No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  5

  He’d barely slept. Aaron kept playing the events of the day in his head. Blake inviting him to ask questions, then stripping naked in front of him. Watching Blake, touching him, tasting him. That glorious body, that perfect cock. Blake teasing him and pushing him in that dressing room until Aaron had surrendered. And Blake on his knees, sucking him off.

  Aaron’s thoughts were all over the place, trying to make sense of it. He’d even gotten up in the middle of the night to put the flowery top back on, with the skinny jeans. He’d studied himself in the mirror, wondering if the shame would always be there when he looked at himself in the mirror.

  The shame of being gay.

  The shame of wearing something so feminine.

  The shame of betraying everything his parents had ever taught him.

  The shame of wanting Blake, needing him with a fierceness that was foreign to him.

  He would’ve let Blake take him, right then and there in that dressing room. That’s how much he’d wanted him. Blake had been right. It wasn’t the place, nor the time. He’d proved once again that he was an honorable man.

  If Aaron still wanted him in the cold light of day, Blake would take him up on his offer, he’d promised. Aaron doubted there was anything that could make his need disappear, but the night did bring uncertainty and indecision. Not so much about wanting Blake—that ship had sailed. It was more doubt about the wisdom of having sex with him.

  He was ready to have sex. Sort of. He wanted to, despite that voice inside his head that kept telling him it was wrong.

  Shameful. Sinful. Deviant.

  He didn’t believe that, yet it was tiresome that he still hadn’t gotten rid of that judgmental voice. He wanted to start this part of his life. The part where he could be himself, where he could embrace who he was. And sex was a part of that, a crucial part, or so he figured. Being gay and having sex were sort of synonyms, from what he’d discovered. Every blog post he’d read, every article in gay magazines had talked about sex in some way.

  Blake had been right about Aaron not being himself. He wanted to, but he still struggled with who he was. Would he ever have the guts to accept himself, to love himself exactly the way he was?

  He wondered if it was a reason to postpone sex. With anyone, but above all with Blake. If he was still struggling to find himself, would sex hurt or help? And what if he disappointed him, humiliated himself all over again? Blake already saw him as a kid. The last thing he needed was for the man to start to feel sorry for him.

  They’d gone home after their trip to Macy’s, despite Blake’s earlier plans to buy him sex toys and do manscaping. Aaron wasn’t sure if he was disappointed they’d skipped those two things. Both had intimidated and thrilled him in equal measures. He’d wanted Blake to touch him again, which he would have had to if he’d helped Aaron trim his pubic hairs. And the thought of him and Blake shopping for an anal dildo made him blush, even now, lying in bed.

  He sighed. He was hard. Again. It happened every time he thought of Blake, especially about the flirting and the sucking off and all the sexual stuff they’d talked about. At least Blake had said Aaron’s dick was nice. That had been a huge relief, to know he wasn’t some outlier in that department. He had enough weird tendencies to compensate, but that was one less thing to worry about.

  His hand traveled to his cock, and he gripped it through the boxers he was wearing. The boxers Blake had bought for him, that, according to him, made Aaron’s ass pop. Man, he was so hard.

  He jacked himself off almost every day, but it was more mechanical than anything else. It was something that needed to be done, as far as he was concerned, if only to avoid embarrassing erections throughout the day. Plus, his balls tended to get sore when he didn’t masturbate.

  He’d started watching porn since he came out, had all but spontaneously erupted the first few times he’d seen men on screen fuck. It had been everything he’d dreamed of, everything he’d wanted. Yet he’d never managed to get rid of the guilt while watching. It was why he’d never dared to play with himself too much. He’d jack off, twice if he was excited, and that was it.

  He dragged his boxers down. Blake had handed him a bottle of lubricant before they’d gone to bed. He’d winked, told him to experiment a little. Aaron had blushed, of course, and put it in his night table drawer. He reached for it now and squeezed out a little, the gel cold in his hand. He laid back on his back and coated his cock with the lubricant until it was slick everywhere. Aaron fisted himself a few times, biting back a groan. The lubricant made it so much more pleasant, so slick.

  He brought his right hand to his ass. Should he? He squirmed until he’d found a position where he could use his left hand on his cock and his right hand on his ass. He made sure his index finger was lubricated before pushing against his own entrance.

  He’d expected to push through with ease, but his ass seemed intent on keeping the intruder out. Push back, he’d read on the sites he’d visited to educate himself about gay sex. He forced himself to relax and pushed against his finger at the same time. It slipped inside, and he let out a little yelp of surprise.

  With some effort and a little panting, he managed to get his entire finger in. He wanted to groan at the sensation. It was a delicious mix of burning and fullness, of pleasure with a hint of pain. He moved his finger back and forth, slowly sliding in and out of his ass. His left hand resumed jacking off, if somewhat uncoordinated because he was right-handed. Within a minute he came, an orgasm that barreled through him and had his vision go white for a second.

  He removed his finger from his ass with regret. If he came this hard from fingering himself with one digit, he couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like when Blake’s cock was inside him. It would be so full. So perfect.

  With that, his decision was made.

  He checked his alarm clock. Six o’clock. Blake would almost be awake, the early riser that he was. It was Saturday, but even on the weekend he didn’t sleep in. He was at the studio at seven, every day, rain or shine, as far as Aaron could tell.

  Aaron grabbed a few tissues to clean himself up, then washed his hands, and put his boxers back on. He’d have to be quiet to not wake up the others, but the chances were slim. Their bedrooms were at the other end of the hallway, plus they were all late sleepers. He rarely saw them before eight-thirty.

  He quietly opened his door and tiptoed through the hallway till he reached Blake’s door, opposite his. The handle didn’t make a sound as he pushed it down and opened the door. The lights were still out, but he had no trouble making out Blake’s form in the king-size bed. He’d never even set foot in this room, yet here he was, sneaking in at six in the morning. He closed the door behind him. Still no sound or movement from the bed. What should he do?

  He stepped closer to the bed. Was he overstepping his boundaries here? He bit his lip, suddenly insecure of his plan. Was this a good idea?

  “Are you gonna stand there and watch me, or was there a reason you snuck into my room?” Blake’s voice was low but surprisingly awake. Aaron practically jumped out of his skin.

  He put his hand on his heart, which threatened to beat out of his chest. “You scared me.”

  Blake’s reaction was a soft chuckle. He held back the covers. “Come here, puppy.”

  Aaron snuck into the bed beside him without even thinking about it. As soon as Blake’s arms came around him, he relaxed. Blake’s presence always steadied him for some reason. Touching him, feeling his skin against his own, it calmed him. Even the sound of his name rolling off those perfect lips comforted him.

  “To what do I owe this surprise?” Blake asked when Aaron’s heart rate had normalized again.

  He said the words before he could change his mind, or chicken out. “I want to have sex with you.”

  His head was on Blake’s shoulder, Blake’s right arm around him. He turned on his side, putting his right hand on Blake’s chest.

  Naked.

  Blake was naked.
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  It hadn’t registered with Aaron before, but everywhere they touched, he came into contact with hot, naked skin. It sent his heart back in overdrive.

  “On three conditions,” Blake said.

  Conditions? He was attaching conditions? Aaron frowned. He’d thought Blake would be happy, honored even.

  “One, you come with me to the club tonight. I want you to see what’s out there before you make your final decision. You may run into someone there that you like more.”

  “I trust you,” Aaron protested. “I want you to do it.”

  “It can’t be me only because I’m the first gay man you encountered. You need to see you have options.”

  Aaron pouted. “Okay. What else?”

  “You can get rid of that snotty tone, Aaron, or there will be no fucking at all.” Blake’s voice was stern, and it did funny things to Aaron’s belly.

  “Okay. Sorry.”

  “Second, we’ll buy you that dildo, and I want to see you fuck yourself with it before we do anything else.”

  “Why?”

  Blake growled, and a second later Aaron was flipped on his back with Blake on top of him. His hard body pressed into Aaron everywhere. Blake’s mouth descended on his, kissed him till he ran out of breath. It was rough, hard, dominant, and all Aaron wanted to do was take, take, and take more. He wanted everything Blake was dishing out, submit to anything the man brought.

  Finally, Blake tore his mouth off. Their panting breaths mingled. His hard cock was poking against Aaron’s belly, smearing fluids all over him. Aaron’s skin was flushed, his dick as hard as Blake’s. “I swear to God, Aaron, you drive me insane with your questions. It was either kissing you or spanking you.”

  “Connor spanks Josh,” Aaron whispered.

  “What?” Incredulity laced Blake’s voice.

  “I overheard them talking about it. They even went to some guy to get lessons.”

  Blake circled his hips, grinding against Aaron. “You sound intrigued, Aaron. Does the idea of spanking turn you on?”

  “I don’t know.” Aaron was honest. His mind was such a confusing mess.

  “That’s a good answer. Honest. It’s okay if it does, you know.”

  “I mean no disrespect, Blake, I swear, but why are you making me do the thing with the dildo?”

  “You can’t even say it.”

  “Say what?”

  Blake rolled off him with a sigh and Aaron felt cold. He hesitated but turned on his side and snuggled close to Blake again. To his relief, the man didn’t push him away, though he wasn’t holding him, either.

  “I’m not making you do a thing, Aaron. I’m telling you I want to see you fuck yourself with a dildo. The fact that you can’t even get the word fuck over your lips is the exact reason why. You’re a virgin, in every way, and I won’t have you blame me if we do something you end up hating or regretting. You need to learn to walk before asking me to teach you how to fucking sprint.”

  Aaron bit his lip. “I f-fucked myself with my finger this morning,” he whispered.

  Blake pushed himself up on one arm to look at Aaron. Electricity crackled between them. “How did that make you feel?”

  “Good. So good. My orgasm was… I came so hard.”

  “Show me.” Blake’s voice was commanding.

  “S-s-show you?” Aaron stuttered. Did Blake really expect him to do that in front of him? Wasn’t that way too personal?

  Not as personal as sticking his dick in Aaron’s ass. Blake did have a point about him still being squeamish and prudish about all this. If he wanted Blake to do this with him… If he wanted Blake to fuck him, he corrected himself, he’d have to show him he was ready for it.

  “Okay,” he said.

  Daylight was breaking outside, filtering through the curtains in Blake’s room. It was light enough for him to see Blake’s eyes looking at him in disbelief. Clearly, he’d expected Aaron to say no.

  “Do you have lubricant?” he asked.

  Wordlessly, Blake leaned over the side of the bed, opened his drawer and handed Aaron a bottle. Aaron nodded, his face determined. He yanked down his boxers, finding himself still hard. Or hard again. Same difference. Where and how should he sit?

  “On your knees in front of me, ass toward me,” Blake commanded.

  Aaron did as he asked, pushing down the incredible amount of embarrassment at being so exposed. He squeezed some gel out, lubed his cock and his fingers. He fisted himself a few times first and moaned softly. His dick was a tad sensitive from his previous orgasm. His eyes drifted shut as his hand traveled between his ass cheeks, to his hole. He knew what to do now and pushed inside with ease.

  “Oh,” he grunted. If it already felt this good with a mere finger, how would that dildo feel? Or Blake’s thick cock? He’d be so full, so complete. His finger slid in and out, his other hand going up and down on his cock.

  “You like that, Aaron?” Blake’s voice was low, seductive.

  “Yes.”

  “You like playing with your hole, putting your finger inside?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Add your middle finger.”

  Aaron hesitated.

  “Do it, Aaron.”

  He took a deep breath, overcoming his fear. He slicked up his middle finger, then kept his two fingers close together and pressed. His hole was too tense, and he couldn’t move past his own barrier of muscles.

  Relax. He had to relax. He breathed out, focusing on relaxing his muscles as he did. Bearing down, his fingers slid inside and he gasped at the new intrusion. It stung but not in a bad way. Aaron relaxed his muscles again and pushed his fingers in deeper. A soft sound escaped from his lips.

  The bed moved, and he opened his eyes, looked over his shoulder. Blake had pushed himself up against the headboard. That beautiful cock was jutting upward, completely hard. Blake stroked his cock slowly, his eyes fixed on Aaron.

  “Your little show has gotten me so damn hard. Fuck yourself, Aaron. I want to see those fingers move in and out of that perfect ass of yours.”

  He obeyed, closing his eyes again as the sensations overwhelmed him. Slick noises filled the room. His hand on his cock, his fingers in and out of his hole, Blake jacking himself off, all mixed with his own panting breath. His balls tingled and pulled up. He shoved his fingers in harder, deeper, desperate for more. Why did he still feel so empty?

  His entire body convulsed as he came all over his hand and Blake’s sheets. Ears buzzing, vision white with release, he let go and plopped his face down on the bed, barely managing to withdraw his fingers in time. His ass was still sticking up in the air, facing Blake, but he couldn’t muster the energy to move.

  “Damn, look at that sweet little hole of yours. It’s still quivering, begging for more. You have a hungry little pucker, Aaron. It wants more.”

  The filthy words washed over him, strangely comforting. His ass twitched again, signaling the truth of Blake’s remarks. “It craves your cock,” he whispered.

  Blake grunted in approval. “My cock wants your ass, too, baby. Look how damn hard I am.”

  Aaron found the strength to move, smearing his cum all over himself as he sat up. Blake was leaning against the headboard, still fisting himself. Aaron’s stomach swirled at the sight of him, every muscle tight and clearly defined. He was so beautiful, so sexy. How could this man be interested in him, even if only for sex?

  He crawled toward him, filled with a sudden need to prove himself worthy. He sat between Blake’s widespread legs, lowering himself on his stomach so his face was in Blake’s crotch. Blake removed his hand, probably guessing where Aaron was going with this. Blake’s cock stood straight up, clamoring for attention. Aaron took an experimental lick, rolling the salty taste over his tongue. It tasted like Blake, somehow. Dominant, sexy.

  He licked again, then remembered what Blake had said, how he loved to be scratched. He scraped his teeth over Blake’s head and was rewarded with a low moan. He licked and scraped again, Blake’s hands coming to h
is shoulders, then his head to caress him. Encourage him, maybe?

  He took a deep breath, then took the head of Blake’s cock in his mouth. He sucked, remembering how good it had felt when Blake had done that to him. His mouth was stuffed with Blake’s cock in it, and he started to drool. He swallowed, but that wasn’t easy. Logistically, this was a tad more difficult than he had anticipated.

  He used his tongue to lick around Blake’s cock, teasing his slit and doing it again when Blake groaned in pleasure. At least he was doing something right. More precum flowed from the head and Aaron happily lapped it up. What else could he do to make Blake happy?

  His balls. Blake had said he loved having his balls licked and sucked.

  He let the man’s dick plop out of his mouth, which made a deeply erotic sound that shot straight to Aaron’s own balls. He nuzzled Blake’s balls first, inhaling deeply. They smelled like sweat mixed with a musky smell that was purely Blake.

  Blake kept his pubic hairs trimmed—the manscaping he’d mentioned to Aaron. His balls were hairless, however, making them smooth and silky under Aaron’s tongue. He licked, tasted, lapped. Blake gave his consent by spreading his legs even wider, allowing Aaron full access.

  Gently he took one of the balls in his mouth, sucked it carefully, not sure how much pressure he should use.

  “Fuck, puppy, you’re good at this,” Blake groaned.

  Aaron smiled. He loved Blake’s nickname for him, stupid as it was. He sucked on the ball some more before moving on to the other testicle. He couldn’t leave that one out, now could he? It was slightly bigger than the left nut, but it still fit into his mouth. He teased it with his tongue, lapping all around and sucking. Blake’s ass came off the mattress as he bucked in pleasure.

  What other areas would be sensitive for Blake? Aaron decided to experiment a little. He pushed against Blake’s knees till the man got the message and pulled them up, exposing more of his ass. Aaron dug in, licking his way from Blake’s balls backward. Blake had said he didn’t care much if someone played with his hole, but maybe he’d appreciate it more when it was a tongue instead of fingers? Aaron had seen it done in porn movies—had even looked up what it was called: rimming—and it had excited him to no end. The strange thing was that he’d always imagined himself as the one doing the rimming, not the one receiving it. Here he was, living out his fantasy.