No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Aaron opened his eyes again. Miles stood next to the bed with a sheepish expression. “Sorry,” he said. “They didn’t cover that at the FBI academy.”

  Charlie sighed. “Well, now you know. Okay, honey,” he said to Aaron. “Let’s see what the damage is. I could have taken out his eyeball, you know?”

  Aaron assumed the latter part was aimed at Miles. “I’m quite attached to my eyeballs,” he quipped.

  Charlie smiled, the anger dissipating from his face. “You should be. They’re beautiful. And I would kill and die for your skin. It is so smooth and perfect, it’s practically glowing.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself,” Miles said. “I mean, I’m no expert but your face looks plenty healthy to me. Like, radiant, I guess.”

  Charlie’s face broke open in a big grin. “You are the sweetest thing, sexy. And such a smooth talker.”

  Miles jammed his hands into his pockets. “It sounded better in my head.”

  Charlie blew him a hand kiss. “I’m sure it did, sexy, but I recognize a compliment when I hear one. So thank you. You have redeemed yourself, and I will no longer be upset with you for making me stab Aaron in the eye.”

  “I’m sure he was shaking in his metaphorical boots about you coming after him with that mascara wand,” Brad said.

  Was that a joke Brad had just made? Aaron grinned. The times most certainly were a-changing.

  “He should be, because hell hath no fury like a makeup artist scorned,” Charlie fired back.

  “Duly noted,” Miles said, smiling again. “Though no offense, Charlie, but I think I could take you on.”

  “Says the guy who was flat on his back in under ten seconds the last time he said that to someone. Didn’t Indy cure you of the notion that size matters?” Charlie rebuffed him, meanwhile removing the smeared mascara with a cotton stab and some remover.

  “Ow, burn, baby! That one hurt,” Brad laughed.

  It was rare to see him laugh, Aaron realized. His Blake was a serious man by nature, but Brad even more so. This carefree laughter was extraordinary.

  Miles raised his hands in mock surrender, his face split in a broad grin. “I give up. I can’t win if you two are ganging up on me.”

  “Victory is mine!” Brad declared, making a V with his fingers on both hands.

  “More like mine, since I made the winning punchline, but I’ll be magnanimous and share it with you, because I’m a benevolent ruler,” Charlie said. He put down the cotton swab, looked at Aaron from all sides. “There. Perfect, honey.”

  Aaron studied himself in the mirror. Charlie was right. It was perfect, his blue eyes popping with the shades of pink around them. “Thank you,” he said softly.

  Charlie smiled at him. “Anytime. You’re gorgeous like this.” He started to put the makeup back in the kit. “Go show Blake,” he said.

  Aaron nodded. Blake was in the living room with the others, lounging on the couch. Aaron shyly walked up to him, as always insecure of how to approach him when others were present. Blake made it easy for him, because he immediately pulled Aaron close. “Let me look at you, puppy.” Aaron sank to his knees, and Blake lifted his chin to study him. “God, that’s beautiful on you. Absolutely stunning.”

  Aaron blushed. He wanted to crawl on Blake’s lap and hide his face, because everyone was looking at them, and it was too awkward. Blake petted his head, held him in place. “Maybe we should get some more makeup for you to experiment with, hmm? I really like these colors on you. How about I ask Charlie to recommend some for you, since he’ll know what works?”

  Aaron nodded. He still found it hard to believe that Blake accepted him the way he was, with all his strange quirks, including makeup and all, but he did. The others, he wasn’t too sure about, but Blake loved him exactly the way he was.

  Blake pulled him up, placed him on the couch beside him so Aaron could snuggle close. That sense of safety he experienced whenever he could physically feel Blake, it had never gone away. The man could calm him with a simple touch. He rubbed his head against Blake’s shoulder, letting out a soft sigh when he was rewarded with a little neck scratch.

  He looked up to find Josh studying him, but not with hate or irritation. It was more like wonder, as if he was seeing something new. Aaron gave him a tentative smile and was rewarded with a nod and a smile from his brother. He was happy to listen to the others talk after that.

  “I need to get back to the kitchen to prepare the last things for lunch,” Josh said a few minutes later. “Aaron, you wanna help me?”

  Aaron sat up and bit his lip. “I’m not really handy in the kitchen.”

  Josh grinned. “I’m used to Noah, and I’m pretty sure you’re not as bad as him. Come on, I’ll go easy on you.”

  It was an olive branch, a big one, and Aaron grabbed it with both hands. “In that case, I’ll be happy to help. Just keep it simple.”

  He followed Josh into the huge kitchen. A few minutes later, he was cutting bell peppers into small slices. Julienne, Josh had said, before laughing and explaining what that meant when he caught Aaron’s baffled expression.

  “How are you?” Aaron asked carefully. Josh looked well, but Aaron had no idea how he really was doing. Then again, maybe he didn’t even want to talk about it.

  “I’m better than I was,” Josh said, meanwhile mixing oil, vinegar and some other ingredients into what looked to be a vinaigrette. “It was hard, being away for this long, but I’m glad I did it. It was the right thing to do for me, but also for the others.”

  Aaron understood about not wanting to be a burden. It was the story of his life, especially since he’d come out. He’d felt nothing but a burden with Blake at first, but since he’d come back from his trip, as he called it, it was much better. He was slowly accepting who he was—and that Blake loved him exactly the way he was.

  “How are things going with Blake?” Josh asked.

  Aaron’s face lit up and he looked up from his cutting board. “Very good. He bought a play pen for me, and we…” He stopped, caught himself.

  Josh sent him a reassuring smile. “You guys played in it? What did you do?”

  “We played with a ball…and then we…Not sure you want to know more, actually.” He felt a blush creeping up again.

  “Is it kinky? Then I definitely want to know,” Josh teased him.

  Aaron studied him. Where had sulky, stand-offish Josh gone? It’s like Josh had come back a different person after his stay in that clinic. All Aaron could do was be grateful and go with it, even if he was beet red. “We both got naked, and we wrestled… I love touching him like that, licking him everywhere.”

  “Mmmm. He’s an edible man, your Blake, so I can imagine.”

  Aaron had to put down the knife, because the tears in his eyes were making it impossible to see what he was doing. A sob escaped him, and then he felt Josh’s arms around him, hugging him from behind. His big brother put his head on Aaron’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I…I wasn’t ready.”

  Aaron turned around in his arms and clung to him tightly. “I missed you, Josh. I missed you so much. I thought you would never stop hating me for what I did.”

  “Oh, Aaron, I’m so sorry. I blamed you for the things that were never your fault. It took me too long to see that.”

  There was a peace in Aaron’s heart that he’d never experienced before, even as he was still sobbing in Josh’s arms. How he had missed that, his brother holding him.

  Josh kissed his head, gently rubbed his back. “I love you, baby bro.”

  7

  The lunch was surprisingly relaxed. Brad had worried about tension what with him and Blake still not back to where they were before—which was completely his own fault, as he’d fucked up royally. Added to that was the tension between him and Miles at times, because the Fed kept pushing his buttons—though they’d shared a few laughs with Charlie when he was doing Aaron’s makeup. And of course, there was the lingering animosity between Josh and Aaron, though that seemed resolved. Br
ad was happy about the latter, because he liked them both and hated to see them at odds.

  Next to him, Charlie yawned. He still didn’t sleep well, weeks after Zack has assaulted him. Nightmares kept waking him up, and since they were sharing a bed, Brad as well. Truth be told, he was dead tired as well. Being around so many people wore him out as an introvert, but it was more than that.

  As much as he loved taking care of Charlie, the constant focus on making sure Charlie was okay was draining Brad’s energy. He could never think of Charlie as a burden, fuck no. Being with him was…perfect and yet so fucking hard. It was being close to everything you wanted, yet knowing you would never have it.

  The fact that he was still servicing Miles, as the others had started to call it, added to that pressure. As much as he loved sucking off Miles or riding him while he was blindfolded, there was no denying it was tiresome as well.

  But he’d agreed to help him out, so he could hardly say no now. Plus, the man needed it. He really was hard all the fucking time. He’d discreetly sucked him off right before lunch—one of the reasons why Brad wasn’t all that hungry right now. He really should stop swallowing all the time. It was messing with his digestive system.

  Still, it was Charlie who bothered him most. Not bother as in being a pain, but he worried about him. It was weeks since Zack had beaten him up, but Charlie still hadn’t set a foot outside. He kept making up excuses, but Brad knew the truth. He was scared of Zack, deadly afraid of running into him, or worse, of Zack figuring out where he was staying. Brad understood, but it wasn’t healthy. It also wasn’t fair.

  When Charlie yawned again, he leaned over and whispered in his ear, “You wanna take a nap?”

  Charlie’s forehead crinkled the way it did when he was worried about something. “I can’t sleep if I’m alone.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “You will?” The surprise in Charlie’s voice hit Brad deep. Did Charlie really not grasp Brad would do pretty much anything for him?

  “Sure thing, sweetie. Let’s lie down for a little bit.”

  The others had no problem with them taking a nap, so he led Charlie into their bedroom, Max following them, then softly closed the door behind them. They both stripped to their boxers, and Charlie crawled into bed, yawning again.

  Brad would never admit it, but he loved sleeping next to Charlie. There was something so sweet and comforting about feeling that much smaller body snuggled against him. Max found a spot right next to the bed on Brad’s side, and Brad smiled. He loved how Max was never far from his side.

  Charlie immediately nestled close against Brad and put his head on Brad’s shoulder, flinging an arm across his abdomen. It was Charlie’s favorite position, Brad had deducted, because he always curled up like that against Brad. It was the sweetest torture, to hold that gorgeous man, that perfect body, to want him so much…and know he’d never be good enough to deserve him.

  “Does Miles know?” Charlie asked out of the blue.

  Brad had to think for a second what Charlie could be referring to. Ah. That. “About me? No. It’s just sex, Charlie, that’s it.”

  “How long do you think you can keep having sex with him with your underwear on, or with him blindfolded?”

  “As long as I have to.”

  “You don’t think he’s getting suspicious? Or maybe I should say curious.”

  Brad sighed. “Maybe. Probably. I don’t care. I’m not telling him shit, babe. It’s none of his fucking business.”

  Charlie was quiet for a bit. “I think he wants more than just sex,” he then said.

  “I don’t.” Brad’s voice was definitive. He was not discussing this with Charlie. Charlie was such a romantic at heart. He never fully understood why Brad did what he did in the club, and he certainly would never understand the complicated thing he had with Miles. “Get some rest, babe.”

  Charlie gave up, apparently, and fell asleep in minutes. Brad waited fifteen minutes to make sure his friend was truly asleep, then wiggled from under his body. He was too wound up to sleep, the thoughts in his head not slowing down.

  He dressed quietly, checking one last time on Charlie before he left. Even in sleep, Charlie’s face showed signs of stress. He was never fully relaxed anymore. God, that fucker had to pay for what he had done.

  He waited till Max had trotted out, then closed the door behind him softly. Everyone was still gathered in the living room, Miles spread out on the couch and the others on chairs, or on the floor—that would be Aaron, siting at Blake’s feet, obviously. For lack of a chair, Brad lowered himself to a large pillow on the floor, leaning with his back against the couch were Miles’ feet were parked. Max found a spot on the floor, too, his head on Brad’s lap.

  “How is he?” Blake asked. “He looked tired.”

  “He is,” Brad said. “He still doesn’t sleep well.”

  Miles was studying him, and out of a newly acquired habit, Brad checked his crotch. All was quiet there, thank fuck. Four orgasms this morning all in all should tide the man over till tomorrow, hopefully. Miles caught his look, grinned. He was so sexy when he smiled like that. Made Brad’s stomach do back flips, as much as he hated to admit it.

  “Does he have nightmares?” Noah asked.

  Brad hesitated. He hadn’t asked Charlie if he was okay with him sharing this, and he didn’t want to violate his privacy.

  “It’s okay,” Noah said. “You don’t have to answer. Let him know he should ask his family doctor for sleeping aids, if he needs them.”

  “That would mean seeing his doctor, and he’s afraid to leave the house,” Brad said quietly. “He’s scared Zach will find him.”

  Noah nodded. “I noticed. He knows he can talk to me anytime, right?”

  Brad nodded. “He does. He talks to me, a little, but…I’m not good at saying the right things.”

  Noah sent him a reassuring smile. “Listening is often the most important thing, and you’ve got that part down. He trusts you.”

  He did, and Brad vowed he’d be worthy of that trust. It was one of the reasons why he’d never start anything with Charlie, no matter how much he wanted him…and how sweet Charlie looked at him, with eyes that spoke volumes about what he wanted Brad to do to him. No, he wasn’t going there. Right now, that trust meant finding a solution for Charlie’s problem.

  “How are we gonna nail this son of a bitch?” he asked.

  Miles eyebrows rose high.

  “What?” Brad snapped.

  “Nothing. Not the kind of reaction I was expecting from you,” the agent said.

  “I told you: you don’t know me. At all.”

  “Clearly,” Miles said, but he didn’t sound angry.

  “Sorry. He’s my best friend. I’m still really fucking pissed.”

  Miles held up his hands. “I understand. I wasn’t criticizing you. I was merely surprised.”

  “We can’t do anything, not until Charlie gives us permission.” That was Blake, of course. Practical, reasonable Blake.

  “He’ll never stand up to Zack. Does that mean he gets away with it?”

  “I understand you’re mad, bro, but it has to be Charlie’s decision. We can’t take that power away from him.”

  Brad leaned back against the couch, felt Miles’ foot touching his back, rubbing it. Was he doing it on purpose? It seemed so.

  “At least he hasn’t found him here yet,” Blake added.

  “Not yet,” Brad said. “But with the resources he’s got, it will be easy for him to find him anywhere.”

  “What resources?” Miles asked, sharp as ever.

  Brad winced. Damn, he hadn’t meant to let that slip. Noah knew, but he hadn’t said anything. The guy took patient confidentiality seriously, even when he wasn’t formally working anymore. That meant this was new to everyone else, including Miles by the way. How the hell was he talking his way out of this one?

  “His boyfriend is a cop,” Aaron said.

  “Aaron!” Oy, Blake was angry with his
puppy, that much was clear.

  “No, Blake, you’re wrong about this one. I know you don’t want us to say anything, but we’ve got a cop here, a federal agent, and men who know what this is like. Surely, we can trust them.”

  It was good to see Aaron had a backbone when it was needed. Then his choice of words registered with Brad. Men who knew what this was like? What the fuck was Aaron talking about? Brad knew about Indy—in general terms, at least. The details of his rape at the hands of that guy he’d killed were pretty well known. But Aaron had said men, not man, so who else?

  “Aaron is right. This is not about what Charlie wants. This is about a cop abusing his power, pretending he’s above the law.” Josh's voice was clear. It earned him an affectionate kiss on his head from Connor. Was he the one? He had to be. There was something inherently strong about him that screamed survivor.

  “Does anyone have a last name for me, so I can look up this guy?” Connor asked. His face was neutral, but his eyes displayed anger.

  “Zachary Waitley,” Brad supplied. “Albany PD.”

  “You’re shitting me,” Connor said.

  “You know him, babe?” Josh asked.

  “Hell, yeah. Worked with him. Didn’t even know he was gay.”

  “He’s bi, technically,” Brad corrected him. “Had a girlfriend before Charlie. Has a daughter with her, but he never sees her.”

  “She local?” Connor asked.

  “Dunno. Charlie said it was because his ex was a bitch and refused to let Zack see his kid, but I know for a fact he’s a lying, cheating asshole, so who the fuck knows what’s true.”

  Connor looked pensive. “He cheated on Charlie?”

  “Hell, yeah. Men, women, everyone he could get, if you ask me. Came after me as well. He was dead drunk, cornered me a while back when Charlie was performing at Flirt. Told me to suck him off, or he’d tell everyone I…”

  Fuck, he’d dug a hole for himself there, hadn’t he? They’d done an IQ test on him in elementary school, had told his mom he’d scored off the charts, but surely if he were that smart he wouldn’t do dumb shit like this.