by Amy Clipston
“Do you think it’s wrong that I dress Amish?”
Gertrude’s smile was warm. “Why would I think it’s wrong? If that’s how you feel comfortable, then it’s okay.” She studied Cindy. “Are you doubting yourself?”
She shared what Lydia said to her, and Gertrude waved off the comments.
“Lydia Smoker likes to hear herself talk. Don’t worry about what she says.” Gertrude pushed the container toward Cindy. “Have a kichli before I eat them all.”
* * *
“Merry Christmas.” Drew set a large package wrapped in bright red paper decorated with candy canes in front of Cindy.
“Oh my goodness! Thank you.” She ripped the package open and gasped when she found a large sewing basket, complete with several little storage compartments. “This is perfect!”
“I thought you might like one since you were complaining that you needed to organize your sewing room the other day.” He sat down next to her on the sofa. “But if you don’t like this one, we can take it back and exchange it.”
“I love it!” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” Then she set a small wrapped package in his hand. “This is one of your gifts.” Her heart seemed to flip as he turned the box over in his hand.
“Thank you.” He unwrapped the small box and then took off the lid. A gasp escaped his mouth as he lifted a yellow baby bootie she’d crocheted last week.
He turned to her, his blue eyes wide. “You’re-you’re-you’re—”
“Ya.” She nodded, and he wrapped his arms around her. She laughed as he kissed her all over her face. “I guess this means you’re happy.”
“I’m ecstatic!” He kissed her on the lips and then grinned as he touched her abdomen. “How long have you known?”
“I took a test a week ago, but I had suspected for a while. I think I’m due in late July or early August. I have an appointment with a doctor next week to find out for sure.” She touched his cheek. “Will you go with me?”
“Of course.” He pulled her against his chest. “I’m so happy. I’ve always wanted a family. This is the best Christmas gift ever.”
She rested her cheek against his shoulder as thoughts of her dat and siblings filled her mind. She imagined Laura’s first Christmas with her new son, as well as her other siblings sharing Christmas morning with their children.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Drew’s voice rumbled in his chest as she kept her cheek on his shoulder.
“I want to tell at least Laura about our baby, but I don’t know how. I’m still disappointed and hurt that she hasn’t contacted me, but I miss her anyway.”
He kissed her head. “I know you miss her. Maybe you should try reaching out to your family. Priscilla told you they miss you.”
She pulled away from him. “I don’t know how to do it.”
“We’ll think of a way.” He pulled her against him once again. “Right now, let’s just enjoy each other and our first Christmas together as husband and wife.”
She closed her eyes and breathed in his familiar scent as she imagined her child growing inside of her. She prayed their baby would grow up healthy and happy despite a world without grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles to love. But the thought left her feeling more empty than hopeful.
* * *
Drew stepped into the cold and shivered as he zipped his coat and walked out to the barn to care for the animals. The late December wind sliced through his clothes and bit at his skin.
He hurried into the barn and jumped with a start when he found Ervin standing by the horse stalls.
“Ervin,” he called. “Good morning!”
“Good morning.” Ervin smiled at him. “How was your Christmas yesterday?”
“It was nice.” Warmth spread through Drew as he recalled the romantic day he’d spent with his beautiful wife.
After she shared the news of her pregnancy, they curled up together on the sofa, sipping hot chocolate and opening the rest of their gifts. They spent the remainder of the day snuggling, talking, and planning for their baby. He was so happy he couldn’t stop smiling.
“Maybe more than nice? You look like you had a truly special day.” A grin turned up Ervin’s lips. “I’m glad to see it. The first Christmas is always a special one.”
“It was.” Drew leaned on a horse stall. Cindy said Gertrude had kept her secret since last week, even from Ervin, but there was no reason not to tell him now. “Cindy told me we’re expecting.”
Ervin looked a little taken aback, but then he said, “Really?” Ervin clapped Drew on the back. “That’s wunderbaar news! I’m so froh for you.”
“Thank you so much.” Drew shook his head. “I had hoped it would happen, but I didn’t expect it so quickly. It’s a true blessing.”
“Ya, a baby always is.”
Drew’s smile faltered. “I just hope I can be the father our child needs and deserves.”
Ervin squeezed his shoulder. “We all worry about that, but God leads us. Besides, Cindy will guide you too. Just pray about it.”
Drew looked at Ervin. “I don’t know how we’ll make it without any family, though. It’s just the two of us, and that will be a struggle.”
“You’ll be just fine. Besides, you’re here with us. Gertrude and I can be surrogate grandparents. We’ll help you with anything you need.”
Drew felt his heart swell with appreciation for Ervin. He’d always appreciated Ervin and Gertrude’s kindness toward him. Not only were they his employers, but they had become like family when he needed some most. He admired how they had accepted him even though he wasn’t Amish, and they hadn’t turned their back on Cindy when she married him. But Drew had always wanted an extended family like Jamie and Mark had.
“Thank you.” Drew fingered the door of the stall. “But Cindy’s family means everything to her. Do you think there’s a chance Vernon might change his mind and want to be a part of her life again—especially when he learns about the baby?”
Ervin nodded. “Ya, I do. My son never joined the church, but just in the past few years, Gertrude and I have started talking to him again. It’s taken us a while, but we’re rebuilding our relationship. I believe that, with God, all things are possible. Just keep praying about it.”
“I will.” Drew smiled as renewed hope filled him. “So are you here to help with chores?”
“I am,” Ervin said. “Put me to work.”
twenty-seven
“You really think this will work?” Cindy hated the quaver of fear and longing in her voice as they walked up the path to her father’s house the next day.
“Yes, I do.” Drew pressed his hand to her lower back, and the gesture filled her with much-needed confidence. “How can your father resist a visit if you show up with his favorite pie?”
“Right.” She glanced down at the lemon meringue creation in her hands, the sweet aroma making her stomach gurgle. “This is Mamm’s recipe. His absolute favorite.”
“Like I said, how can he possibly resist?” Drew took her arm, stopping her. “Not just the pie, but you? He hasn’t seen you in two months. He must miss you. You’re his youngest child.” He touched her cheek. “And you’re glowing.”
She felt a blush rising into her cheeks.
“Are you going to tell him?”
She shook her head. “No, we don’t talk about things like that.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why not? It’s the best kind of news.”
“It’s just how our culture is. Pregnancy is private.” She knew Ervin must have felt a little embarrassed when Drew told him they were expecting, but she put that aside and looked up toward the porch. “We should go before I lose my nerve.”
“Right.” He took an exaggerated breath. “Deep breath. You’ve got this. I believe in you.”
“Thank you.” Her heart swelled with love for her husband. “You always have faith in me.”
“That’s my job.” He pointed toward the door. “Now go.”
Cindy plastered a nervous smile
on her face as she climbed the back steps and reached for the doorknob.
Then she stopped. She didn’t live in this house anymore, and she’d been all but shunned. Did she have the right to simply walk in like a member of the family? She froze in place as confusion surfaced.
“What’s wrong?” Drew stood at the bottom of the steps.
“I’m not sure if I should knock or just walk in.” She held up the pie. “What should I do?”
“Well, why don’t you—”
The back door opened, and Sarah Jane appeared, her brow furrowed. “Cindy? What are you doing here?”
“I have a gift for mei dat.” Cindy held up the pie. “Is he home?”
“Ya.” Sarah Jane looked past Cindy and then disappeared into the mudroom.
Cindy tapped her foot and glanced across the pasture toward Jamie’s house. Were Calvin and Alice playing in the family room? Had they grown taller since she last saw them? Was Alice talking yet?
“Cindy?” Dat cracked open the storm door. He seemed older somehow, with more lines on his forehead and around his eyes. Had her leaving aged him?
“I brought you a gift.” She held out the pie. “It’s lemon meringue. It’s Mamm’s recipe, your favorite.”
Dat looked down at the pie and then up at her again. His blue eyes seemed to hold confusion and pain.
“It’s for you.” She nodded to the pie. “Please take it.” She held her breath as her heart started to crack. Please, please take the pie. Please forgive me. Please love me. Please tell me I’m still your daughter.
Holding the door open with one foot, Dat reached for the pie and took it into his hands. “Danki. But why did you bake this for me?”
“Because I miss you.” Her voice sounded foreign to her—too high and shaky. “I’ve been thinking of you, and Drew thought it would be nice if I brought you something you’d like.”
Dat looked past her, and his eyes narrowed.
“Hi, Vernon.” Drew spoke boldly despite her father’s murderous glare.
“Could we come in and visit for a while?” Cindy asked. “We won’t stay long.”
Dat looked at her again, and his glare softened. “I don’t think that’s a gut idea.”
“Why not?” She heard desperation seep into her voice.
“You know why not, Cindy.” Dat sighed as if the weight of the world sat on his shoulders. “You chose to leave and marry an outsider.”
“We haven’t spoken in two months,” she pleaded with him. “Don’t you miss me?”
“You should go,” Dat said. “Danki for the pie.”
“I’m your dochder, your youngest kind. How can you send me away like I’m an outsider?”
“You are an outsider now, Cindy.” Dat looked past her. “Ever since you married him. You knew this would happen, but you did it anyway. And it did no good for your husband to ask Jamie to convince me to break our rules. Good-bye.”
Dat started to close the door, and she stuck her foot between it and the doorframe.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me Laura had her boppli?” she demanded. “Didn’t anyone think I’d want to know?”
“You left, Cindy,” Dat said.
“But I’m still your dochder and Laura’s schweschder.” Her voice rose. “I missed you on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don’t I matter? Don’t you wonder if I’m well? I’m right next door.” She pointed toward the Lapps’ farm. I’m not in Europe or Africa. You could come see how I am. Don’t you care at all?”
Dat’s expression remained stony, but she spotted a flicker of emotion in his eyes.
She forced words past the thickness expanding in her throat. “What would Mamm say if she knew how you’re treating me?”
When she felt hands on her shoulders, she jumped.
“That’s enough.” Drew’s voice was calm and soothing next to her ear. “You’re getting too upset. We should go.”
She looked up at her husband. “But I need to tell him how I feel.”
“This was a mistake, and I’m sorry.” Drew looked at Dat. “Someday you’re going to realize you’ve made a huge mistake, Vernon, and it might be too late to repair your relationship with your youngest child.” He steered Cindy down the porch steps and toward his truck. “We need to go.”
Cindy climbed into the passenger seat and covered her face with her hands as tears burned behind her eyelids.
“I’m so sorry. My expectations were too high.” Drew touched her arm. “Why don’t we go see Priscilla? She’s always been nice to you.”
Cindy pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose. “I don’t think I could take another rejection today.”
“Priscilla is different.” He turned the key, and the truck roared to life. “Let’s give her and Mark a chance to talk to us.” He asked Cindy how to get to her brother’s house, and she gave him directions.
Ten minutes later, they pulled into the driveway, and when the Allgyer’s Belgian and Dutch Harness Horses sign came into view, her stomach dropped. What if Mark and Priscilla sent her away too? Priscilla might have changed her mind about visits like this—or Mark might have changed it for her.
She choked back a sob.
Drew drove his truck up the driveway and stopped by the path that led to the house Mark built last year. Although he and Priscilla had started their marriage living in the two-bedroom daadihaus on her father’s property, Mark had saved enough money to build her a two-story, five-bedroom brick house with a sweeping porch and a spacious kitchen.
Priscilla told Cindy she would’ve been happy in a small home, but Mark was determined to give Priscilla only the best. Cindy suspected they would fill the home with more children and a lot of love.
“Let’s go see your brother,” Drew said as he pushed his door open.
Cindy watched him start up the path with determination. She climbed out of the truck and caught up with him at the front door, where Drew knocked.
The door swung open, and Priscilla appeared with Ethan standing behind her. “Cindy. Drew. How are you?”
“Hi, Aenti Cindy!” Ethan pushed open the storm door and joined them on the porch. He gave her a hug that warmed the coldness in her chest.
“It’s so gut to see you, Ethan,” Cindy said before looking at Priscilla. “Did you mean it when you said Drew and I would always receive a welcome at your door?”
“Of course.” Priscilla took a step back and gestured for them to come in. “It’s so gut to see you.”
Drew stepped into the foyer and glanced around the large family room. “Wow. This house is amazing.”
“Thank you.” Priscilla seemed a little sheepish. “Mark designed it.”
Mark came around the corner, and his blue eyes widened. “Cindy. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see family, and Priscilla told me Drew and I would always be welcome in your home.” Cindy placed her hand on Drew’s arm. “Are you going to throw us out?”
“No.” Priscilla’s voice was almost forceful. “You’re family, and you’re welcome here.”
“Right.” Mark nodded, and his Adam’s apple bobbed.
Cindy let out a breath in relief.
“Come into the kitchen, and I’ll make some tea.” Priscilla turned to Ethan. “Would you please grab that chocolate cake I baked yesterday?”
“Ya, Mamm.” Ethan left the room.
“Mark.” Drew turned to her brother. “Could I speak to you alone?”
Mark pointed toward the front door. “We could walk outside.”
“Perfect.” Drew touched Cindy’s arm. “I’ll be back.” He leaned down. “Everything will be fine. I promise you.” Then he kissed her cheek before heading outside with Mark, who’d lifted a coat from a hook by the door.
Cindy stepped into the kitchen, where Priscilla placed the kettle on the burner and Ethan set a chocolate cake on the table.
Priscilla turned to Ethan. “Would you please go check on the zwillingbopplin and then go read a book in your room? I need to talk
to your aenti in private.”
“Ya.” Ethan touched Cindy’s hand. “See you soon, Aenti Cindy.”
Cindy’s heart seemed to turn over in her chest. “Bye for now, Ethan.”
Then her nephew disappeared, and soon his footfalls echoed in the stairwell.
“He’s such a gut bu,” Cindy said.
“I know.” Priscilla smiled. “I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s a tremendous help with the zwillingbopplin.” She pointed to the table. “Have a seat. I’ll bring our tea.”
“Do you want help?”
“No.” Priscilla waved off the suggestion and took two mugs and some tea bags from a cabinet. “Tell me what brought you here today out of the blue.”
“I’ve missed you all so much, so Drew suggested I try visiting mei dat. I baked his favorite pie and took it to him just before we came here.” Cindy took a deep, shuddering breath. “He took the pie, but he refused to invite me in or visit with me. I was so upset that Drew suggested we come here. You’ve been so supportive of me through all of this.”
“Ach. I’m so sorry.” Priscilla shook her head. “I know your dat hurt you.”
“He broke my heart.”
The kettle whistled, and Priscilla poured water into the cups and then carried them to the table. She retrieved a knife, two forks, and two plates before bringing them to the table as well. Then she cut two pieces of cake.
They ate in continued silence for a few moments, but when Cindy felt her emotions bubble up, they came rushing out.
“I told Dat I missed all of you on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I asked him if I mattered. He didn’t answer. I can’t tell you how much that hurts.” Cindy stared down at the cake. “What I didn’t tell him is that I’m expecting, due in late July or early August.”
“Oh, Cindy.” Priscilla clapped her hands. “What a blessing.”
“Danki.” Cindy looked at her. “I wish my other family members could celebrate with me too.”
Priscilla clicked her tongue. “I’ll work on Mark. Maybe I can talk him into speaking to Jamie and Laura.”
“Drew told me he spoke to Jamie the day after Thanksgiving. He was upset that no one had come to see me since our wedding, and Jamie agreed to try talking to Dat. But Drew’s efforts didn’t change anything. That was obvious when Dat rejected me today and made it clear Jamie had failed.”