If Loving You Is Wrong

by E. L. Todd

  My dad cracked a branch off a tree then held the lighter to it. It caught flame in a few seconds. Then my dad marched to the bear with the stick raised. The bear started to back away. My dad swung it at the beast, the heat searing its fur. Then it turned around and ran away.

  My dad turned around then dropped the branch in the snow. “Let’s get back to the slopes. Now.”

  I didn’t need to be told twice. I grabbed my board then walked alongside my father, looking around to make sure we were alone. When we made it back to the main lift area, I started to breathe again.

  I looked at my dad. “We almost died. Twice.”

  “Say a word to your mother and I will kill you.”

  “Your secret is safe with me.”

  “Good.” He ran his fingers through his hair but he still seemed calm. My dad saved my ass twice and he didn’t even freak out over it. It was like nothing phased him.

  “Dad, you’re a badass.”

  He looked at me, his eyes dark. “No. But I would give my life for my son. It’s called being a parent.” Seriousness was in his voice.

  We stood there, saying nothing. No other riders were on the slope. We were there alone, listening to the silence.

  “Want to hit the bunny hill?” I asked.

  He laughed. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Trinity

  We spent the entire day skiing. My brother was pretty good and so was my father. My dad grew up skiing so he was practically a pro. My mom had never skied before she met my dad, so she and I sucked equally.

  My ass was sore from falling down more often than standing up. Every time I fell, my dad waited for me to get back on my feet. I would slide down a few feet before my face was in the snow again. My dad showed me a few tricks but I could never grasp it. By the time we went to the lodge and had lunch and cocoa, I was exhausted. My brother and I didn’t even argue because we were so tired. I needed a nice nap right then.

  When the sun went down, we finally returned to the house. Everyone else was already back, probably passed out on the couch or asleep in their beds. The first thing I did was take a shower to warm up. Then I went downstairs and shoveled twice as much food as I normally would onto my plate. I sat down on the couch and ate quietly, too exhausted to talk to my family.

  A lot of people were in the other living room, watching TV. But I sat on the couches in front of the fireplace, enjoying the silence. I could practically hear my muscles screaming because they were so exhausted.

  My dad sat in the seat next to me, his plate in his hand. “You doing okay?”

  “Just exhausted.”

  He nodded. “Skiing is harder than it looks.”

  “But I think I’m more tired from falling than actually skiing.” I laughed at my own comment.

  “You’ll get better.”

  I noticed my dad always teased everyone else mercilessly. He was particularly harsh with his own brother. But when it came to me, he treated me in a different way. He never teased me when I failed at something. He always tried to make me feel better. He wasn’t that way with Conrad, just me. “Dad, it’s okay to say it. I know I suck.”

  “I never said you didn’t. But you will get better.”

  At least he didn’t lie to me. I ate my potato salad then moved on to my chicken.

  “How’s school going?”

  “It’s okay.”

  He ate quietly and slowly. “Have you decided what you want to do yet?” He stared at his plate while he said it.

  “I want to go into fashion. There’s no doubt about that.”

  “Then are you going to drop out?”

  “No,” I said with a sigh. “I’m almost done. I’d rather finish.”

  “Honey, do whatever you want. Don’t worry about pissing me off.”

  “You spent so much money on my—”

  “And you know I don’t care about that. Don’t let money be a factor.”

  “But I might be able to use my business degree for what I want to do.”

  “Which is?”

  “Running my own clothing line.”

  He nodded. “It will be helpful. And your old man has a lot of experience to help you.” He gave me a smile before turning his attention back to his food.

  “Not according to Uncle Sean,” I teased.

  “Well, that guy is an idiot. Don’t listen to him.”

  I finished my food then left the plate on the table.

  “There’s pie. Do you want me to get you a piece?” he asked.

  “No. As odd as this sounds, I’m too tired to eat.”

  He chuckled. “You need to exercise more often.”

  “I jog.”

  “Not the same. You need to do some weight training.”

  “I don’t even know the difference between a bench press and a squat.”

  “I can show you,” my dad offered.

  “Nah. I’ll stick to running on a treadmill.”

  My dad finished his food. “Did you finish that book I gave you?”

  “I did.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “Actually, I did.”

  He crossed his foot at the ankle. “We should watch the movie sometime. It’s a classic.”

  “Sure.” I settled into the couch and pulled my knees to my chest.

  My dad grabbed a blanket then placed it over me, tucking me in like he used to when I was a child.

  “Thanks.”

  “Yeah.” He stared at the fire while he rested his hands in his lap. “Anything new in your life?”

  I immediately thought of Slade. I spent a lot of time with him, more than I expected to. “No, not really. Skye and Cayson bring a lot of drama to the group but that’s not surprising.”

  “Well, Skye is Sean’s daughter,” he teased.

  I laughed. “She can be too stubborn sometimes.”

  “Just like her dad.”

  “But they’re good together,” I said. “I know they’re going to last forever.”

  “You think?” he asked.

  “I know.” I was jealous when I thought about it. Skye had a guy that loved her more than life itself.

  “You’re going to find that someday too.” It was like my dad could read my mind.

  “You think?” I was already twenty-two and I hadn’t found anyone who came close.

  “I know. You’re a beautiful girl who’s smart and fun. Believe me, you have admirers even if you don’t know it.”

  The only admirer I had was a tattooed bad boy that just wanted to have sex. “Maybe.”

  “No, not maybe.” He said it firmly.

  I decided not to argue with him.

  “I finished your book,” he said.

  “How did you like The Count of Monte Cristo?”

  “It was good. Too many characters to keep track of but good.”

  “Totally different than the movie, huh?” I asked.

  “Yeah. But I like the ending in the movie more.”

  I gave him a smile. “I did too. I’m a sucker for happy endings.”

  “I guess I am too.” His hand moved through my hair for a second before he dropped it.

  Companionable silence stretched between us. We could spend hours sitting together without saying anything. It wasn’t awkward at all. Skye and I did the same thing countless times. My dad was my dad, he always would be, but he was also my friend. I knew he babied me a lot. When it came to Conrad, my dad was strict and firm. He pushed him a lot more than he pushed me simply because Conrad was a man. Sometimes I wished he didn’t do it, but there were times when I absolutely loved it. My dad had unique and special relationships with each of us. I never felt like he loved me more or less than my brother.

  My eyes were growing heavy and I couldn’t keep them open anymore. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so tired…”

  “It’s okay, honey. Go to sleep.”

  ***

  My phone vibrated on my nightstand and woke me up. I was tucked in my bed. I was we
aring what I wore earlier except my shoes were gone. My dad must have carried me up and put me to bed. That wasn’t surprising.

  I squinted at the clock and realized it was three in the morning. Then I looked at my phone.

  Are you awake? It was Slade.

  Stop waking me up in the middle of the night! I’m tired.

  And I’m horny. Cry me a river.

  Good night, Slade. Leave me alone. I turned off my phone so he wouldn’t wake me up again.

  Just as I fell asleep, my bedroom door opened.

  Ugh.

  Slade took off his clothes then got into bed beside me. “Hey,” he whispered.

  “We have to wake up in three hours. I’d rather go to sleep than have sex.”

  “I didn’t come here to have sex. I want to talk.”

  Did I hear him right? “What?”

  “You’ll never guess what happened to my dad and I today. We almost died—twice.”

  I sat up. “What?”

  Slade told me he almost fell off a cliff but his dad saved him. And then a bear almost ate them but his dad used his lighter to scare it off.

  It was almost too ridiculous to believe. “Are you making this up?”

  “No! Don’t tell my mom. My dad doesn’t want her to know.”

  “But…that’s crazy.”

  “I know! I almost died twice in one day. It was so awesome.”

  “Awesome?” I asked incredulously.

  “How many people can say something like that?”

  “How many people want to say something like that?”

  “I just had to tell you.”

  “Me? Why me?”

  “Because…” He seemed to be at a loss for words. “I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you.”

  Silence stretched between us but it was a little tense.

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  Slade never asked me stuff like that. I turned on my side and faced him in the darkness. His hand rested on my hip. “It was okay. I suck at skiing.”

  “What’s new?”

  I hit his arm lightly.

  He chuckled. “It’s okay. I can teach you if you want.”

  “No, it’s fine. My dad shows me but I just don’t get it. I’ve fallen on my face so many times that it’s sore as hell.”

  “Your face?” he asked incredulously. “Is it even possible for it to be sore?”

  “Yes, it is,” I said firmly. “I just found that out. And my ass is killing me.”

  “That’s sore too?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Slade undid my jeans and pulled them off.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Who the hell sleeps in jeans?”

  “Who the hell doesn’t wear a jacket in the snow?” I countered.

  His hand moved to my ass and he started to massage it.

  I winced in pain then it started to feel amazing. I moaned quietly and closed my eyes.

  “Your ass is really tense.”

  “I’m not surprised,” I said with a sigh.

  He rubbed the other cheek then moved down to my thighs.

  “You’re good at that. You should be a masseuse.”

  “I know the female body pretty well.” He gave me a cocky wink.

  “Shut up, Slade.”

  He chuckled then kept rubbing me. “Other than that, how was your day?”

  “Well, it wasn’t as exciting as running away from a grizzly bear and almost falling off a cliff.”

  “Well, your day will never be as exciting as mine was,” he said with a laugh.

  “The highlight of my day was when my father and I got hot cocoa and discussed the books we just finished reading.”

  “Wow…that’s lame.”

  I hit him in the arm.

  “You want me to stop rubbing you?” he snapped.

  I quickly rubbed his arm. “Please don’t stop.”

  He smirked. “I’ve heard you say that several times—but in a very different context.”

  “Go to hell, Slade.”

  He laughed then rubbed my calves.

  “It’s nice to talk about stuff like that with my dad. We discuss politics and economics, and we talk about fictitious characters and storylines. I can’t have those kinds of conversations with anyone else but him.”

  Slade stared at me for a long time. “You guys are really close.”

  “Yeah…”

  “It’s actually really cute.”

  “Cute?” That was the second time he used that word.

  “Yeah. I’ve known Uncle Mike my whole life and he’s always been fun and aggressive. He tells more jokes than my dad. He’s the life of the party but he can be a brute like a gorilla. But when he’s alone with you…he’s totally different. He’s gentle, quiet, and thoughtful. He treats you like….like a princess.”

  “Pretty much,” I whispered.

  “And you’re different around him too, a completely different person.”

  “You mean I’m myself?”

  “Is that the real you?” he asked. “Because I’ve never seen it before. You’re always so sarcastic and have a hot-headed attitude.”

  “Well, I know my dad would never hurt me. It’s totally different. He would never make fun of me for saying something stupid. I can say anything and he won’t judge me.”

  He stopped rubbing me. “You can say anything to me… We talk about books and stuff.”

  I eyed him, unsure of his meaning. “What are you saying?”

  He was quiet for a long time. “I’m not sure what I’m saying, actually.”

  I didn’t either.

  “I guess…I feel like I could tell you anything.” He didn’t look at me when he said it. His hands rubbed me again, removing the aches and sores.

  When I thought about it in retrospect, I realized I told Slade a lot more than I told anyone else. Perhaps this arrangement brought us closer together as friends. I was close to everyone in my circle, especially Skye who was my best friend, but I never told her any of that. “I could tell you anything too.”

  He looked into my eyes. “Wow…I never thought this would happen.”

  “What?”

  “You’re like…a really good friend to me. Cayson has always been my best friend but…I don’t tell him every thought that runs through my head. With you, I do.”

  “Are you saying I’m your best friend?” I asked.

  “I guess. Isn’t that what a best friend is?” he asked. “Someone you can say anything to? You can be yourself without any fear of judgment or repercussion?”

  “Yeah…” That’s exactly how I described my relationship with my father.

  He shrugged. “I guess sleeping together was the best decision we ever made.”

  My hand moved to his bicep, the muscle I grabbed more often than not. Slade had a particular smell to him, cologne mixed with his natural scent. I recognized it so well that I could tell where he sat on a couch even after he left the room. I’d grown accustomed to his company. We spent over half the week in the same bed. Now I was used to his morning routines before we left for school. He always made toast in the toaster then left new bread inside so all I had to do was turn it on. I hated him for the longest time but…now I really cared about him. “I think you’re right.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Skye

  I hadn’t cornered my dad about the episode with Zack. We were having a lovely weekend hitting the slopes and bundling up to stay warm. There was never a good time to unleash my rage.

  After spending most of the day on the hill, we headed to the ski resort for lunch. We grabbed our trays and piled them with food. Naturally, my tray had the most items.

  My brother eyed it. “You’re such a fat ass.”

  “No, I’m not,” I argued. “I’ve been running around all day.”

  “Maybe your ass will get smaller then.” He walked to a table near the fire and sat down.

  I held my tongue and imagined ripping his eyes out.

&nb
sp; “He teases you because he loves you.” My mom stood behind me while my dad pulled out his wallet and paid for the meal.

  “Mom, I know you’re right about a lot of stuff…but this time you aren’t.”

  She smirked. “Your uncle Ryan and I are the same way.”

  “You guys tease each other in a completely different way.”

  My mom laughed. “Actually, we don’t.”

  We took a seat at the table. Roland was already eating his pizza and fries.

  My dad had a salad, like usual, and my mom was eating a burrito.

  I ordered a hot cocoa because it was freezing outside. The sun was out most of the day but then the sky became hazy with clouds. A few snowflakes sprinkled the ground.

  My dad eyed my mom. “You like your food, baby?”

  She already ate half of it. “It’s delicious. How’s your…salad?” She smirked while she stared at it.

  He grinned. “It’s…decent.”

  She laughed. “You look like a man but you eat like a rabbit.”

  “But you like the way I look, right?” he asked. “And I don’t want you to run off anywhere…”

  “Like she would,” Roland said. “You’d put a bullet in her new man’s head.”

  I knew my brother wasn’t joking. That honestly sounded like something Dad would do.

  My dad gave him a dark look. “Don’t joke about stuff like that.”

  “Because you’re afraid Mom will cheat on you?” he asked.

  “No.” My dad remained calm. “Guns aren’t a good subject over lunch.”

  “And you talking about having sex with Mom is?” Roland questioned.

  “Shut up and eat your food, Roland Preston.” My dad stared at him from across the table.

  That shut my brother up.

  “I don’t want to go home,” my mom said with a sigh.

  “We can stay,” my dad blurted. He’d do anything to make her happy.

  “No,” she said. “You need to get back to work. I’m more sad about the kids heading back to school.”

  I wasn’t looking forward to it either. I loved spending time with my parents, even if they were a little annoying and overly affectionate sometimes.

  “I hate school,” Roland said. “The only good about it are the girls.”

  “But don’t you prefer them married?” my dad jabbed.