If Loving You Is Wrong

by E. L. Todd

Cayson gave me a playful look then rubbed his nose against mine.

  The waiter returned with the dishes and wine. We immediately dug in. I was starving so I practically inhaled my food.

  Cayson smirked while he watched me.

  “What?” I said.

  He used his napkin to wipe my chin. “I always know when you’re really hungry because you get food all over your face.”

  “Whoops.” I shrugged and kept eating.

  Cayson ate with perfect manners and acted like himself. “How’s work, Uncle Sean?”

  “A big snooze fest,” my dad said. “Nothing worth mentioning.”

  “I’m so excited to work there…” I said sarcastically.

  My dad sipped his wine then smirked. “Well, I’ve been working there for twenty years. It gets old after a while. Plus, it keeps me away from your mother.”

  “Don’t you get tired of her anyway?” I asked.

  “Do you get tired of Cayson?” my dad countered.

  No…definitely not.

  My dad drank his wine again. “Your mom comes to work with me sometimes but I never get anything done that way…”

  “TMI, Dad.” I cut into my food and kept eating.

  “Your father tends to share too much sometimes.” My mom gave my dad a flirtatious smile.

  “When you have a hot wife, it’s hard to resist her,” my dad said, wiping his lip with a napkin.

  Cayson looked at me. “I hope you don’t distract me at work or I might kill someone.”

  Did he mean if we were married? “Just make sure I’m fed and that won’t be a problem.”

  My mom looked at me. “How’s Trinity?”

  “She’s good,” I said. “She wants to go into fashion.”

  “That’s what your uncle Mike was telling us.” She sipped her wine.

  “I’m happy for her,” my dad said. “Life is too short to live someone else’s dream.”

  “Did you work for the company right after college?” I asked.

  “No. I worked for a stockbroker for a few years then I worked for a recycling company. Then I took over the company with Uncle Mike.”

  “Did Uncle Mike do anything else first?” Cayson asked.

  “He worked on Wall Street,” my dad answered.

  My mom rolled her eyes. “The Preston boys are very accomplished.”

  “So are the Siscos,” my dad countered, mentioning my mother’s maiden name, the one Uncle Ryan shared.

  “Is Slade still intent on being a tattoo artist?” my mom asked.

  Cayson nodded his head immediately. “I don’t think he’ll ever change his mind. He’s not very interested in school.”

  My mom shrugged. “I told my brother to let his son make his own decisions but he didn’t take my advice.”

  “He just wants to make sure Slade keeps his options open,” my dad said. “You can’t blame him for that.”

  “Of course not,” my mom said. “How’s Clementine?” she asked Cayson.

  “Good. We don’t talk much during the school year, but I think she’s good,” Cayson said. “She’s still a violinist with the New York Symphony as far as I know.”

  “She’s very talented,” my dad said. “Every time I tried to get Roland to learn to play the violin, he kept trying to play it like a guitar.” He rolled his eyes.

  I laughed, recalling the memory.

  “Maybe our son is destined to be a rock star,” my mom said.

  “He would give his grandmother a heart attack,” my dad said.

  “But Grandpa would be on the tour bus,” Cayson said.

  I laughed, thinking about Grandpa as a roadie. “I can see it.”

  “So can I,” my mom said with a laugh.

  I wiped my plate clean then pushed it away. “I’m stuffed.”

  “It’s a miracle,” Cayson teased.

  I hit his arm again. “Don’t make fun of me.”

  “Baby, I’ll always make fun of you. Sorry.” He winked at me.

  “Good,” my dad said. “I want her to have a man who treats her like a princess but keeps her down to earth at the same time.”

  “Then I’m your man,” Cayson said.

  “I can tell,” my dad said.

  The waiter came over with the tab.

  Cayson immediately grabbed it then slipped his credit card inside. “Dinner is on me.”

  “I don’t think so, Cay.” My dad snatched it away then switched their cards.

  My mom rolled her eyes. “Here we go…”

  “Then at least let me pay for Skye’s dinner as well as mine,” Cayson said.

  “No.” My dad handed the waiter the tab. “We’re done with this.”

  “Of course, sir.” The waiter walked away.

  Cayson sighed in defeat.

  “I’m sure feeding my daughter is already enough of a financial burden,” my dad said with a smile.

  “Why is everyone picking on me tonight?” I asked.

  “You’re an easy target,” Cayson said. He turned back to my dad. “Well, thank you for dinner, Uncle Sean.”

  “You’re very welcome, Cayson,” my dad said gracefully.

  The waiter returned with the receipt then we headed back to my apartment. The drive home was spent in silence. Since I was full and warm, I was sleepy. I leaned my head on Cayson’s shoulder while he held my hand. Whenever I opened my eyes, I caught my dad glancing at us in the rearview mirror.

  When we arrived at my apartment, my parents got out and hugged me.

  “Until next time,” my mom said. She never said goodbye. She always made her departure as easy as possible. I’ve always clung to her since I could remember and it was hard to let her go.

  “Okay, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you too, honey.” She kissed my forehead before she pulled away.

  My father hugged me hard. “I hate saying goodbye.”

  “I do too.”

  “I love you so much, pumpkin. I miss you every day.”

  “I miss you too.”

  He continued to hug me. “I could stand here all night…” He finally dropped his embrace. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “I know, Dad.”

  He hugged Cayson before he headed back to the car.

  Cayson put his arm around my waist, and together, we watched my parents drive away.

  When their taillights were gone, I felt sadness in my chest. “Do you feel sad when you say goodbye to your parents?”

  He kissed my forehead. “I do.”

  “Good…it’s not just me.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Cayson, can I ask you for a favor?”

  “Anything, baby.”

  “When we settle down…can we live in Connecticut?”

  He dropped his arm and looked at me with emotion in his eyes. He said nothing for a long time, just staring at me. His blue eyes faded to gray slightly, and the depth of his eyes seemed to travel indefinitely. He cupped my face then brushed his thumb over my cheek. “Of course.”

  Chapter Seven

  Slade

  If I didn’t refuse to hit girls, I’d slap the shit out of Trinity.

  I spent an hour cleaning the library with the librarian watching me. There was dust everywhere and I had to empty the garbage cans. It wasn’t flattering work and I clenched my jaw the entire time. I couldn’t believe Trinity threw me under the bus like that. She got me good.

  Cayson texted me as soon as I stepped out of the building. Roland is having everyone over for poker.

  I could use some relaxation. When?

  In an hour.

  K. I’ll be there.

  I went home and showered, getting the grime and garbage off my hands, before I changed and walked to Roland’s apartment a few blocks over. Normally, I would have driven since it was freezing cold but I planned on drinking. Driving wasn’t a good idea.

  I walked inside without knocking and placed the six-pack on the counter. “Blue Moon—the good stuff.”

  “Good.�
� Roland grabbed it and shoved the beers into the refrigerator.

  A circular poker table was set in the center of the room along with chips and cards. I grabbed a beer then sat down.

  Conrad sat across from me. “How’s the janitor life?” He had a smirk on his lips.

  “Fuck you,” I snapped.

  “Did you have to clean the toilets too?” Roland sat down then shuffled the cards.

  “I’m about to shove this bottle up your ass.” I pointed my beer at him.

  Roland laughed. “I wish I could have gotten a picture of that.”

  I sighed then sipped my beer, wishing no one knew about my afternoon cleaning the library.

  “Slade in all his glory…” Conrad chuckled. “I’m sure the girls would have loved that.”

  “I can still land more pussy than you,” I snapped. “Whether I’m cleaning the library or not.”

  “Whatever, man,” Conrad said. “My sister got you good.”

  “Brat,” I mumbled.

  The door opened and Skye and Cayson walked inside, holding hands.

  “I thought this was a guy’s night?” I demanded.

  Roland shrugged. “Skye is pretty good at poker.”

  “Not as good as Cayson.” Skye gave Cayson a flirtatious look.

  Roland ignored her words. “Anyway…it’s more money in the pot.”

  I decided not to argue. Skye was already there.

  Cayson sat beside me with Skye on his other side. He grabbed her a beer and a plate of pretzels, waiting on her hand and foot.

  I rolled my eyes but didn’t comment. “Let’s get this game started.”

  The door opened again and my sister walked inside. “Hey, janitor.”

  You’ve got to be kidding me…

  She held out a broom. “I got this for you. I figured you’d appreciate it.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “I’m about to shove it through your gut,” I threatened.

  She laughed then leaned the broom against the wall. “My brother is the messiest guy I know. Who knew he would be a professional cleaner.”

  “Look, I just tidied up the library for like an hour,” I said. “Let’s move on.”

  “Slade can dish it out but he can’t take it.” Roland laughed then sipped his beer.

  “Just shut up, alright?” I peeled the paper off my bottle because I didn’t know what else to do.

  “Mom and Dad will be so proud,” Silke said.

  “That I killed you?” I snapped.

  She messed up my hair with her hand then sat on the couch. “Whatever, Brother.”

  I flattened my hair then leaned back in my chair. “If we’re done with that, let’s—”

  Trinity walked through the door. “I brought Heineken.”

  Son of a bitch.

  She put the six-pack down then gave me a smirk. “I was wondering why it smelled like garbage in here. Just got off work?”

  Everyone laughed.

  I glared at her, wanting to pull out that pretty blonde hair.

  Cayson seemed to know I reached my limit. “Okay, guys. He’s had enough. Just drop it.”

  Trinity sat across from me, a gloating smile on her face.

  I gave her another threatening glare before I dropped it.

  “Let’s get this game started.” Roland passed out the cards. After everyone scanned their hands, they tossed their chips in. I did the same.

  Trinity kept watching me, a victorious look on her face.

  She was going down.

  We put all our cards down, and Conrad was the winner of the hand.

  “Looks like I’m going to run you guys dry tonight.” Conrad pulled the pile toward him.

  “It’s just the first round, man.” Roland dealt the cards again.

  Trinity finished her first beer and moved onto her second one like she was drinking water.

  “Did you not learn anything?” I snapped.

  She understood my meaning. She lifted up her bottle. “Sealed bottle. And I don’t think anyone here has any interest in raping me.”

  Roland shook his head immediately. “Definitely not.”

  I downed my beer then grabbed a second one.

  “Slade is just insecure that I can best him in every way possible,” Trinity said. “If it’s not in intelligence, it’s in drinking.”

  I tightened my grip on my bottle. “No one can match me.” I chugged the bottle in seconds then left the empty glass on the table.

  She did the same. “That was easy.”

  “At least they’ll be easy to beat in the game,” Roland said.

  We played a few more rounds. Cayson won a few times then I took the pot. Trinity surprised everyone with a full house and we all took a huge hit. I kept drinking and she kept up with me.

  She poured herself a seven and seven. Then she downed it without blinking an eye.

  “Beer then liquor, never been sicker. Liquor then beer, have no fear.” I stared her down, putting her on the spot.

  She poured another. “If you can’t handle it, that’s fine. I know you probably have to work tomorrow scrubbing some toilets.”

  God, she was a bitch. I made myself a brandy. “Go to hell, Trinity.”

  We finished the poker game then settled down on the couch to watch TV. Roland and Conrad were still drinking beer. Skye hadn’t had another since her first one, and Cayson stopped after his second beer. Trinity and I, however, were fighting to the death.

  She had another seven and seven. Her eyes were heavy and she seemed a little tired. Her words were slurred, but she seemed fine in every other way. I was already drunk and wasn’t hiding it very well. I tried to play it cool but it was becoming more difficult.

  Conrad snatched a glass out of Trinity’s hand. “I’m cutting you off.”

  “I’m cutting you off.” She tried to hit his arm and missed. Instead she hit Skye’s thigh.

  “Yeah…she’s drunk.” Conrad returned the empty glass to the kitchen.

  “You’ve had enough, Slade.” Cayson took my glass away.

  “Come on,” I snapped. “Don’t be a girl.”

  “Too bad.” Cayson took the liquor away.

  I lay back on the couch then turned to Roland. “You have a weird ass name.”

  He was buzzed too. “What kind of name is Slade? It’s like blade but not really...”

  “But Roland sounds…stupid.”

  “You’re stupid.”

  “And don’t get me started on Conrad,” I said. “He sounds like a park ranger.”

  “What kind of name is Skye?” Roland said. “It makes my parents sound like hippies.”

  “Because they are,” I said.

  Silke sat on the other couch and quickly fell asleep. She couldn’t hold her liquor like the rest of us.

  “Cayson, let’s go home and have sex,” Skye blurted.

  Cayson did a double take.

  “Gross!” Roland said. He covered his eyes. “I don’t want to listen to that.”

  Conrad moved his hands to his ears. “There you go.”

  Cayson’s face flushed red. “All it takes is three beers and a whiskey, huh?”

  “Come on,” Skye said. “Why haven’t we done it yet? Your dick is huge!”

  Cayson’s face was beet red.

  “Just go do it,” Trinity said with slurred words. “Ride him like there’s no tomorrow.”

  “You’re right, Trin,” Skye said while laughing. “You’re right about everything.”

  “I know.” Trinity gave a victorious smile. Her cheeks were reddening from the alcohol.

  Cayson was thoroughly embarrassed. “Baby, it’s time for us to go home.”

  “What? It’s just getting fun.” Skye pouted.

  “Come on.” He pulled her up and hooked one arm around her waist. “Say goodnight.”

  “Nighty-night.” She waved then laughed.

  Once they were gone, Conrad put his feet on the couch. “Dude, these couches are so comfy.”

  “I know,�
�� Roland said. “And they are perfect for fucking.”

  “Eww.” Conrad cringed then rolled onto the hardwood floor. Then he laughed. “Shit, the ground is hard.”

  Silke started to snore.

  “You guys are lame.” Trinity flipped her hair then stood up. “I’m heading home.”

  “You aren’t driving,” Conrad blurted. He tried to get up but he fell again.

  “I walked, idiot.” She marched to the door.

  My mind was becoming hazy. I had a strong urge to sleep but I didn’t want to sleep there, on the couches Roland did god knows what on. “I’m out of here too.”

  “Good,” Conrad said. “Walk with my sister.”

  “I don’t give a shit about your sister.” I walked out and slammed the door a lot harder than I meant to.

  I tightened my jacket around me then headed down the stairs. It was cold and icy outside. Piles of snow were on the ground everywhere. I loved the winter even though I preferred the summer. Girls wore short dresses with flowers in their hair. It was easy to tell who had rocking bodies and who didn’t. And girls were always a little heavier during the holidays.

  When I turned the corner, I saw Trinity picking up her phone from the ground. “Damn it.” She wiped it off on her coat.

  I laughed, watching her wipe the snow from her screen.

  She looked up when she heard my voice. “Following me?”

  “Why would I follow you? I’d prefer to run from you.”

  She checked her phone and the screen lit up. “Phew, it’s not broken.”

  “Phew, I don’t care.” I walked down the path through the trees.

  Trinity came up behind me and caught up to me.

  “Why are you walking with me?” I snapped.

  “I live this way, jackass.”

  I shook my head and kept my hands in my pockets. “Of all the people in the world, I can stand you the least. I can’t believe you threw me under the bus like that!”

  “You did it to me first! The librarian thought it was me and you never told her otherwise. Coward.” She gave me a look of disgust.

  “But I didn’t tattle on you like a four-year-old.”

  “You act like a four-year-old.”

  “You look like a four-year-old.”

  She hit my arm. “So, you like to fuck four-year-olds?”

  “Excuse me?” I hissed. I stopped in my tracks.

  “Don’t act like you don’t stare at me. I’ve caught you so many times.”