No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  “How did you know?” Josh said.

  “How did I know what?”

  “That I needed for you to…” Josh looked around, lowered his voice. “…to take over, fuck me senseless. Literally.”

  The old adage of a weight being taken off your chest got a whole new meaning for Connor. It was like he’d been carrying a ton of bricks that disappeared, filling him with sweet relief.

  “Instinct,” he said, not capable of keeping the joy and satisfaction out of his voice.

  “I’ve never felt like that,” Josh said, a sense of awe in his voice.

  “How did it feel?”

  “Tranquil. Serene. My mind came to a complete sense of peace, of fulfillment, somehow. It felt so right, perfect even.”

  Connor smiled, squeezed Josh's hand a little tighter. Thank fuck he’d gotten it right.

  “How did it feel for you?” Josh asked.

  Connor grinned. “You really are a girl, the way you talk about your feelings.”

  “Baby, I think I proved to you today I am anything but a girl,” Josh whispered and oh, so innocently, brushed his other hand against Connor’s cock. It hardened instantly. How the hell was that possible? He’d never had this kind of sexual appetite, but with Josh he was aroused all the time.

  He grabbed Josh's hand, shot him a dark look. “You’re playing with fire.”

  Josh smiled. “Yes, Connor.”

  The words alone were enough to bring back the sweet memories of earlier that day. The incredible surge of power and control Connor had felt every time Josh had submitted. His hand on Josh's ass as he spanked him, which had turned him on as much as it had Josh. Pounding Josh so hard he’d almost fallen off the bed. Josh weak and trembling in his arms after being fucked senseless, as he put it. He’d never even imagined it could be like that, that he would love so wholly and completely.

  “I love you.” The words rolled out of his mouth.

  Josh's eyes searched his. “I wasn’t sure if you meant it, or if you said it because I did.”

  “I meant it. You’re mine, Josh, and I love you more than I’d thought possible. I know it’s ridiculously fast and messy and complicated, but it’s real.”

  “I love you, too. I want to be with you, Connor, more than anything.”

  Connor couldn’t resist and leaned over to kiss Josh quickly. It was Josh who held his head when he wanted to pull back and deepened the kiss.

  “Stop that, right now!”

  Connor didn’t realize the cold, hard voice was aimed at them until he felt Josh freeze.

  “It’s disgusting! Making a display like that and going behind my son’s back. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

  Connor broke off the kiss and looked past Josh to find a general in full uniform shooting him a look that was meant to kill. General Flint. Wasn’t that nice of him to drop by? He squeezed Josh's hand, then let go as he rose.

  “Keep your voice low, General. There are children present,” he said through clenched teeth, rising to his full height.

  “Who the fuck are you?”

  The general took a step closer, undoubtedly an effective intimidation technique with others. Connor wasn’t impressed. He didn’t give a shit who the man was, other than he was being an ass. Besides, he had a trump card that would make Flint do what he wanted, and he wasn’t above playing dirty. The guy fucking owed him.

  “O’Connor. I’m a police officer with the Albany PD. Again, I will ask you kindly to mind your language.”

  “I will do whatever the fuck I want, especially when it comes to my son. I will not allow him to be treated with such disrespect by this…this morally subversive excuse-for-a-man who corrupted him.”

  An ice-cold temper crept through Connor’s veins. Nobody insulted Josh and got away with it. This time, he took a step forward, bringing him nose to nose with the general. The man’s eyes narrowed in anger and surprise at Connor’s brazenness.

  “That’s my boyfriend you are insulting, Sir, and I will not stand for it, nor for your combative behavior in a hospital. You will back off now, or I will have you arrested.”

  Flint smirked, a look that left no doubt whom Noah had inherited it from. “You and what army?”

  Connor’s voice was so low, no one else but him and the general would hear it. “That would be the United States Marine Corps, Sir, where I was a sergeant until you fucked up an operation that left me and a fellow Marine in enemy hands, which led to his death. Do the names O’Connor and Martins ring a bell? Operation Clear Blue Sky? I know you buried it deep, but I haven’t forgotten. Sir.”

  Connor had the distinct satisfaction of watching the general pale. “Now, get the fuck out of my face before I start singing like a fucking mockingbird and blow your pristine reputation to smithereens.”

  One. Two. Three seconds. That was how long Flint tried to keep his composure before he stepped back and walked out without another word.

  “Sorry about that, folks,” Connor said, looking around the waiting room and sending everyone his standard “don’t worry I’m a cop, so everything is under control” look. Satisfied that no one would cause any more issues, he sat back down.

  “Holy crap, now I want to let you fuck me all over again,” Josh whispered, looking at Connor with unbridled lust.

  And, Connor was hard again. He sighed, fighting back a smile. “Your ass is way too tender, baby, but if you’re good, I’ll let you suck me later.”

  “Yes, Connor.”

  * * *

  Josh could not take his eyes off Connor. Something had happened between them that he had no words for. He loved him and felt Connor’s love for him, but it was more than that. It was like they had clicked as puzzle pieces. They had found the roles, the positions they were supposed to have. Dom and sub, commanding and obeying, deciding and following. It felt so right, more right than Josh could’ve ever imagined. It brought peace. Freedom.

  The way Connor had defended him toward Noah’s father, it had been unbelievable. Josh didn’t know what he’d said to the man, but it had been damn effective in getting him to scram. Aside from Noah, Josh had never met anyone who dared to disobey or even displease General Flint. It made Connor even hotter in Josh's eyes.

  Violet, a nurse Josh knew, walked into the waiting room and sought them out. “Noah is asking for you,” she said. “For the both of you.”

  Noah was awake? Oh, thank God.

  Violet’s tone alerted Josh the gossip machine in the ER was in full swing, with people speculating who Connor was and what they both were to Noah. Josh didn’t give a shit. As long as Noah was okay, he couldn’t care less about anything else.

  They followed Violet into the post-op area where she brought them to Noah. He was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, but he was breathing on his own, so that had to be a good sign. God, Noah was deadly pale, but he was sending them a weak smile, blinking his eyes as if he was groggy. Well, he probably was, having just woken up from a serious surgery.

  Josh walked over, put his hand on Noah’s head. He kissed him on his mouth. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like crap, but I’m alive. I’ll take it.”

  Josh's stomach cramped. Did Noah realize yet what had been done to him? Would he blame Josh? “I’m sorry, Noah.”

  “You made the right call.” Noah gestured at his leg, or what was left of it. “I fucked up, Josh.”

  Josh bit his lip. “Was it the right decision to amputate?”

  Noah let out a shaky breath. “Yes. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck because it does, but you did right by me. I was contemplating getting another surgery already because the stump kept bothering me. I wouldn’t have quite gone this far, but I fucked up by ignoring that infection.”

  “Yeah, you did. You should’ve told me, told us. God, I was worried about you. I wasn’t sure you’d make it…” Josh's voice broke, and Connor put a hand on his shoulder. He reached for it, held on to his rock.

  Noah’s eyes flashed with guilt. “I know. I’m so sorry. It
was…inexcusably stupid.” His eyes found Connor. “Thank you,” he said.

  Josh looked over his shoulder to Connor, who simply nodded at Noah.

  Noah swallowed. “Where’s Indy? Was he afraid to come here?”

  Josh closed his eyes for a second. He couldn’t lie to Noah, but how did he tell him? Connor said, “Indy took off, probably scared of what was going on with you, but he’ll come back.” The quiet reassurance in his voice encouraged Josh, but would it be enough for Noah?

  Noah closed his eyes, sank back against the pillow. “Yeah, I fucked that up, too.”

  Josh didn’t say anything. What could he say? Meaningless clichés wouldn’t help.

  When Noah’s eyes opened again, they focused on Josh. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m good.”

  Noah’s eyes narrowed. “You look remarkably relaxed.”

  Color crept up in Josh's cheeks. He shot a help-me look sideways to Connor, who still had his strong arm around his shoulder.

  “I provided Josh with what he needed. He’s mine now.”

  Connor’s calm words were a balm to Josh's torn soul. He exhaled. The truth was simple. For a second, he feared another pissing match between the two men, but Noah smiled. “You worked him over good.”

  “I did.” Connor’s face lit up with a slow, sensual, and fucking proud smile. “Didn’t I, Josh?”

  He never even hesitated. “Yes, Connor.”

  “That’s good. That’s really good.” Noah’s eyes saddened. “Look, you don’t owe me anything, but—”

  “We’ll do whatever we can to find Indy while protecting his identity,” Connor said. “He loves you, Flint. He’ll come back.”

  Noah did a weak-ass attempt at looking assured. “His self-preservation instinct may trump whatever feelings he has for me.”

  Josh so wanted to reassure him, but he didn’t know how. Lying wasn’t the answer, and no matter how badly he wanted to tell Noah Indy would be back, Josh wasn’t certain. Indy loved Noah, there was no denying that, but would it be enough to overcome his fears? And could you blame him considering the circumstances?

  “I have more bad news,” he finally said.

  “Spit it out,” Noah said.

  “I called your dad to let him know. He stopped by but was upset when he caught me and Connor kissing.”

  A flash of disgust clouded Noah’s face. “I’m assuming upset is too mild a word here?”

  “He wasn’t happy. Connor had to step in.”

  Noah’s eyebrows rose. “How did you get him to back off?”

  Huh. What had Connor said to the general to make him leave? It had been effective, but what had been the trick? He turned to watch Connor, whose face closed off completely. What the hell?

  “Let’s say I can be persuasive when I want to be,” Connor said, his voice as dismissive as could be. Wow, this was not a topic he was willing to discuss further. That, of course, made Josh even more curious what had happened—and he didn’t need to see Noah’s face to know his friend shared that feeling.

  “You shouldn’t have called him,” Noah said to Josh, his voice friendly, though decisive.

  “He’s still your dad, Noah. He had a right to know.”

  “On that, we disagree. He lost all rights after the way he treated you.”

  Josh knew arguing was senseless. This was something he and Noah had never seen eye to eye on. As much as he feared the general, Josh felt he was still Noah’s father and deserved to be treated with respect, but Noah disagreed. As far as he was concerned, his father could go to hell and stay there, roasting for all eternity.

  “So how are you going to find Indy?” Noah changed the topic.

  “I can’t use any traditional methods, like putting out a bolo for his car or driver’s license since that would leave a trace in the system others could track.” Connor’s face was pensive. “My first step, I guess, is to find a safe way to contact the Boston DA and ask him to affirm my story. That way, if we find Indy, at least he’ll be certain I’m not out to screw him.”

  11

  They’d fallen asleep almost as soon as they had undressed and cuddled up in bed. No wonder, it had been an exhausting day, though a satisfying one.

  Holy crap, the images of Josh draped over Connor’s knee, that strong hand coming down on his ass. Connor fucking the living daylights out of him. Josh kept playing them in his head as he took off the bedsheets in the master bedroom and walked them over to the washing machine. He’d never experienced anything like it. It was like he was born to be with Connor, like his body was made to accommodate his. Though in all honesty, his ass did still sting. No wonder with that pounding he took.

  He added detergent and fabric softener and turned the machine on. At least Noah would have a clean bed when he came home. Whenever that was. With the infection still in his system, he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital anytime soon. It could be a week, they’d said, maybe even longer.

  Josh had worried about being by himself and what that would do to him, but Connor hadn’t even hesitated. He’d asked Noah if he could move in to take care of Josh, and Noah had gladly accepted. It should make Josh feel weak that he needed this, that two men were so focused on taking care of him, but it didn’t. Instead, it made him feel loved. Safe. And wanted.

  He and Connor had shared a quick breakfast this morning before Connor had booted up his laptop. He’d taken some clean clothes and personal stuff from his apartment before they’d gone back to the hospital, including his laptop. Josh could’ve monitored him, but what was the point now? Indy was gone, and besides, Josh had no doubt about Connor’s intentions.

  Josh was on his way to clean the master bathroom when the doorbell rang. His heart jumped up with joy. Indy!

  He all but ran down the stairs, only to come to a full stop. A tall, lanky man stood outside, his face hidden by a faded Orioles cap, but Josh would recognize him anywhere. What the fuck was Aaron doing here?

  Connor stepped up behind him and took a quick look outside. “You know him?”

  Josh sighed. “Yeah.”

  He opened the door. Aaron looked up, and Josh's breath stopped. Aaron sported a blackened eye, a thick, bloodied lip, and a bruised and swollen face. Holy crap, he’d been worked over good.

  “What the fuck happened to you?”

  “Hi, Josh. Can I please come in?” Aaron’s voice was hesitant.

  Josh threw the door open wide and gestured. With careful steps that indicated more injuries, Aaron came inside—stopping abruptly when he saw Connor.

  “Aaron, this is my boyfriend Connor. Connor, my brother Aaron.”

  To his credit, Connor didn’t even blink, merely shook Aaron’s hand with care. Had he even told Connor he had a brother? Josh wasn’t sure. He might’ve, but then again, his family wasn’t a priority to him, so who the fuck knew.

  Minutes later, they were seated in the living room—Aaron lowering himself ever so gently onto one of the chairs, with Josh and Connor hip to hip on the couch.

  “What the fuck is going on? What happened?” Josh asked.

  Aaron didn’t meet his eyes, but kept staring at the floor. “I got beaten up.”

  “That much I surmised myself, genius. But by whom and why? And what the hell are you doing here in the first place?”

  Josh knew he didn’t sound friendly, but then again he wasn’t feeling magnanimous. It wasn’t like Aaron and him had been close. Sure, as kids they had been tight—the two years separating them ensured they’d played a lot together. But after Josh had come out as gay? Aaron had sided with his parents and had barely even talked to his older brother. And when he had, it had been to spew anti-gay sentiments and recriminations.

  “Mom and Dad kicked me out,” Aaron said, meeting Josh's eyes for the first time.

  “What?” Josh shook his head in disbelief. Aaron, the golden boy, had been kicked out? What the fuck? “Why? I can’t see you doing anything so horrific that would warrant their hate. Surely they keep all of their loa
thing stored up for me, their heathen, perverse son.”

  Aaron hesitated. “I’ve been living on my own for a while, but I lost my job, and it’s been hard.”

  Josh's eyes narrowed. Something was off. He might not have been close to his brother for a long time, but he knew him, and something was different. Aaron had always been a brash, arrogant little shit after Josh had come out, and their parents had blatantly favored him. But now he was much more subdued, vulnerable. Broken, even. What had happened?

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t answer my question. Why did they kick you out? And what made you get over your disgust of your gay brother to show up here?”

  Nope, still not friendly, and he wasn’t a bit sorry. Karma was a bitch, wasn’t it?

  Aaron took a long time to answer, his eyes looking everywhere but at Josh and Connor. “I’m gay,” he finally whispered.

  Josh froze. He misheard. There was no way… “You’re what? What did you say?”

  Aaron’s eyes traveled up, met Josh's dead on. “I’m gay,” he repeated, firmer this time.

  Gay.

  His conceited, judgmental little brother who bullied him mercilessly for being gay, who sided with his parents against me every single time, was gay.

  Holy fuck.

  He closed his eyes. Was he sorry for Aaron? His brother had to be confused as shit. Hurt, too, after being rejected. But God, he fucking deserved it, didn’t he? After all he’d done to Josh, there was a strange sense of justice that he’d had to experience the very thing he’d preached against. Dammit, he’d never said sorry, never asked for forgiveness. He’d never even shown up after Noah had gotten hurt, after Josh had been…

  No, don’t go there. Fuck, the fog is coming. It’s coming. It’s so hard to think. Too much to think about. What the fuck does Aaron want? I’m not helping him. He can go fuck himself. My head hurts, it hurts.