No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Like Charlie, Brad was subdued. This was not the story Charlie had expected to hear, and he figured it was the same for Brad.

  “I’m sorry,” Brad said. Did Miles recognize the sincerity in his tone? “That was a shitty thing to do to a man who holds integrity in such high regards.”

  Miles’ eyebrows rose. “What?” Brad said defensively. “You think you’re the only one who can read a person?”

  “Oh, Brad, you sarcastic little shit. Why do you react so fiercely? It wasn’t criticism. I was pleasantly surprised by your faith in my character.”

  Brad mumbled something.

  “To my face, Brad. Say it to my face.”

  Fuck, Miles was unrelenting.

  “It’s self-defense,” Brad said, louder this time.

  “I know it is, honey, but I’m telling you there’s no need for it. I won’t hurt you.”

  “Sure, you will.” This time, Brad’s voice rung out crystal clear.

  Miles’ face was all compassion. “Tell me, honey, why have you never started a relationship with Charlie?”

  “With Charlie? But we are friends, best friends.”

  “You know he wants more, and I’m pretty sure you want it, too.”

  Charlie froze. Was Miles right? He’d always thought his attraction was one-sided. Sure, Brad liked him, that much was clear. There was sexual tension, but Brad had always held him at a distance, at least in that regard.

  Brad was quiet for a long time. “I’ve got nothing to offer him,” he finally said. The emotion in his voice brought tears to Charlie’s eyes.

  “Nothing?” Miles asked.

  “I got a steady job, but that’s it. Emotionally, I’m fucked-up. I don’t wanna expose him to that. He deserves better, and God knows what could happen.”

  “What do you fear would happen?”

  Brad’s shoulders sagged and he dragged a limp hand through his black hair. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. “I wanna take a shower,” he finally offered.

  “Okay,” Miles said easily. “Let’s shower. The damn thing is big enough for the three of us.”

  Charlie bit back a smile. That could not have been what Brad had in mind. Indeed, his head jerked up. “You want us to shower together?”

  “After what we shared before, a shower should be easy, right?”

  Brad turned to make eye contact with Charlie, who made sure he sported an innocent look. “Fine with me,” he said. “I’m sticky all over.”

  Brad grumbled as they all climbed off the bed, but he didn’t protest. Miles and Charlie started the shower, while Brad hunted up towels and wash cloths. By the time Brad joined them, the water was perfectly hot, and Charlie let out a happy sigh. “Fuck, this feels good.”

  He caught the wash cloth Brad threw at him. Behind him, Miles gestured and Charlie understood. “Sit down on the bench,” he told Brad.

  Brad looked confused. “Why?”

  “Trust me, babe,” Charlie said.

  Brad lowered himself on the bench, looking from Charlie to Miles and back, as if he knew they were up to something. Miles smiled at him. “Trusting doesn’t come easy for you, does it?”

  Brad sighed. “It really doesn’t.”

  Charlie reached for the shampoo, squeezed some out. “Close your eyes,” he said.

  Brad blinked once, twice, then did as Charlie asked. Charlie brought his hands to Brad’s hair, started shampooing the dark locks, always a tad too long. Seconds later, Miles’ hands joined him, and together they washed Brad’s hair inch by inch, softly massaging his scalp. Every now and then a soft moan would float from Brad’s lips.

  Miles had been spot on. Brad was always focused on taking care of everyone else, including Charlie. He’d become used to it, to the point where he’d completely missed the underlying beliefs Brad harbored about himself. When had Brad started believing he wasn’t good enough? When he’d said he had nothing to offer, man, that had hit Charlie hard. How could Brad possibly think that? Yet he’d been speaking what he believed was true.

  Together, they rinsed out his hair, again massaging and finger combing his hair until every last fleck of foam was gone. Charlie knew what was next. He took the wash cloth, soaped it up. “Stand up,” he ordered Brad.

  He kept his eyes closed, but dutifully rose. Charlie sat down, figuring Miles could do the top while he did the bottom. They washed Brad’s body thoroughly, soaping every inch of skin. Brad’s eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. This was hard for him, being taken care of. How the hell had Charlie missed that all these years? He’d taken and taken, never once realized how little Brad took back.

  They were a study in contrasts, Charlie mused. Miles was so tall and blond, the ripped alpha of their threesome. Brad was his opposite, with his dark hair and brown eyes, his lean body. He had a long-distance runner’s build, not an ounce of fat on his frame. And then there was Charlie himself, the quintessential twink with his small, slender frame. His dark hair was more similar to Brad’s, but his fair skin color stood out, and his blue eyes were more like Miles’.

  He washed Brad’s ass, taking his time to clean his crack and hole. It was strange, yet so familiar to touch him like this. He’d saved the man’s cock for last, not sure how he should proceed there. If he should. Brad had always been extremely sensitive about men seeing him, even Charlie. As if losing a testicle had made him less attractive, less of a man. You couldn’t even notice it, not unless you knew and were pretty damn close to him.

  When he gingerly touched his remaining nut, Brad’s eyes flew open. “Charlie,” he warned.

  “You’re beautiful,” Charlie said, not letting himself be deterred this time. “Miles was right. I do want you, always have.”

  “You deserve more,” Brad said.

  Miles had been right. How had Charlie not seen this? “More than what, babe? More than you? A kind, loving man who’s never treated me with anything less than respect, who’s always been there for me? Brad, you’ve been my rock since day one, when you busted those guys for stuffing me in that trash can. You have taken care of me as much as I’ve allowed you. What more could I possibly deserve?”

  Brad’s face distorted in pain. Did this have something to do with his parents, his brothers? Charlie knew tiny slivers of Brad’s past, shared when he was drunk, but he’d never gotten the whole picture.

  Miles shut the shower off. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. We all need sleep right now.”

  Silently, the three of them toweled off. “I’ll remake the bed,” Brad said. Without waiting for an answer, he walked into the bedroom, still naked. Did he realize he was already growing accustomed to Miles seeing him like that? Charlie doubted it.

  “We’ll back off for now,” Miles said softly.

  Charlie nodded. “It’s hard for him.”

  Miles’ hand cupped Charlie’s cheek. “I know, love. It’s worth it. He’s worth it.” Electricity sparked between them. “You surprised me, bossy little man.”

  Charlie smiled. “Not your typical twink, huh?”

  “I don’t like the meek ones,” Miles said. “The ones who passively bend over and take it.”

  “Not much chance of that with me.”

  “You told Brad you’d top him.”

  “You thought I was a bottom, didn’t you?”

  Miles hesitated. “Yeah, I did. Highly stereotypical, I know.”

  “I’m vers, like you, though honestly, I prefer topping.”

  “How did you…?”

  Charlie snorted. “Dude, you liked it way too much when Brad played with your hole. You’re definitely not a strict top.”

  “And Brad?”

  “Shouldn’t you be asking him?”

  “I’m asking you.”

  Charlie relented. “He’s a bottom only guy, even before his surgery. He’s topped in the past, but it’s not his thing. He loves to be on the receiving end.”

  “Charlie, my love, are you sure this is okay with you?”

 
“What, us you mean?”

  “Yes. You’re coming out of a relationship you haven’t even formally ended.”

  “Trust me, it’s over. We’re over. I may have been stupid enough to take it a few times, but this? This was inexcusable.”

  Miles searched his face, nodded when he’d found what he’d been looking for. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. No judgment.”

  Charlie followed his instinct. He stepped in, raised his face and offered Miles his mouth. He took it, gently and tender. It was the sweetest of kisses, making Charlie float.

  “Brad gets your heat, and I get your heart. You’re a man of contrasts, Miles,” Charlie whispered against his mouth.

  Miles’ lips pulled up in a sexy grin. He kissed Charlie again, equally soft. “He’s not ready for my heart, and you’re not ready for my heat.”

  He had a point, Charlie mused as they walked into the bedroom, where Brad was finishing up remaking the bed. The dirty linens were in a pile on the floor. “We’ll have to help Josh do laundry,” Brad said, a look of guilt on his face.

  “Something tells me he’s used to washing sheets,” Miles said. “The way these guys fuck, he’s gotta be doing laundry daily.”

  They got back in bed, the tension gone for now. By unspoken agreement, they took the same spots as before, with Brad in the middle. Charlie turned on his stomach, his favorite sleeping position. He sought Brad’s hand, put it around him.

  Brad chuckled softly. “You’re such a cuddler,” he said. Still, he obliged by turning on his side and snuggling close to Charlie, his arm protectively around Charlie’s waist.

  The bed moved as Miles took position behind Brad, spooning him from behind. He nuzzled Brad’s neck, kissed his nape. “Sleep well.”

  Brad’s eyes widened, and Charlie held his breath to see if he would accept this affection from Miles. Brad let out a long sigh, his body releasing the tension, then closed his eyes.

  The poor guy. He’d never even gotten his orgasm, not even after making them both come so many times. Miles had been right, there were deeper issues than Brad’s limp dick, as he referred to it. But they’d wait till tomorrow. For now, they’d sleep. The three of them sharing a bed, and feeling wonderfully right.

  Charlie fell asleep with a smile on his face.

  * * *

  Miles waited three whole days for Brad to bring their conversation up himself. When he didn’t, Miles knew he was in for a fight. Brad still didn’t realize Miles was willing to go to war over this. He was stubbornly clinging to the illusion that what they were doing was nothing more than sex. Fucking idiot. A child could see Charlie’s heart had gotten involved a long time ago, and the same was true for Brad.

  As for Miles, he kept telling himself falling in love in this short a time was impossible, especially when it concerned not one, but two guys. Yet his feelings were way too big, too demanding to be mere infatuation. So he’d fight for it, for them. But first, he had bigger fish to fry.

  Charlie was napping in Miles’ bedroom, so Miles waited in the living room till Brad got home from work. He walked in at four-thirty, looking tired and pale. Miles frowned. The guy was so busy taking care of everyone else, that he forgot to eat properly. And he certainly wasn’t getting enough sleep. Miles made a mental note to make sure that would change.

  “Hey,” Brad said, dropping his backpack near the front door. “Where’s Charlie?”

  “Hi,” Miles said. “He’s napping in my room. How was your day?”

  Brad’s eyes widened as if he were surprised someone was even interested in him. “It was okay. State testing is in two weeks, so we’re cramming the last chapters in.”

  Miles wanted to hear more, but Connor walked in, per his request.

  “Brad,” he nodded.

  Brad did a half-ass awkward wave that Miles thought was endearing. He could be so clumsy and clueless at times.

  “Let’s talk,” Connor said. He lowered his impressive body on one of the chairs.

  Brad crumpled his nose. “Talk?”

  “Yeah,” Miles said. “I asked Connor to meet us here. We need to talk about Charlie’s boyfriend.”

  “Ex-boyfriend,” Brad corrected, plopping down on the couch. “And what does this have to do with you?”

  Miles sighed. “Really, Brad? You don’t think the fact that I am an FBI agent, let alone the reality that the three of us are involved gives me the right to discuss this?”

  Brad had the decency to look halfway embarrassed. “I was handling it with Connor,” he said.

  “Fine. And now you can handle it with Connor and with me. Start talking.”

  Connor barely reacted, but his eyes sparkled. “I asked my former partner to do a little digging on Waitley. Turns out, he’s the kinda cop that gives the rest of us a bad name. His ex-girlfriend filed charges for assault and battery twice, but retracted them both times.”

  Miles cursed softly. “Classic for battered wife syndrome.”

  “Yeah,” Connor said. “His former partner says he stalked her as well. He reported it to Internal Affairs, but Waitley found out and laid low.”

  “What about the dash cam video?” Brad asked.

  Miles frowned. “What video?”

  “You didn’t tell him?” Connor asked.

  Brad shook his head.

  “Waitley pulled him over a couple of days ago,” Connor said. Miles’ stomach turned sour. “Our Brad here had a dash cam installed, one that not only records video, but sound as well. Waitley wanted to know where Charlie was, threatened Brad in a non-specific manner if he didn’t tell. The good news is that he all but confessed to the domestic abuse.”

  “And you didn’t share this with me, why?” he asked Brad, his voice ice cold. Brad shifted on the couch, crossed his arms, then uncrossed them again, but didn’t say anything. “This is not something you keep from me, Brad. This is the kind of thing you tell me immediately.”

  “Why? It’s none of your business. What we have is sex, man, nothing else. That gives you the fucking right to know shit.”

  Brad’s defense mechanism was in fine form again, Miles noted. In situations like this, he was damn grateful for the training he’d had to stay in the present, to keep his mind engaged, rather than let his emotions take over.

  “I swear to God, Brad, if you ever say something like that again, I will spank your bare ass, do you hear me? Do not, I repeat, do not insult my feelings for you and for Charlie by referring to it as mere sex.”

  Brad’s mouth dropped open slightly. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  Miles’ eyes narrowed. “Don’t tempt me. If you insist on acting like a brat, I will fucking treat you as one. Feel free to deny your own feelings, but don’t you dare disrespect me and Charlie like that. I know you’re scared, but that doesn’t give you the right to decide for us what we feel.”

  “I’m not scared.” Brad was adorable when he tried to be all tough, but his voice came out trembling.

  “Honey, you’re scared as fuck. I haven’t quite figured out what you’re scared of and why, but I’ll get there. Do we have an understanding, Brad? Do you hear what I’m telling you?”

  “You’ll spank me if I say it’s just sex,” Brad said slowly, his voice throaty.

  Connor chuckled. “He likes the idea,” he said. “Look at him. His pupils are dilated, he’s flushed, and he’s breathing fast. He’s fucking aroused.”

  Connor would know, considering his activities with Josh, but Miles had already come to the same conclusion. “Is he right, honey?” he asked Brad. Brad’s eyes shot down to the floor, as he fidgeted with his hands. “I asked you a question, Brad.”

  His eyes flew up again. “I don’t know, okay? Yes, maybe. How the fuck would I know? I’ve never… How would I know?”

  Miles nodded, satisfied. They’d have to revisit this topic at a later time, preferably not in front of Connor, and with Charlie present as well. “Okay, I’ll accept that. Now tell me about the video. Is it usable?”

  “Yes and
no,” Connor said. “It’s legal in New York to record police officers without their permission, so the video will be admissible in a court of law. The problem is that it would only be useful if Charlie decided to press charges for assault. Without that, there’s not much you can do. Legally.”

  “Will he press charges?” Miles asked Brad.

  He’d looked confused when Miles had shifted the conversation so quickly back to the video after their spanking discussion, but he was alert now.

  “I honestly don’t know,” Brad said. “He’s scared of him. He refused to go to a hospital because he was scared Zack would kill him. I don’t know if he meant that in the literal sense or was more expressing a general sense of fear or retribution.”

  Connor dragged a hand through his short hair. “He’s got reason to be scared, especially after what Waitley did to him. Was this the first time?”

  “No. I’ve seen him with bruises a few times, but he denied it was Zack. Blake let him stay at his house a while back when he spotted Charlie being hurt. Charlie admitted he’d been beaten, then, but still went back.”

  The hurt and self-blame was easy to spot. “It’s not your fault, honey,” Miles said, his voice soft.

  “I should have dragged him away from that fucking asshole,” Brad said.

  Connor sighed. “I know you feel that way, but the truth is that abuse victims cannot be helped until they’re ready to accept help. Charlie made his own choices, Brad, and my guess is that he doesn’t blame you at all.”

  He doesn’t have to, Miles thought. Brad was blaming himself way more than Charlie ever would or could. “Let’s assume Charlie doesn’t want to press charges. Where does that leave us?” he asked.

  “Legally, nowhere,” Connor said.

  “You keep using that word, legally,” Brad remarked. “What do you mean by that? Are you implying there’s another route, illegally?”

  Miles smiled. “I think Connor is testing the waters, considering he’s no longer on the force, but I am still a federal agent.”

  Brad humphed. “As if you wouldn’t walk through fire to keep Charlie safe.”