No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  He reached out for Josh, pulled him closer and brought his mouth to Josh's lips for the softest kiss. It was a butterfly, feather light, a tickling tease of his tongue and lips. Josh moaned in his mouth, still half-asleep, and Connor kissed him again, with more pressure. Josh melted against his mouth, opened up. Connor slipped his tongue in, probed and coaxed until Josh responded.

  He never opened his eyes, but Connor felt him wake up, become aware, then deepen the kiss. He rolled on his back, pulling Josh on top of him. There was something about the sensation of Josh on top of him that fired up every nerve in Connor’s body. It felt so right, so perfect. Every hard angle of their bodies fit, naked skin teasing naked skin. Connor let his hands travel south, put them on that perfect ass he had pounded the night before.

  Finally, Josh opened those crystal clear blue eyes. “Damn, Connor, that’s how I prefer my wake-up call,” he whispered against Connor’s mouth after minutes of soft, moist kissing.

  “I know it’s still early, but I couldn’t wait anymore,” Connor confessed.

  His words brought the sweetest smile to Josh's mouth, his lips curving and his cheeks dimpling. He cupped Connor’s cheek in a tender gesture, and Connor kissed his hand.

  “You’re ready for another round?” Josh teased.

  “No!” Connor was way too loud, and Josh put a hand over his mouth. Connor nodded he understood, and Josh took his hand away. “No, Josh, that’s not why…I wanted to spend time with you, that’s all.”

  Five minutes. Josh was awake for five minutes, and already Connor was messing it up again. He sucked so badly at this.

  “I know. I was teasing you,” Josh said softly.

  “I don’t ever want you to think that it’s about sex. Ever.”

  “But you liked the sex, right?” Josh asked, furrowing his brows.

  “Fuck, yes. Shit, I’m fucking this up. I love the sex with you. You know it was mind-blowing. But I don’t want you to think I’m here only because of that. I like you for you, not because you…”

  He swallowed as images from the previous night flooded him. Josh's mouth on his cock, milking him till the last drop. Josh on top of him, lowering himself on Connor’s cock. Josh leaning over the bed, Connor fucking the living daylights out of him. The two of them spent in each other’s arms. As if his body wanted to fuck up the situation even more, he grew rock hard, his cock dangerously close to Josh's ass.

  Josh chuckled. “You were saying?” he said, rubbing his crotch against Connor’s.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” Connor said, somewhat deflated.

  “I think the Beast disagrees with you on how much you want another round.”

  “The Beast?”

  Josh kissed him, smiled. “Your cock. I dubbed it the Beast.”

  “You named my cock the Beast?” Connor didn’t know whether to laugh or be insulted.

  “Aptly named, right?”

  “Yeah, but shouldn’t the honor of naming it fall to its actual owner, you know, me?”

  “Did it have a name?” Josh wanted to know.

  “Erm, no, not really.”

  “Then I think the honor falls to the guy taking it up his ass. The Beast it is.”

  Connor couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, you win. But you do understand considering the fairy tale, this makes your ass the Beauty, right?”

  The expression on Josh's face was priceless, and Connor laughed again. Josh's look changed, softened. “You should laugh more often,” he said. “You’re damn sexy when you do.”

  For breathless seconds, they looked at each other. Then Josh lowered his mouth to Connor’s and kissed him senseless.

  * * *

  Josh was still catching his breath after coming all over Connor’s hand when the door of their room opened. The click of crutches gave away Noah’s presence. What the hell did Noah think he was doing, barging in like that?

  “Noah, get the fuck out of that room,” Indy shouted.

  Josh shot up in bed, covering Connor with the stained and crumpled sheets in a reflex.

  “I just want to…”

  It was clear Noah wasn’t talking to them but to Indy who was in the hallway.

  Indy yelled, “I don’t give a flying fuck what you want. You don’t barge into someone else’s room when you damn well know they’re busy. If you need Josh that urgently, you can knock and wait for him to answer.”

  “But I need him to…”

  “Don’t fucking lie to me. There’s no reason you need Josh right now, except for this ridiculous urge of you to storm in and catch them in the act. Seriously, Noah, get the fuck out, or I won’t let you touch me for a week.”

  “You wouldn’t…”

  Josh grinned despite his stress levels being sky high. “He totally would,” he mouthed to Connor, who was equally tense.

  “Try me.” Indy’s voice was cold as steel.

  Two seconds was all it took before the door closed. “I’m sorry, baby.” Noah’s voice was muffled, making Josh suspect he was hugging Indy. Indy’s reply was too soft to hear, as was Noah’s low voice back.

  “Sorry, guys!” Noah then called out, his tone not quite convincing.

  Josh lowered himself again on his side, forcing himself to exhale and let out the tension in his body. “Noah doesn’t stand a chance against Indy when he puts his foot down.”

  Connor relaxed. “I didn’t think Noah ever backed down from a fight.”

  “He doesn’t, but Indy knows his weak spots by now. Plus, he’s steel covered in a small, pretty package. He calls Noah out on his shit.”

  “It seems they’re well matched then.”

  Josh smiled. “They are. I’m happy for them.”

  Connor searched his face, then nodded. “I’m afraid we made a bit of a mess of this bed.”

  Josh shrugged. “That’s why we have a washing machine. We have tons of sheets and covers for that reason.” He blushed when his own words registered with him. Damn, he had to be more careful around Connor and not remind him of the sex with Noah.

  “It’s okay, Josh,” Connor said.

  Josh swallowed, composed himself. “Noah left the door unlocked. You wanna grab a shower?”

  “Together?”

  It wasn’t what Josh had intended, but now that it was on the table, the idea appealed to him. Immensely. After all, Connor had jerked him off, but Josh hadn’t been able to repay the favor because of Noah’s interruption.

  “Yeah. We’ll use the master bathroom. It’s got a huge shower that’s big enough for the Beauty and the Beast,” he added, laughing.

  There was that smile again, that big grin on Connor’s face that made Josh's belly all weak and fuzzy.

  “Lead the way,” Connor said, still smiling.

  Josh got out of bed, groaning when his body protested. He flicked on the lamp on the night table, then stretched to work the kinks out of his stiff and achy body. Connor gasped.

  “Josh, I’m so sorry.”

  Josh turned around, found Connor sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at him with eyes wide open. He looked down to see what had the man so flustered. His waist was covered in bruises, ranging from light to a few darker ones on his lower back. They perfectly matched Connor’s fingers.

  “I bruise easily,” he shrugged. The slight throb of the bruises bothered him way less than the sting in his ass. Yup, he was now paying for the sloppy prep before their last fuck. It was a painful reminder he needed to do a better job loosening himself considering the size of the Beast.

  Connor was studying him in silent horror, his shoulders sagging and his hand rubbing his chin. “Connor, it’s okay,” Josh said.

  “How can it be okay? I hurt you. Damn it, Josh, you should’ve said something.”

  Josh stepped in between Connor’s legs, put his hands under Connor’s jaw to make him look up. “I loved every second yesterday. I didn’t feel these when you made them, I swear. And if I did, it only contributed to my arousal. I wanted you to be rough, and when you fucked me tha
t hard, I saw stars, okay? A few bruises seem like a small price to pay.”

  Connor’s eyes narrowed. “You’re walking carefully, which means you’re hurting inside as well.”

  Josh should’ve known nothing escaped the observant cop. “Yeah, my ass stings. But I did that myself, okay? You told me to loosen myself and prep, and I rushed it, was impatient to get fucked. That turns out to be a bad idea considering your size. Lesson learned.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Josh leaned in and kissed Connor. “What if I want you to?”

  “Do you?”

  “The idea of you spanking me made me get off yesterday… Baby, I like a bit of pain with the pleasure.” Josh bit his lip. Would Connor think he was perverted?

  You are. Shit, he has no idea of what you want him to do to you.

  “You want me to spank you?” Connor’s voice was hoarse, but it wasn’t disgust on his face. It was pure, unadulterated lust.

  Josh nodded.

  Connor dropped his hands to Josh's ass cheeks and rubbed them. “Here?”

  Josh could barely breathe, nodded again.

  “Okay.”

  Josh stilled, searching for Connor’s eyes, insecure he’d misunderstood. “Yeah?”

  “Yes. What else would you like, baby?”

  Josh cast his eyes down, shivers dancing on his spine. Connor had reacted well to the spanking. Maybe he was into this shit as well? Could he risk it?

  “Maybe tie me up?”

  “Okay.”

  Emboldened, Josh raised his eyes. God, Connor’s eyes were on fire, devouring him. Josh asked, “You’d like that?”

  “Fuck, yes. You have no idea what I want to do to you, with you. But I wanna do this right, so we’ll research, okay? We’ll figure it out together.”

  “Together,” Josh repeated, pretty sure he had the goofiest smile ever on his face.

  “Now get your beautiful ass in that shower so I can stare at it more. Haven’t had my fill yet.”

  It took them half an hour to shower, get dressed, and show up downstairs. It would’ve been way less if they hadn’t gotten distracted by hand jobs and kissing and more rubbing and jerking and kissing. They were like teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other, Josh mused as they made their way downstairs.

  Noah was in his usual spot, reading the paper, while Indy was cutting up ingredients for an omelet, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his lips. In the months Josh had been teaching him to cook, he’d gotten handy in the kitchen.

  Josh walked over and hugged him from behind. “Hey, gorgeous,” he said. Indy leaned back, turned his head sideways and kissed him on his mouth, as they so often did. They both stilled as they became aware of Connor.

  “Sorry,” Indy said, stepping away and shooting an apologetic look Connor’s way. “Force of habit.”

  Josh cringed when he realized he hadn’t filled in Connor on the details of his relationship with Indy.

  “It’s okay,” Connor said, much to Josh's surprise. “I understand that Josh is kind of a package deal with you and Noah.”

  “And you’re okay with that?” Noah asked.

  Josh held his breath, waiting for Connor’s answer. “Yes. But Josh has to ask me for permission if he wants to do anything more than kiss either of you.”

  Damn, Josh felt Connor’s authority reach deep inside him, pushing all those needy submissive buttons.

  Noah raised his eyebrows, looked at Josh. He wouldn’t accept Connor’s words at face value, would want to make sure this was what Josh wanted. “Does he now?”

  Josh didn’t hesitate for even a second. He nodded happily. “I do.” He turned to Connor, shot him a look of pure gratitude. “Thank you.”

  Connor held out his hand, and Josh stepped in, took it, allowing himself to be pulled close to his man. Because that’s what Connor was, his man. He was communicating in crystal clear terms that the pecking order had changed and that Josh was his now. And damn, if that didn’t make Josh all gooey and giddy inside. But would Noah accept it?

  Josh found Noah’s green eyes studying him and Connor, assessing. Josh tensed. Please, Noah had to be okay with this. He couldn’t do it without Noah’s blessing, even if it was implicit. If Noah and Connor would be bickering all the time, it would be impossible for Josh. He couldn’t live with that kind of constant friction.

  “Okay, then,” Noah said. He focused on Connor, narrowing his eyes.

  Connor sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. “I know. If I hurt him, you’ll feed my balls to wild dogs or something equally appealing. I get it.”

  The corner of Noah’s mouth pulled up. Josh smiled. Noah liked Connor, even if he hated him a little bit at the same time. They were two alphas determining a pecking order when it came to Josh, and that wasn’t easy.

  “I’m glad we understand each other,” Noah said, not quite pulling off the menacing look he was aiming for.

  Connor pulled Josh's head in for a slow kiss that was obviously meant to yank Noah’s chain. The first three seconds, Josh was painfully aware of Noah and Indy watching them, but then he forgot about them and sunk deep into the kiss. When Connor broke off the kiss, Josh let out a contented sigh and stayed safe in those strong arms for a few seconds more.

  “If you guys are gonna be like that all day, we’ll lock you right back up,” Noah said.

  “Oh, shut up, you. We were just as bad in the beginning,” Indy came to their defense.

  Josh turned in Connor’s arms to face his two friends, leaning back against the powerful body behind him. “Worse,” he confirmed, not embarrassed in the least.

  Indy giggled. “True. You watched us fuck on more than one occasion. Does that mean you’ll return the favor?”

  Before Josh could say anything, Connor’s hand clamped down hard on his shoulder. The warning was clear: this was not something he should joke about. The openness about sex he had with Noah and Indy was a foreign concept to Connor. Josh understood Connor’s insecurities, respected them enough to obey. Not that obeying hadn’t been his first instinct anyway. Damn, it was scary how deeply ingrained his need to submit was.

  Josh smiled at Indy but didn’t respond. Instead, he reached for Connor’s hand and squeezed it to signal he understood. Connor mumbled a low “Thank you” in his ear.

  “What do you want for breakfast, baby?” Josh asked, changing the subject. “Indy is preparing an omelet if that’s what you want, but I can fix you anything else. Pancakes, waffles, a fruit smoothie, or a yogurt with granola and fruit.”

  “Waffles and a fruit smoothie sound good, thank you.” Connor kissed Josh one more time and let him go.

  With a bounce in his steps, Josh got the ingredients. Connor lowered himself on a bar stool next to Noah, who held out a section of the newspaper. It was as good as a peace treaty, and Josh sighed with relief. Thank fuck Noah had decided to cooperate. Now, all they needed to do was find a solution to Indy’s dilemma so they could all live happily ever after.

  His hand was halfway to the blender with a hand full of frozen strawberries when it hit him. He wanted a happily ever after with Connor. How the fuck had he fallen for the guy that quickly? It was ridiculous. Nobody could fall in love that fast. It had to be the mind-blowing sex, the fact that he’d finally been fulfilled in that craving to be fucked hard and rough, to be dominated. That had to be the reason for this weird, deep connection with Connor.

  “Josh?”

  Noah’s voice pulled him back.

  “I’m good,” he said, smiling despite his inner turmoil.

  Connor shot Noah a look, raising his eyebrows. Noah hesitated for a second, then gave in. “If Josh freezes like that, it could mean something has triggered an episode in him. If that’s the case, and you recognize it early, you can usually bring him back with your voice. You’ll learn to read his body language over time.”

  Connor nodded, focusing his attention back on Josh. Fuck, Josh felt like a total nutcase now, with two men discussing his w
eaknesses. Well, he was a total nutcase.

  Josh turned back to the counter, threw the strawberries in with more force than needed. The noise of the blender drowned out any other noise, but not the angry voice inside him.

  Why can’t you be normal, like everyone else? Noah got blown up by a fucking IED, and he doesn’t have PTSD. Indy has been raped and abused, and he’s able to function like a normal person. And Connor has been held hostage, tortured, and watched his best friend die, and he’s a cop for fuck’s sake. Why is everyone but you able to deal with the shit in their lives?

  He was such a loser, reluctant to go outside most of the days. How could he ever expect to keep a man like Connor happy? Sure, Connor had said he was okay with staying home, but at some point, he’d want more than a boring homebody. Now that he had discovered how good sex could be, wouldn’t he want to look for someone healthy to share his life with?

  Dammit, he needed to show Connor he could be fun, spontaneous. What was it his therapist had advised him last week? Right. He had to engage in playful battle situations. Well, here was his opportunity. He pushed his anger down and took a deep breath. “I want to go paintballing today,” he announced. “With the four of us.”

  He looked at Noah, who opened his mouth as if to say something. “You fucking owe me after hitting Connor and storming in this morning,” Josh said and watched with satisfaction as Noah clamped his mouth shut again.

  He turned to Indy, pleading with his eyes to be on board with this, despite everything. “I’m keeping Connor’s phone,” Indy said, his face tight. “I’m not taking any chances.”

  Josh nodded that he understood.

  He swiveled again and faced Connor, who smiled. “Whatever you want, baby.”

  * * *

  Noah winced as he rolled the liner and prosthetic sock on his stump. It was so damn irritated and hurt like hell, even after putting lotion on it. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone but himself. Indy especially couldn’t know, not after everything that had happened the day before. He’d been a fucking idiot for bringing up the sex thing in the car. The conversation had derailed horribly, and then that cop knocking on the window had only made things worse.