I haven’t told him yet. I want to make it a Christmas surprise since Christmas is only a week away.”
“Oh, that is wunderbaar.” Gertrude placed one palm on her chest. “He will be so froh. I bet he’ll cry. Have you figured out how you’re going to surprise him?”
“I have a few ideas, but I haven’t worked them out yet.”
Gertrude clicked her tongue. “What an exciting time. Your first boppli.”
Cindy looked down at her cup of tea as sadness filled her chest. “I just don’t know how to have a boppli without my family.” Then she shared how Laura hadn’t told her about her baby and how hurt she was to be left out. “I feel so lost sometimes. I love Drew, and I don’t regret marrying him. But being joyful is hard when I can’t share news like this with my family. Even if I tell them, they won’t respond in any meaningful way.”
“Ach, I’m so sorry.” Gertrude shook her head. “You and Drew have Ervin and me. We’re here for you whenever you need someone.”
“Danki.” Cindy sipped her tea as Lydia’s words echoed in her mind. Was Cindy Amish in her heart? If that were true, then why had she never felt ready to be baptized?
“Is there something else you’d like to discuss?” Gertrude asked.
Cindy looked deep into her friend’s eyes. “Do you think it’s narrisch that I still dress Amish even though I married an Englisher?”
Gertrude blinked, and then she lifted another cookie from the container. “I don’t think it’s narrisch, but it is unusual.”