Crown and Anchor Series: Book 1-4

by Kerri Ann

  Close enough to see him through the flames that licked his fireproof suit, the visor shattered at the one corner, allowing me to see him. His eyes were sallow, slow in movement, and sorrowful. He knew I could see him dying, and I knew he was barely alive. It was during his final breaths before the fire consumed him that I was dying right alongside him. Falling to my knees on the track, watching as the dying light cast a shadow over his features, he passed away. My heart shattered, my soul crushed, and my will to move was erased. Waking up in a sweat repeatedly, I couldn’t bother looking at the track the same anymore.

  They’d told me he died on impact, that his neck had snapped, but I know better than all of them as I saw it in my dreams. That’s what scares me. No, what scars me.

  My soul had made an abrupt U-turn to the paddocks the day he was placed in the bricks at Indianapolis, and I’ve been afraid for what came next. Only months have passed, but it feels so raw. I haven’t dealt at all with his death, with Mom’s, or with Wyatt and Circe’s crash. Nor, of course, have I dealt properly with my stupid incarceration. I didn’t want to take responsibility for the actions I took when dealing with my rebellion, which, of course, is what put me in my current predicament.

  Blaming Risen was wrong. I shouldn’t be blaming Risen for the issues I created. I’m the one that has to deal with things, and honestly, I haven’t. Will I? Sure. At some point, I’ll have a come to Jesus meeting in my head, but right now? Nope. For now, I’ll still avoid and hope that everything works out. Sure, I may not have had a relationship worth caring for with my mother, and I may have taken advantage of the love I was given from my father, but I’ll chalk it up to being young, stupid, and reckless.

  I loved my dad with everything I had. It still feels wrong that he won’t come through the door to tell me to get my ass on the track with a mile-wide smile and a helmet hanging from his fingers. Every ounce of his love I felt whenever he’d help me, train me, or would teach me a new trick. It may not make sense to anyone else, but to me, that was his greatest form of love, showing me how to be a great achiever. And how am I repaying that wealth of knowledge? I’m avoiding the one thing he taught me, and that’s to love unconditionally.

  I’m being a fucking pussy.

  “Get the fuck up on that bike, Doll.” Expecting a glorious and epiphanic answer, nothing falls from the sky. There’s no great meteor of amazingness. There’s nothing. It feels like nothing will put this Humpty Dumpty back together again.

  My soul is split. The insides are torn down, leaving bare edges that are susceptible to frequent bouts of despair and self-pity for letting this get the better of me.

  I’ve never been the pussy ass girl that cries, wails, or becomes wrapped up in emotions. As tears pull at my lashes, I wipe them away dramatically. I just can’t get a handle on things.

  “When did I become afraid?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know,” Risen remarks from behind me in a tone that freaks me out, but also turns my ‘fuck you’ into overdrive.

  Harrumphing a few times, pushing tears away from the edges of my vision, and sucking back on my good old Californian pride, I raise my ass up off the ground and face off with the man who seems to have enough balls to test a pissed off woman.

  “Did no one ever tell you it’s rude to sneak up on people? Or to intrude on a private moment?”

  An enigmatic smile crests his features, and I feel bad for the way I’ve attacked him. “Yeah, probably. But I was never one for following the rules of etiquette.”

  With a comment like that, how do you stay mad? Turning from him as he sits on the steps, I stare out at the elusive blacktop. “Risen, I’m okay, really. I don’t need you.”

  “Didn’t you notice already, I get you don’t need me, you big, tough girl, but I like being here. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I think I’m really good at taking on lost causes that have nothing to do with me.”

  Fucker. “What I mean is, why are you out here chasing me down? Not, why are you here in general? That’s been assumed after seeing your mug living here for three whole weeks.”

  “I didn’t see you denying the attention last night, China, or this afternoon. So what’s the issue right now? Is it that I see you?”

  I ponder that. There’s not much I can say that won’t ask for further conversation. The last thing I was looking for was conversation. “I was alone for a reason.”

  Sitting beside me and turning my face toward him, he says, “Because no one else can.”

  Shit, he did read it right. “Yeah.” I deflate, and feel a fuck ton worse for the self-deprecating pity party. “Does that seem wrong to you? That I feel better alone, because I am alone?”

  He huffs a frustrated breath and lays his hands back on the step behind him, so he can lean back to absorb the sun’s warmth. “Maybe. Or maybe, I understand you way better than you think. Maybe, just maybe, I think you don’t want to be alone. That being out here has you feeling more together than it did inside that house and that possibly, it makes you feel closer to them when they’re gone.”

  “You know you suck at this, right?”

  With a shrug of his shoulders, Risen leans back so that his elbows lay flat. He looks up at me with a shit-eating grin. “I don’t suck at it, Doll. That’s the reason you’re mad at me.” Raising up, he leans in close, breathing on my neck, leaving little nips on my ear as he whispers, “I get you.”

  Leaning against his shoulder, I accept the touch. With the fire he pulls from me, I forget about the sadness that was attempting to grab hold of me. “China, the track is you, and you’re a part of it. Staying away from it is only going to hurt you.”

  A lone tear attempts to escape. I suck in the air to keep it at bay. “You see me better than anyone.”

  “I’m here, and even though others can’t be, I’ll try to help.” Pulling the edge of my tank top down, Risen puckers the skin of my shoulder between his teeth, pulling it between his lips, then flicking his tongue across the skin before pulling it tight again.

  Moaning, I laugh to myself. “Is this supposed to be how you help.”

  “If I have to.”

  “Mmm, I don’t know if we should be doing this out here. Someone might see us.”

  “We just justified there is no one. Let me make you feel better.” Jesus. What I wouldn’t give for him to completely let me get lost in my own head as he lights my insides on fire. But we shouldn’t.

  “We need to stop. Risen, we really need to stop this.” Lifting off the stair, I straighten out my shirt. I need to move away.

  The pout on his face seems so out of place because I know he doesn’t mean it. He’s not disappointed, he’s enticed. “So, what’s the plan then, China? Care to show me your paddock?” With a wiggle of his eyebrows, I know it’s trouble, no matter how I answer.

  “How about I show you the garage where the bikes are, and we’ll start off lightly on what you think you know about me.”

  His answer is nonchalant, and his smile is mischievous. Rising to join me, he stands, and danger lights his features. I’m excited.

  Brushing off his shorts, he reaches out, asking for my hand. “Care to lead the way, Miss Crown?”

  “Mr. Mason,” I respond, falling in step beside him.

  RISEN

  I’ve been a great guest. Damn, I think I’ve been amazing. I’ve stayed to the sections of the house and surrounding grounds that avoided anything to do with the Crown racing teams, her recovering brother, her father and mother’s deaths, and all points in-between. I think I avoided it better as the days went on too. Well, up until I decided to help pack up her Dad’s office.

  Cassidy had stated once in-between meals that Wyatt and his mother had been clearing it the day of their crash. I thought if I helped finish it up, that it would be one less thing for China, Wyatt, and their brother, Jamieson, to deal with. It would have been one less problematically emotional or tumultuous event to deal with, or so I thought stupidly. I only cared to help, not to be a hindran
ce or an obstacle.

  Last week, China showed me the various pieces of her father’s tossed rides, Casper’s custom metal that sits gathering dust, and her race bikes that itch to hit the pavement. It took quite a bit to get her out there, and I was anticipating it like the first time I had a real Christmas under the tree. China was tense, dreading every inch as we approached. The first day was hard. The memories clawed at her and I watched as she petted the metal. Caressing it like an old friend, you could see in the way she unclenched her teeth, and the way her ridged spine relaxed that she was finding this a balm to her soul. Iron has been bred into her bones, and leaving it for as long as she did caused her to tighten up.

  Every day for the past week, she’s dragged her ass out here to work on Harriet. We’ve driven into town a few times to grab the rest of her parts from Creaper, and I’ve attempted to relax her in any way I can. Sex has been helpful and plentiful. She’s voracious in her need, of which I’ve had a hard time denying.

  Meeting her brother and his girlfriend, Circe, earlier in the week, gave her a bit more of a release. It’s easy to see that China and Wyatt are kindred souls. His body is still busted up pretty bad, but you can see his spirits lifting every time we stop by for a visit. The coffee and takeout lunches never hurt either. I was glad to do it for her. He and I knew each other before this through Trellis Anchor, and the one time Doll went out with Circe to physio, the two of us chatted about things. There was a miscommunication about the circumstances surrounding the fallout between me and Trellis, but I explained as much as I could to Wyatt. We’d found a point of understanding.

  Her girls have been around quite a bit too, helping to lighten her mood with talks of the party that’s happening tomorrow night. They arranged every single detail, making sure she’s spent as much time working on the bike as possible. Harlow and I have talked about it a few times, and we understand that her fixing it up is a way to cope with the loss of something she can’t repair; her family. Out of all her friends, Harlow’s the one I find the most entertaining. Her humor, not unlike Tiana’s, her sarcasm, and her lightness that causes Cathryne further stress is exciting to watch. Now, Tiana, that’s another story. With my suspension, she’s not replied to one call or text. I guess friendship didn’t mean as much as her family and the job. Moving past it, I’ve dealt with what I can fix. And that is my own predicament.

  Today, the house has been hopping, preparing for the soiree of the century. At least, that’s what Hallette called it. The house is constantly buzzing with everyone hustling and bustling about. Trevor has popped over a few times for beers, and as we watched football, he’s caught me up about the precinct and moosebrains Riggs. My reinstatement has a running tally, that fat Charlie is winning so far. Myself, I’m doubting my return, not because I won’t be allowed, but because I’m not feeling it anymore. Now that I’ve been away, I realized it’s not what I really want. Or maybe I just need a reason to love it still, and I don’t.

  RISEN

  Doll is spectacular tonight. Her black blown on leather pants, soft white, open back halter, and sexy as fuck pumps make me want to take her on the table. But not just yet.

  Trailing fingers up and down her neckline, I tease the nape where her soft hair meets strong muscles. Nipping the cords at her neck, pulling her long dark hair into a loose tail, I feel her soften. We’ve spent a great deal of time together, thrust that way because of the courts, but it’s brought out something I never thought would happen. I feel for her. Not in a desperate, I feel bad for her sadness or loss kind of way. I need her to breathe. When this is over, I don’t know if I could leave without a part of me being left behind.

  The party is in full swing, the Crown house is packed. Standing beside her as she talks to some so and so, China lights up, talking about Harriet. She’s worked diligently on that bike, spending every waking hour on it and it’s done.

  I’m excited to see it. China’s excited to show me, and I want to race her ass badly. I’ve stayed out of the garage for the past twenty-four hours as she finished it off, giving her space to enjoy the accomplishment alone.

  “Will you race me tonight after the party? I’ll ride you after.”

  Laughing halfheartedly, she melts into my touch. “Risen, you keep doing that and I won’t be riding the bike for a week.” Walking in step with me at first, China’s steps have shortened as we get closer to the shed. “I have to say, you were unexpected, but I’m glad.”

  “Me too.” Stopping our pace, she turns toward me. “Even if I didn’t have this as a job, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Princess.” Watching her, I’m hoping for a response, so I wait.

  “Thank you, Ri. I was afraid. You pushed me to work on the bike, dealing with my grief in a way I wasn’t. It’s not that I was fearful of riding. I’ve been afraid of the ghosts that roam here. Dad’s, Mom’s, and even to a point those of Wyatt’s that chase me. Until he returns, it feels like I’m riding over the damaged souls that pummel the pavement.”

  Watching tears threaten that sexy face, I can’t be held responsible for what I do next. Pulling her tight and lifting her up, I set her beautiful ass on the cement stanchion of the track. Kissing her forehead, hugging her tight, we laugh as she grips me around the waist. Exploring the skin just above her ass, she breathes deep. I feel her relax into my touch.

  “Risen, I’ve never had sex on the track, and no one can see us behind the barrier. What do you think?”

  Kissing her, as if it’s the last thing I’ll ever do, our tongues meld, vying for the internal war we wage. Pulling her hair tighter, I bring her close enough that more of our skin touches than isn’t. I feel her groan and shudder, and I relish the way she melts into me. Reaching down inside her pants, gripping her ass, her skin shivers. Pulling tightly on my shirt, dragging me closer, she reaches for the button of my jeans as I anticipate the contact.

  That’s until a roaring voice rings out, breaking our heated moment. “China!” Turning from me quickly, she steps away abruptly, looking like she’s been caught with her hands in a cookie jar.

  Watching as the hulking mass pounds down the back steps, missing two at a time, Trellis walks with devilish intent, flying through the partygoers. Fuck, I see this going wrong. The last thing I want to do is fight at the Crown house during her birthday celebration. With every passing step, though, it feels inevitable. This fight between me and Tre has been coming for a while. Seeing him at the show that night reminded me of how we’d left things in the past; we never fixed them.

  Scowling at me, reaching for Doll to pull her away, Trellis stares me down, daring me to do something. Fuck it, I might as well be an asshole and start this off right. “Trellis. Great to see you,” I say, super cheery.

  “Step away from her, Mason.”

  “What’s wrong, Tre?” Facing off, China quizzes him while pulling herself in closer to my chest.

  “Mason. I won’t be asking again, asshole. Get back.” I don’t take orders well on a regular day, and now that an Anchor is telling me to do something, there’s no fucking way I’m moving. We may have a history, but China has nothing to do with that. He’s about to start something he doesn’t want to finish.

  “You know, I’ve had about enough of everyone telling me what to do,” China states very emphatically. Not needing to look down, I know she’s tensing at this show of dick sizing.

  Trellis is only a few feet from me, held in place by China’s petite hand. At this point, if he moves closer, I might just take that swing he deserves.

  “Doll, I told you to keep your distance from this guy, and you’re cuddled right up?”

  I’m pissed. He had the gall to tell China to stay away, from me? “What’s your problem, Anchor?”

  “Mason, you know why I don’t want her near you. Back the fuck off.”

  “Watch it, Anchor.”

  “Why, officer? Your job has nothing to do with fucking the person in your care.”

  “If you knew the truth, you know things would’ve been
different, brother.”

  “No, it wouldn’t have been. You lied, and everything happened because of you!” Spitting the verbal diarrhea that is total bullshit, I glare at someone I thought was a friend once.

  “You fuckin’ kidding me? Get over yourself, Tre. That was fucking five years ago, and you’re still not over fuckin—”

  “Don’t say her name! You don’t have the right to say it.” Fucking prick wants to hang that shit over me forever? Screw that.

  Flames are visible in Trellis’ eyes, and mine probably look the same. I see us going toe-to-toe any moment now, and poor China has no idea what she’s involved in. It’s not her fault or problem.

  “Fuck you, Trellis fucking Anchor. You’re no knight in shining armor. Your wings are fuckin’ blacker than mine. At least China knows my past, asshole.” Thank fuck I told her about it. Well, some of it. She knows about the gang, what I did for them, and who I was. I highly fucking doubt he’s told her shit about what dirty crap he and the perfect Anchor’s are in to.

  “Boy, oh boy. I thought I had fun with my brothers. You two take the cake. I’m not a pretty bauble to argue over, so please back the fuck up, Trellis.” Pushing against his chest, she then turns to me. “And you. Back it down, Officer.”

  The two of us back away from China before we crush her in testosterone. But one more word from him, and I’m settling this once and for all. Being the bigger man will take ounces of patience I don’t have today for Trellis. But I’ll try to talk myself out of knocking his block off, for her.

  “China, I’m sorry, but I just can’t see you fucking around with this lying piece of shit. Mason’s no angel. There are dark fuckin’ devils residing in that soul.”

  “Screw you, Anchor.”