No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Indy sighed, melting against Noah as his insides pooled with heat and his cock grew hard. Noah’s hand dropped to his neck, then continued to his arm. “I love your body… It’s small, yet strong at the same time. I love knowing that you could put me on my back on the floor anytime I crossed a line you didn’t want me to.”

  Indy chuckled. He froze as Noah’s hand brushed his back, even though there was cotton fabric between his hand and the scars. “I love knowing how strong you are on the inside. You’re a survivor, like me. Total turn on.”

  Indy let out a breath, shivered ever so slightly. Noah continued his journey of Indy’s body, dropping his right hand to Indy’s ass and squeezing gently. “Your ass… It’s worthy of entire love songs and poetry. Fuck, it’s surprisingly round and full considering the rest of your body, and it makes me want to… Well, not sure if you want to know all the details.”

  A sound rumbled in Indy’s chest. He was purring, going all mellow and squishy inside with Noah’s words. He cleared his throat. “I do. Want to know the details, I mean.”

  Noah’s chuckle reverberated through his body. “You like knowing what you do to me, huh? All right, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Noah’s other hand joined in as they slipped under Indy’s PJ bottoms and squeezed both cheeks firmly with his strong hands. Indy’s cock jumped up in attention and his breath hitched. Noah waited a beat, but Indy pushed out a shaky breath. It was pleasure flooding his system, not fear.

  “Your ass, fuck, it makes me want to eat you out—which, by the way, is something I’ve never done before, just so you know. I want to worship your bottom, then fuck it long and deep until we’re both too tired to do anything but sleep. And then I want to wake up and do it all over again.” Noah brushed his thumb over Indy’s hole, causing him to tremble. “I know you’re not ready, and I respect that, but I can’t wait for the day that you are. I’ll make it good, Indy, I promise.”

  Noah’s right hand moved to the front, wriggling in between their bodies to find Indy’s hard cock. He wrapped his rough hand around it, giving it a gentle tug that Indy felt all the way to his toes. “Your cock is gorgeous and perfect. I’ve gotten quite good at blow jobs, you know. Josh taught me well. I saw how much pleasure he gave you, and I can’t wait to do the same for you.”

  The thought of being fucked again, it made him sick to his stomach, despite Noah’s sexy words. His body loved Noah’s touch and the images he inspired, but his mind was all but panicking. Bottoming hurt and not in a good way. And Noah was big, way bigger than Duncan. Taking him in had to hurt twice as much. Sure, Josh did it all the time, but he was a good ten inches taller than Indy. Plus, he was used to it. What if he never wanted to bottom again? Would Noah still want him?

  “Would you …” Indy cleared his throat again, his voice hoarse. “W-would you let me fuck you?”

  Noah withdrew his hands from Indy’s PJ bottoms, leaving his skin tingling. He grabbed Indy’s neck and tugged him backward until their faces were inches away, their eyes meeting. Indy fought the urge to look down. What if Noah turned him down? Surely him topping Noah was ridiculous.

  “Would I let you…Fuck, yeah. If you asked me, I would drop my boxers and spread my legs for you right now. Just say the word.”

  Indy swallowed at the truth in Noah’s eyes. “Why?” he whispered.

  “Why, because you think I’m too dominant to bottom, or why because you’re convinced you couldn’t bring me pleasure?” As usual, Noah cut to the core of Indy’s issues.

  “Both.” Indy turned down his eyes.

  Noah pulled Indy’s head back against his chest, maybe understanding that this was scary and vulnerable and that it was way easier to talk when they weren’t facing each other.

  “Because of the way Josh and I started fucking, I don’t have much experience being the bottom guy. Hell, you’ve seen my experience because you were there.”

  “You haven’t…since?” Indy dared to ask the question that had been plaguing him. He’d heard Noah and Josh but hadn’t been able to determine who was doing what.

  “No. I’ve offered, but Josh didn’t want to. He said as much as he loved it, he loves being a bottom more. I’ll admit I’m way more comfortable being top with him, so I was more than okay with it. But with you it’s different. If the only way I can have you is by bottoming, then I’ll spread my legs for you anytime. My ass is yours. My whole body is yours.”

  Yours. Mine. Noah had no idea what these words he used so easily did to Indy. The idea that Noah offered himself like that, Indy couldn’t wrap his mind around it. What self-respecting man as big and strong as Noah would volunteer to bottom for a boy like him? Noah had called Indy his, even though they hadn’t done anything other than cuddle. How could he ever satisfy a man like that?

  You can’t. He wants your ass, that’s it.

  “You don’t think I’m too small?” he asked in a timid voice.

  Noah’s answer was swift and definitive. “Fuck, no. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never bottomed or because I’m unusually tight or something, but taking Josh in wasn't easy for me. Even with the prep we did, it hurt for a long time before we got to the good parts. So frankly, I’m relieved you’re not that big. Seems to me you’ll be able to hit that sweet spot perfectly and make me feel nice and full. Plus, Josh said my ass felt incredibly tight, so you’ve got that to look forward to.”

  Indy snorted as the humor of the situation hit him. He tried to hold it in, but a loud chortle erupted, shaking his body.

  “Are you laughing at me?”

  Was that mock offense in Noah’s voice? Indy let go of Noah’s neck, leaned back a little so he could see his face, make sure he wasn’t offended for real. The sparkling green eyes assured him Noah wasn’t mad in the least.

  “Dude, you sounded like a commercial praising your own ass. It was fucking hilarious.”

  “Well, I had to make sure you knew the unique selling points of my sweet ass.”

  Indy laughed. “Oh, trust me, I’m convinced.”

  Noah’s eyes sobered. “Don’t interpret this as me putting pressure on you, because I’m not.”

  “I know,” Indy said, dropping a quick kiss on Noah’s lips. He caught himself right after. “Is that okay?” he asked.

  Noah’s face softened. “Always. Indy, you can touch me anywhere, anytime. Your touch makes me happy.”

  “I don’t wanna be a cocktease.”

  Noah cupped Indy’s chin in his hand, made him face his kind eyes. “You’re not, and I would never think of you that way.”

  Indy nodded, smiled at Noah’s sweet affirmation.

  “Now, my first order for today: I’ll cut off your cast in a minute. What’s the first thing you want to do now that your wrist is healed?”

  * * *

  An hour later, Noah parked in front of a nondescript building a short drive from his house. ‘Adirondack Brazilian Jiujitsu,’ the black and red sign read.

  “This is it,” Indy said. He tightened the brown belt on his combo of white cotton pants and a thick, white cotton jacket—it was called a gi, he had explained to Noah. With a careful gesture he tied his curls back and wrapped an elastic band around them, securing them in a ponytail. It made him look even younger, Noah noted with a soft feeling in his belly.

  “You ready?” Noah asked. He’d secured Indy’s still-tender wrist in a tight brace to protect it from too much impact. He still wasn’t completely on board with the plan, but he understood how much Indy had missed this.

  “Can’t wait.”

  When they entered the building, a soft buzzer signaled their presence. They were barely inside when a tall, thirty-something guy appeared. Like Indy, he was dressed in a white gi, though his had a black belt.

  Indy bowed. “Professor Kent,” he said, then extended his hand. “I’m Indy Baldwin.” His drawl was back, Noah noted, even though he hadn’t dressed as a woman.

  “Blake Kent, good to meet you. You said on the phone you know Matt
Fox?”

  “He’s my professor,” Indy said, handing Kent a somewhat crumpled and stained letter he’d been holding the whole time. Noah wondered what the letter said. Indy had only explained it gave him the opportunity to walk into any jiujitsu school in the country and schedule a lesson or practice session.

  Kent unfolded the letter and read it. His eyes lifted to Indy, studying him for a few seconds. Noah’s body tensed. This guy had better be nice.

  “You come highly recommended. Fox is a big name, so his praise means a lot. Have you trained recently?”

  “I broke my right wrist, the cast came off today—hence the brace. So I've done little grappling, but I’ve stayed in shape.”

  Kent nodded. “Okay, then. I have an hour and a half, so let’s make it count. Follow me.”

  He led them into a brightly lit room with wooden benches on opposite sides of a square, thick blue mat. A red padded wall closed off the third side.

  “Your friend can wait in my office or watch, whichever you prefer,” Kent said.

  “I’ll watch,” Noah said.

  Kent focused cool blue eyes on him. “His choice,” he said, jerking his chin toward Indy.

  “He can watch,” Indy declared, his voice confident.

  Noah lowered himself on one of the benches as Kent walked onto the mat and took a stance, feet planted slightly apart, his back to the padded wall.

  Indy kicked off his flip-flops and bowed before he stepped on the mat. He took position across from Kent.

  “Twenty jumping jacks, count them out,” Kent ordered and Indy started jumping, his voice announcing the count loud and clear. They continued warming up with lunges, squats, and more. When Kent announced push-ups, Noah winced. He wasn’t sure Indy’s wrist was ready for that kind of pressure yet, but the boy dropped down immediately and gave the twenty requested push-ups, his muscles quivering with the exertion.

  “We’ll start with you escaping from several positions, so I can get an idea of your skill level.”

  During the next fifteen minutes, they went through a complex series of exercises, all designed to have Indy try to escape from various positions and holds. Noah watched in rapt attention as Indy managed to break free again and again.

  “You’re good,” Kent commented when Indy had once again broken his hold, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “You’ve learned to take advantage of your size and speed.”

  “Thank you, professor,” Indy said, beaming.

  “Let’s see if you can take me down in a grapple. Stay within the circle.” He pointed to the white circle in the center of the mat.

  Indy nodded and positioned himself in the center of the circle and dropped low on his heels, one foot diagonally planted behind the other, his hands raised to block his face. Kent mirrored his position across from him. Noah leaned forward as the two started an intricate dance of reach and feign, of grab and duck and trying to tackle legs and feet. Indy was fast, Noah noted with pride, managing to stay on his feet despite several attempts to drag him down.

  Finally, Kent managed to get a strong hold on Indy’s left arm and he brought him down hard. Indy went with the downward move, his arms and legs coming up in defense as he rolled. Kent dove on top of him, but Indy blocked and rolled and pushed himself off, at one point even managing to flip himself backward to keep Kent off of him. When he attempted another swift move to dive under the guy’s arms, Kent’s elbow accidentally slammed into his nose, and Indy went down with a loud yelp.

  Noah jumped up. Indy was on the ground, rolled up in a ball, his hands cupping his nose. Blood rapidly soaked the sleeves of his gi. Noah was on the mat before Indy could say a word.

  “Let me see,” he ordered, cursing his prosthesis that prevented him from kneeling on the floor. Instead, he dropped on his ass as close to Indy as he could, then yanked at Indy’s arms until he got the hint and slid closer to Noah.

  Indy lowered his hands. Blood was pouring out of his nose. The sight made Noah’s stomach clench, which was weird because he’d seen way more gruesome stuff than a bloody nose. He raised his hands to explore Indy’s nose as tears dripped out of his eyes.

  “It’s not broken,” Noah said.

  Kent dropped a wet towel and an icepack next to Noah on the mat. “Here.”

  Noah acknowledged him with a nod, never taking his eyes off Indy. He wiped the blood off his face, then held the towel against his nose. “Sit for a bit. The bleeding will stop soon.”

  He pulled Indy between his legs, letting him rest with his back against Noah’s chest. “You dizzy? Nauseous?”

  “No. I’m fine,” Indy mumbled through the towel, his body relaxing against Noah. Noah brushed a loose curl from Indy’s face, then wiped a tear from his eye. Fuck, he hated seeing him like that. He’d ten times rather hurt himself than see Indy in pain.

  “You a doctor?” Kent asked.

  Noah looked up to find the man studying him with interest. “Physician assistant and before that, army medic.”

  Kent’s gaze dropped to Noah’s hands, protectively wrapped around Indy’s slender frame. Noah caught the raised eyebrow and ignored it. Indy was his, and he wasn’t inclined to explain anything to anybody. If that guy had a problem with it, he could go fuck himself.

  “I think the bleeding has stopped,” Indy mumbled a while later. He took the towel off. Noah made Indy turn around and face him. He gently cleaned the remnants of blood off Indy’s face, who winced as Noah touched his nose.

  “It has. Put the ice pack on.” Noah wrapped the ice pack in a clean corner of the bloody towel and put it against Indy’s nose. He raised his index finger. “Track my finger.”

  Indy obeyed silently. His eyes tracked well, Noah concluded with relief. He brushed Indy’s cheek with a tender gesture, earning a soft smile from under the icepack.

  “I take it we’re done with the lesson?” Kent asked brusquely.

  Indy’s eyes sought Noah’s. “Noah?” he asked.

  “I was asking you, not your boyfriend,” Kent said.

  Noah’s eyes narrowed. What the fuck was this guy’s problem? Did he have a problem with gays or something?

  Indy raised his chin defiantly. “It’s Noah’s decision,” he said, his voice calm and clear.

  Heat rushed through Noah. The sheer joy of Indy submitting to him, it was indescribable. Indy had promised to do whatever Noah told him, but the fact that he kept that promise under these circumstances, in front of this asshole, it meant more to Noah than he could ever put into words. Indy wanted to continue, if only to show his professor what he was made of. And as much as Noah wanted him out of danger, this was something he needed to let Indy do. This was where he needed to trust Indy that he knew what he was doing.

  “You’re good?” he asked Indy.

  Indy nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Okay. I’ll wait.”

  Indy’s face lit up, and Noah couldn’t resist a quick kiss on his soft curls. Indy scrambled up. For a second Noah sat worried about how undignified it was going to look to get up, but then Indy extended his left hand, braced his body, and allowed Noah to pull himself up. Noah closed his eyes for a second, fighting against the urge to lift Indy up and kiss him silly for the simple gesture that helped him maintain his dignity.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  Indy’s face radiated with the sweetest smile, which did not help Noah’s fight against his dark urges at all. With effort, he made his way back to the wooden bench.

  “You’d better tell your boyfriend to stay off my mat, or he can wait somewhere else.”

  Noah whipped around when he caught Kent’s words. Indy didn’t even flinch with the much taller guy inches away from him.

  “You make me bleed again, and I fucking promise you: my boyfriend on your mat will be the least of your worries…Professor.”

  If Noah thought it was a rush to hear Indy submit to him, it was nothing compared to him claiming Noah as his boyfriend, loud and clear. The way Indy stood there, ramrod straight, his chin lif
ted to meet Kent head-on, it was an incredible sight.

  “You’ve got balls, kid.” There was grudging admiration in Kent’s voice.

  “So I’ve been told. We good?”

  Kent smiled tightly. “We’re good.”

  They continued grappling after Kent got Indy a new gi jacket, Noah never taking his eyes off them. Kent was good, obviously, but Indy fought hard and never gave up, not even when Kent had him pinned to the mat. Kent gave instructions in between, pointing out moves and tricks to Indy, who was focused and seemed to soak every word up. When they were done, Indy’s curls lay plastered against his head and his face was dripping with sweat. He bowed to Kent and stepped off the mat.

  They walked to the car silently and didn’t talk until they were almost home. Noah wasn’t sure what was going through Indy’s mind, but his closed-off face told him Indy needed some time to think.

  “Thank you for letting me stay,” Indy finally said.

  “Thank you for making it my call.”

  Noah turned into the driveway, opened the garage door.

  “I need a shower,” Indy said, then caught himself. “Is it okay if I take a shower?” he rephrased.

  Noah smiled as he shut off the engine. “Care for some company?”

  12

  Why the fuck did I say yes?

  Indy’s stomach sank as he walked up the stairs and into his room. Noah had blindsided him with that question, and Indy had found himself saying yes without realizing it. Noah’s care for him combined with his stubborn indifference toward Professor Kent’s attitude, had made Indy melt on the inside. Kent had obviously had some kind of issue with Noah, maybe because he disliked gays or whatever. Noah hadn’t given a shit and had claimed Indy. Indy had been so grateful that he’d wanted to say yes to everything Noah asked of him. Including this asinine idea of showering together.

  Noah had seen his back, but this was different, way more intimate. In the shower, Noah would see everything up close and personal: every scar, every imperfection, everything that Indy hated about his body, including his small dick. Which, of course, would appear even smaller flaccid.