by J. L. Ostle
I guess this was my punishment for what I did; pulling a knife on her. They said they retaliate, and they really did. I push through the crowd once again, wanting to leave, but they all push me back. Kimberly is laughing into the mic.
Aisha is calling my name but I can’t reach her. Tears are flowing down my face. Then a video is played. I turn to see me standing there, watching the people in my old group call the person who was my best friend names. All I hear is her telling them to leave her alone, hearing her sad voice, it ringing in my ears. I push harder through everyone, standing on feet just so I can get past. When I get to other side, I see the three guys and their group standing there. They must have just arrived as they look at me, then to the movie being played.
Tears are still falling down my face. I walk around them without saying a word. I leave school, heading back to my place and run to the toilet and throw up everything until there is nothing left.
I can’t believe she looked into my background. Went digging into my past. But she doesn’t know the whole story. A lot of money went into hiding what really happened, to make sure that those involved didn’t get into trouble so their futures weren’t ruined.
It was all hushed up.
It is the reason why I am who I am.
I am not a bully.
I am nothing like those people. They do it out of pleasure. I just fight back so they don’t try and hurt me, but somehow, in some way, I am like them.
I sit on the bathroom floor. My phone is going crazy but I ignore it. I take Aisha’s car keys when I know classes are finishing. I’m sure Kimberly indulged more out about me. Well, indulged what she found, not the actual facts.
I sit just outside of campus and wait for Kimberly to come out. When I spot her, my eyes are trained on just her. I watch her with her friends. I watch her get into her car, and I follow. When she parks, I grab what I brought with me. Things I have always made sure I had in case it was ever needed. Which is kept in a box under my bed. I sneakily run up behind her, and before she has a chance to do anything, I put a cloth over her mouth with chloroform. When she goes limp in my arms, I drag her body into the back of the car.
I grab her bag and phone. I send a message to Lucas from her phone telling her that she is in trouble and to come over quickly. I wait until I’m nearly back at the apartment complex before pushing send.
Luckily, the elevator got fixed a few days ago. I know I may get caught, but right now, all I want is to show Kimberly the truth about me and my past. I want her to experience it too.
We get off at Lucas’s floor. I kick down his door hard, and it bangs against the wall. I drag her heavy ass into the middle of the room then grab a chair, placing her on it, tying up her arms and legs.
Is this going too far? Yes.
Do I care? No.
Am I going to stop? Nope.
Once I know she is secured, I grab my laptop and pull the oak table in front of her so she can see the screen. I walk over to the kitchen, getting a glass of water and pouring it over her. She groggily wakes up. When he sees me, anger fills her eyes before she tries to move and realizes that she can’t.
“What the fuck?” she shouts.
“I told you not to fuck with me, but you couldn’t help yourself. I hope you enjoyed this morning. Did you get that little buzz you were after? I just hope it was worth it.” I grab a chair, sitting in front of her. “I see you looked into my past, but unfortunately, what you found isn’t all true. There are bits missing, things that happened after that I want you to know and see.”
She spits at me, the saliva hitting my cheek. “You are really fucked up. You do know this is kidnapping? I can get you locked up for this.”
I wipe away the drool on my face. “You see, you could, but with how I’m going to look after this, it is going to be my word against yours, and I think they will believe the girl who got publicly humiliated in front of a room of students, covered in cuts and blood.”
She looks at me weirdly. “You aren’t covered…”
I interrupt her. “By the time I say my piece, I will be. I’m going to cut myself. I’m going to send a message to my phone from yours telling me to meet you here, then when I arrived you went all crazy because I wasn’t doing as you say. Then you come at me, all crazy.” The story just entered my head. I’m only saying all this to scare her. I want her to feel what it’s like to be scared for your life, for your future. “You see, I was tempted to kill you and try and cover it up, but I would be the obvious suspect and I don’t think I could get away with it.”
She tries to wiggle out of her ties but I made sure they were good and tight. “You are fucking insane.” I see the worry in her eyes.
“But I wanted to tell you more about me. Yes, I was in the popular group, because of who my parents are, the amount of money we have. Of course I was going to be the queen bee. But I like to think out of the whole group, I was the nice one. I thought if I didn’t get involved in the bullying, it was okay, but it wasn’t, as I watched the people who I thought were my friends hurt and upset people. The things you do.” I sit back in my seat. “The girl who was my best friend, we were close growing up. Her mother cleaned our home. We were inseparable when she came over. I saw her as a sister, but, of course, I let peer pressure win and I kept our friendship at a distance when we were in school. I told her that, outside of it, we could be besties, and once we graduated, we would go somewhere new, somewhere we didn’t care about labels. We had a plan. She was okay with it. Well, so I thought. But, behind my back, the group bullied her. They teased her, pulled her hair, tripped her over. The usual stuff, but she never told me. Then, one day, I was told I had to prove my loyalty as I wasn’t showing leadership.” My voice goes softer, remembering that day. “I watched while they were cruel to her, watched her cry. The girl I grew up with needed my help and I did nothing.” A tear falls down my cheek as I replay it in my head.
“So, you did what you had to do. I’m sure she hates you now and you lost someone you were close to. Is that why you brought me here? To try and make me feel sorry for you?” she shrieks.
I squint at her. “There is more.”
She rolls her eyes. “Of course there is.”
Chapter Thirty
“Yeah, our friendship was on thin ice after that. There was a party. I didn’t go. I didn’t want to be around those people after what they did, so I went for a walk, and sat at the park. Meanwhile, they sent a message to Amelia, telling her to come to the party, pretending to be me, telling her that I was sorry and I was going to make them all apologize. Because of the type of person she was, she didn’t question it. They were all drunk. When she arrived, she didn’t have a chance.” I suck in a few deep breaths. “They tied her up on a chair. They poured drink down her throat, even when she threw up, and then they did it all over again. They cut her hair, they ripped off her clothes. The guys, well…. the guys raped her.” Tears fall down my cheeks. “There were four of them, one after the other. The ties cut her arms, blood pouring out of her. They stuffed a sock into her mouth to stop her from screaming while they treated her like a used toy. They put their cum over her face and body. They poured more alcohol down her throat so she didn’t put up much of a fight.
“When they were done, they put her in one of the guys’ spare pants and shirt and told her that if she told a soul they would kill her.” She was going through all that. Hours of torture, raped over and over. She was a virgin.” I wipe the tears away. “She was pure, sweet, and innocent. Never even kissed a boy. She wanted to be a teacher. She wanted to live with me in college, go to parties, get a boyfriend, have babies.” I stand up, gripping my hair. “She wasn’t the same after that. I didn’t know what had happened. She didn’t speak to me. I thought she was still upset with me. I tried to plead to her that I was leaving the group, that I wanted to be with her, to do all the things we said we were going to do once we left that small-minded town.” I sigh. “Then, a few weeks later, my mom woke me up early in the morning. Sh
e was in tears. She could hardly get the words out.” My voice starts to break. “She told me my best friend killed herself. She overdosed. When they found her it was too late. She was gone. It was when they did the autopsy that they found she was three weeks pregnant. I knew she would have told me if she slept with someone. I knew something was wrong. I ran to her home, to her room. I looked in her secret hiding place and I found her diary and a letter to me.”
Tears are flowing down my cheeks, and I see Kimberly is crying also.
“She told me not to blame myself. That she loved me. She didn’t want that weight she had to fall onto me. With each word she said it was like she was trying to console me, even after death. It was when I read her diary that it broke me. She put every word down. But she never mentioned she was pregnant, so I don’t think she even knew. She couldn’t walk the halls with the people who did that to her. Even after what they did, they were still taunting her, telling her that they should do it again. She was scared that they would. She thought she was damaged goods. She knew no one would believe her. She didn’t want to be told she was a liar. I took that diary to the police, and guess what? They got away with it. It went to trial and everything. They got a slap on the wrist and community service. Their parents made sure it didn’t get into the papers. They buried it.”
“I went back to school. I avoided them, and when they cornered me, trying to put some of the blame onto me, telling me that I was just as involved, it made me sick. They raped her and tried to justify it and that’s when I lost it. I grabbed a pen from my bag and stabbed Richy, the leader of the guys, in the stomach. It didn’t get far. I didn’t have enough weight to do any real damage, but when he crouched over, I kneed him in the face. When he was on the floor, I straddled him, and I punched him over and over in the face. With each punch, I got stronger. When I was pulled off, his face was black and blue.” I sit down. “I was then the outcast. I kept getting into fights with them and that’s when the move started. I got transferred to a new school. I was lucky I even graduated high school with how many schools I went to. Some were more bearable than others. This place was my last chance. If I got kicked out that would be it. No more chances. That’s why I agreed to the imaginary pact. I knew the first day I should have kept my head down, but I didn’t. I didn’t want the rest of my time here to be me fighting. I agreed to be in your group to have a quieter life. I just didn’t realize being in it that I would have started caring for the three guys. Something pulled me towards them. I liked how they showed that they cared once the fighting calmed down. That’s why it hurt when I found it was all a scam. I was already broken. This time, I guess they broke a bit of my heart.”
I grab my laptop, playing a video. It’s a video of Amelia getting raped. You can hear cries. I can’t watch it. I watched it once and threw up. I overheard Richy telling his friends that he filmed it. I snuck into his place, took it, made a copy, handed it to the police, and still nothing was done. It shows what money can buy you. I kept it in case he ever came back into my life.
“I don’t want to watch anymore,” Kimberly cries, closing her eyes.
“I am how I am because of this. Yes, I was one of you, but not really. I felt obligated, not free-willed. Now you know. You put up my past for the whole student body to watch and judge. A girl killed herself because of bullying. Because of something that you do.” I stand up.
She sniffles. “What are you going to do now?” Her voice is softer.
I take out my knife, walking towards her. Her eyes widen, but I cut the ties off her ankles and arms. “I am letting you go. I just wanted to show you that you can’t break me as I’m already broken. That if I have to fight you, I will. I stand up against bullies. I try to help anyone who does get bullied because no one should kill themselves or think about doing it just because people like you enjoy putting them down.” I stand back up.
She stands, her make-up smudged, mascara running down her face. “You did all this? You drug me, you kidnap me, you hold me hostage…” She sighs, hugging her arms to herself. “I am sorry for what your friend went through. They weren’t bullies. They were animals. To do something like that.” She clears the throat. “You were fifteen, still a child, something like that would mess you up. To read what they did to her, to see visual evidence. I’m surprised you didn’t try to kill them.”
“Believe me, if I could get away with murder, I would, but me being locked up wouldn’t solve anything. Now you know why popular people rub me up the wrong way. It’s always the popular ones who bully those that aren’t. I just wanted to show you this. I am not expecting you to have some sort of epiphany and change your ways, but what you did today at school, me seeing her again, it brought it all back. It made me have thoughts that no person should have. But what I did to you in the bathroom yesterday wasn’t any better. I guess you were right. I kind of bullied you because of what you represent. It was me who started all this. Me who wouldn’t move from your table. It’s like I wanted a reason to hate you, all of you.” I grab my things and walk to the door.
“Who are your parents, you were a queen bee, which means you must be very wealthy, they must have had to pay a lot to get you into some of the schools right?”
I turn and face her. “My parents are Nigel and Gabrielle Reed of CEO Reed Organizations and Enterprises. The fifth richest people in the world.”
Her eyes widen, her mouth hanging open. “Wait, that means that your dad was Lucas’s Dad’s investors. That means you are powerful. I can’t believe it. Why hide it. things could have…”
“Been different?” I interrupt her. Because I don’t want people to be fake around me, pretend to like me when they don’t, I don’t do fake.”
“But things could have ended up differently if you said who you were.”
I shrug. “Yeah but like I said it would have all been fake. “Can I ask you two things? Please be honest. I don’t care if it’s yes.”
“Okay.”
“Did you drug me? The pigs’ blood?”
“The pigs’ blood was me, the drugs weren’t. I may be some things but I wouldn’t have done that to a girl at a party. I didn’t show up because I didn’t want to ruin Lucas’ night.”
I guess now I will leave all that in the past. “Thank you.”
“Lucas does care about you. All three of them do. I don’t know what happened, but we got a message on Sunday to say we have to leave you alone, that you were getting out of the group and he will sort it. I tried to call him, but he never answered. Axel and Elijah couldn’t watch. They couldn’t bear to see all that unfold yesterday. Once you were gone, Lucas sat down and didn’t say a word, I knew you got to them, and again, I was jealous. I knew it would make me feel better if I saw you upset. That’s why I was there. I am a very jealous person. I don’t see my parents. Lucas and the group are like my family. They are all I have. I felt you were taking them away.”
“It doesn’t matter about them anyway. Even if it was pretend, or if any of it was real. I don’t belong in your world. Not anymore.”
I’m about to leave when she calls out to me. “Truce? We drop all this. We keep to ourselves. Deal?”
“Deal.”
She gives me a small smile, wiping a tear away.
I walk into the hallway to see the three standing there, their eyes soft and sad. Elijah takes a step forward before walking back again. Axel looks like he wants to cry for me while Lucas’ face is back to caring. I wonder how much they heard. Probably a lot of it from the look on their faces.
“Sorry about the door. Bill me.” I walk to the elevator, pressing the button.
“Lucille.” Elijah says my name, but I put my hand up, stopping him from speaking to me.
“This doesn’t change anything. Just because you heard what you heard doesn’t make us friends. I am nothing to you now, remember? I am a nobody. I’m invisible. Just pretend you don’t see me and I will do the same.” The lift doors open, and I step in.
The doors are about to close when Luc
as stands there, looking pained. We don’t say a word, and when the doors close, I sob into my hands. Retelling what happened, the point where my childhood ended, where I saw the world as a dark place.
It hurt all over again.
I have never truly healed from what I lost.
I just wish I was braver back then. That I stood for her. Maybe if I did, we would both be enjoying our college experience together. We would be happy.
But we can’t live on what-ifs.
Chapter Thirty-One
The next couple of days flew by. It’s now Friday and things have calmed down. No one will talk to me but Aisha, but that doesn’t really bother me. I wasn’t much of a people person anyway. I make sure I stay away from Lucas and his friends. I wonder if Kimberly has told anyone who my parents are, but I think if she did, I wouldn’t be like a leper at this school.
Aisha and I have started bringing in our own lunches and we sit outside. Now that she knows everything, I feel like I can be more myself again. I have been carrying this for so long, it’s nice that it is out in the open.
Yes, it happened to me.
Yes, it changed me.
But I like to think maybe it was a change for the better.
In the afternoon classes, I have started to concentrate again, to type things of importance but still record in case I miss anything. My focus now is on my schoolwork.
I can see graduation at the end of the rainbow. It feels like I will be able to do it and I think this will be the first school I don’t mind being at.
Kimberly has stopped giving me dirty stares. We have an understanding now. We aren’t going to be friends, she is still who she is, just like the rest of them, and they are still going to follow the same rules.
I still bump into the knights. We live in the same building and have classes together, but I keep my head down when they’re there. I never make eye contact.