Always

by Cheryl Holt

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  PROLOGUE

  “I can only take one of them.”

  Nathan huddled under his father’s desk, listening as the two women across the room bickered and bartered. He could see their skirts swishing around their legs, but he couldn’t see their grumpy faces, and he was glad he couldn’t.

  They hadn’t realized he was present, and he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but he didn’t understand what was happening, and because he didn’t, he was very afraid. There wasn’t a single adult who would clarify in a way that made sense, and he was determined to get some answers.

  One of the women was very chubby and one was very thin. The thin one claimed she was his Aunt Edwina, which meant she was his father’s sister. But he didn’t think his father had had a sister. When he’d still been alive, he’d certainly never mentioned her, and her sudden appearance in their home was scary.

  The chubby one claimed she was his mother’s cousin—Mrs. Beatrice Carter—and he knew what the word cousin meant too, but as with his father, he didn’t recall his mother ever mentioning a cousin. His parents had been so happy, their small family so content, that it didn’t seem possible for there to be relatives he’d never met, especially some who were so awful.

  His Aunt Edwina had been stomping about and barking orders for four days, but Mrs. Carter had just arrived. He didn’t like either of them—they reminded him of witches in a fairytale—and he wished he could push them out the door, but he was only six, so they paid no attention to him.

  “You have to take both girls,” Aunt Edwina was saying to Mrs. Carter. “They’re twins. You can’t split them apart.”

  “Why can’t I split them?” Mrs. Carter asked. “In my view, you’re imposing on me horridly. I have no idea why I’m here. You should be glad I’ve obliged you.”

  “If you just take one, what am I to do with the other?”

  “How is that my problem?” Mrs. Carter’s tone was very snide. “Their exalted grandfather can step up and act appropriately toward the one I don’t want.”

  “He won’t let her in the house. It’s why I begged you to assist me.”

  “Then send her to an orphanage. If I hadn’t waltzed in, wasn’t that what you were already planning? Or toss her out in the street. It’s none of my affair what ending you choose for her.”

  They were discussing his sisters, Sissy and Bec-Bec, who were upstairs in the nursery with their nanny and blissfully oblivious to the trouble brewing down in the library. Even if they had recognized the crisis, they were three years old, so they could never grasp the full ramifications. He could barely keep track himself.

  Aunt Edwina was trying to convince Mrs. Carter to depart with the twins, but where would they go and why couldn’t he go with them? He shouldn’t be separated from them. Not now. Not when matters were so jumbled and confusing.

  He needed to watch over his sisters. His father had told him that he had a duty to protect them. But if they went to live in a different town with Mrs. Carter, how would he ever find them?

  A few weeks earlier, his parents had died in a carriage accident. The vicar had explained that they were up in Heaven, but even though Nathan had pretended to comprehend what that indicated, he didn’t really.

  He supposed Heaven was a very nice place—the vicar had insisted it was—but he simply couldn’t believe his parents would vanish and leave their three children behind to fend for themselves. It seemed bizarre and wrong.

  He’d asked the vicar if he could write them a letter, if he could plead with them to come back. He’d asked too if they might have fled because of him, if his conduct might have chased them away. If so, he wanted the chance to apologize and promise to behave in the future.

  His mother had frequently complained that Nathan was a handful. She’d described him as precocious, and whenever he’d particularly vexed her, she’d chided him for being so exhausting. Once, she’d even whispered to his father that he, Nathan, was ten times more difficult than the twins combined.

  His father had merely laughed and said, like father, like son.

  Nathan’s father, Matthew, had been dashing and wonderful, and Nathan had been proud that his father deemed them to be so similar, but if he could just talk to his mother, he’d swear to never run or yell or sass or disobey, and he figured she might return. She’d bring his father with her.

  “You’re not helping, Mrs. Carter,” Aunt Edwina said. “I summoned you to aid the twins. If your aim is to simply be a burden, why bother traveling to London?”

  “I warned Cousin Mary about your brother-in-law,” Mrs. Carter said. “When she first came to work here, I told her she had no business applying for a job in the home of a lonely, randy widower, but she wouldn’t heed me. Now look where we are!”

  “Don’t blame me for Matthew’s indiscretions with your cousin. It’s hardly my fault.”

  “No, it’s not,” Mrs. Carter agreed, “but he sired two bastard daughters on her, and your family thinks I have a responsibility to repair the situation now that he’s dead. Why must I clean up any of his mess?”

  Until Aunt Edwina had arrived, he’d never heard the word bastard before. He didn’t know what it meant, but from the way they hurled the term, it had to be terrible.

  Why would anyone mock Sissy and Bec-Bec? They were the prettiest, sweetest girls in the world. With their white-blond hair and big blue eyes, they might have been porcelain dolls.

  He couldn’t bear to have his parents and sisters disparaged, so he slid from his hiding spot and walked over to where the women were arguing. They were so involved in their quarrel that they didn’t notice him approaching.

  “Will you give me money to cover my expenses?” Mrs. Carter asked Aunt Edwina. “If you expect me to provide support, I’ll need funds.”

  “Their grandfather would never supply them.”

  “If that’s the case, then I most especially will only take one of them.”

  Aunt Edwina was exasperated. “Have you any other relatives I could contact? Surely you have other kin who might assist me in this dire hour. You’re aware of what orphanages are like. You can’t want me to send your cousin’s daughter to such a disgusting place.”

  “As I previously mentioned, it doesn’t matter to me. I can take one or I can take none. It’s up to you.”

  “Who is my grandfather?” Nathan interrupted, causing both women to jump.

  Aunt Edwina didn’t answer his question. She simply scowled. “Why are you in here? I told you to stay in your room until Mrs. Carter had departed.”

  He rarely obeyed others, and he pressed ahead. “And what does bastard mean? Is it bad? My sisters aren’t bad. They’re perfect. My father always said so.”

  “Stop referring to them as your sisters,” Aunt Edwina scolded. “They are your half-sisters, which is another thing entirely.”

  The women shared an annoyed look, then Mrs. Carter said to Aunt Edwina, “Could we wrap this up? The afternoon is waning, and I need to be off.”

  “I’ll have Nanny bring the twins down,” Aunt Edwina said. “You can pick the one you’d like to keep.”

  She stomped
out to the foyer and shouted for Nanny, as Nathan glared at Mrs. Carter and inquired, “Where will my sisters be living?”

  “Never you mind,” the vicious harpy hissed.

  “I do mind,” he firmly stated. “My father ordered me to watch over them. I’m supposed to protect them from people like you.”

  Mrs. Carter bristled. “You have a smart mouth, little boy, and your father has perished. Why would I care about the tasks he commanded you to perform?”

  She spun and followed Aunt Edwina to the foyer. Nathan went too, and he hovered behind them, staring up the stairs. Shortly, two footmen marched down, each lugging a traveling trunk, and without halting, they hauled them out to the driveway. Two carriages were parked there, and they loaded a trunk in each vehicle.

  Nanny came down—Bec-Bec on one side, Sissy on the other—and it was obvious Nanny had been crying. Her eyes were red, and she was dabbing at them with a kerchief.

  “What’s this?” Aunt Edwina fumed. “Tears? You’re a servant. What have you to cry about?”

  “It’s all so sad, isn’t it?” Nanny dared to reply. “The master dying? The children being separated?”

  “It’s not sad,” Aunt Edwina coldly said. “It’s necessary.”

  Mrs. Carter studied his sisters as if they were ponies being assessed at an auction. She pointed a finger at Sissy. “She’s clearly the runt of the litter.”

  “She’s not a runt,” Nathan protested, but he was ignored.

  “I guess she’s been sickly all winter,” Aunt Edwina explained. “She’s had a cough she can’t shake. It’s left her looking frail.”

  “What would I do with an ailing brat?” Mrs. Carter shifted her terrifying finger to Bec-Bec. “I’ll take her. What’s her name?”

  “Rebecca,” Aunt Edwina said.

  “No, it’s not,” Nathan insisted. “It’s Bec-Bec. Rebecca is too hard for Sissy to pronounce.”

  Aunt Edwina frowned at him. “Nathan, how many times must I tell you that children should be seen and not heard? You are to speak only when you’re spoken to.”

  “He’s a nuisance, isn’t he?” Mrs. Carter said to Aunt Edwina. “I pity you in the coming months and years. When he’s so impertinent at age six, how will you manage him as he grows up?”

  Aunt Edwina flashed a tight smile. “If he gives me any trouble, his grandfather will straighten him out quickly enough.”

  “Poor boy,” Mrs. Carter mumbled. “I wouldn’t wish that old goat on anyone.”

  “Mrs. Carter!” Aunt Edwina stridently rebuked. “As you’re aware, his grandfather is Lord Selby, and he is a respected and noble personage who is exalted by the entire nation. You will not denigrate him in my presence.”

  “If the pompous toad doesn’t want people like me denigrating him, perhaps he shouldn’t be such an ogre. And I am weary of this futile debate.” Mrs. Carter nodded to Nanny. “Carry Rebecca out to my carriage.”

  Then she whirled away and stormed out.

  Nanny started to cry again, and she lifted Bec-Bec and stormed out too. Sissy and Bec-Bec never liked to be apart, and Sissy called frantically to her sister.

  Nanny paused, torn by Sissy’s plaintive wail, but Aunt Edwina barked, “Don’t dawdle. Let’s get this over with.”

  Aunt Edwina picked up Sissy and stormed out as well. Nathan suffered a moment of panic, unsure of how to foil what was occurring.

  “Where are you going with them?” he demanded as he hurried after them. “Where are you taking them? Why won’t you say?”

  But they didn’t answer. Bec-Bec was handed in to Mrs. Carter, and Aunt Edwina wrestled Sissy into the other carriage. They were screaming, reaching out to Nathan for help, but to no avail. They were secured in the vehicles, the doors firmly shut. Nathan lunged and tried to grab one of the latches, but Nanny jerked him away.

  “Sissy! Bec-Bec!” he bellowed over and over.

  He was fighting so fiercely, kicking at Nanny to free himself, and a footman rushed over and dragged him away from her, his arms pinned to his sides to prevent any further blows. He was creating an enormous racket, and finally, the footman silenced him by clamping a palm over his mouth.

  Mrs. Carter’s driver cracked his whip, and the horses lurched and trotted away. There was no sign of Bec-Bec, no wave of goodbye.

  Aunt Edwina peered out her carriage window, her expression very cruel. “I’ll be back later this afternoon—after I’ve delivered Sissy to the facility.”

  “Are you certain you should, ma’am?” Nanny brazenly asked. “It’s an orphanage. The master could never have imagined such an ending. He would never agree to this.”

  “Your opinion has been duly noted,” Aunt Edwina said. “I’ll be closing up the house tomorrow, so please inform the staff to pack their bags tonight. Wages will be paid in the morning as you leave.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Nanny muttered.

  “And for pity’s sake,” Aunt Edwina continued, “lock that insolent boy in his room before the whole neighborhood hears his caterwauling.”

  She rapped on the roof, and her vehicle pulled away too, with Sissy trapped in it. As with Bec-Bec, he managed no last glimpse of her.

  “This is a dirty business, Nanny,” the footman murmured as he dropped his hand from Nathan’s mouth.

  The servants spun to head inside, and Nathan planted his feet, refusing to move. “Where are my sisters going?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Nanny testily said, “and they’re your half-sisters! Don’t pretend to be confused over the difference.”

  A footman snidely added, “It’s what you’re left with when the lord of the manor lifts the wrong skirt.”

  They all snickered, but Nathan ignored them and glared up at Nanny. “Are they ever coming back?”

  The adults exchanged pitying glances, then Nanny sighed. “No, they’re not.”

  “I have to save them then,” Nathan said. “I have to stop this from happening.”

  He yanked free and dashed off, but only for an instant. A footman swiftly caught him.

  Nanny scoffed with derision. “There’ll be no bringing them back, my little lord. Let’s get you inside, and we’ll pack your own traveling trunk.”

  “I don’t want to pack. I want to rescue my sisters.”

  “There’s no time to play the hero. In the morning, you’re off to live with your grandfather, Lord Selby. We have to decide what you’d like to take with you.”

  “Why must I live with Lord Selby? I’ve never even met him. I should stay here. I’d like my parents to be here with me too.”

  “Your father is gone forever, and Mary Carter was not your mother. Your mother died birthing you, and Mary took her place the first chance she had. She was naught but an up-jumped servant.”

  “She was not!” Nathan hotly retorted.

  “She was, and I have no idea why your father allowed you to develop such a shocking misconception.” Nanny’s tone was sharp and aggravated. “You know your father and Miss Carter are dead and can never return. The vicar explained it to you. You’re six now, and you’re not a baby. Cease acting as if you don’t understand.”

  “I don’t understand!” he insisted.

  “Your grandfather is waiting for you to arrive. Aren’t you lucky that such an important person has offered you a home?”

  “Why can’t my sisters join me there?”

  “They’re not special like you. Someday, you’ll grow up to be Earl of Selby, but your sisters are bastard girls, so they’ll never be anything. Your grandfather realizes that about them, so you can’t expect he’d welcome them. Imagine the scandal it would stir!”

  “I don’t care what he thinks about them. I want to live with them! I want to talk to my father about it!”

  Nanny shook her head—whether with disgust or exasperation he couldn’t tell. He attempted a final escape, kicking at the footman’s shin and landing a very hard blow. The man simply scooped up Nathan, tossed him over his shoulder, and they went into the house.

  An
d despite how intensely he protested, despite how loudly he commanded them to let him chase after his sisters, they didn’t listen, and he never saw them again.

  In fact, as the years rolled by, he gradually remembered less and less about them until…?

  He didn’t remember them at all.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Selby estate, rural England, twenty-four years later…

  Nell Drummond walked down the pretty lane toward the main road. It was a beautiful July afternoon, the sky so blue, the trees so green. Up ahead, she could see the sign that indicated the estate entrance, the simple word SELBY carved in the wood to announce the esteemed location.

  She was carrying ribbons and a basket of flowers, and she placed the basket at her feet and surveyed the surrounding posts and fence that she intended to decorate. Back at the manor, the house was hectic, with the servants in a lather because guests were about to begin arriving and the final wedding preparations were still being completed.

  In two weeks, her dearest friend, Susan Middleton, was marrying Selby cousin, Percy Blake. Nell, Susan, and Susan’s mother, Florence, had already traveled to the country to participate in the celebrations that would lead up to the ostentatious event. Susan’s busy father, Albert, wouldn’t appear until the day of the ceremony, feeling no need to be present during the escalating mayhem.

  Nell had to admit he’d been wise to delay. Now that she’d discovered how chaotic it would be, she wished she could have stayed in London until the very last minute too.

  Though she would never confess it aloud, Florence always put people on edge, and she was being her typical annoying self, irking everyone with her pompous posturing. With her usual lack of awareness, she didn’t notice she was creating enemies right and left.

  The groom’s mother, Edwina Blake, was especially aggravated.

  The two women had arranged the nuptials, so ultimately, they’d be related by marriage, but as the years rolled by, Nell couldn’t imagine how they would ever socialize. They had naught in common, and Edwina’s dislike of Florence was potent and evident.

  The Blakes had been aristocrats for three centuries, and they were considered a premier family in the kingdom. The Selby title, currently held by the groom’s cousin—the famous explorer and conspicuously absent Nathan Blake—was one of the oldest and most exalted in the land. Edwina Blake—as a member of the lofty group—viewed herself as being very grand, very important, and she was.