All We Were

by Grace, Elisabeth

  Dan presses against my back, his hard-on completely obvious as it pokes me in the ass. My grinding against him is affecting him, and I feel his warm breath on my ear. He wraps one arm around my waist as we continue to dance, and I spare a glance in Jimmy’s direction.

  He’s still enthralled by the slutty brunette. He and Tripp are laughing and carrying on as if they’re the only two women in this club.

  I lean back into Dan, swinging my arm up behind me so it’s around the back of his neck. Dan’s hand runs up and down my body, stopping just underneath my breasts. I close my eyes, lost in the sensations assaulting my body. Everything around me fades into darkness, and I ride the euphoric high as a willing passenger.

  When I finally open my eyes again, I glance at the VIP area and see that Jimmy is gone. Tripp and the two women are there, so he must have gone to the bathroom.

  Dan grinds into me from behind as he turns us in a circle, moving with the deep bass in the music. We turn in the opposite direction of the VIP area, and that’s when I spot him.

  Jimmy stands on the edge of the dance floor with his hands fisted, laser-focused eyes mixed with rage and betrayal.

  Guilt floods me, but I push it aside. He’s the one who wouldn’t speak with me. He’s the one who came here with someone else. He’s the one who hurt me.

  I grind a little harder into Dan as Jimmy watches. Disappointment flashes across his face before he shakes his head and walks around the perimeter of the dance floor, back to his booth.

  The all-too-familiar look on his face cuts me to the core. Rips my heart into pieces of useless flesh.

  There’s nothing I can’t stand more than when Jimmy is disappointed in me. His anger I can handle. But that look he gave me burns like acid on my skin and kills my high.

  “Let’s head back to the bar,” I yell at Dan before stalking off in that direction.

  I order two shots and another double martini while Dan makes a trip to the bathroom. I want to go with him to see if I can score another bump off him, but I’m not in the mood to fuck him and that’s what he wants. So I settle for the haze alcohol can bring me. I can still feel the cocaine in my bloodstream, but it’s wearing off and I’ll need to find more soon.

  By the time Dan returns, I’m done drinking and raring to go. We head back out onto the dance floor, bouncing along to the beat as EDM blasts through the speakers of the club. I spare a glance at Jimmy, who tries to act as though he’s not watching me, but his eyes keep shifting between the dance floor and his new girl.

  It’s the one thing I can always count on—Jimmy will never stop being my bodyguard. He should just admit it now.

  Chapter Five

  Jimmy

  “Fuck her, man. She’s always fucking with your head,” Tripp yells into my ear.

  On the other side of me is Brooke, some wannabe actress that Tripp’s trying to hook me up with. Really, I just agreed to be his wingman tonight since he’s hooked on her friend, Robin. Not that he needs a wingman. Tripp is Tripp Savage, lead singer of one of the biggest rock bands in the world—Savage Revolt. He can get pussy with the crook of his finger.

  “You don’t get it man,” I say in return and sip my drink, eyeing the dance floor.

  “You’re always saying that. But maybe you’re the one who doesn’t get it.”

  I shrug. He has a point. It’s not as if I don’t know that I’m blind when it comes to Lilah. But no one understands what we’ve been through. We’ve always come out on top and I’m certain we will again, once I can get her to clean up her act.

  All night I’ve been trying to keep myself from watching the douchebag she’s dancing with do his best to fuck her on the dance floor, but it’s impossible. My gaze will always naturally move to Lilah when she’s around.

  It’s a product of our fucked-up childhoods, where I was the only one she could count on. Always double-checking she’s okay. But she’s an adult now and needs to take care of herself. Truth is, she can’t, and I have no idea how to fix her.

  “You should be celebrating tonight. Living it up! You’re the talk of the town, and as long as you don’t fuck up this movie, you’ll keep being that.” Tripp sucks back the rest of his drink and slams the glass on the table.

  He’s right. My picture deal was announced today, and I should be on top of the world. I’m already considered a success in this town, but this movie is going to make me an A-list star with the likes of George or Brad or Chris—hell, any of the Chrises.

  Instead, I’m fixated on the way that sack of shit on the dance floor is all over Lilah. It’s like déjà fucking vu from a few weeks ago at the club. I can’t afford any more bad publicity, but rage is building in my chest just watching this shit. Sitting idly to the side goes against every instinct I have when it comes to Lilah.

  “C’mon, man, have another shot,” Tripp yells over the music.

  Beside me, Brooke rubs her hand up my thigh, signaling that she’s more than willing to be a notch on my bedpost. But that’s the thing with this town. It’s filled with women like Brooke, who want to try to hitch a ride on your star as it’s headed up into the stratosphere.

  I accept the shot glass from Tripp. I have no idea what the hell is in it, but I’ll take any distraction I can right now. After clinking my glass with his, I toss back the liquid and enjoy the burning sensation sliding down my throat.

  Tripp slaps me on the back. “That’s my man.”

  I smile at him as best I can because I know he means well. I met him by fluke when I first moved to town, and we hit it off even though he was already mega famous, and I was just starting out.

  I make small talk with Brooke for the next hour, ignoring her insistence that we should leave. I like getting laid as much as the next guy, but I’m not into it tonight. I’m trying not to be too obvious about keeping an eye on Lilah, but Brooke sees me glance in that direction a couple of times and follows my gaze.

  “Do you want to dance?” she asks.

  The blond douchebag Lilah’s been hanging off of all night leads her off the dance floor toward the restrooms, and I decide to use the opportunity to my advantage.

  “Maybe in a bit. I need to hit the head.” I stand and exit the VIP area.

  Tripp’s calling after me, but I ignore him, knowing I need to be quick to stay on Lilah’s tail. As I turn down the hallway that leads to the restrooms, I spot Lilah and her flavor of the night make a right at the end of the hall. When I make it there, I see that most of the doors are closed, signaling that they’re occupied.

  Deciding to start at the beginning, I knock on the first door. When a woman who isn’t Lilah answers, I move on to the next and the next until I reach the one at the end of the hall.

  I knock, and no one answers. I knock again.

  “Piss off, it’s occupied,” a male voice shouts through the door.

  “Lilah, are you in there?” I yell back.

  “Go away,” she yells and laughs.

  Visions of the two of them fooling around assault my brain and I can’t stop myself from jiggling the handle to see if the door is locked. It isn’t, so I open the door.

  Lilah is bent over the counter with a rolled-up dollar bill pressed into her nostril while the guy paws at her ass. When she straightens, she looks at me with a smirk, her pupils so dilated I almost can’t see the blue in her eyes anymore.

  “What the fuck, Jimmy?”

  The guy spins around to look at me, and he’s just as messed up as Lilah. “I thought I told you to piss off?” He steps up to me, puffing out his chest.

  “Lilah and I have some things to discuss. Take a hike.” My hands are fists at my sides, clenched so hard they hurt, but I can’t afford any type of scene people whip out their cell phones for, so I decide to try the civil route.

  “Not happening. We were just about to get down to the good stuff,” he says with a cocky grin. It takes everything I have not to wipe that look off his face.

  “Yeah, we can talk later.” She sidles up to the guy and
runs her hand down his chest until it hits his belt buckle and stops there.

  “She’ll meet you out in the bar, buddy. Just give me five minutes,” I say.

  He looks as though he wants to tell me to fuck off again, but he surprises me when he turns to her. “It’s up to you.”

  Maybe I’ve already gained some clout in this town.

  She seems to give it some thought before propping herself up on her tiptoes and whispering something in his ear. Whatever it is, he likes it, because he smiles and rearranges his junk.

  “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he says before squeezing her ass and sliding by me to get out the door.

  I waste no time in slamming the door shut and flicking the lock.

  “What are you doing?” Lilah crosses her arms, her hip cocked out to the side.

  “Better question is what the fuck are you doing?” I motion to the powder and the dollar bill that’s still rolled up and lying on the counter.

  “Don’t start,” she says and tries to make her way by me.

  I put my arm out, pressing my hand against the wall and blocking her way. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls or your texts.”

  She says nothing.

  “But what you said… comparing me to your father…” I let the words hang there because she fucking knew what that would do to me.

  She glances at me, and her entire demeanor changes. Hurt and loneliness and regret play across her features before she moves into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I knew she’d be sorry as soon as the words left her mouth, but that didn’t mean they didn’t inflict the pain they were intended to.

  I cup her head. “I know. I’m sorry too. I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Me either. You’re the only real friend I have,” she says.

  I pull back a bit and tilt her head up by her chin. Tears rest in the corners of her eyes, and God, it cuts me to see her like this. All I ever imagine when I see her so strung out is the nightmares she’s running from. The nights I couldn’t be there for her. What did he do to her to make her turn into this person?

  “It’s only because I care. You know that, right?”

  She nods, biting her bottom lip. Lilah knows what it does to me when she does that. It’s long been my undoing when she presses her teeth into her plump bottom lip. There’s something so sexual and yet so innocent about it.

  Our gazes lock for a minute, and the tension in the small room builds to the point that it feels as oppressive as the summer humidity in the deep south.

  The weeks away from one another have left my body in a state of want that only she can ever quench. I shouldn’t allow her to seduce me, but my resolve breaks as the sultry, teasing look deepens in her eyes.

  I’m not sure which of us moves first, but we crash together in a searing kiss. Her mouth opens for mine, and our tongues meet like the first spark on a nest of kindling. My hands roam her body, coasting over the thin fabric, and when I momentarily picture the guy who was in here earlier and the way he had his hands all over her, I grip her ass and squeeze. She’s mine even though I’ve never claimed her. I swallow her moan, wanting everything she’ll give me. I’m greedy for every last piece of her.

  Her hand comes between us, and she grips my hard length through my pants, squeezing and rubbing it through the fabric until I’m on the brink of exploding. No woman can do for me what Lilah can. She has the singlehanded ability to make me lose sight of the past, the present, and the future. It’s always just us.

  She drops to her knees without any preamble and makes quick work of my belt buckle and the zipper on my pants. Before I can blink, she has me in her hand and is pumping my rigid length.

  “Fuck, Lilah.” I squeeze my eyes shut and let my head fall back. I dig my hands into her silky hair, wanting her lips wrapped around me.

  She moans when she first wraps her mouth around the head and swirls her tongue. I straighten my head and look down at her bobbing on the end of my cock, then I look to the side at the full-length mirror to get a better visual of the two of us together.

  I notice her purse strewn open on the counter and a little baggie of coke she must have bought off the guy. Through the mirror, I see a girl who is half coherent, sucking my cock. Her hair isn’t silky; it’s sweaty. Her mascara-smeared eyes stare up at me, and I want to bend over her to throw up in the toilet.

  What the fuck am I doing?

  I hoist her up under the armpits. I don’t screw around with Lilah when she’s messed up. In my mind for those brief moments, it was my Lilah, but this isn’t her.

  She stands there for a second, looking shell-shocked while I do up my zipper and refasten my pants. “Jesus. Again?”

  “You’re fucked up right now.”

  “It’s not taking advantage of me if I want it.” She steps up to me and attempts to loosen my belt, but I push her hands away. Her eyes narrow. “Fine. I’ll go find Dan and see if he feels like having any fun.”

  She tries to step by me, but I grip her shoulders and force her back. “The only place you’re going is home.”

  “Pfft. As if.”

  She tries to pass me once more, and again I force her away from the door.

  “Why don’t you get back to your little date and leave me be?” she sneers.

  “You know why.” I cup her face. I want to scream in her face that she’s better than this shit. What will it take for her to stop using?

  She must notice something in my eyes because she falls back on her heels, her eyes casting to the ground. She’s ashamed. Still high as a fucking kite, but she knows I know what she did.

  “Stay here, okay? We’re going to leave out the back door, so no one sees us, but I’m gonna need Tripp’s help. Give me a few minutes and we’ll leave together, all right?”

  She stares at me for a minute and eventually nods.

  “Who did you come here with tonight?” I ask.

  “Trina and Courtney.”

  Figures. Some of her cokehead model friends.

  “Okay, listen. Stay. Here.” My voice comes out more authoritative than I mean for it to.

  “I get it. All. Right?”

  I stare at her for a beat before I stretch my hand out, my fingers closed in a fist with my pinkie finger extended. “Pinkie swear?”

  She doesn’t move before she lets out a long sigh and hooks her little finger with mine. “Pinkie swear.”

  “That’s my girl.” I kiss her forehead before leaving the room, being sure to shut the door behind me.

  The pinkie swear is something we started when we were young and living in a small community on the side of a mountain in the Appalachians. Every time I left her, she made me pinkie swear that I’d return when I said I would. She was afraid that if I didn’t come back, she’d be left alone with her father. It is our most sacred promise. I usually don’t pull it out unless it’s something big, but something in my gut tells me that letting her out of my sight tonight will mean bad news. Lilah has never once lied to me or broken a promise when a pinkie swear is involved.

  The music thumps through my chest as I step into the main room of the club and toward the VIP area.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” Tripp yells when he spots me. His face falls when he sees my expression.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask him then lean toward Brooke. “I’m really sorry, but something has come up and I have to jet. It was nice meeting you.”

  “You’re leaving now?” she says as if she can’t believe I’m not sticking around to claim my prize.

  “Yeah, sorry.” And with that, I turn and walk to where Tripp is waiting for me at the end of the VIP area.

  He knocks back some of the drink in his hand then looks at me with a dull expression. “Let me guess. This has to do with her.”

  I push my hand through my hair. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit right now. Will you help me o
ut or not?”

  His jaw muscles clench a few times. “What do you need?”

  “Thanks, man.” I clamp his shoulder. “I want to take Lilah out through the back. Since the paps saw us come in together, I’m thinking that if you leave out the front, they’ll assume I’m not far behind. Then Lilah and I can make our getaway.”

  “You’re seriously cockblocking me, man?”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask. Take the girls with you if you want. I don’t give a shit.”

  He pokes my chest. “You owe me.”

  “I’d say we’re even, seeing as I had to play wingman tonight and listen to Brooke go on and on about how she shouldn’t have lost out on Mandy Moore’s role on This Is Us.”

  He grins, and right there, I know he’s not that pissed at me. “Why do you think I set myself up with Robin and not her?”

  “Asshole.”

  Tripp tosses back the remnants of his drink and sets the glass on the tray of a server leaving the VIP area. “When do you want me out of here?”

  I pull my phone from my pocket and check the time. “Five minutes?”

  “All right. Sure thing. But know I’m doing it under protest.”

  “Noted. And thanks.”

  He nods and heads back to the table. I watch as he leans down to tell the women what’s up. They look pissed, and I feel bad as I head back down the hall to get Lilah. The one thing Lilah doesn’t get is that her fuck-ups don’t only ruin her life.

  I text the car service I use and tell them to meet me behind the club in a couple of minutes.

  I enter the bathroom I left her in. The white powder around her nose and above her lip says Lilah’s done another bump out of the baggie in her purse. I don’t bother acknowledging it. There’s no point when she’s this fucked up.

  “You ready?” I ask.

  “You tell me. Seems you’re the one calling the shots tonight.”

  I glance at my phone. Tripp should be leaving now.

  “Let’s roll. The car will meet us out back,” I say.