No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  No, he couldn’t come like this. This one-sided pleasure, it was not okay. But damn, that mouth. Noah bucked again, unable to restrain himself. His eyes clenched shut, his senses overloading.

  “Damn, I can’t…I don’t want to…baby, I’m too far…”

  He moaned again, embarrassingly loud. Indy’s mouth never let up, kept sucking him in in that wet, tight space. His hands gripped, pressed, nipped his balls in exquisite torture until Noah was a liquid mess of heat and want.

  Noah lost all coherence as his body took over. Thrashing, tensing, tightening…and then releasing with a roar that seemed to come from his toes. He blasted deep into Indy’s mouth, who sucked it all up, licked him clean till the last drop, letting out happy hums.

  His vision dizzy and his ears still buzzing from the force of his release, Noah sought with his hand till he found Indy, then pulled him back on top of him.

  “Please, tell me I didn’t hurt you, didn’t force myself too hard in your mouth.”

  Indy kissed him, his mouth still salty and creamy with the remnants of Noah’s cum.

  “You didn’t,” Indy said between kisses. “Didn’t you feel my hand around your base?” More kisses, each deeper than the one before. Damn, Noah loved tasting himself on Indy’s tongue. “Little trick I learned to prevent guys from pushing in too far.”

  They both stilled.

  A trick.

  Indy had learned to do this to prevent guys from going too far.

  White-hot rage barreled through Noah’s veins at the thought of anyone raping his Indy’s mouth.

  Indy pushed away from him with both hands. Noah wanted to stop him, but he couldn’t hold Indy against his will. Not now. Not ever. Indy rolled off him, sat up with his back toward Noah.

  Noah put his cock back in his pants. Fuck. That innocent remark must have triggered a shitload of bad memories for Indy. What could he say to take away Indy’s pain?

  “I’m sorry, Noah…”

  Wait, what? What the fuck did he have to be sorry for? He rolled on his side, facing Indy’s back. “What’s going through your head, baby?”

  It took forever for Indy to answer. “I’m not a whore.”

  What the fuck? Noah’s fingers itched to grab Indy and make him face the other way, but he held back. “Where’s that coming from? You’re not, and I would never think that.”

  He voiced it much sharper than he had meant it, and he winced.

  Indy’s head sunk low on his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you feel cheap, like a client or something.”

  Noah shook his head. “You didn’t. You gave me an amazing gift, why would I feel cheap?”

  “Because I compared you to Duncan and other guys I’ve…had.”

  Was that what Indy was upset about? Not the bad memories, but the fear of hurting Noah’s feelings? “Damn, baby, I never even went there. I thought you pulled away because your own words triggered bad memories. It made me so angry to think that you had to learn to defend yourself from guys going too far with you.”

  Indy turned around, his shoulders still hunched and his eyes peering upward to Noah’s. “You’re not angry with me?” he asked in a timid voice.

  Noah did what his heart told him. He opened his arms wide. “No, my sweet baby. I was angry for you, not with you.”

  Indy made his way into Noah’s arms, leaning against him sideways and exhaling. Yeah, not close enough, Noah decided and plucked his man under the arms to pull him on his lap, right where he belonged. He nuzzled his neck and let out a grunt of contentment.

  “Your mouth is heaven, baby. Thank you for giving me so much pleasure.”

  “Noah, will you do something for me?” Indy whispered against Noah’s chest. It hit Noah how little Indy asked. He couldn’t remember a single time that Indy had asked for a favor.

  “Anything.”

  “Will you please fuck me when we get home?”

  * * *

  Indy was out of the car before the garage door closed. He laughed hard, racing inside with Noah on his heels. They’d barely spoken a word in the car, both too eager for the next step.

  “How was the picnic?” Josh asked as they entered the kitchen. He was at the breakfast counter, reading a book and sipping a cup of tea.

  “Who cares,” Noah growled, smacking Indy’s ass. “Get your butt upstairs, right now.”

  Indy shot a teasing look over his shoulder, pouted his lips. “But Noah, I thought we could watch some TV first.”

  He let out a loud squeal when Noah picked him up and slung him over his shoulder. Damn, his man was strong. Fuck if that brute strength didn’t make his heart skip a few beats. In a good way. He wasn’t scared, not even a little bit.

  “We’re done talking. Let’s go.” Noah started walking, hauling Indy with ease. “Josh, my man, we’ll be busy upstairs for a while. We’ll let you know when it’s safe.”

  Indy slapped Noah’s ass with both his hands since it was so easily within reach. “Put me down, you big brute.”

  “Erm, no. Not a chance. Not letting you go now. Not ever.”

  Indy’s heart warmed at the playful words that rang so true. Forever with this wonderful man, now there was a dream he could get behind. It was a pipe dream, but oh, damn, it was a good one. He stopped struggling, allowed Noah to carry him if only because it made him feel all gooey inside to be hauled off.

  “Have fun!” Josh yelled after them, laughter in his voice.

  Noah didn’t stumble once carrying him upstairs into the big bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He lifted Indy off his shoulder, laid him down on the bed on his back.

  When Noah towered over Indy, panic rose for a second. He pushed it down hard. This was Noah. This was the man who had held him naked in the shower and had not lifted a finger. This was the man whose first concern had been that he’d hurt Indy when he’d given him a blow job. This was the man who had respected his boundaries every step of the way. He had nothing to fear, nothing.

  Noah stilled, as if sensing Indy needed a second to calm himself. “Remember what I promised you. A simple ‘no’ is enough, at any time.”

  Indy nodded at Noah’s soft words, felt them in the deepest depths of his heart to be true. “I trust you.”

  “What do you want, Indy? You have to tell me. Do you want to go slow? Do you need some time to adapt?”

  Indy shook his head. “No, I’m done waiting. I want you now.”

  Indy sat up and whipped off his own shirt, gripped by the powerful need to feel Noah’s skin on his, nothing between them. His pants came off next, then he yanked off his socks and stripped down his boxers. The fear and shame he’d half-expected to pop up at being naked in front of Noah never came. Fuck, he wanted this more than anything.

  “Hurry the fuck up, would you?” he said, climbing over the bed toward Noah. Noah’s eyes radiated such want and desire it made Indy shiver.

  He kneeled on the bed and pulled at Noah’s shirt until the man moved with something resembling urgency and undressed.

  “Yes!” Indy let out a token sound of appreciation when Noah stood naked in front of him. Damn, that body of his. He was so fucking hot. Every single muscle perfect, every inch of skin strong and masculine. And oh, that thick cock ready for action, pointing straight at him. Every sliver of fear Indy had ever entertained about never being able to enjoy sex ever again disappeared as his mouth watered at the thought of taking this man in.

  Without taking his eyes off Indy, Noah unhooked his prosthesis and let it drop on the floor.

  “How do you want us?” Noah asked.

  The strangest feeling flooded Indy. It was a warm buzz that pulsed through his entire body, made him tingle from his toes to the top of his head. It dizzied him, made it hard to think over the overwhelming sensation of…love. This had to be what love felt like.

  Damn, he loved Noah. Completely. He loved this man who always put him and his needs first, never his own.

  “I want to see you,” he whispered.

  No
ah nodded. “Get on your back, put some pillows under your butt.”

  Indy complied without hesitation, scooting backward on the bed and propping two soft pillows under his ass. He spread his legs wide, pulling his feet up. Now that he’d made the decision to give in to what he’d wanted all along, he couldn’t wait.

  Noah threw a bottle of lube from the nightstand drawer on the bed, then sat down between Indy’s legs. He trailed his index finger from Indy’s ankle all the way up to his thigh. Indy shivered in response.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Noah said reverently. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

  Indy took a deep breath. Noah had said it himself, he had to say what he wanted. “Noah, as much as I appreciate your words and everything, can we do the slow stuff another time? I want you. I need you, and the longer you wait the more time I have to get scared, so could you maybe hurry the fuck up, please?”

  Much to Indy’s delight, Noah let out a relieved sigh and smiled. “Fuck, baby, that’s music to my ears. I wasn’t sure if I had the patience to go slow.”

  He grabbed the lube, squirted out a glob, and settled himself between Indy’s legs. “Open wide for me, baby.”

  Indy let his legs fall open even wider and scooted down lower on the pillows so Noah had free access. He was wide open, vulnerable, about to surrender to this powerful man who could hurt him if he wanted to. But the panic never came. Instead, there was trust, anticipation, a wave of sheer desire that licked at his insides like a starting fire, ravenous to burn brighter.

  Noah’s index finger found his hole and probed. Indy breathed in, out, and let him in.

  The heat roared higher as Noah circled his finger, pushed it in and out. Fuck, the mere sensation of Noah’s finger gave Indy goose bumps, and a low moan stirred in his throat. He wanted more, needed so much more.

  “More,” he whispered.

  Noah smiled, pulled out and added a second finger. Indy bore down, let them in with ease. It stung when Noah pushed in deep, but it also intensified the liquid heat in his belly. Pleasure was already assailing him, making his cock grow even harder. He closed his eyes and focused on relaxing his muscles, giving Noah the access they both so desperately wanted.

  Noah would take care of him. The thought kept circling in his head, pushing all other thoughts out. There was no room for bad memories, fear, or even the mention of Duncan. His body, mind, and soul were tuned in to the man between his legs.

  “How are you doing, baby?” Noah asked huskily. He widened his fingers, and Indy let out a soft moan as the man grazed a sensitive spot inside him. The flames inside him licked at his cock, his balls, setting them on fire.

  “Good, I’m good.”

  Noah hummed. He pulled out again, then added a third finger. Indy froze for a second as the intrusion breached his outer ring. Noah stopped immediately. Indy let out a shuddering breath, relaxed again.

  Noah resumed his movements, but slowly. The man was focused on every minute signal Indy’s body emitted to make sure he was all right.

  Love. It really was a fucking miracle, wasn’t it?

  Noah twisted his hand, rotating it so his fingers pointed upward. He pushed in deep, stretching Indy farther open. It was that strange mix of pain and pleasure where the sting of the burn and the stab of pleasure intertwined, both sending electric shocks through his ass, radiating to his cock and nuts. He shivered, impatient for more.

  “You’re so damn tight.” Noah’s voice rang with concern.

  Indy understood. Noah was scared of hurting him. “Imagine how good that’s going to feel around your cock,” he teased.

  “Oh, I can imagine just fine. I’ve had my eye on that perfect ass of yours since the day I met you.”

  This was it. His body was ready. And fuck, his mind was ready too. He wanted this, wanted Noah. “What are you waiting for, then? I’m ready.”

  Noah’s hand stopped. “You sure?”

  “More than anything.”

  Noah pulled back his hand.

  “I’m tested and negative,” Indy whispered.

  Noah nodded. “Good. I want nothing between us when I make you mine.”

  He sat up straight, poured more lube in his hand and coated his cock. He hesitated, so Indy grabbed his arm, pulled him. Noah lowered himself on top of Indy, letting his weight rest on his arms.

  Indy looked up. Noah’s eyes shone with love and want. Indy’s heart stumbled, then went into free fall.

  Damn, the sensation of a big, strong man on top of him intoxicated him. He was born for this, to be with this man. He didn’t say anything, wasn’t capable of forming words, but nodded.

  Noah’s cock lined up against Indy’s hole, Noah guiding it into position with one hand. As soon as Noah pushed, Indy breathed out and bore down, welcoming him in. Noah slid in as if they’d done it a thousand times before, as if his dick knew the way home.

  “Oh, fuck,” Noah breathed when he inched in deeper, past the snug entrance. “Oh…fuck.”

  Indy smiled. It wasn’t the most eloquent of expressions, but it sure as hell was sexy to see his man throwing his head back in ecstasy.

  Noah pushed in a little deeper, Indy’s ass adjusting quickly. Oh, it burned all right, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Nothing that didn’t bring pleasure as much as discomfort. He closed his eyes, squirmed a little. God, his muscles were squeezing Noah’s cock like a vise. Even halfway in, Indy felt deliciously full.

  “Keep going,” he encouraged Noah, who had stopped moving.

  “Give me a second,” was the quick reply.

  “I’m fine!”

  “I’m not,” Noah bit out. “You’re so fucking snug around my cock that I’m gonna blow my wad if I don’t stop.”

  Indy opened his eyes. Noah’s jaw was tight, his teeth clamped down and his brows furrowed. Every muscle in his body was on full alert. It was clear he was fighting as hard as he could.

  It was an unbelievably arousing sight. To know he had this effect on this strong man, that he could bring him to his knees—Indy had never felt sexier in his life.

  “So let go. You have another round in you.”

  Noah’s eyes opened. Narrowed with a solid dose of stubbornness and pride. “No. You have to go first.”

  Indy remembered what Josh had told him, how Noah always made sure Josh came first and how Noah’s sense of guilt played into that. Was Noah somehow feeling guilt toward Indy as well? He didn’t want this beautiful experience with Noah sullied by a false sense of guilt.

  “I’m not Josh, Noah.”

  His words were steel wrapped in velvet. He was willing to go to war over this. What he and Noah had, it had to be right from the start. He couldn’t allow it to get burdened with destructive patterns they’d never get rid of again.

  “Damn it, Indy, I know.”

  Noah kept holding still, their eyes locked in a battle of wills.

  “Then why do I have to come first?”

  “Because I want to make it good for you.”

  “Yeah, so? Who says you can’t do both, allow yourself to come first and make me come afterward?”

  Noah stubbornly shook his head.

  Fuck, this was a deeper issue than Indy had anticipated. And here he’d thought he was the one who was all fucked up about sex. “Pull out.”

  Noah didn’t hesitate even a second, but drew back—letting out a groan as the sensation undoubtedly brought him even closer to the edge.

  Indy felt empty inside when that wonderful thick cock left him, leaving him cold and yearning for that fullness and friction. As soon as Noah was out, Indy hooked his leg around him, put Noah’s arm in an arm bar and flipped him on his back with ease. He unhooked himself and stretched out on top of Noah, their faces a breath apart.

  “I need you to listen. I know that my notion of sex is pretty fucked up, considering my past. But so is yours. You’ve created this pattern where you associate sex with guilt. Somehow, you feel guilty for taking pleasure, so you compensate by making Josh or me
come first. You fucking refuse to let go until then. Even today when I was blowing you, you were fighting it. You have to stop this. If you want to be with me, it can't only be about me, what I want, and my pleasure. You have to be able to take as much as you give, or this won’t ever work.”

  “I need to take care of you,” Noah said, a hint of desperation in his voice. “I can’t help it, it’s how I’m wired.”

  “First, that’s bullshit. You always have a choice, no matter how you’re wired. But more importantly, that’s a narrow view you have of what taking care of someone means. Don’t you realize how much joy it brings me to know I can pleasure you, make you lose control, make you come minutes after being inside of me? You’re robbing me of that experience if you always want to delay your pleasure for mine. How’s that taking care of me?”

  Noah was quiet for a long time, studying Indy with eyes that seemed to peer deep into his soul.

  “You’re right,” he said. “I never looked at it that way.”

  “Okay, then,” Indy said, relieved. “Now, where were we?”

  Noah’s eyes widened. “You still want to…?” His voice betrayed his insecurity.

  Indy didn’t say anything, just moved his body downward until he’d lined up with that thick, gorgeous cock. He raised himself on his knees, took Noah’s shaft in his hand and lowered himself.

  Noah’s eyes closed, his hands white-knuckling the sheets as Indy took him in, inch by inch.

  Indy breathed calmly, easing downward on the exhale, never once tensing or panicking until he had every inch of that glorious dick inside of him. He let out a deeply content, “Fuck, yes!”

  Noah’s hands gripped his hips as the man angled his hips to slide in even deeper. Noah’s balls bumped against his ass and wasn’t that the most erotic sensation ever? Hot damn, he’d never thought it could feel this good.

  He raised his hips, came down again in an experimental move. This was a new position for him as he’d always been fucked either doggy style or on his back—never on top. He loved the control it gave him—though there was something to be said for having a strong, big body towering over you—but also how deep he could take Noah in this way.