“Fuck, baby, you want me, don’t you?” I purr in her ear, enjoying the way she shivers and writhes on the bed as I plunge two, then three fingers into her.
“Julian, oh!” she gasps, her eyes coming alive, yet they’re dilated with lust. I bite down on her nipples over her shirt, and she gasps, almost jumping off the bed. I increase the tempo, fucking her pussy faster, biting the other nipple down hard.
“Oh God,” she cries. “Please, Julian.”
“Shh, baby. I know what you need,” I groan in her ear. She clutches my hair, pulling at it with a death grip. “I’m going to give it to you.”
“Please,” she pants.
“I want you to look at me when you come,” I demand, the urgency in my voice too acute to dismiss. I need to be inside her, so I unbutton my jeans with one hand, fucking her with the other. “I’m it for you, is that clear?”
“Julian…”
“Tell me you fucking understand that you’re mine,” I growl, taking myself out. I start stroking myself, pre-cum leaking at the head. “Say it, Mia.”
“I’m yours,” she cries, and I fuck her harder, hitting her sweet spot each time and watch as she goes over with a soft moan of my name, her leg shaking. “God, I’m yours.”
“Good,” I say, totally done with patience for the rest of my life. “Now get ready for me, Little Minx because I only had one taste of you before, and I’ve been fucking starved since.”
She visibly shudders right in front of me, her pants and moans getting louder. “I’m not going to be gentle or slow. I’m not even sure if I’m going to last, but I need to be inside you.”
It’s the most honest I’ve ever been in my fucking life. She does that to me, turn me inside out and now, I feel like this is my fucking first time. Like an overeager thirteen-year-old.
“Then what are you waiting for?” she whispers seductively, baiting me, taunting me and I realize, she wants me to fuck her hard.
I quickly step out of my jeans, grab a condom from my wallet and rip it open. She’s not even fully naked, hell, her t-shirt is still on, but I can’t wait any longer.
I need her too much, the whole finesse thing will just have to wait for another hour, not now.
She tugs at her joggers, managing to get one of her legs out before I settle in between her legs, wild and out of control. Driven by my need for her, to be in her, to come inside her and make sure she knows who she belongs to.
“Tell me you fucking want me,” I groan. “Tell me you need me inside you, baby.”
“I want you, Julian,” she moans as I start eating her out. With Mia, her taste is everything! Her sweet juices on my tongue is a full course meal. I especially love it when she doesn’t know how to handle all the pleasure coming at her when I plunge my tongue in her pussy while pinching her clit all at the same time. So, I do just that.
“Oh God!” She tugs my hair harder. “No, Julian I can’t.”
Yes, she can, and she will, but I’m not stopping my feast just to tell her that shit. She’ll just have to take the practical proof of it all. I eat her out faster, feeling when she’s close. I want her to ride my face and she doesn’t disappoint.
“Shit, shit, Julian! I’m going to…”
“Come,” I demand, humming over her clit and she screams.
Her screams spur me on, as I rub her clit in circles, wanting her to come harder and she does.
When I look up at her face, there are tears in her eyes, looking up at me with an awed look that makes me smirk.
Yeah, she’s so fucking mine.
“Now you’re good and ready,” I groan, stroking myself, then in one move I plunge deep into her, both our mouths falling open on a silent gasp.
Fuck, she’s so tight and hot.
“Fuck,” I hiss, staring down into her blues that make me feel like I’m drowning in the bluest waters. “You, Mia. It’s you, baby.”
“Julian,” she moans, her legs wrapping around and locking at the small of my back. “Please.”
I want this to last but there’s no chance in hell it will. The desperation clawing at both of us is too raw, to wild to tame. When I start pounding into her like a man out of control, she rakes my back, her nails biting into the flesh, spurring me on.
I lean down to kiss her, drowning her moans and then bite her bottom lip and feel her clench around me.
“Fuck it, Mia,” I growl and she does it again, making me fuck her harder.
If this was another time, I would have been pissed at the way I’m letting her see that she makes me lose control, but now isn’t the time. I’m too far gone for that shit.
I bite her neck, sucking, laving, then kiss her sweet lips, feeling the way she clenches around me.
“You’re mine!” I growl, my blood racing. “You’re fucking mine, Mia! I won’t let you leave me again.”
“Yes,” she moans, her greedy pussy clenching and I know she’s right there. The roughness of my possession might make her sore tomorrow, but for now, I’ll settle for making her come again.
With a. long guttural groan that rips through me from out of nowhere, I start coming. In that moment, Mia grabs my face in her hands, forcing me to look down at her as I pump my seed inside her.
“Look at me as you come,” she says and fuck, I start coming harder, spurring her own release. She clenches down hard, her legs starting to shake at the small of my back. I hold her to me as we climax, feeling every tremor, every shake, every damn thing that’s happening inside her.
“Fuck, I’m always half-crazy with wanting you but this,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to lose control like this.”
She holds me to her, running her hand through my hair. “
That’s what I needed, Julian. I’m not too proud to say I needed the reassurance in your need for me.”
Is it crazy that I needed this reassurance too? That her acceptance of me will determine where we go from here? I guess when she’s the one person who can arouse my demons, she’s also the one who can tame them.
16
She clings to me like that for a while. I’m in no particular rush anyway. I like the feel of her in my arms, the smell of carnal sex in the room. I like the way she fits there, like she was always supposed to be there.
I like that my heart calms down and races all at the same time when she’s near and now, I get to maybe rescue my pride, which would be tricky seeing as I basically suicided it the last time I saw her.
“Tell me,” I whisper in her ear, but she trembles and holds on to me even tighter. “What happened, baby? Why did you run that night?”
She’s silent for a while as her heart starts thundering, beating against my chest. She goes to pull back, so I let her, easing my almost smothering grip on her so she feels less restricted.
“I have no idea where to begin and frankly, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be here with you right now.”
“Come on, Little Minx, you know that’s bullshit, right?”
“Is it though?” she scoffs, now putting distance between us as she fixes her clothes, dressing in just one move. “Am I crazy to think that you and your family can’t be trusted?”
“No, of course you’re not crazy. I can’t even trust my own family. Not fully at least,” I mutter, then get up from the bed, grab my jeans from the floor and tug them on.
I start looking around the room for my shoes. I have no idea at which point I kicked them off, but I need to make myself busy, because by God, if I just sit there and talk, with my dick out after I just fucking lost it with her, I’ll be asking for torment that I don’t need in my head.
She stares at me like she still doesn’t know what to make of everything, like she’s still on the fence about something.
“Shit, Mia stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you have no idea what to make of me,” I growl, wanting her to see me. Just me. You’re looking at me like I’m a stranger to you when you know better.”
“My God, Ju
lian, I don’t know any better!”
“What the fuck does that even mean?” I spread my hands out wide. “It’s me! I’m here for you and if you’re still thinking that I’m somehow aligned to the shit my father was doing then I’ll repeat myself again, to ease your unhealthy insecurities, Mia. I’m not my father. I didn’t know what he was doing.”
“You didn’t know,” she mutters, repeating after me, a frown on her face. “How is it that you didn’t know, when I saw at the police station that you knew?”
“Mia—”
“The truth, Julian,” she whispers, cutting me off as she gets up from the bed and struts to the opposite side of the room, watching me like one would a serial criminal. “I’d like to hear the truth.”
“And here I was thinking that’s what we have between us,” I bite out, that anger coming back again. I hate how she can sometimes be so cavalier about all this, so cavalier about me. “It’s not like you’ve ever lied about the way you feel about me, even in hate.”
Our eyes meet and hold. I watch as her shoulders ease, allowing herself to calm down.
“Okay,” she sighs, taking a deep breath. “Let’s talk.” She tugs at her sleeves like she’s been doing since the moment I discovered that she had exchanged her first-class ticket with some lady from coach.
“First of all, I had nothing to do with what dad was doing and honestly Mia, he really wasn’t going after you.”
“Then who was he going after?”
I swallow, this is the moment where we air everything out. This might go very well, or it might blow up in our faces.
“Your father,” I mutter. She’s silent for a few seconds, then she nods.
“You mean your father’s brother?”
Well then. Here goes nothing but pain.
“You know?”
“It’s a long story.”
“We have nine hours and twenty minutes to talk about everything, Mia, neither one of us is getting off this damn plane with secrets,” I state matter-of-factly. I’m tired of secrets and shit that only serves to make her either run from me or distrust me.
She swallows, her eyes shifting to the floor then back up again to look at me, but that rigid posture is back.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“From wherever you want.”
She nods, looking away for a second, as if she’s trying to gather her thoughts.
“I killed my Nancy.”
Holy shit. This wasn’t at all what I was expecting her to say, but as the tears well up in her eyes, her frame trembling hard, I want to walk toward her and hold her, but I know she doesn’t need that right now.
“Okay,” I mutter. “Tell me why you say that.”
“I…” she stutters, then clears her throat to start again. “After the shitshow at the police station, I knew everyone was looking for me, so I hid in some old building close to my ballet school. It was later that I decided to go back to your house and get Nancy because I thought she was in trouble.”
Ah shit. I see where this is going.
“But, I got home and your sweet, saintly mother was waiting for me. And she told me some things that messed me up.”
“Please, don’t ever call her that,” I grit out, and she almost gasps when she looks into my eyes only to be met by an icy coldness I can’t control. “What did she say to you?”
“She told me that her marriage to your father was a business deal,” she starts, staring at me like she’s fishing for something, some kind of acknowledgement of my knowledge to that shit.
“Yeah, I found out that too a few days ago, after you left.”
She breathes out deeply, then stands up straight.
“God, Julian, she tried to apologize about everything she did to me, everything she said, then she told me I reminded her of herself when she was my age.”
Fuck.
“How so?” I question, though it’s like shooting myself in the foot.
“I’m still not sure what she meant. It doesn’t make any sense to me but she did say that I was like her in that she was in love with John when John wasn’t in love with her at all, yet he married her because he had no choice in the matter.”
Fuck. I’m truly and utterly fucked. Do I tell her what dad told me? Do I tell her about my fucking future that I still don’t know how to correct and make right? But as I think that, Mia takes a step toward me, her eyes holding mine, demanding the truth.
Shit.
“She also told me that the whole marriage shit was part of the Fitzgerald legacy and there was no way out of it.”
I stare at her, my jaw locked and ticking. I clench and unclench my fists, trying my best to stay composed, when I can see the pain in her eyes.
“Did you know about that?” she whispers. I can literally hear her begging me to tell her what she wants to hear but what good would that do? If I had a guarantee that lying to her would really work in my favor, then I would tell her what she wants to hear. But I’m still an asshole.
“Yes,” I murmur. “I know.”
She gasps, tugging the sleeves of her shirt furiously, like a nervous tic she developed overnight.
“She also said that you…” she trails off, but then forces herself to continue. She said that you also have your own contract that’s ready. That you’re going to marry someone else.”
If someone busts through those doors and shoots me straight in my heart, it wouldn’t hurt me as much as the look on her face. I clench my jaw, not wanting to take that final step.
“Is it true, Julian?” she cries, tears glistening in her eyes, hugging herself as if to protect herself against me. “Answer me, damn you.”
“Yes… it’s true.”
Silence.
“Well then,” she whispers. “Anyway, let’s move on. She also told me…”
“Let’s move on?” I cut her off, feeling that anger coming back to bite me in the ass. How stupid was I to think that kissing her, holding her, seeing her at the very least, would tame that shit load of anger? “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”
“Julian…” she starts, but I can’t just stand hear and listen to her dismiss this like that.
“You find out that there’s a fucked-up marriage contract with my name on it and some girl and all you have to say to that is, ‘well, then’?”
“What the hell do you expect me to say to that?” she cries. “I told you there is no you and me. This is never going to work. You were never mine.”
“What the hell? You’re saying that everything’s a done deal. Like it will take a move of God to change shit.”
“Your bitch ass mother told me that there is no going back on those contracts and as you just confirmed, you knew it too, so, what should I be fighting for here?”
“Fight for me!” I seethe. “Fight for fucking me, Mia!” I’m literally vibrating with anger and so much tension, I can hardly move. Why can’t she see how I feel about her? “I would go to war for you, slay fucking giants for you, condemn this fucked up world to hell for you if I have to and you just stand there like I don’t mean anything to you.”
Jesus, this girl…
“Oh my God, Julian!” she cries now. “I’m messed up right now. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m broken. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think, I’m freaking lost! I’m fucking lost.”
She pounds at her chest as she says that, the look on her face sop raw, it breaks me apart some more.
“I lost people, Julian! I’ve been lied to. I’ve been hurt a million times over in the last few days and you…” She points at me, tears streaming down her face, her voice trailing off. “I can stand here and recount you every conversation we’ve ever had. I can tell you every word you shouted in my face that night on the beach. You said my heart is corroded and you were right!”
“Mia…”
“No, you tell me, Julian. Tell me, after finding out that the one guy who puts the entire universe into perspective for me isn’t mine and was neve
r mine at all—what should I have done with that, huh?”
It’s full on shouting now and I’m losing myself. It’s fucking uncomfortable, I don’t know what to do with this.
“Mia…” I start but she cuts me off.
“No, you tell me what I should do with that!” she cries. “You know, I walked into that room and found your father in bed with Nancy. They looked so in love and I just… I couldn’t process that. I just stood there, watching her gasp for breath and I did nothing!”
She starts clawing at her chest as she says that, tears rushing down her cheeks.
“I stood by and did nothing! Do you hear that?” she cries, her voice now hoarse and broken. “All I should’ve done was quickly rush to her and give the oxygen mask. That’s all! But I didn’t. I watched her die. I killed the woman who raised me!”
I can’t take it anymore. In two strides I reach her and scoop her in my arms, but she fights me off.
“No, let me fucking go!” she cries. “You once said that I have a black heart, how is murder on that as well?”
“You’re not a damn murderer, Mia.”
“No, don’t lie to me,” she cries, shaking her head like she doesn’t want to hear the shit I have to say and at this point, I’m fucking aware that there’s nothing I can say that will sink in. Not when her pain, her sadness and grief is too fresh and raw like this.
All I can do right now, is hold her to me, my mind fucking heart pounding in my chest. God, this girl.
* * *
I have no idea what time it is when she stops crying or when the tremors stop raking through her body, but through it all, she clings to me like the first time she was in my bed.
For a second, my blood stirs as I think back to how bold she was, stripping down just so she could match me.
I think of asking her if she wants to get comfortable, remove her clothes since she sleeps better that way, but when I look down at her, I notice her eyes are now closed, her eyelashes resting on her sullen cheeks. She has fallen asleep.
In this moment, she looks like the perfect image of tortured peace, the mirror image of how I’m feeling inside.
Cruel Kisses: It’s Just High School #2 Page 18