No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Josh looked around with a huge smile on his face. “It’s so big, Connor,” he said.

  “Wanna start in the kitchen?”

  Josh nodded eagerly. They explored the massive kitchen with the appliances that had Josh oohing and aahing. The kitchen looked out on the backyard, which wasn’t much to look at right now, seeing it was winter, but Josh seemed to think it was perfect.

  “Look, it’s protected against the wind from both sides, you see? And this patch gets sun about half the day, which is ideal for veggies. I could make at least three raised beds here.”

  Connor smiled, noted Indy and Noah looking at Josh with love.

  The first master bedroom was the original one, with an adjoining bathroom with a huge bathtub. “I love the bathtub,” Josh said. “We could have so much fun in that.”

  The shower stall was raised, and Noah’s face distorted ever so slightly when he noticed it.

  “The other master suite is level,” Connor said. “This one would be ours, I think.”

  Noah nodded, shooting him a grateful look. “Okay.”

  The newly built master suite was indeed completely level, without any thresholds, even. “Their mother was wheelchair bound, so they had it built wheelchair accessible,” Connor explained.

  “Look at the windows! It’s so big and light,” Indy said, a big grin on his face. “I love it.”

  The bathroom was spacious, too, with handrails already installed everywhere. “It’s perfect for me,” Noah admitted, his expression relaxing.

  They explored the entire house, Connor watching them all anxiously, but Josh especially. He wanted this to be perfect, so badly. Josh deserved a home where he would feel safe, loved, protected.

  They gathered back in the living room. “What do you guys think?” Connor asked.

  Josh stepped into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I love everything about it. It’s so perfect for us.”

  He held him tight as he exhaled. He found Noah’s eyes over Josh's shoulder. “How about you?”

  Noah nodded. “Can’t get more perfect than this. How fast could we move in?”

  “Fast.” Connor kissed Josh on his head, let go of him. “The previous buyers have already done a building inspection, and everything checked out. All we need to do is get the contract drawn up, and we’re good to go.”

  “I can’t put up a down payment until we’ve sold the other house,” Noah said.

  Connor shrugged. “No biggie. I can manage it. Do we put your and my name on the contract, or Josh's too? Indy needs to stay out of the paperwork, of course.”

  He looked at Josh, who stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’m not paying, so I say it’s you and Noah.”

  Noah and Connor had eye contact for a second. “No. We put all our names on it. We’ll add yours, Indy, when it’s possible. We make this official,” Connor decided.

  Noah nodded. “I agree. It’s not about who pays. We’re a unit, a family. All four of us.”

  Josh and Indy linked hands, both beaming. Connor’s heart soared. Noah was right. They were a family. And Connor would do anything to keep them safe.

  There had to be a way to keep Indy from harm, to find freedom for him to live. Connor didn’t know how and what, but he wouldn’t rest until he’d figured it out. He owed Indy for protecting Josh, but it wasn’t even because of that. His own guilt over the rumors he’d heard about Duncan and his young boy played a part, because he’d known and not done anything. But mostly it was because he realized how deeply Josh and Indy were connected. If something ever happened to Indy, Josh might not recover from it. And dammit, Connor would do anything and everything to ensure Josh's happiness.

  He cleared his throat. “All right, then. Let’s buy ourselves a house and make it our home.”

  (To be continued in No Fear)

  Acknowledgments

  Publishing my first book was a dream come true. Publishing this second book makes me believe in shooting for the stars.

  First off, a huge thanks to my readers. You guys sure know how to make a woman feel loved and appreciated. To anyone who has sent me a message about loving the first book in this series: thank you so much. You have honestly no idea how much this means to a writer. We tend to get down after reading critical reviews (Goodreads, sigh…) and appreciative messages like ‘I loved your book!’ totally make our day and help us go on.

  A massive thank you to my beta readers: Kyleen, Michele, Susi, and Amanda. Your feedback made the book so much better.

  Sloan Johnson, I loved this cover even more! And the flyers you made for me for GRL were a huge hit.

  Tanja Ongkiehong, you saved me when my editor/proofreader bailed on me. You, lady, are a rock star. Dank je wel.

  Jenni Lea, my roommate-for-one-night, thanks for doing an extra check on the book. I love you hard, woman.

  Courtney Bassett, I don’t know what I appreciate more about you: your fab smut stash, your awesome book recs, or your spelling/grammar advice. You rock.

  To all my new GRL friends: I had such a blast hanging out with you all. I can’t wait till next year. I’m not gonna name names, because I’ll forget someone, but you know who you are. Thanks for accepting me into your group.

  I owe a mountain of gratitude to the members of my FB group Nora’s Nook. You guys believed in me before you read one word of No Filter, you pre-ordered this book like crazy, and I cannot tell you how much that meant to me.

  My last acknowledgment is to Kyleen Neuhold. Thanks so much for your support. You believed in me before I’d even published the first book, and that gave my self-confidence such a boost. God, woman, I love working with you on our Ballsy Boys books. I can’t wait to meet you in real life!

  No Fear

  1

  The yellow sticky note on the kitchen counter left little room for misinterpretation.

  “Aaron: clean your shit up. Now.”

  Aaron Gordon didn’t need a name to know who wrote it. Blake. Aka Professor Kent, the Brazilian-jiujitsu teacher who’d kindly taken Aaron into his home, a home he shared at the moment with two women and an older guy—all victims of domestic abuse. And apparently, Aaron had repaid his kindness by making a mess. Again.

  He looked around the well-used kitchen and winced. His stuff was everywhere. He’d left his backpack on the floor, his shoes next to the back door, and his dirty dishes on the counter. He’d even forgotten to throw the carton and plastic from the microwave meal he’d devoured for dinner yesterday in the trash.

  A check of the living room revealed the same. The sleeve of the Xbox game he’d played was still on the table, as was the magazine he’d been reading, and the wrapper of his candy bar. He’d even discarded his dirty socks on the floor, right under the coffee table.

  The kitchen and living room were common areas, meaning everyone could use them. It also meant you weren’t supposed to leave personal stuff lying around. Aaron had his own cabinet in the kitchen where he could store food and china—if he’d had any. His room also had a large closet for his stuff. It wasn’t even half-full. All he had left were his clothes. He’d sold his furniture and everything else when he’d lost his job and had to cancel the lease on his apartment in a DC suburb. His clothes and his car were all that remained from the up-and-coming lifestyle he’d once had.

  He needed a job. Desperately.

  But first, he needed to clean up his stuff. His shit, as Blake had put it, though words like that still did not come easily to Aaron. It was the result of a conservative Christian upbringing, strict parents who did not tolerate that kind of language. He’d never even uttered curse words till a few months ago.

  He cleaned up the kitchen first, making the extra effort of wiping down the entire counter after doing his dishes. The living room was little work, which made him feel even guiltier he’d left his stuff there.

  It was hard to think of things like that when he’d never had to. His mom had always cleaned up after him, and when he’d lived on his own, nobody else had been around to se
e. He’d cleaned up maybe once a week, once every other week if he’d been busy. He couldn’t do that here, not in a house he shared with others—as Blake had explained to him multiple times in the last couple of weeks. He felt like such a kid when the guy did that, even though they were only ten years apart. And the fact that Aaron had forgotten again, had received this publicly visible reminder from Blake, man, it made him feel like a total loser. A fuck-up, was the better word.

  He tasted the foreign, rude word on his tongue. Fuck-up. Yup, that was exactly what he was. An utter and complete fuck-up. And he’d managed to disappoint Blake once again, the man who’d taken him in weeks ago and had asked for nothing in return. Not even rent—which Aaron wouldn’t have been able to pay anyway, but that was beside the point. Blake deserved better.

  Aaron looked around the living room. It could do with a bit of cleaning, actually. The kitchen too. It wasn’t gross, but there was dust, and both the tile floor in the kitchen and the hardwood floors in the living room could use a good mopping. Should he? Yeah, that would make up for his slovenliness.

  It took him two hours, but by the time he was done, the kitchen was sparkling and smelling of the lemon-scented cleaner he’d used, and the living room was dust-free. He’d even vacuumed the couch cushions, finding a condom packet when he did. Was it Blake’s? He’d never seen the guy with a woman so far, but who knew.

  He admired his cleaning work, satisfied he’d done a good job. At least Blake would be happy with him now. He checked his watch. Two o’clock. That late already? Huh, he must have slept in again.

  Oh, crap! He was supposed to meet Blake at the jiujitsu studio at two to help him with some stuff. He’d completely forgotten.

  He got changed in a hurry and ran out the door. The studio was close, but he still didn’t arrive till fifteen minutes past the agreed time.

  “You’re late,” Blake greeted him when Aaron hurried in. He was dressed in tight gray training pants and a form-fitting black shirt, looking good as always.

  Aaron’s shoulders slouched. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time. I cleaned the living room and the kitchen?”

  Blake’s face softened. “I appreciate that, Aaron, but we had an agreement you’d be here at two.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” He stared at the floor. Even when he wanted to do the right thing, he still messed up. Yup, total fuck-up.

  “Look, I know things haven’t been easy for you, and I get that you needed some time to figure things out. Time’s up. You need to get your shit together, Aaron, because I have no patience for people who don’t keep their promises. I need to able to count on you, trust that your word means something, you feel me?”

  Much to his embarrassment, Aaron felt hot tears burning in his eyes. Life sucked so very badly at the moment. Would it ever stop? He swallowed, determined to fight back the tears. “You’re right. I’m trying, but I don’t know where to start. It’s all so overwhelming.”

  “Do you want my help?”

  His head jerked up. “Of course, I do!” What kind of question was that?

  Blake’s expression was kind. “You haven’t asked for it, so far.”

  Aaron frowned. Why would he have to ask for help? Couldn’t Blake see he needed it? Why would he make Aaron go through the humiliation of having to explicitly ask for it? “I didn’t realize I had to,” he said.

  “And there is arrogant Aaron again.” Blake shook his head. “Boy, you know how to push my buttons, don’t you?”

  Aaron shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, feeling infinitesimally small. “I don’t mean to,” he said softly.

  “I know, which is the only reason I let you get away with it. What you need more than anything is an attitude adjustment. You have this sense of entitlement that rears its ugly head all the time. Until you get rid of that, you’re not gonna get far, boy.”

  “I’m not a boy. I’m twenty-four.” It was all he could say when his soul felt like it had been cut to shreds. He’d never realized how much Blake didn’t like him.

  Blake’s eyes narrowed. “Then fucking act like it. You’re entitled to shit, and the sooner you realize that, the better. If you want something, anything, you’re gonna have to work hard for it. And you’d better learn how to ask for help, because people aren’t lining up to help you.”

  He would not cry. He clenched his fists, biting back his tears with all he had. “I need help. Please.” It didn’t come out as nicely as Blake might have wanted, but it was the best Aaron could do right now. He even managed to look Blake in the eye, saw a flicker of something he couldn’t identify.

  “All right, then. Let’s get to work. Since you seem to enjoy cleaning, why don’t you start by dusting and vacuuming the entire studio? After that, you can clean the big blue mat with a special cleaning product you’ll find in the cupboard below the kitchen faucet. Make sure it’s all done and dry before five because that’s when the kids’ lesson starts.”

  Aaron’s mouth dropped slightly open. When Blake had said he could use Aaron’s help, this was not what he had in mind. He’d thought it was a quick job, like hanging up a picture or something. Not hours and hours of cleaning, and especially not after he’d already done the kitchen and living room at home. Besides, he’d asked the guy for help. How did cleaning help him?

  “I don’t get it. How does this help me?”

  Blake sighed. “Remember what I said about you not being entitled to shit? You’ve lived in my home for almost a month now, without paying rent. Think that’s what you’re entitled to? Think again. Until you’re able to pay rent, you can work it off. Now, get your ass to work, because I have more to do.”

  * * *

  As he sat in his tiny office, updating the financial data for the previous month, Blake wondered if he’d been too hard on Aaron. It was always a tricky line between confronting the folks he tried to help with a truth they needed to see and hurting them so much it rendered them passive. He could only hope he’d gotten it right with Aaron. He wasn’t a bad kid, not by any means. Simply spoiled, as far as Blake could tell.

  It was hard because Aaron often behaved in contradicting ways. Self-assured and cocky one second, insecure and hurt the next. Entitlement and arrogance were followed by confusion, helplessness, and social ineptitude.

  Blake wondered what the story was with Aaron and his brother Josh. As far as Blake knew, they hadn’t seen each other since Aaron moved in. Aaron hadn’t even seen him for Christmas, had spent it alone as far as Blake could tell.

  It could be because of personal stuff. Blake still hadn’t been able to figure out what Noah and Josh were to Indy, and to each other, let alone what that cop’s role was, but they were obviously tight. Noah had been in the hospital, and Indy had been on the run for some reason, so Josh likely had more on his mind than hanging out with his brother. Plus, from the little interaction he’d witnessed, they weren’t close. Josh had seemed happy to be rid of him.

  A soft buzzer alerted him someone had come in. Aaron was vacuuming the main floor, so he couldn’t have heard it. Blake got up and walked into the hallway.

  “Indy!” he said, surprised to see the young man by himself. “How are you?”

  Indy was dressed in his gi, proudly wearing his brown belt. He was a natural, like the letter from Matt Fox had said. Blake had no idea what Indy’s story was, but if Matt Fox requested you’d train him for free and keep his identity a secret, that’s what you did. The guy was the highest-ranking Brazilian-jiujitsu professor in the country, a true guru of the sport. Blake had met the man twice, had seen him fight once, and was still in awe of his skills.

  “Good. Thank you again for being a go-between for me and Connor.”

  Blake nodded. “No problem. You here to train?”

  Indy looked apologetic. “If possible. I wasn’t sure I would be able to come, so I didn’t call.”

  “You here by yourself?”

  “Yeah. Noah is still recuperating from his surgery, and Josh is taking care of him. Connor’s
at work.”

  Blake marveled at the casual way Indy suggested the four of them were together. They couldn’t be, could they? Fuck, what did he care? He’d seen stranger things, and if they loved each other and it made them happy, it was fine with him. He honestly didn’t care as long as it was all consensual.

  “No problem. I need to finish something in the office, so why don’t you get warmed up?”

  Indy nodded. “Thanks, Professor.”

  Blake smiled as he went back to his office. He loved grappling with Indy, as he was so ridiculously talented. He was at most five foot six, so Blake had a good five or six inches on him and at least fifty pounds, but the guy simply never gave up. Indy didn't know the word defeat, and Blake respected the hell out of him for that alone.

  It didn’t happen often to Blake that he misjudged people, but he’d been wrong about the interaction between Noah and Indy. When the boy had shown up for the first time with that big guy in tow, his body language had been uncomfortable. Blake was a trained observer, and he’d spotted tiny moments of hesitation and flinching on Indy’s part, followed by deliberate contact initiated by Indy. Blake had concluded Indy wasn’t comfortable with Noah, was afraid of him on some level.

  He’d been wrong.

  Indy was uncomfortable with anyone touching him, though he tolerated it during grapples and practice and it was getting better. Blake could only guess the cause, but he didn’t want to. It wasn’t his place, and by now he was confident that whatever the relationship was between Indy, Noah, Josh and even Connor, Indy was safe and loved.

  It had been unfortunate that Josh had concluded Blake had an issue with gays. He didn’t, not even close. How could he when he himself was gay? Not that he was broadcasting it. Brazilian jiujitsu was still a bit of a macho sport, and he didn’t want to deal with the inevitable homophobic reactions from some people. Also, not all parents were okay with a gay man teaching their kids.