No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Indy ’s eyes filled with tears all over again. The fact that he and Connor could share their love for Josh, could take care of him together, it was…everything. “I don’t know, honestly. You could ask Noah, or Josh’s therapist. But let him see this. It will help him see he is lovable despite his trauma, you know? And maybe you could take the step of going into counseling yourself. I know it’s something I need to do… I’m just trying to find the courage.”

  Connor looked at Indy with love. “You are wise beyond your years, you know that? It was hard for me at first, to accept that you and Noah were such a huge part of Josh’s life. But the more I got to know you, the easier that became. Now, I consider myself lucky to have the two of you in my life. You keep saying how much Josh loves me and I him, and it’s true, but he loves you just as much and you love him. I vow to never be your competitor, Indy. I will never keep him from you, or you from him. I want us to love him together.”

  He rose and extended a hand to Indy, who let himself be pulled into Connor’s big arms. “I promise the same, Boston.”

  Connor pushed him back to meet his eyes. “Boston?”

  “If you’re okay with it, I’d like to start calling you Boston. I think it’s a fitting tribute to Lucas, and also to the wicked special relationship you and I have, sharing not just a background, but Josh.”

  Connor’s eyes filled up all over again. “I’d love that. Thank you.”

  23

  Brad thought he’d been very patient. Sure, he’d acted out when Connor had gotten that call because he knew it meant he wasn’t gonna get his reward, and that had been selfish. He’d realized it after, especially once he’d seen how devastated Connor had been.

  So he’d been a good boy the rest of that day. Josh had needed Miles, and Brad had been happy to do his part. He hadn’t complained once, had obeyed every order Miles had given him.

  Hell, he’d been good the whole week after. He’d taken care of Miles every chance he got, had made sure the man was as satisfied as he could be, realistically speaking. He’d let both Miles and Charlie fuck him whenever they wanted to. Not that that was a hardship, fuck no. He loved it when they used him, appreciated the sensation of a slightly tender ass when he went to work in the mornings.

  Miles only had to spank him twice, and both were debatable offenses in Brad’s mind. Really, Miles could be a tad sensitive to any suggestion of disrespect. But since the spankings weren’t entirely unpleasant—though Brad still hadn’t made up his mind whether he looked forward to them or feared them—he’d taken them without complaint.

  He’d helped Josh out a few times with laundry, knowing he was struggling to take care of Connor. Brad had seen the laundry baskets overflowing and had quietly stepped in, making sure there were enough clean sheets and towels.

  He’d also done some grocery shopping for Indy when he’d been short on supplies and had been too busy making sure everyone was okay to go to the store. Brad had stopped by the store on his way home and had worked down the entire list that had been on the refrigerator in the kitchen.

  Miles hadn’t commented on Brad’s efforts to contribute to their…household? He wasn’t sure what to call it, but he was determined to not be a bother any more than he’d already been. He felt like he was teetering on the edge of a cliff already, that any second now, they’d all grow tired of him.

  But now it was Friday evening, and Brad was exhausted. The end of the school year was always stressful and this year was no different. God, he’d love nothing more than another one of those daddy-days, where Miles took care of him and his mind could find total peace. Even the idea made his eyes grow a little misty, but he knew it wasn’t gonna happen. Miles didn’t have time for that anymore. Or energy. Or maybe the will.

  Brad parked his car in the broad driveway, making sure not to block anyone else. It could get busy with so many cars. Well, it was only temporary, right? They never had the discussion Miles had promised about the future, so Brad had no idea what would happen. And as time had passed, he’d started wondering if maybe Miles had changed his mind about being with Brad, about being his daddy. He sure hadn’t had much time for Brad this week.

  Brad sighed as he walked in the door, his shoulders low. The living room was empty, but he heard voices in the kitchen. He dumped his backpack near the front door, then picked it up again to put it in their room. Miles was being a total hypocrite about that, of course, considering he was a first-class slob, but Brad was not risking Miles getting upset with him. He already felt like it was slipping through his fingers, so he was doing everything he could to hold on to it.

  He kicked off his shoes, then neatly put them in the closet. Miles had forgotten to hang up his towels, of course, so after taking a piss, Brad quickly tidied up the bathroom. Before he left, he made the bed, then checked to make sure the room looked in order.

  When he walked into the kitchen, everyone was sitting at the big kitchen table, and for some reason he felt like an outsider. Josh was on Connor’s lap and Charlie was cuddling with Miles, and Noah and Indy were laughing, and Brad felt so damn alone he could cry. He was never gonna fit in here or anywhere else.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Miles said when he spotted him.

  Brad looked at him, this beautiful man who had so much patience with him. He wanted nothing more than to crawl on his lap, into his arms, to seek protection and shelter. But he couldn’t, could he? Because Miles was growing tired of him being needy all the time. Miles preferred sweet and sassy Charlie, who didn’t have all these issues. Gorgeous Charlie who took Brad’s breath away every time he looked at him, and who’d stolen his heart so many years ago.

  He watched them, these two men he loved so much and who would be so perfectly happy if it wasn’t for him and his stupid fuck-ups. He hadn’t realized he’d taken a step back until the kitchen fell quiet, and concern replaced the warmth on Miles’ face. He took another step back, every breath painful. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t bear to wait for that ax to fall.

  He turned around, but before he could move again, Miles’ voice rung out. “Brad, no!”

  There was enough authority in it that Brad listened. He slowly turned back around. Miles gently pushed Charlie off his lap and walked toward Brad. “Why are you walking away, sweetheart?”

  “You know why,” Brad managed, his eyes trained on the floor. “I’ll never be good enough.”

  He heard Charlie gasp. “Good enough for what?” Miles asked in a slightly unsteady voice.

  Brad raised his eyes. ‘I tried so hard this week to be good. I was there for you and Charlie, and I did laundry for Josh, and helped Indy with grocery shopping, and I made sure our room was tidy and the bed was made, and I fucking listened to every command you gave me…and it was still not enough!”

  Shock filled Miles’ eyes. “You…what? Brad, I have no idea—”

  “No, you don’t. You promised me you would take care of me, but I know you’re already tired of me, so why don’t you just come out and say it?”

  Miles reeled back as if Brad had hit him. “How could you… Brad, sweetheart, I’m not tired of you. How could you even think that?”

  “You’re blaming me now for thinking that?” Brad scoffed. “Then where were you? Where were you when I did everything you asked, everything that was needed, everything that I could think of…” His voice broke. “To make you love me and keep me, and you didn’t even see it… You didn’t see me.”

  He no longer tried to hold back the tears that were determined to fall. “None of you did. Connor was grieving and Josh was taking care of him, while Indy was making sure Josh was alright, and Noah tried to be there for all three of them. And Charlie was busy preparing for his first performance back at Flirt, and you Miles, you could barely be bothered to make sure I stuck to the rules you gave me. You only spanked me twice, and you promised me a reward and never gave it to me.”

  He wiped away his tears impatiently. “So I get it, okay? I get that I’m too much, more than you signed up for
.”

  “Oh God, Brad…” Miles sounded so broken that Brad felt sorry for the man for a second. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”

  Brad jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shrugged, unsure of what to say. Was there even anything left to say?

  “I had a lot going on this week, trying to put some things into motion for us, and I had planned on telling you both tonight, but I fucked up. You’re right, Brad. I didn’t give you the attention you deserved and needed this week. I got distracted, and I’m so sorry… I didn’t see that you were making yourself invisible again and I should have.”

  “We all missed it,” Indy spoke up. “I thought Noah had picked up the groceries.”

  “And I figured Indy had done laundry,” Josh said.

  “And I honestly thought Josh had been a sweetheart and had made the bed and cleaned our bathroom,” Charlie said in a timid voice. “I’m so sorry, baby. I feel awful.”

  “We all do,” Indy said.

  “But sweetheart, it wasn’t because you’re too much, or because I’m tired of you. You were a good boy this week, but I failed you. I’m so sorry.”

  The regret on Miles’ face was real, even Brad could see that. His heart was a little lighter. “I hate feeling like I’m invisible,” he whispered.

  “I know, sweetheart. I feel awful. It’s my fault, though, not yours. I love you, Brad. You’re not too much or too needy. Will you please forgive me?”

  Brad was in his arms before he’d even finished the words, and he exhaled shakily as Miles’ strong arms enveloped him. “I love you, sweetheart,” Miles whispered into his curls. “I love you so much, and I’m so damn sorry.”

  Then Charlie stepped into their embrace and hugged Brad as well. “I love you,” he said in a tearful voice. “And I’m sorry for being selfish this week.”

  They stood until Brad felt the darkness pull away inside of him. “Daddy,” he said softly, gathering courage to voice his request. “Do you think you could maybe spank me every morning when we get up? Just a quick spank so I know that you see me?”

  Miles pushed back slightly so he could see Brad’s face. “I’d love that, sweetheart. Thank you for asking me. I’m so proud of you.”

  Brad gave him a careful smile. “What did you want to tell us?”

  Miles gave him a quick kiss, then did the same to Charlie. “Guys, I need five minutes with my boys, and we’ll be right back, okay?” he told the others.

  “Five minutes my ass,” Noah mumbled, amusement lacing his voice.

  “Well, Miles is an easy target,” Indy remarked dryly.

  The jokes were still passing around as Miles led them into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

  “Are we truly okay?” he asked, looking at both of them.

  Charlie’s bottom lip trembled. “I feel so bad for Brad.”

  “It’s okay,” Brad muttered.

  “No, it’s not okay. We did you wrong, and that is not okay, sweetheart. And Charlie and I should feel bad for a bit, because we love you and we accidentally hurt you. But we promise to do better, right, honey?”

  Charlie nodded, and Brad couldn’t help but hug him. “I love you,” he told Charlie, kissing him everywhere. “I forgive you.”

  He didn’t stop until Charlie found his mouth and gave him one of those toe-curling kisses that made Brad’s insides go gooey.

  ‘I love watching you two,” Miles sighed. “Brad, you were right. We promised you a reward and we never followed up on that. I blame myself for not realizing you would interpret that as us rejecting you, or you not being good enough to get the reward. Tomorrow, Charlie has his show at Flirt, but Sunday we will spend in bed, the three of us, and we’ll do whatever you want, Brad. I promise.”

  Brad’s face lit up. “Really?”

  “I can’t wait,” Charlie said, grabbing Brad’s hand first, then Miles. “I wanna share this with you.”

  “Oh, same here,” Miles sighed. “The thought alone makes me so damn hard. Not that I needed any help in that department anyway.”

  Brad beamed, unable to find words.

  “But Brad, you also deserve a little reward right now, for speaking up and telling us how you felt. So pick one thing you wanna do in the next, say, three minutes. How can we make you feel good right now?”

  He didn’t even need to think. “I want you to spank me while I suck you off. Please, Daddy, I need to feel you.”

  Miles’ smile was broad as he unbuckled and slid his jeans and underwear down in one motion. Brad yanked down his pants so fast the button went flying, but he didn’t care. He was on Miles’ lap as soon as he’d positioned himself on the bed.

  When that first slap came, he exhaled. Fuck, he needed this. It centered him, grounded him, somehow. He nuzzled Miles’ cock, his balls, breathed in deeply the scent that had become so familiar. He felt the stress leaving him as he gave a few tentative licks, then sucked that gorgeous cock right in.

  Miles let out one of his low groans, telling Brad he wouldn’t need to do much to make his daddy come. They only had a few minutes anyway, so that was perfect. As Miles slapped, Brad sucked in perfect tandem rhythm, until Miles tensed and came with a soft moan. Brad swallowed his load, humming happily, his mind so much more peaceful now that he’d been reminded he was not alone.

  Miles lifted him up to cuddle. “Was that good for you, sweetheart?”

  Brad nodded. Charlie joined them, holding Brad as well, and the last bit of frustration left him. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I needed that.”

  “Good. Now, let’s go ‘cause the others are waiting, and we have some exciting news we want to share with you.”

  Miles didn’t give Brad’s nerves the opportunity to reappear, because as soon as they entered the kitchen, he pulled Brad on the chair right next to him and held his hand, Charlie on Brad’s other side.

  Indy sent him a soft smile. “Listen, we wanted to talk to you guys about something. Noah and Connor already discussed it with Miles, and at first he wanted to ask you in private, but we thought it might be better of it came from all of us.”

  Miles squeezed Brad’s hand, a reminder for him to take a breath. Where was this going?

  “The four of us, we wanted to ask you three to move in with us. Permanently. Or at least, for the foreseeable future.”

  Wait, what? Brad’s head shot up.

  “We want to add a wing to the house where you could build a spacious bedroom and bathroom for the three of you. You’d have your own private entrance and exit, but the kitchen and living room would be common areas. We’d also add a little to the current in-law suite, the one where you guys are staying now. That would be our room, for the four of us. We want to add a few feet to the bedroom so we can have a bed custom made for us, and we want to create a second en-suite room, which would be a play room.”

  “By playroom we mean a sex room, basically,” Josh explained. “Connor and I will be using this a lot, obviously, but it would also be available to you. We’re looking to put some benches there, a whipping cross, a flogging wall, and some other really cool stuff, but also a lot of toys.”

  How a guy that looked so cute and sweet could talk about hardcore shit like that without breaking a sweat was a mystery to Brad. The whipping and flogging sounded scary and not at all like something he wanted to explore, but some of the other stuff they could maybe try out together? He bit his lip. What did Indy mean exactly with moving in?

  “You’re gonna share a room with the four of you?” Charlie asked.

  Indy and Josh shared another one of those looks. “Yeah,” Indy said. “Noah and I are together, but I’m also with Josh, and he’s with Connor. We’ve talked about it, and we all agree we want to share one room. Josh and I, we really like sleeping in the same bed, and both of our guys got tired of waking up alone.”

  “But Noah and Connor are not, like, together?” Brad couldn’t blame Charlie for asking. He wasn’t sure exactly of where the boundaries were either, if there even were any.<
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  “No. But they’re completely okay with this,” Josh said. “Plus, Connor is an exhibitionist who likes to watch and show off, and Noah simply doesn’t care either way, so it meshes really well.”

  Brad’s head dazzled. It made sense what Josh and Indy were saying, but why would they need the three of them? He scraped his throat. “No offense, but what would you need us for?”

  Josh smiled. “First of all, we really like you. All three of you. You fit in really well with us, and that’s not easy. We know we’re freaks in many aspects, but you guys don’t seem to mind.”

  “Hell, they’re as bad as us,” Indy snorted.

  “True,” Miles spoke up for the first time. He was watching Brad and Charlie, gauging their reaction it seemed. “There are also some practical reasons, to be fair. Financially, the four of them are in a bit of a limbo since Noah went back to school, and Connor quit his job,” Miles explained. “Indy is still figuring out where to go next, and Josh prefers to mostly stay home, aside from his part time job as a shooting instructor. Adding the three of us to the mix would help financially. Brad, you have a stable income, and Charlie, if your application is accepted, as I’m sure it will be, you’ll have income as well. Splitting all costs between the seven of us will lessen the burdens for all of us. I have enough money put away to last me a while and to contribute the remodeling and renovation costs.”

  “I can contribute as well,” Brad jumped in. “I saved up since I started working, so I’ve got a nest egg.”

  Miles’ eyes softened and his lips curved in one of those smiles that made Brad’s insides dance. “Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate you saying that.”

  Brad’s insides burned with want. To live with these people, to be a part of their circle, it was more than he could have ever dreamed of.

  “What about my behavior?” he dared ask. “Will you kick me out if I misbehave?”

  Josh’s “No” mixed with Indy’s “Never”.

  Indy pushed his chair back. He got up and kneeled in front of Brad. “I need you to listen to me. You were dealt a shitty hand in life, much like I was. We didn’t ask for the shit that happened to us, but it did. I know you feel damaged and unworthy, because so did I. I still do at times. But Brad, you are worthy to be loved. You’re a good man, a kind man. You’re broken and damaged, but it will heal, I promise you. We will love you and have patience with you, even if you act out or misbehave. We will never, ever reject you, let alone kick you out. If you guys move in, you’re part of our family, and families stick together no matter what.”